Naamah's Kiss (105 page)

My ancestress.

And I thought about the first time I had sensed Naamah's presence in my life when I was but a child, the first time Oengus had visited, and my mother had gone with him out into the night. The first time I had felt the sensation like doves fluttering in my belly. I had been frightened and called upon my diadh-anam , but it had been the bright lady who answered. I remembered her kind laughter, the sense of terrible beauty, and lips pressed to my brow in a bright, shining kiss.

"Lady, I am yours tonight," I whispered. "Help me."

She answered.

I felt her love and compassion showering down upon me, flowing through me, warming me. I opened my eyes, and took Snow Tiger's hands in mine. I opened my mouth and let the goddess speak through me.

"Tonight I belong to you and to Naamah, my lady." There was a ringing echo behind my words. "And in her name, I swear to you, you have naught to fear from your own desires. Not now, nor ever again."

The mantle of Naamah's grace settled upon us both, as gentle and mighty as a dragon descending from the skies, as warm and golden as sunlight, as tender as a kiss.

I felt the princess' fears melt away before it.

She laughed, a short, wondering sound. Fear was banished, the memory of helplessness was banished.

Her dark eyes sparkled to life, filled with determination.

Freeing her hands from my grasp, she cradled my head and kissed mekissed me for the first time entirely of her own volition. And ah, gods! It felt wonderful. I wrapped my arms around her waist and tugged her down with me onto the bed, tangling our limbs together. She let out a startled squeak, and I laughed.

"Laughter is acceptable?" Snow Tiger's intent eyes gazed into mine.

I slid one hand along the curve of her spine. "Yes, my beautiful girl. Always. And tonight everything is acceptable."

She smiled. "Good."

When Jehanne had spoken to me of the pleasures of untutored ardor, I hadn't truly understood. How could I? I was too young and inexperienced. Tonight I understood. It was a gift that Snow Tiger offered me, a gift dangling from a fragile thread of trust forged under the unlikeliest of circumstances. I let her do what she wished, reveling in it. I drank in her kisses and caresses, returning them in kind, pleasure rolling over me like a river.

I felt the exact moment when she falterednot scared, only uncertain of how to express her desire.

Smooth and sure, I took control back from her. I undressed her; I undressed us both, peeling away the bedamned robes that separated us. Like a good attendant, I hung them carefully on the stand.

"Everything?" she asked me.

"Everything," I confirmed, my hands gliding over her breasts. They were shallow, but lovely. I dipped my head to capture one nipple between my lips.

Her back arched.

When at last I moved one hand lower, parting her thighs, Snow Tiger tensed. I listened to Naamah and traced a lazy circle with one fingertip.

"This is called Naamah's Pearl," I whispered, capturing her hand and making her feel it, letting her regain a sense of control through understanding. "Do you see? It is the seat of a woman's pleasure."

"I see!" she gasped.

I kissed a path down her body, feeling her taut belly quiver beneath my lips.

"You're not"

I spread her thighs gently, teasing her nether-lips apart with the tip of my tongue, circling her pearl. I teased and coaxed her with the utmost delicacy, until she groaned and sank her hands into my hair, surrendering wholly to the sensation, her hips rising toward my mouth. I smiled, and with an inexorable gentleness that was the very opposite of the dragon-lashed storm of that other encounter so very long ago, I brought her to climax, delighting in the feel of her shuddering beneath me.

In the aftermath, she looked sweet and flushed, at once bright-eyed and languid. She kissed me, tasting her juices on my lips, pulled back to consider it, and kissed me again. "It pleases you to do that?"

"Aye, it does."

"Hmm." She stroked my bare skin, cupped one breast. I shivered with pleasure, my nipple hardening, and watched the awareness of her own power to bestow pleasure dawning in the princess' eyes. "Maybe I am more like your licentious D'Angelines than I thought."

She was.

Naamah's blessing had freed her to be tender and ardent and loving, and she was all of these things, more than I ever could have reckoned, so much so that by the end, I wasn't sure which of us the goddess had blessed more. There was an unexpected capacity for playfulness in her that charmed me beyond words. I wondered if she had even known it existed, and prayed I wouldn't be the only person in the world to experience it.

"I will miss you, Moirin," Snow Tiger said afterward. "Very much."

"Ohh" The call of my diadh-anam was fainter than it had been since Bao first left. "I could stay awhile longer." It seemed like a very good idea.

"No." She shook her head. "The dragon said there was time for grace. This, tonight, was grace. More would be indulgence."

I opened my mouth to protest.

"And no." She pressed a finger to my lips. "Before you say it, no, I am not punishing myself. I do not think I am undeserving of indulgence. And it is not because it is against custom." She smiled. "I suspect I would even be forgiven it, at least for a time. People would say I am only purging an excess of yang energy left behind by the dragon."

"Why, then?"

Her expression turned grave. "It is too easy to accept the comfort you offer. Too easy to become dependent on it. I have a duty that lies elsewhere. You have a destiny to follow."

I toyed with her hair, heartily sick and tired of my everlasting destiny. "A week is a very short time," I said. "A week could not possibly be reckoned much of an indulgence." Inspiration struck me. "Besides, do you not wish to be certain you are capable of love-making without a goddess in attendance?"

The princess narrowed her eyes at me. "That is a shameless threat wholly without merit, isn't it?"

I laughed. "Aye."

"I love you very much despite it." Her smile returned. "And maybe a little bit because of it. Fine. One week."

The simple declaration took me by surprise. Even Jehanne had not told me she loved me until I asked her, and Bao Bao had died with the words unspoken, and gone away without ever saying it. I had not known the words mattered so much to me. My heart expanded in my chest and throat tightened unexpectedly, tears filling my eyes.

Snow Tiger's brows quirked. "What is it? I thought you would be happy."

"I am happy," I assured her. "And I also love you very much, my beautiful girl."

One week.

It fled more swiftly than any week I had ever known, the days filled with poetry and music, the nights with pleasure. And although I did not need to invoke Naamah's blessing again, I felt it hovering over us. It brought me no end of joy to see Snow Tiger give herself fearlessly over to pleasure, sighing my name against my skin over and over. I lavished affection on her, and she accepted it with gladness. She had been right; if the multitude of servants and attendants in the palace suspected anything, they kept it to themselves and did not gossip, glad to see their noble mistress happy and at ease, no matter what the cause. Somewhere in the distance, I thought I sensed the dragon's shimmering approval.

And I thought about how very strange was the path my life had taken that I could find myself loving such very, very different people.

Jehanne and Snow Tiger, as unalike as two women could possibly be. My fickle, vain, impossibly charming Queen, my unlikely rescuer. My relentlessly noble, impossibly valiant princess, to whom I had once been an unwelcome necessary inconvenience.

Cillian, my first lover, my oldest grief.

I thought about Raphael de Mereliot, whom I had thought I loved. The healer with the golden touch. I had been so sure he was my destiny. Even now, my diadh-anam yet flickered at the thought of him.

There was a destiny there but I no longer believed it was a good one.

Bao.

For him, my diadh-anam blazed. Stubborn, infuriating Bao with his thorny sense of pride.

I missed him.

It never went away, not altogether. The ache of his absence was like a shadow on my soul. But I had chosen this respite, and I was glad of it. Every time the princess smiled at me with unreserved sweetness, I was glad of it. Every time she said my name with a certain lilt in her voice, I was glad of it. And I understood a little better Bao's need to find a way to choose a destiny thrust upon him unasked and unwanted, a destiny that had denied him a hero's death and stolen his mentor's life.

One week.

It was tempting to stay longer. I might have if the princess had let me. Winter was approaching fast enough that I could convince myself it would be wiser to stay in the Celestial City, wiser to wait for spring.

That Bao, wherever he was bound, would be forced to stay put. I suggested it hopefully to Snow Tiger.

"No, Moirin," my princess said firmly. "It is time for you to go."

She was right, of course.

I sighed. "You sent me away the first time, too."

"This is different." Our eyes met in a familiar silence, in the void left where the dragon had been. It was still strange to me not to see his silvery coils reflected in her pupilsand for her, too. "This time I am sorry to do it."

So I went.

True to my wishes, I took my leave with no fanfare. I repacked my things, replenished the supplies I would carry. Snow Tiger escorted me quietly to the gates of the Celestial City. Unlike Jehanne, she did not kiss me farewell. This was Ch'in, not Terre d'Ange. Instead, she gave me a small, private smile that was just as good as a kiss, filled with extraordinary tenderness.

Imperial guardsmen opened the gates.

I rode through them, leading my pack-horse.

I glanced behind me once. Slender and upright, my princess watched me ride away, Ten Tigers Dai hovering like a faithful shadow behind her, his staff planted firmly, ready to defend her against anything. He was in love with her, of course. I hadn't told her. She would discover it for herself when she was ready. I hoped he liked poetry.

Mayhap there was a story there.

If so, I hoped it was a beautiful one with a happy ending.

The gates closed behind me.

I consulted the unfailing compass of my diadh-anam . I turned my face northwest, took up the reins, and set out to find the errant half of my soul.