My Time in the Affair (20 page)

“No. I don't want to see you.”

“Please, Mikey. Sleep on it, and I'll call you in the morning. Please?”

“I'm leaving in the morning. You better find a new place to live before you come home.”

Then he hung up on her.

That's something no one ever tells you when you cheat on your husband and end your marriage – no one will say goodbye anymore.

“I told you not to,” Tal pointed out.

“Shut up. Just shut up!” she snapped.

“Want me to order dinner?” he offered.

“No. I never want to eat again.”

“Stop it.”

“I'm just gonna sleep. Maybe when I wake up, things won't be so bad, and none of this will have happened,” she took deep breaths, clawing her fingers through her hair.

“Stop. It's done, it's over with. Things are going to be shit for a while, but you're here. With me. We have each other,” he reminded her.

“
I'm
the one going through shit! You're the one who gets a free fuck out of all this!” she yelled at him.

“Hey. You wanna take your anger out on me? Fine. If that's what it takes, fine. Yell at me, call me names, blame it on me. I can do that for you. I can take that for you,” he said simply.

I don't deserve him.

Mischa suddenly leaned into him, pressing her face against his chest. He was surprised for a moment, then his arms went around her, holding her tightly. The guilt was still there, still clawing at her heart, eating her soul. But maybe, just maybe, if he held her long enough, it would fade away.

She had to believe that, or she'd go insane.

*

It was around five in the morning Italian time when Misch's phone rang again, waking her up. She'd been getting calls all evening, but it was really late in Detroit's time zone. Who would be calling at that hour? She crawled out from under Tal's arm and glanced at the screen.

Dad-a-rino.

“
Daddy?
” she answered the phone in a hurry.

“Oh, sweetie pea, what have you gotten yourself into?”

At some point, I've got to stop crying, or I'll never be able to open my eyes again.

“I'm so sorry, Dad. Please say you don't hate me, please, please, please,” she cried. Behind her, Tal woke up with a start.

“What's wrong!? Are you okay!?” he asked, struggling with the covers. She waved him away.

“I could never hate you, baby, you're my sunshine. My reason for living. I knew something was up, I just couldn't place it. Now it makes sense. I gotta say, I don't approve of what you did,” her father started. “I wish you hadn't done it. But I understand, baby. I do understand.”

“I'm so sorry, Dad. I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to disappoint you,” she sobbed, crying so hard it was difficult to talk.

“Well, that's impossible in life, dear. I've disappointed everyone I know at some point. Hell, I even disappointed you a time or two – remember when I forgot you at soccer practice, and you slept in the dugout on the little league field? I still haven't forgotten that.”

Misch laughed. She actually laughed, for what felt like the first time in forever.

“Oh wow, I had kinda forgotten,” she chuckled through her tears.

“See? And you still love me. It's not the end of the world. You're not a bad person, baby, you just made some really bad choices,” he informed her.

“I know, Dad. I know. I just … I felt trapped, and I did something stupid,” she replied, trying to catch her breath.

“That's hitting the nail on the head. Now, I didn't actually call to talk to you,” he said.

“Mike's not here.”

“I don't want to talk to him.”

“Then who …,” Misch's voice trailed off, and understanding dawned. She turned and stared at Tal.

“Yup. Put him on the phone,” her dad instructed her.

“Why would you think he's here?” Mischa tried.

“Because I know you, and I know you wouldn't just go off with some random guy. If you went this far, then you must think he's a good guy. And if he's a good guy, then he sure as shit better be taking care of my little girl when she's hurting – even if he's part of the problem. Now put him on the phone,” her dad demanded again.

“I can't do that, Dad. I can't. He -,”

Tal solved the problem by yanking the phone away from her.

“Mr. Duggard, sir,” he said in a serious voice.

Mischa tried to grab the phone away, but Tal got up and moved to stand at the foot of the bed. She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest while her teeth worked overtime on her bottom lip.

“Yes, sir … yes, I was aware … no, not necessarily … I'm sorry, sir, but your daughter is a very attractive woman … no, that's not all, I also think she has an amazing spirit and mind … it was very hard, I knew it was gonna be bad. Knew it was gonna be worse than what she thought … I do, sir … Tal Canaan … the army … New York, then Israel … sometimes … oh, yeah … Mets!? Are you insane!? Yankees all the way! … no, no, no, we'll go to a game, and we'll see who's right … okay, that I can handle – as long as it's not the Pats … yes, sir … yes, I already do … you can trust -, well, I'll prove to you that you can trust me … one question – did he tell you that he grabbed her? Hard enough to leave bruises … yes, sir, I had the same thoughts, sir,” Tal's voice started getting hard. The conversation Mischa had been overhearing was surreal enough; she didn't want to listen to them bashing Mike, when he was the innocent party.

“Stop it! Give me the phone!” she hissed, knee walking to the end of the bed and holding out her hand. He batted her away.

“Yes, sir, I couldn't believe it either … pushed her around, called her names … I'd be happy to, sir … she wouldn't let me, or believe me, I'd be there right now, shoving his -,” but he didn't get to finish, because Mischa grabbed his wrist and yanked as hard as she could. He hadn't been looking at her and he let out a shout of surprise, dropping the phone. She quickly grabbed it and put it to her ear.

“It's not as bad as he's making it sound,” she said quickly.

“Michael hurt you!?” her dad was almost shouting.

“No. I mean, not on purpose,” she replied.

“Bruising you is too much, Mischa, I don't care what you did to him!”

“They're tiny, on my arms, from his
fingers
. He just squeezed too hard,
he was upset
. Let it go,
both of you,
” she made her voice stern as she glared up at Tal. “He's been through a lot, because of me, and on top of that, he was blindsided. He's allowed to be upset.”

“Fine. But if he touches you like that again, I'm gonna tell that Tal guy to kick his ass,” her dad threatened.

“Stop it. And '
Tal guy
'!?” she exclaimed. Her dad and Tal being on a first name basis. Unreal.

“He seems like a nice boy, Misch. Though he can't be all good if he chases married women, and likes the Yankees,” her dad commented.

“Everyone likes the Yankees, you're the only who doesn't,” she pointed out.

“I'm the only one with any common sense.”

“You're really okay with this?” Mischa asked, sinking back down to sitting position.

“Hell no. But I love you, and I always thought things weren't right between you and Mike. Like I said, I wish things hadn't happened this way. I'm not proud of what you did. But I am happy that you seem happy,” he answered. She closed her eyes.

“Thanks, Dad,” she whispered.

“You are happy, right? He's taking care of you?” he double checked.

“He takes excellent care of me. I was very happy up until this morning,” she chuckled.

“Well, I can't say that you don't deserve it. But don't beat yourself up too much – everyone else is gearing up to do enough of that on their own,” her dad assured her.

“I know. I got it from Mom and Lacey today. I stopped answering the phone.”

“Speaking of your mom, I made this call when I knew she'd be sleeping. She is one unhappy camper, sweetie. You're gonna be getting that for a while,” her dad warned her.

“I know. I figured.”

“You '
figured
'. If you knew it was gonna be this bad, then why'd you do it?” he questioned.

Mischa sighed and rubbed her forehead, not sure how to answer that question. It wasn't like she could say “
sexual frustration
” to her dad, that was just weird. Or that she'd only planned on having a one night stand and not telling anyone, that sounded worse. And she really didn't want to rehash all the bullshit between her and Mike that had driven her to it.

She glanced up at Tal, then stared at him. He was still standing at the foot of the bed, and he had his arms crossed over his chest. He was only wearing his boxer briefs, and he had braced his feet wide apart. He looked very dominating and intimidating, especially when combined with the intense look he had in his eyes. He looked concerned, and ready to jump in and save her at a moments notice.

“Because,” Mischa whispered, not taking her eyes off him. “After Tal found me, I couldn't let him go. I didn't want to be lost anymore.”

“Well, then hold on tight to that man, cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride.”

They said their goodbyes after that, with her dad even shouting a goodbye to Tal. She chuckled and dropped her phone back onto the table.

“Your dad is a good man,” Tal commented. She nodded.

“The best. And he likes you, which is kind of a shock,” she laughed.

“Not to me – I'm fucking amazing,” he replied. She snorted.

“Hardly. But really, I think he likes you. If I'd thought about it at all, I guess I would've figured that he'd like you. He's kind of a guy's guy, you know? He's always building something or working on a car or … spitting loogies, I don't know. He didn't not like Mike, but they never hung out or anything. Mike's more into runs, and trips to the lake, and concerts,” she tried to explain.

“Your dad will love me, I can hock a mean loogie,” Tal assured her as he moved to lay down next to her.

“Do you think you'll ever meet my dad?” Misch asked in a small voice.

Despite their connection, their chemistry, she and Tal hadn't really known each other that long, and they were involved in an illicit affair as opposed to a proper relationship, so she hadn't really thought about it. But if he and her dad didn't get along, a relationship was almost pointless.

“I hope I do. I hope you can introduce us someday. Maybe someday when everyone doesn't hate us,” he chuckled, stretching his arm across her shoulders and pulling her to lay down next to him.

“The way today went, I don't think that day will ever come,” she told him.

“It just feels that way now. It won't feel that way forever.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because it can't. Things don't work that way. Your friends and family love you. They're hurt right now. They'll come around,” he assured her. She took a deep breath and turned towards him.

“It always sounds so easy when you talk about it. Living it is so much worse,” she whispered.

“It only seemed that way cause you were alone for the hard part. I'll be with you, from now on,” he told her.

“Really?”

“I promise.”

He leaned in and kissed her, and it was the first
real
intimate gesture they'd shared since Mike had shown up. She'd been feeling so guilty, and it must have been obvious, because Tal hadn't even tried to really touch her or kiss her. Just held her a lot.

The guilt was still there, the thoughts of Mike hurting and being alone were still there. But she couldn't deny it, Tal had always had a hypnotic effect on her. A
drugging
effect. She sighed against his lips and gave into him.

“
I missed this,
” she whispered as his lips moved down her throat.

“You'll never have to again,” he whispered back, his lips lingering along her clavicle.

“It's not right, that we're here together. It isn't fair,” she went on.

“
Life
isn't fair. Just be happy it's working out in our favor right now.”

“God, that sounds horrible.”

“We're horrible people, remember? Just embrace it.”

“
Not funny.
”

His hands pressed her body down into the mattress, ran up and down the length of her torso. His fingers brushed away her guilt, and soon enough she was kissing him back in earnest. Straining towards him, holding onto him,
fiending for him
.

“I've been dying to do this since yesterday,” he groaned, pulling her bra away.

“We shouldn't be doing this at all,” she replied, working his underwear down his legs.

“We should
always
be doing this.”

“Having sex?”

“Just being together.”