My Splendid Concubine (32 page)

“
I want to,” he said.

“
How do I know that you are not lying to make me feel better?”

“
I am sure that Ayaou explained to you what this means,” he replied, and guided one of her hands to his member. She gasped when she felt it.

“
It is so big,” she said in wonder and pulled the covers back to stare. “It has become a giant.” She grasped it and squeezed. “It is cute. It looks like a little man who needs my help, because he has no arms.” She leaned down and kissed it.

Robert groaned.
“Stop, Shao-mei. I am going to explode. I could lose control.”

“
I don’t care,” she said. “Maybe the danger is if you fill me with your seeds. Maybe you would make me pregnant again. The babies would fight inside me. When you are ready to shoot and give me your seeds, you could pull out. That way there would be no danger.”

“
No, Shao-mei. I don’t want to risk it.”

“
Are you sure there would be danger to the child and to me? How do you know this? I want you to touch me and to make me your woman. Hollister laughed at me and said I wasn’t enough of a woman for him. He said that I had the body of a child. That it disgusted him. He said my breasts were like smashed mushrooms. Because of what he told me, I believed the reason you haven’t taken me was because I was ugly.”

“
That’s not true. You are beautiful. Your breasts are works of art. I have trouble not staring at them. And your legs are perfect. They are smooth and long, and whenever you are not looking, I admire them. The reason I fear for your safety and the baby’s safety is because my mother had twelve children. The family doctor lectured my father on the dangers of having intercourse with her while she was pregnant. Tomorrow you still have to tell your sister that we were intimate anyway.”

“
But why? Why should we not tell her the truth? I don’t understand.”

“
Because, it is important she thinks the baby is from me. If we don’t make love tonight, I cannot be the father.”

“
Oh.” She grew quiet and thoughtful.

“
Listen carefully. I’m going to tell you what to say so she believes that it happened—that we made love. Then I will start coming to your room regularly. We will sleep together but cannot be intimate. Do you understand?”

Her eyes were bigger than Robert had ever seen them.
They were stained red too. She nodded. The tears had dried on her cheeks. “After the baby is born,” she said, “you will still come to my bed. Then you will take me and show me the pleasures Ayaou told me about?”

“
Yes, of course,” he replied, and hoped that he’d be able to overcome his culture’s morality by then. If he could not have these two women and have peace of mind at the same time, Robert didn’t know what he was going to do.

Hollister
must have taken her in late September and now it was December. She was more than three months pregnant. Robert hated the man for what he had done. “Wait for four weeks. Then we will tell Ayaou you are pregnant. Now I want you to repeat what you are going to say to Ayaou, so she will believe that we were intimate. I do not want mistakes.”

Shao-mei smiled and cuddled against him. He kissed the top of her head.

“
Wu Hei Nee,”
she said in the same tone of adoration she had used before. That was when Robert knew he was cured. The moral anguish had vanished. He would have no problem performing when the time came after the child was born. The guilt that had influenced him for so long did not control him any longer. It was gone. He was ready to love the sisters equally.

Robert listened to the sound of her voice as she repeated his instru
ctions. He continued to hold her even after she had fallen asleep. He imagined what her lips would feel like when he kissed her and what her body would feel like when his hands were free to explore without the restraints he had brought with him from Ireland.

The innocent child inside her didn
’t deserve to grow up treated like an outcast. Robert resolved to do whatever it took to make sure that never happened. He worried that he wouldn’t be the father this child deserved. Somehow his knowledge that the child wasn’t his might spoil everything. He might resent it, because its father was Hollister.

No, that would never happen. He was strong enough to make sure it wouldn
’t. An innocent child was not going to suffer because of his weaknesses. Robert would turn to God for strength and work hard to make sure there was always enough to make life comfortable for his family. Instead of working ten and twelve hour days, he’d work sixteen to twenty hours. If possible, he would give up sleep. His love for these two Chinese boat girls was so strong that he was willing to do almost anything to make their lives better and safer.

There was one person Robert felt safe enough to trust this secret with. He pulled Guan-jiah aside the next day and told him what had happened. His servant surprised him with his reply. “You are learning, Master. If the child grows up thinking it is a bastard that would ruin your life. There would be no pleasure.”

“
But—” Robert started to say.

Guan-jiah held up a hand to stop him.
“In China we know how to eat and enjoy life. To do anything else is uncivilized. Most Westerners know nothing about enjoying life. Most never do what you are doing—to accept this child as yours and to hide the truth. To do anything else would be a horrible
loss of face
and a disaster.

“
If it were common knowledge that this child was a bastard, there would be no enjoying life in your household. Your concubines would lament and walk about with sorrowful faces, because the outside world knew the truth. Gloom, sorrow and anger would smother all three of you. Shao-mei might even hang herself. The child would grow up hating everyone and become a criminal.

“
I admire what you have decided to do, and your secret is safe with me. The pleasures of life are merely matters of the senses—food, drink, your house, the garden, your family and your friendships count. That is what life is about. You are demonstrating wisdom.”

Guan-jiah pulled on one of his Buddha like earlobes. His face took on a thoughtful expression.
“When the child is born, I will always be willing to help. If you have decided to adopt this child, I will do the same. I can be its adopted uncle.” He smiled.

Robert opened and closed his mouth. He couldn
’t think of a response. Guan-jiah was happy that Shao-mei was going to have this child. What Robert saw as a tragedy, Guan-jiah saw as an opportunity. Robert remembered that his servant was a eunuch. He could never have children of his own. How could he blame Guan-jiah for wanting to be this child’s uncle?

To remind himself how fragile life was he touched the poc
ket where he kept the anonymous letter—the one that accused him of being a thief and using his two girls as prostitutes. Maybe it was a good idea to have Guan-jiah as the adopted uncle.

Chapter 18

Shao-mei was still sleeping when Robert opened his eyes to a dark room. He heard Ayaou downstairs making breakfast with more than the usual noise. There was no clock. Since the heavy window covers kept out the light, he had no idea what time it was.

It took a moment to overrule the desire to stay
under the friendly blankets with his second concubine. Her smooth skin was warm like toast from the oven. When he felt his member sprouting, he groaned, slid into the bone-chilling cold, put on the robe and walked across the hall to the bedroom he shared with Ayaou.

While slipping
on his trousers, Robert felt Ayaou’s frigid hand on his bare shoulder. He jumped at the shock of her icy touch. Twisting around, he found her examining him with shrewd eyes like a naturalist examines a specimen. Robert wanted to learn how last night had affected Ayaou’s emotions. He remembered all the misery and jealousy between the wives and concubines in
The Dream of the Red Chamber
. He was afraid the same thing was going to happen inside his house.

It didn
’t matter that Ayaou had urged him to cross that hall and spend the night with her younger sister. It didn’t matter that nothing physical happened with Shao-mei. The important thing was how Ayaou felt. If misery and jealousy were stirring inside her, the harmony he desired could vanish like fog under a hot sun.

Her hair looked different
—more stylish and sensual. She’d spent time clipping it up and leaving a few strands before the ears, which accented her high cheekbones and leaf shaped eyes. It stirred his desire.

“
Shao-mei had fun last night,” she said.

It was obvious Ayaou was struggling to keep
her voice calm. There was something in the tone that caused Robert to shiver. It was wild and unpredictable. It frightened him. He didn’t want them competing for his affections. He didn’t want them to hurt each other. It wasn’t fair. He’d conquered his moral guilt only to discover that jealousy might take its place to ruin his life.

Robert wanted to laugh but his ability to see the humor had evap
orated. The irony was absurd. He was a man who had achieved most men’s fantasies. He had never dreamed of living like this. He had two women he loved that loved him back, and he was worried.

“
What are you thinking?” he asked, afraid of her answer.

She turned away
so he couldn’t see her eyes. “It’s cold this morning,” she replied.

Robert took
her chin and turned her face to his. The look in her eyes revealed her emotions—she didn’t like sharing him with her sister. Jealousy was stirring. She didn’t know what it was going to do to her, and he wondered if there was anything he could do to stop it. Maybe if he showed more interest in her that would help.

“
Did you sleep well?” he asked, and shivering from the cold that was soaking into his bones, he reached for a shirt and pulled it on.

“
I didn’t sleep,” she said.

“
Why?”

“
I don’t know.”

“
Is that why you were cooking so early?”

“
I suppose so.”

“
Look at you,” he said in a lighthearted tone, attempting to kill the threatening mood. “Your apron is loose.”

“
Tighten it for me.” A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She turned around and lifted the apron.

“
Christ! You haven’t anything on underneath!”

“
I was in a hurry to cook. I have to go so the potatoes don’t burn.”

R
obert followed as she went downstairs to her wok knowing he’d do nothing but allow her to lead. She wanted to discover if he’d lost interest in her. Once in the kitchen, he took the wok away from her and put it on the sideboard. He held her in his arms and opened the apron. He kissed her slender neck and the tops of her naked breasts and nipples. Backing up, he sat on a bench and pulled her onto his lap. Her legs wrapped around his waist. She threw her head back. They made love.

Their passion quickly peaked with simultaneous orgasms. Ro
bert wanted more, but she erased the moment by slipping from him and returning to the stove to take hold of the wok’s handle. Robert was stupefied.

“
You’d better leave for work, or you’ll be late.” She smiled, stood on her toes and leaned over the counter to reach for a jar of spice on a high shelf. As she stretched further, the apron rode up above her waist. Her naked buttocks protruded at a jaunty angle. The invitation was irresistible. With the frustrating night Robert had just spent with Shao-mei’s knees and elbows poking him, he stood, took two steps forward and reached around Ayaou to cup her naked breasts in the palms of his hands.

“
I haven’t had enough,” he said.

“
Go to work.” Laughing, she hopped away. “You have leaked enough of your essence today. Anymore and it will shorten your longevity. You are my happiness and I want you to live a long life. I can tell by the size and swelling of your sun-instrument, that you are about to shoot again.”

She had no idea.
“What if I don’t want to go?” he said. “What if I go to the bedroom and relax? That way you can join me in a few minutes. I want you for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I want to forget about work.”

She struggled to hide her smile and shoved a rice cake into his hand.
“Here’s breakfast. Get out of here and go to work. One of us will bring you more food later.”

Alarmed, he said,
“Don’t ask for me. Ask for Guan-jiah. Give him the food.” He didn’t want Dr. Winchester or his wife to know about Ayaou or Shao-mei.

She shoved his coat into his hands and pushed him
out the door. As he walked from the house, Robert hoped he’d derailed the mood that was sprouting inside her like a noisy, rebellious child. At the same time, he worried that Shao-mei would forget what he’d instructed her to say and mess it up, so Ayaou wouldn’t believe her.