My Sunshine (20 page)

Isabella closed her eyes and shook her head. “Is Clara in
there?” she repeated.

John
nodded. “Yeah.” He pushed past her and carried his beer upstairs to Garby’s room. He didn’t know if she was even there yet. He knocked before opening the door. There was no answer. He turned the knob and the door swung open freely. She wasn’t there. He went back down to the kitchen to exchange his empty beer bottle for a fresh one.

He found his dad in his home office. “How’s it going,

Pop?” he asked, leaning against the door frame.

“Fine,
John. And yourself?” He didn’t look up from what he was doing.

“Things are going pretty good. We’ve been busy.”

“With what?”

John
shook his head in disbelief. “Making an album, Dad.

You know, music? The new CD comes out on
April first.”

“
April Fools Day, huh?” Arthur laughed. “I hope the joke’s not on you.” He said all this without ever looking at John.

“Me, too,”
John muttered. He walked back into the kitchen and dropped his half-empty beer bottle in the trashcan.

He went out to his car and drove away in the direction of
Tyler’s house. He wanted to be around a family. He knew that Tyler would be there with his dad, his step-mom and stepsister,

Heather. They would be most likely all be in the same room,
hanging out together even if it was doing something as simple as watching television. And without a doubt, Tyler’s parents knew when the new CD would be released.

He stood on the front porch of their house, his hands shoved
in his pockets waiting for someone to answer the bell. Julie, Tyler’s stepmother, pulled open the door.

“
John,” she said warmly. She reached out to hug him.

“What a surprise.”

“Can I come in?”

She nodded and pulled him by his hand into the kitchen
where the family was sitting around the table having dinner.

“Look who’s here, everyone,” she said. She dropped his hand.

“Have you eaten?” She moved toward the cabinet to get him a plate.

“That would be great, thanks,” he said. He sat in an empty
chair next to Heather. “Hey, girlie,” he said and pulled her ponytail.

Tyler
grinned at him from across the table. “You sure you want to drag Chloe into that, man?” he said, already knowing why John had showed up unexpectedly at his home.

John
frowned and shook his head. “I just hope Mom is nice to her.”

“John, can I ask you something?” Chloe asked the next morning. She had arrived in town about a hour earlier and she and John were having brunch in the hotel restaurant.

“You can ask me anything.”

“Well, Christine and I were talking about things, and I just wondered if you had told your family about Tommy.”

He was shocked. “No, why would I?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t want him,
Chloe. I’m not going to be a part of his life, no more than I’m a part of Mary’s other kid’s lives.”

“You don’t want him?

He hesitated and thought about his response. “When I have kids, I want it to be with someone I’m in love with. I want a family.” “What if it comes out?” Chloe said. “Wouldn’t it be better if they knew already?”

“I don’t think so. Listen,
Chloe, you don’t know my

family. We’re not real supportive of each other.” He paused.

“Speaking of families, I heard that you saw your mother.”

Chloe
frowned. “Did Daniel tell you that?”

He nodded. “Yeah, when I went there to bring you back.

Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not important,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll see her

again.”

“But it was the first time you’ve seen her in years,”
John said. “I think it’s a big deal.”

“She asked me for money. Can you believe that? You
should feel lucky you have the mother you do.”

“Don’t jump the gun,” he said. “Wait until you meet her.”

John
held his breath through most of dinner. His family was being nice to Chloe, and their skills at acting like they were a caring family were almost perfected. Chloe seemed to be enjoying herself.

After dinner, as Clara was cleaning off the table,
Garby stood up. She walked to the kitchen door. “John,” she said.

He looked up at her and she motioned that she wanted him
to accompany him into the kitchen. He got up and followed her.

“Yeah?”

She glanced at Clara who was loading the dishwasher. She looked back at John. “Listen, I’m really sorry.”

“About what?”

“Earlier today, Cliff told me about Mary’s baby. I think Mom overheard.”

“She did overhear,” Clara butted in. “I heard her telling
your father.”

“Well, crap,” he said. He rubbed his forehead. “Should I
go in there and tell them about it?”

“I think it’s just a matter of time, before they say

something,” Garby said.

He pushed the door open and sat back down at the table. He
took Chloe’s hand. “Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you.”

The
y looked up at him expectantly, but didn’t say anything. It would have been easier for him if they had just said what they knew. He felt his stomach tie into knots as looked at the smug and self-righteous expression on his mother’s face. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of lecturing him.

“You know, what? Never mind. I don’t have anything to
say. You already know, anyway.”

“I don’t know!”
Catherine said.

John
looked at his sister and her husband, then at his grandparents. “I’m sorry. I’m sure they will tell you.” He pulled Chloe out of her chair. ‘We’re leaving. It’s been a nice visit.”

They didn’t stop until they got into the car. “You gonna tell
me how badly I screwed that up?”

“How did they know?”

He ran his hand threw his hair. “Cliff and Garby.” He beat on the steering wheel. “It’s not that I hate them knowing, it’s just that they’re so happy that I’ve screwed something up.”

Chloe
didn’t know what to say. She could see that he was hurting. His family looked so perfect on the outside, but they were filled with bitterness and jealousy and resentment.

She thought about his other “family.” That was a real

family. There was no blood between any of them, but they loved each other, and they truly cared about what happened to each other. None of them wanted to see the others hurting.

None of them would say anything bad about the others to boost
their own ego. She knew there had been fights between them;

John
had told her of several, she had seen Jane and Christine argue with Shannon.

Shannon. I haven’t seen her since that day she tried warn
me about John. What am I supposed to do about her? If I’m doing to have a relationship with John, I can’t avoid her.

“What am I supposed to do about Shannon? How was she
at the wedding?”

“She’s sorry,
Chloe. She really is.”

Chloe
nodded. “I want to get along with her, for your sake and Dennis’s.”

“I can’t promise you she’s not going to say something to
make you mad again. She and Dana have been friends for years and years and they argue all the time.”

“Because families fight,”
Chloe said. “And that’s what y’all are: a big family.”

“You, too,
Chloe. You’re a part of that.”

She shook her head. “We’ve only been seeing each other a
couple of months. I’m not a part of that.”

John
pulled the car off the side of the road. “I don’t care if we’ve been together two months or two years or twenty. Right now you are number one in my life and that makes you a part of it. Okay?”

Chloe
smiled. “Okay.”

He leaned over and kissed her. “Okay then.”

Am I a part of it, too? No, because he doesn’t know about me. Tell him about me banana-brain and see how long he keeps you around.

She fought to keep from listening to the taunting voice.

John was saying something as well, but she could only make out bits and pieces. She closed her eyes and laid her head back against the seat. The two voices merged and swirled together.

Chloe
felt dizzy and had the sensation of falling into a deep pit. Nausea tossed her stomach around like a water balloon.

She reached for
John’s arm. “Pull over,” she managed to mumble.

John
pulled the car over. Chloe pushed open the door and hung her head out, losing her balance and falling completely out of the car. John rushed around the car and gently sat her back up. Vomit covered her clothes, face and hair. He didn’t have anything in the rental car to clean her up with, so he took off the sweater her was wearing over a T-shirt and wiped her face with it.

“It’s okay,
Chloe, sweetie,” he said in a soothing voice.

“I’ll get you back to the hotel and into a nice bath.”

“I’m sorry, John,” she mumbled. “I can’t help it. I’m sick.”

“I know you are.”

She shook her head slightly. “I’m sick, John.”

He felt her head. She felt slightly warm, and her hair was
damp with sweat. He drove them back to the hotel and carried her through the lobby, ignoring curious onlookers. In the room, he laid her on the bed while he ran a bath for her. She was sitting up getting undressed when he came back for her.

“Feeling any better?” He asked.

She nodded. The voice had stopped and her head was clear.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.
”
That was a close on
e
.

                           Chapter Ten

Chloe
opened the pill bottle and dumped three of the pills into her hand
.
You already took those, stupid.

“No, I didn’t.” She replaced the pill bottle under her
mattress and continued getting dressed. It was Monday, and she was glad to get back to work. She had taken the days before Thanksgiving off, and she felt like she hadn’t been in the office forever.

Hopefully, the voice wouldn’t accompany her. No doubt,
though, that it would. It had been following her around whispering in her ear since Thanksgiving night. Dr. Stanley had had no better luck getting her in to see a local psychiatrist, so her first appointment with one was still weeks away. He advised her, however, to take herself to the emergency room if it got too out of control.

“Good morning,” she said cheerfully as she walked into the
kitchen. As always, Tyler and Christine were sitting at the table eating breakfast. Chloe poured herself a cup of coffee and joined them. “I’m going to miss having breakfast with y’all.”

Christine
nodded. “Yeah, moving day is getting closer. Two weeks from today we’ll be out. I can’t wait to get in there and decorate for Christmas.” They had originally planned to move out the week after Christmas, but due to Christine’s relentlessness and drive, she was able to get into house early.

“A Christmas tree is going to look so beautiful in that front
room,” Chloe said.

John
came into the kitchen. “Good morning.” He sat at the table and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He looked at Chloe. “You didn’t come to my room last night.”

“Whoa, whoa,”
Tyler said holding up his hands. “This doesn’t sound like a conversation we need to be a part of. He looked at Christine. “Are you ready to go?”

Christine
nodded. “Yeah, let me grab my purse.”

“Where are y’all off to?”
Chloe asked.

“Shopping,”
Christine replied, the excitement clear in her eyes. She left the room.

“Yeah, if she keeps up this pace, we’re going to have to go
shopping for a pick-up truck,” Tyler joked. He considered what he just said. “Hey, honey?” He called out as he followed her down the hall.

Chloe
smiled and turned back to John. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”

“I’m calling Dr.
Paul today to see if he can make me an appointment with some kind of specialist about my snoring.”

“Really? Why? I thought it didn’t bother you.”

“It bothers me that you won’t sleep in the same bed with me. That yo
u
can’
t
sleep in the same bed with me.” He paused. “Would you sleep with me if I got it fixed?”

She nodded. “Of course I would. I’d love to sleep next to
you at night, but dude, you’re louder than a chainsaw.”

“I know.
Tyler’s been complaining about it for years. He had to sleep with earplugs.”

Taking a c
lue from their conversation, Chloe stopped by the drug store on her way home from work that evening and purchased a pack of earplugs. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to sleep with them in, but she was willing to give it a try.

The house was empty when she arrived. She assumed
Tyler and Christine were at their new house, but John’s whereabouts remained a mystery. She went to her room for a quick shower while she waited. After her shower, she reached under her mattress for her pill bottles. She poured the appropriate amount of the medicine into her open palm. She tilted her head back and started to empty her hand into her mouth

Don’t! That’s too many! Don’t take those!

Chloe lowered her hand and recounted the pills. “That’s right.”

No, it’s not! You took some already today. That’s too
man
y
.

She rubbed her forehead with her free hand
.
Did I take it already today
?
It wasn’t impossible. She kept a few of the pill
s
in her desk and a few in her pocketbook
.
What do I do
?
Sh
e
knew that taking too much of the medication could cause some adverse side effects that she couldn’t hide, like uncontrollable

shaking. If she took too little of the medicine, she risked the
possibility that her symptoms would worsen.

With a sigh, she put the pills back in the bottle and shoved
the bottles back under the mattress. She pulled on her favorite pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. She slipped on a pair of sneakers and walked back into the kitchen. John was just coming in the back door.

“You’re late,” she said.

“For what?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. Just later than usual.”

You know what he’s been out doing.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been at Mike’s in the studio.”

“Oh. Working on something important?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Not really, I guess. I mean,
you never know, though. How was your day?”

“It was okay. Hey, I’ve got something for you.” She went
back into her room and returned with the bag from the drug store. She handed it to him.

He s
tuck his hand in the bag and pulled out the earplugs.

His smile broadened. “You don’t have to do this.”

She nodded. “Yes, I do. I want to.” She stood in front of him and accepted a kiss. “Did you talk to Dr. Paul?”

“Yeah, I went down to see him today. I’m going to see a
specialist tomorrow.”

“What if they want to operate?”

He shrugged. “Then they’ll operate.” He pulled her to him and kissed her again. “Tonight’s the night of the photo shoot, remember?” Parrison was having pictures made for the cover and insert of their new CD
,
Cowbo
y
, which was also the title of the first single to be released.

She nodded. “Yeah. Where is it again?”

“At Universal.”

“Life's getting ready to get real busy, isn't it?”

“Yeah, but the good news is that this photo shoot is the last thing we have to do before Christmas.”

“Good.”
Chloe relaxed against him. She was happy that he would have a clear schedule, but she knew that she had been spoiled by the amount of time she had gotten with him already.

“Just wait until after the first single, is released,” he said, as
if he were reading her mind. “We’ll be crazy busy then; from then until the end of the tour.” “What time do you have to be there?” She asked, suddenly aware that she was hungry.

“Eight.”

She glanced at the clock on the microwave. “That’s in, like, an hour.”

“Yeah, I know. We can go whenever you’re ready.
Carl’s assistant is supposed to be arranging for a caterer for us and all of the crew. They probably won’t even start taking pictures until late. That’s how these things usually go.”

“I’m ready whenever you are,” she said.

“Let’s go then, I’m starving.”

Chloe
sat by Christine on the floor against the wall. They were watching the photo shoot. Jane, Dana, and Shannon had come to eat, but had left already, citing their jobs the next day as the reason. Chloe was tired, too, but she was enjoying watching, and didn’t want to leave yet.

The photographer was having a hard time getting the five of
them to settle down and be serious enough to get the job done.

Going with the theme of cowboys, the guys were dressed in full
western gear. Five horses had been brought in and the backdrop looked like the old west. It reminded Chloe of the movie

“Young Guns.”

The guys, however, were more interested in play gun-fighting with the replica weapons that were supposed to be part of their costumes (until someone at the record company decided it would send the wrong image)

“I can’t believe that this is someone’s job,”
Chloe said, not taking her eyes off John, who at the time was sitting on top a horse, his hand on his hat and smiling for the camera. He looked like a very happy Marlboro Man.

“What, taking pictures?”
Chloe asked.

“No, posing. These guys. It’s looks like way too much fun
to be work.”

“Oh, it’s work,”
Christine assured her. “These guys are just good at having a good time.”

Chloe
agreed. “Hey, guess what?” She finally turned her head and looked at Christine.

“What?”

“I bought some ear plugs.”

Christine
raised her eyebrows. “You’re going to try it, huh?”

“Yeah. I didn’t realize how important it was to him.”

“Yeah, me either,” Christine said. “He’s always struck me as someone who’s content to be alone. I don’t know, though.

John
is changing. Tyler and I have been praying for him for so long, and it seems like our prayers are finally being answered. I didn’t know the answer was going to come in the form of you, but here you are.” She patted Chloe’s knee in a friendly, familiar way.

“It doesn’t bother you that we’re sleeping together? It’s
obviously wrong. I know what the Bible says, and I’m doing it.”

“Well, obviously I think it’s wrong, that’s why I’m not

doing it, but I can’t condemn you for what you are doing. We all have to run our own race and answer for the choices we have made. I won’t sit here and lie to you and tell you that Tyler and

I haven’t struggled with this ourselves. Now that we’re going to
be alone in the house, it’s going to be harder.”

“When are y’all going to get married?”

Christine considered her answer and then looked over at Tyler. She smiled wistfully. “My tour starts in February, and will be over in April. Theirs starts in March and is over in July. I don’t want to wait until next summer. I don’t need a lot of time to plan. Mike and Jane got married three weeks after he proposed and their wedding was beautiful. I want to get married in the next couple of months.”

“And
Tyler?”

“He wants to wait. He wants to wait until the touring is over
and they have lots of downtime. I can’t see that happening.

Unless we just quit, then it could be years before we both have
lots of downtime.”

“So what are you going to do?”
Chloe asked.

Christine
sighed. “I don’t know.”

Chloe
stood up. “I have to pee.” She made her way to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands.

She didn’t recognize her own reflection. It wasn’t because
she looked any different, other than the happiness in her eyes and the glow of her skin. She didn’t recognize herself because all she could see was the person she used to be. She looked in the mirror and she saw dirty unkempt hair, no makeup, and dark eyes that were sunk back in her head.

Chloe
-banana, Chloe-banana, Chloe-banana.

The voice was barely a whisper, but she could hear it clearly.

Chloe, look out! Duke’s hiding in the stall!

Chloe
jumped and turned around to face the stalls. She lowered her head and glanced under the doors. She didn’t see any feet.

He’s there. He’s there. He’s there
.
The voice was getting louder.

Chloe
backed toward the door and jumped again, when she felt the doorknob poke her in the back. She turned and flung open the door. She ran smack into John. She screamed.

John
grabbed her by the shoulders. “Chloe,” he said.