My Sister's Keeper (45 page)

“
What? Why is that?” I asked Winston.

Winston—No, Charlie—No. My God!
My father—
my
real
father
took over the story. I stared as if seeing him for the first time, hanging on his every word, looking for pieces of myself in him.

“
The first few months in the
North Carolina Jaycee Burn Center
, they kept me so doped up that I was seldom conscious. And when I was, the pain was so intense that all I wanted was to be knocked out again.”

Mom watched him just as I did and his pain showed in her face.

“
I’d been there for months before I realized that they thought I was somebody else. I told them my name was Charlie, but they just ignored me and kept calling me Winston. Then people that had known Winston before the accident began coming up from Wilmington and little by little I learned about Pearl—that she had married my brother Gus and that they’d had a child.” The pain in Winston’s voice brought tears to every eye in the room.

“
After that, I didn’t care what they called me. Or whether I lived or died. I just laid there and cried. The nurses thought it was because of the pain caused by my burns.”

“
I didn’t know,” Mom said sliding an arm around Charlie, laying her head against his shoulder.

“
Then, after being there for a year and a half, they released me from the hospital. But I didn’t have anywhere to go. So I did what everyone around me expected me to do. I let them bring me back to Wilmington and set me up at the farm.”

“
Why didn’t you tell anyone who you were when you got back to Wilmington?” I asked.

“
I didn’t want to be pitied,” he said looking down. “And people said they thought things had worked out pretty well for Pearl. They said she looked happy and I didn’t know that you were
my
son.”

Hearing those words caused my chest to tighten. I could feel the love in his eyes as they peered at me through his scarred slits. I felt dizzy. My legs shook nervously and my face felt as if it was on fire.

“
And the biggest reason I kept my identity a secret is that I didn’t know how Pearl would react if she saw me. Winston had never been married and his parents were dead, so I figured the best thing for me to do was leave well enough alone.”

It was a powerful moment and in that moment my universe turned right-side up. Suddenly, everything made sense. My conflicts with Dad. The bond I had with Martha.
Life!
I was conceived by their love and I could feel that love flowing from him to me and back from me to him. I didn’t have to think about it. It was as if someone had turned on a light switch inside me. Sydney tugged at my arm. “Are you okay?”

Something inside me that I’d held in check all my life had broken loose and was now running rampant. I was awash in peace, love, and happiness. Although I had tears in my eyes, I laughed. “Hell yes I’m okay! That’s my dad!”

But Martha wasn’t smiling. Her teeth were clinched, her eyes cold. “All these years, the two of you kept your little secret and you stayed married to Daddy while you had your fun?”

Mother’s face turned a shade darker. Wind swished down the chimney and the candle flames waved about nervously. “It wasn’t easy, Sweetheart,” Mom said. “People didn’t run out and get a divorce in those days like they do now.”

“
God, Mother! What did you do? Run up to that farm every week and cheat on Daddy?”

“
No! It wasn’t like that.”

“
Well, how was it, Mother?”

“
That was it! That was the one and only time.” A Venetian blind buzzed as wind passed through it.

“
Oh, come on, Mother. Don’t lie about it. Not now.”

“
It’s true,” Winston said leaning forward where the light from the candles reflected off the smooth skin of his face as if it was a plastic mask. “I told her not to come back. I only invited her there to begin with so I could see for myself that she was doing okay. What wasn’t covered in bandages looked hideous. I never dreamed she’d recognize me. Or that things would go the way they did. Yes, it happened. But, I couldn’t let it go on. I told her she had to go home to Gus, that things happen for a reason, and that God had not intended for us to be together.”

“
But you did go back,” Martha snapped.

Mom wiped a tear. “Not until I found out I was pregnant again.” That loose shutter slammed against the side of the house.

“
And why would that matter to Charlie?” Martha screamed. “What business was it of his?”

Mom’s chin trembled. Her eyes darted around the floor. Our reflections quivered high on the walls as a draft blowing through the room passed over the candles.

“
Oh, Mother! What did you do? Get an abortion? Give it up for adoption? What?”

“
No! Yes, I was pregnant. Yes, it was Charlie’s. But I carried that child full term and raised her.”

“
Who—? Me?” Martha’s eyes moved from Mom to Charlie. “Are you saying—?”

The secret was finally out. And Mom’s reply had a hopeful, proud resonance to it—much like the storyteller’s at the children’s library confirming a child’s sudden revelation. “Yes, Darling.”

Martha’s eyes jumped from Mom to me, to Charlie, and back to Mom. She exhaled, snatched up a candle, slapped the electric lever on her wheelchair, rolled back from the table and sped from the room bumping the door casing on her way out.

“
That was a bit of a shock. For all of us.” I said. “I’ll go check on her.”

I found Martha in her room, her face buried in a pillow she’d pulled off her bed. I stepped in and closed the door. “Hey. You okay?”

“
Why did she have to tell us that? Why couldn’t they have kept their dirty little secret to themselves?”

“
I don’t know, Babe. Maybe it’s not the right time…and maybe it’s long
past
time.”

“
My whole life has been one big, fat
lie? Why?
So they could have their fun?”

I sat on the edge of the bed. “Hey. You know Mom’s not like that.”

“
I
loved
my daddy and my daddy loved
me
.”

“
Yes, he did.”

“
And now I find out my daddy is
not
my daddy?”

“
No. You’re wrong. Gus
was
your daddy. He adored you. He looked out for you, spent time with you, bought you things, and taught you things. He did all the things for you that I wished he’d done for me. And this doesn’t change any of that, Babe. None of it! Do you hear me?”

Tears flowed down her face. “God, I can’t believe they did that to him. Don’t you think Daddy deserved better than that?”

“
Yes, Babe. He deserved to know the truth, but it couldn’t have been easy for them, either.”

“
Oh, stop it! Why do you always take up for Mom?”

I reached under her and raised her out of her chair—pillow and all. “I know it’s a shock, my darling sister. But do you have any
idea
what this means?”

“
Put me down!” she shouted kicking her legs.

I spun around in circles, stumbling as we turned. “That-a-girl! Keep it up! It’ll strengthen your muscles. You’ll be walking again in no time.”

“
I mean it! Put me down!” She pounded my back with the side of her fist.

“
Not until you grow up.”

“
Grow up yourself!” I became dizzy and tossed her onto her bed.

She rolled to the other side facing away from me. “You shit!”

I leaned on my hands panting to catch my breath. “I don’t know about you, Babe…but I
like
the idea that we’re brother and sister again.”

“
But—” she sniffled.

“
But
what
? Yes, Daddy loved you. You were his reason to live. He would have given his life for you. When you had your accident and they wouldn’t let anyone in to be with you, he disappeared for two days and I found him in Oakdale Cemetery. He was passed out drunk draped over Charlie’s grave. It took Mother and me both to get him home.”

She rolled over to face me. “Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“
Everyone has secrets, Babe.”

“
Well,
I
don’t.” She rolled back on her side facing away from me.

It seemed wrong for me to be lecturing her. It was usually the other way around. She was the stronger one. She was the logical one. It felt good to be needed for something besides a pair of legs, but I had no idea what to say. “Daddy knew the truth about me and hated me,” I said searching for the right words. “Would you rather he’d known about you, too?” She didn’t answer, just sniffled. “Do you think it’s easy giving up a child? Not being able to hold it? Not being able to tell it who you are?” I waited for a response, but none came. “It takes a lot of love, little sister, to give up
not one
, but
two
of your children.”

“
I would
never
do that.”

“
Of course you wouldn’t. And maybe Charlie Baimbridge didn’t want to either. But he had to. He knew that he would never be able to give us much of a life. That he would never be able to take us places and be the kind of father that he wanted to be.”

“
He could have done
something.
”

“
Did you know he was there at the hospital every single day both times you were there?”

She turned back to face me. “I didn’t see him.”

“
Yes you did. He came in the room many times with Mom.”

“
I just thought...”

“
I know. So did I. I thought he was there for Mom. But he stopped me every time I left and asked how you were doing. And how Daddy was doing, too. And he listened to every word I said. I could tell he really cared, I just didn’t know how much.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“
I don’t know. Didn’t I?”

“
Maybe.”

“
And all those times we went out to the farm with Mom, don’t you remember how he always wanted to know everything we were doing? How we always had to take our report cards? Charlie Baimbridge had to let his brother raise his children because he knew it was the best thing for them. But he stayed in touch the only way he could.”

She sat up and laid her head against mine. “What do we do now?”

“
He’s our father. Let’s get to know him. Give him a chance.”

“
I’m so ashamed.”

I put my arms around her. “Believe me, he’ll forgive you.”

As Hurricane Isabelle churned up the coast and changed the history of Ocracoke Island that day, so too were our lives changed forever. Secrets and lies gave way to truth and understanding. Charlie Baimbridge could never replace Gus in Martha’s life, but she agreed to open her arms and her heart to him. And although my father’s existence created new questions that needed answers, it answered quite a few that had haunted me for years.

Epilogue

O
VER THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, we would come to know ourselves, Charlie, and Mother in ways we never imagined. I looked behind the disfigurement of my father and discovered myself within him. His love of the arts, his passion for the theatre, and his gentle manner mirrored mine, and made me as proud of him as he was of me. T
he tension in my life disappeared. Whatever I’d been running from no longer chased me. I’d been set free.

Charlie and Mom married the following spring and she became Mrs. Winston Gaylord. She sold her house and moved to the farm. I’ve never seen her happier.

Dane Bonner was eventually found guilty of the murders of Scott McGillikin and Ashleigh Matthews as well as two of the missing Wilmington girls. He was sentenced to death.

I did make it to Broadway, after all. Twice in fact. Sydney and I went to New York on our honeymoon that first Christmas after Gus died where she took dance classes during the day at
Broadway Dance Center,
then saw many of her instructors performing in the shows we took in on Broadway at night.