My Story (26 page)

We finally made it to the top. But there was no place to make our camp. Mitchell looked around, then told us to sit tight while he looked for a place to pitch our tents. He scrambled off and I sat down, hungry and weak with exhaustion. A little while later, he came slithering back. Panting excitedly, he exclaimed, “I’ve found it! Come quickly! Follow me!”

We followed, fighting through scrub oaks and more boulders before dropping through a rock crevice that led to a small clearing. The north side of the clearing was backed by massive rocks that would be almost impossible to climb and far too dangerous to drop down from the top. The other side of the clearing was walled in by scrub oaks and then a sheer cliff. The left and right sides of the clearing were surrounded by prickly plants, scrub oak, and huge boulders.

Mitchell walked proudly into the clearing. “Shearjashub, Hephzibah, this is our new home.”

I looked around. It was a huge improvement from the fire swamp. But it was also so remote, so very far from everything, that it made me feel even more isolated from the world.

“We will be safe here if we are only careful,” Mitchell said. Then he stopped and looked at Barzee. “But we’re going to have to act more wisely. Which means you aren’t going to be able to leave the camp anymore. You’re going to have to stay up here with Shearjashub until we are ready to move on.”

Barzee scowled. I expected her to argue, but she didn’t say anything. That’s just the way it was now. Mitchell had essentially made prisoners of us both.

We hiked back to the lower camp, then spent all day packing up our gear, taking down our tents, and getting everything ready to move up to the new camp. Once it was dark, we started hauling things up to the top of the mountain. If I thought it was hard to climb the mountain in the daylight, it was nothing compared to hiking it at night with a good part of our gear slung over my shoulders and my bedding in my arms. I was terrified that I might fall. If I had, I didn’t think I’d have the energy to stand up again.

We finally stumbled into our new camp. Mitchell made us help him construct a new tunnel tent, and the moment it was finished I crawled inside and immediately fell asleep.

I only slept a few hours. When I woke up, the sun was a quarter way up in the sky.

Mitchell figured it was a great time to do some exploring, so we spent the morning hiking around, checking out our new surroundings. At one point we came upon a tight crevice underneath a huge boulder that formed a sliver of a cave. Mitchell told me to slither underneath and see what was inside.

I lay down on my stomach and crawled into the narrow cave. I must be the first human who has ever been underneath this rock, I thought. Crawling a bit farther, I discovered I was wrong. A pair of old boots, a man’s belt, and an old magazine were there. I wondered what would cause a man to take off his boots and belt. Then I picked up the magazine. Glancing at the cover, I let out a quick grasp and dropped it as if it were a spider.

After all that I had been through, I didn’t think there was anything that could shock me anymore. But this was different. It was horrible. Mitchell had shown me pornography before, but he hadn’t shown me anything like this. The horrible image was seared into my mind.

Hearing me gasp, Mitchell slithered into the crevice and maneuvered to my side. He snatched up the magazine and began greedily looking at the pictures. Then he stopped and stared at me. “We have made the right decision. This place has been sanctified of the Lord. The Lord has seen fit to bless His servant with this sign.” He then inched a little closer. “Shearjashub, it’s clear that your descent below all things is not complete. Who do you think you are to shrink from your brothers and sisters in this magazine? Do you think you are better than they are? Do you think you are more holy? More worthy of God’s great love? It is clear that I must instruct you. When we get back to camp, I will.”

I shook my head in dread. His instructions were always painful lessons. My heart sank in fear.

When we got back to our tents, he took the pornographic magazine and shoved it in my face. “Look at this!” he screamed.

I tried to fight him. I tried to close my eyes. But Mitchell grabbed my chin and turned my face toward the magazine. “Open your eyes or you’ll regret it!” he sneered. “These people are more righteous than you are. They are more righteous than the rest of the world.” He turned the pages, making me look at everything. “These people are showing more courage than you have ever shown. They aren’t afraid of showing their true spiritual state.”

I tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let me. And it didn’t matter. The images were already burned into my brain. I could never forget them. I felt as if my mind was scarred.

Then something caught his attention and he pulled the magazine away from me and started looking through it by himself. The images were a bright flame in the darkness and he was a mindless moth. It only took a couple seconds before he was completely engrossed. “My, my, look at this…” He started describing what he was looking at. He was graphic and detailed. Hearing the things that he was saying made me absolutely sick. I was so embarrassed. So shocked. I felt so slimy and scared.

He became so absorbed in the pornography that I think he forgot that I was even there. When he got to the last page, he looked up with his greedy, evil eyes. Then he stood up and walked toward me. The pornography had lit a violent flame inside him. And so he raped me.

And that was my first day in my new home.

Sometime in mid-February, Mitchell and Barzee got into a terrible fight. This wasn’t anything new. They fought literally every day. Heck, they fought almost every hour. But this one was different. It was the worst fight I had ever seen. It was screaming and cursing and threatening with things that I couldn’t even imagine. Finally, Barzee grabbed a kitchen knife and held it to her wrist. “I’m going to kill myself!” she screamed.

She had done this before, but this time I actually thought that she might do it. She pressed the knife against her skin. Mitchell didn’t seem to care.

“I’m going to do it! I’m going to kill myself. I just can’t take it any longer! You don’t deserve me! I don’t deserve this! I’m going to kill myself right now!”

Mitchell finally jumped toward her to pull the knife away. They tussled back and forth, and I wondered if one of them would stab the other. Finally, Mitchell emerged from the scrum, the knife in hand. But the fighting went on.

Listening to all of the screaming and ranting made me sick. It seemed to drive the very sunlight from the sky. It filled the camp with darkness and misery and a hateful, dreadful feeling that made me want to crawl away.

I crouched in the back of the tunnel tent. I didn’t want them to see me, for I knew that if they did, one or the other would turn their rage on me. So I huddled out of the way, listening to the screaming while keeping my head down and staying out of it.

In a final fit of rage, Barzee stormed off, cursing everything about Mitchell that she could think of, which turned out to be a lot. I listened to her voice fade away as she wandered off into the dark.

She was gone all night.

It wasn’t until late afternoon the next day that she came out of her hiding place in the rocks. As she stomped into camp, I could see that she was different. There was a renewed fire in her eyes. She was intense and animated. She was full of … I don’t know, an evil energy that seemed to give her more nerve than she had ever shown before.

“Satan and his hosts surrounded and tortured me last night,” she said.

For such a dramatic announcement, there was no drama or excitement in her voice. She said it matter-of-factly, as if she were announcing that it was cold or that it had rained.

Mitchell only looked at her. Devil or no, he wasn’t ready to forgive or forget.

“They came and tortured me all night,” Barzee went on. “Hours and hours of their taunting, their dark whispers, their rage and hate inside my ears. Then they tortured me. And I’m not imagining. It was very real. It was as if they placed a piercing laser at my feet and ran it up my body. It was pure agony. I’ve never felt anything even close to it before. Searing, burning pain. My body being cut in two. I can’t describe it. It is impossible. I was cut from feet to skull.”

I tried not to look at her. It was a horrible thing to say. Yet I almost believed her. If anyone could become a plaything for the devil, certainly she and Mitchell could.

Mitchell started to say something, but Barzee quickly cut him off. She was tired of him talking. She was tired of his preaching. She was tired of it all. It was her turn to talk and Mitchell was going to listen; that was clear from the fire in her eyes.

She swallowed, as if she were pondering her words. “I have something more to tell you. The fight is over for me now. My election to heaven has been made sure. It doesn’t matter what I do now. I have suffered and bled enough. I have been measured and I am worthy. My place in heaven is assured. I don’t have to follow you any longer, Immanuel. I no longer even have to follow in the footsteps of the Lord. I am going up to heaven. My place in the celestial world is guaranteed.”

That must be pretty cool, I thought. Do anything you want? Still get to heaven? You’re one of the few who gets that deal.

But of course I didn’t believe it. She was just a sick and evil soul. She and Mitchell were nothing more than two malicious and self-serving people who justified their own behavior by twisting the truth.

Barzee squared her shoulders. “But you, Immanuel, you are not following in God’s footsteps anymore.” Her voice was high and piercing. She was more than full of fury; she was a cat trapped in the corner and hissing at a wolf. “You certainly aren’t acting like the Davidic king. And worse, you’re not treating me like the Mother of Zion that I am. I am tired of it and you must stop it. I’m not going to put up with it anymore!”

She stopped to take a breath, waiting for Mitchell to answer.

For a long time, he didn’t say anything. Then he exploded in rage. And that started it off. It was the same thing as the day before, the same loud screaming and selfish arguments. After a few minutes, Mitchell stopped arguing, sat down, and started to pull his shoes on.

Barzee realized that he was leaving, and that threw more fuel on her rage. “You can’t just leave me here again! You have to stay here! You’re going to talk to me. You’re going to face this now!”

But apparently he wasn’t. Mitchell grabbed his handmade moneybag and the linen cap he only wore when he was going into the city.

Barzee kept on screaming. “The Lord has sent me to chastise you! You will not walk away!”

“I’m going into town,” Mitchell said in a quiet voice. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

He shoved the hat onto his head, then turned around and walked away.

I sank down in despair.

I knew it would take him until dark before he would even get into the city, which meant he probably wouldn’t be coming back that night. That meant another day without any food. The only thing we had eaten all day was a small crust of bread with a tiny bit of mayo and the last remaining rings from a slice of an old onion. I had eaten maybe a couple thousand calories in the past week. It had been that way for months. My stomach was constantly aching. I was already weak and dizzy. The thought of going another day without anything to eat was almost more than I could bear.

Barzee stormed back into the tent, all the time ranting about Mitchell. All I could do was sit and listen, trying to stay out of her way. She went on and on. Hours and hours of her ranting. Sometime well into the night, she finally turned to me and said, “We have spoken long. It is late now. Let us pray and go to bed.”

What do you mean by “we”? I wanted to say. I haven’t said a word in hours. But yes, please, let’s go to bed.

*

When I woke up, the first thing I thought about was food. I got up and searched through the camp for something to eat, but everything was gone.

Barzee picked up her ranting where she had left off the night before. By midafternoon, she was finally out of rage. There was silence for a couple of hours and then she said, “I’m sure he’s on his way back. I’m sure he’ll bring us water. I’m sure he’ll bring us food.”

I thought back on the single piece of crust and ring of onion I had eaten the day before. The day before that, I had eaten little more. I had been on a path of malnutrition for many weeks now, leaving me weak and vulnerable. I would have done anything for something to eat, I would have done anything for something to drink. I was beyond mere thirst and hunger. I was beyond misery and despair.

The day ended. Still no Mitchell.
Where is he?!
I was screaming in frustration in my head.

Day three came. Barzee seemed resigned to suffering through it, however it was to end. As quickly as she had gathered up the will to fight Mitchell, she had lost it now. If he had left us here to die, that seemed to be okay with her. We sat around in silence. We just didn’t have the energy to talk. Besides, it hurt my throat to speak. I was as dry as bone.

I didn’t think I was going to starve to death, at least not yet, but I knew that I could die of dehydration if I didn’t get something to drink. My tongue was dry and swollen. My throat was as rough as sandpaper, not letting my thick saliva go down. Three days in the heat and dryness. Three days without food or water. My heart raced every time that I walked or even stood up. My body was on the edge.

That afternoon, I lay weakly on my bed and thought back on the miraculous glass of water that had appeared by my pillow on that night back in the mountains. It seemed so long ago.
Please God,
I started praying. It was hard to even form the words.
Please God, I need another miracle. I can’t go another day without any water. If I don’t drink, I’m going to die here. Please, help me find a way to go on.

Weak, exhausted, and demoralized to the point of losing hope, I drifted off to sleep.

Shortly after, I awoke to a splattering sound on our tent. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. Then it finally hit me. Rain! It was raining! I was overcome with relief.