Nameless (21 page)

Nothing to be
bitter about here. Seth was acting far better than a lot of men would. But,
still, best to be prepared for when it would change.

Just over a
month now.

Putting those
thoughts away, she glanced back at him. He stared glumly at the wall across the
room. “Do you want any help with that?” She gestured at his crotch.

He raised his
eyebrows in disdainful surprise.

“I give a
decent hand job,” she explained. Actually, she kind of liked that idea—at least
in theory.

Seth gave her
an arrogant, long-suffering look. “No, thank you. You've had a long evening. I’ll
muddle through on my own.”

Erin snickered.
Felt pretty good after the backrub and was also emotionally settled—now that
she’d put things into perspective.

Nothing like a
dose of irony to make sense of the world.

“Well, feel
free to use my bathroom if you need to jerk off.”

“How inexpressibly
generous of you.”

Erin just
snickered again.

 “Are you having a four-course
meal over there?”

Erin blinked,
not immediately following the abrupt question in the middle of a phone
conversation with Liz. Then she realized that her sister would have heard her
eating the crackers she’d grabbed to fend off a sudden wave of hunger. “Oh. Sorry.
I had to eat. It couldn’t be put off any longer, despite the fact that you
happened to call. I’ll try to keep the chomping to a minimum.”

“Much
appreciated. Dad said he’s been helping with the nursery?”

“Yeah. He
painted the nursery last weekend, and he brought over all the furniture he’s
collected and fixed up. The crib, the changing table, the rocker, and a little
bookcase. He refinished them all so they match. It’s really looking good now.”

“He’s
super-excited. He never stops talking about his grandbaby.”

“I know,” Erin
agreed, wandering through the living area until she’d reached the room that had
now turned into the nursery. She peered at it, sighing in pleasure. “I’ve got
some more work to do on the nursery, but it’s really coming together.”

“You sound
excited too.”

“I am. I’m
getting all these bursts of energy, wanting to fix everything up and get the
whole place prepared for her. I’ve sorted through all the loot from the baby
shower about six times now. It’s ridiculous. How many times can I organize all
of her little outfits and blankets? Last night, I sorted them first by style
and then by color.”

“I suppose
that’s normal,” Liz sighed resignedly. “But who would have thought that you, of
all people, would spend your evenings gloating over baby clothes?”

“Not me.” Erin was
almost embarrassed by her delight in all the baby paraphernalia situated around
the room. “But I bet it would happen to you too, if you’d been carrying someone
around in your belly for almost nine months.”

 “Don’t scare
me like that.”

Laughing, Erin
picked up a soft, ivory blanket and refolded it, stroking it after she'd set it
back down.

Then she
remembered the uneaten crackers she’d left on the kitchen counter, so she headed
there as quickly as she could to get them.

“But you’re
feeling pretty good today?” Liz prompted, when Erin explained the pause in
conversation after she’d stuffed a couple more crackers in her mouth.

“Yeah. Not bad.
My back is killing me, like normal, and I always seem to be hot and sweaty. Too
bad my ninth month is in June rather than in December.”

She heard a
beep on the line and pulled the phone away from her ear to glance at the name that
popped up. “Liz, I’m sorry. Can you hold on just a minute so I can catch this
call?”

At Liz’s
acquiescence, Erin switched over to the other call. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Seth’s
voice was calm and pleasant, and Erin had to admit that she was kind of glad to
hear it. “Is everything all right?”

He’d never
stopped asking that—his very first question in every single conversation they
had.

Erin smiled.
“Everything’s fine. So you’re back?”

“Just landed. I
thought I’d drop by, if you don’t have anything else planned for this evening.”

“No, I’m not
busy. That would be fine.”

“I’ll be over
in a half-hour or so. Enjoy your snack.”

Erin froze mid-chew,
then shrugged and laughed at how easily he’d caught her. She hadn’t even taken
another bite of cracker—not wanting to chomp in his ear.

She flipped
back over to Liz. “Sorry about that.”

“No problem. Anything
important?”

“Just Seth. He
wanted to make sure I was in before he stopped by.”

“Uh huh.”

Erin felt a
clench of defensiveness at her sister’s smug, amused tone. “What does
that
mean?”

“Nothing,” Liz
replied, feigning innocence, even as her tone sounded like she was stifling
laughter. “Planning a cozy little evening together?”

 “Don’t be
stupid. He’s been out of town for two weeks, consulting on that TV show, so
he’s just stopping by on his way back from the airport. There won’t be anything
cozy about it.”

“So you’re his
very first stop after his plane lands? Before he even goes home? How
adorable."

“Liz,” Erin
groaned. “Why do you insist on misreading everything? He’s trying to be
involved and helpful in the pregnancy. It’s more than a lot of men would do,
and I really appreciate his help. But that’s
all
it is. This isn’t some
stupid romantic comedy.”

“Hmm.”

“If you have
something to say, then just say it.”

“Don’t get mad.
I know you two weren’t harboring passionate feelings for each other before you
jumped into bed, but things have changed since you got pregnant.”

“That’s for
sure. I’ve blown up to the size of a cow.”

“Erin.”

“I know. Yes,
things have changed. Yes, we’ve gotten closer. But it’s all revolved around the
baby. It’s always been about my being pregnant with his child. We’re friendly,
and we get along really well. And we're having a child together. But only in a
dream-world would that ever add up to love.”

“Hmm.”

“You’re just
being obstinate on purpose. To rile me up.”

“Maybe.”

“I like him,” Erin
continued, trying to explain herself as sincerely as she could. “A lot. More
than I ever thought I would. In fact, he might even have become one of my
favorite people.”

“Really?”

Erin made a
face. “Don’t get excited. I like him. I’m not in love with him.”

“But he's one
of your favorite people? Who else is on the list?”

 “Well, you,
obviously. Most of the time, at least. And Dad. And the pumpkin.” She patted
her enormous belly fondly.

“You have
got
to think of a real name for her soon,” Liz said, changing the subject with a
smile in her voice.

“I know. I just
can’t think of anything good. I’m working on it. So she’s 'the pumpkin' until I
can think of a real name.”

“You know, when
I said it looked like you were hiding a pumpkin under your shirt, I didn’t
really mean for the name to stick.”

Erin laughed. “I’ll
think of a name for her soon.”

“Anyway, back
to the subject at hand. So your favorite people are me—of course—and Dad, and the
pumpkin. Anyone else before Seth?”

Erin thought
about that for a minute. Finally had to conclude, “No. I guess Seth would be
next.”

“Weird.”

“What?” Erin
asked defensively.

“It’s just
weird that, over the course of nine months, Seth Thomas has become your fourth
favorite person in the world.”

“Yeah. I guess
so. Huh.”

“Did you miss
him terribly while he was gone?” Liz's voice was exaggerated and dripping and
mocking. Obviously trying to get a reaction from Erin.

But the truth
was Erin
had
missed Seth. A lot.

He’d been away for
what felt like a long time, and Erin had found herself thinking about him in
the evenings. Wondering what he was doing. Wishing he was around so she could
tell him something funny that happened at work. It was rather troublesome, and Erin
was afraid it was a sign that she’d grown to depend on him far more than she’d intended.

“You know I was
teasing for the most part,” Liz said at last. “But, seriously, Erin, it seems
like maybe you do have some feelings for him.”

“I do have
feelings for him. Friendly feelings. And, yes, we have this connection now
because we're having a child together, but that’s all it is. Neither of us is
prone to romantic delusions or sappy emotions. We’ve always been realistic
about this. From the very beginning.”

“Yeah. I get
that. But, you know, you can be realistically non-sappy—and still fall in love
and be a family.”

Sighing, Erin
shook her head. There was just no way to make Liz understand. “We’re not in
love. We're just not. I haven’t had the least desire to draw hearts around his
name or have him read me poetry. I don't want to stroll along a beach, holding
his hand. Most of the time, I either want to laugh at him, smack him, or pat
him on the head.”

“Sounds like
love to me. I understand your antipathy toward romance, but I was serious about
the family thing.”

“I know,” Erin
admitted, pushing her hair away from her forehead. “But we’re not a family. There’s
me and the pumpkin. And Seth and the pumpkin. But not me and Seth. We’re
working together to be parents to our daughter, but the two of us live separate
lives.”

Liz let out a
long breath. “I suppose. And I suppose being a family would be a problem—with
him jumping every gorgeous woman in sight.”

Erin swallowed
hard. “Yeah.”

“Did you hear
about him and—”

“Liz,” Erin
interrupted. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

There was
another silence. “See? You convince me that you two are just friendly, but then
you sound jealous and upset, making me suspicious again. You said a few months
ago that the dating issue didn’t bother you at all.”

 “It didn’t
then. And I’m not jealous exactly. But it is starting to bother me now. He’s a
single adult. He's allowed to do what he wants. But I keep thinking of how he’s
the father of my daughter. How am I supposed to explain it to her when she gets
old enough to know what’s happening?” Erin rubbed her eyes. Imagined that
depressing scenario. “It’s okay, pumpkin. Nothing to worry about. Daddies are
all different. Some daddies live with their children. Other daddies live in
fancy apartments by themselves. Some daddies love the mommies. Other daddies
can’t keep their coc—er, their wee-wees from falling inside every woman they
happen to meet.”

“Damn. I see
your point. That sucks.” After a moment, she added under her breath, “Selfish
bastard.”

“He’s not,
really. He’s not tied down by anything, so he has no obligation to keep it in
his pants. He can have any kind of fun he wants. He’s trying to be a father,
and I think he’ll be okay. Yes, it’s awkward for me and might be for her later,
but it’s not fair for me to expect him to act like a monk, simply because it
would make my life easier.”

“Selfish
bastard,” Liz muttered again, completely ignoring Erin's reasonable defense of Seth.

Erin smiled and
felt a little better.

“I better hang
up. I’ve got to pee and find something else to eat before Seth gets here.”

“All right. Give
the asshole a smack for me.”

Erin hung up
and then went to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror as she
washed her hands. Her hair was tousled, and messy strands were sticking to her
flushed face. Her t-shirt was clean, at least, and green was one of the colors
that looked best on her, but the thin cotton only emphasized the enormous curve
of her belly.

Sighing, she
glanced down at her abdomen. “I know,” she said out loud. “You think I
shouldn’t be so excited to see him.”

There being no
response, she shook her head. “I’m doing my best not to rely on him too much, but
it’s hard. He’s being so helpful. And he’s nice to have around.”

She pulled down
the bottom hem of her shirt, since there was a narrow strip of skin visible
beneath it.

“I hope he’ll
be a good daddy for you. I think he will, despite the complications. But, even
if it doesn’t work out, we’ll do just fine on our own, won’t we?”

She heard a
buzzing that signaled Seth had arrived.

“You just give
me a kick if you think I’m losing my perspective.”

Erin checked
the mirror once more as she was drying her hands. Combed her fingers through
her hair, trying to arrange it in some sort of order. Gave up after a few seconds.

As she was
leaving the bathroom, she felt a sharp poke in the stomach.

So she huffed
as she moved toward the door of her apartment to let Seth in. “Well, I didn’t
mean it literally.”

***

Erin felt like a big, ungainly
slob when she opened her apartment door and saw Seth waiting, incongruously
carrying a shopping bag. He looked a little tired, but he was dressed in an
expensive dark business suit, as usual, and his favorite blue tie. His shirt
wasn’t even wrinkled.

Erin knew for
damned sure that she wouldn’t look so pulled together after flying across the
country.

Typical.

She briefly
wished she’d put shoes on so she wouldn’t feel so underdressed, but then told
herself it didn’t matter. She wasn’t competing in a sophistication contest, and
she wasn’t about to lie around her apartment uncomfortably dressed just so she
wouldn’t feel like a slob on the off chance Seth decided to come over.

At least she
hadn’t spilled anything on her shirt.

“How are you?”
he asked, coming into the apartment as she held the door open for him.

“Not bad. I
just feel like a bloated elephant. How was your trip?”

“Long and
boring.” Studying her closely, he added, “You look flushed. Are you feeling all
right?”