My Secret Life (92 page)

These incidents astonished me, but I soon found that they were usual enough everywhere in Oriental cities, and that the satisfaction of the senses carried no disgrace. But the nude exposure, the hairless prick and cunt, the singularity of the incitements, I thought of all next day. A rutting fit came on me and I thought of and longed for the cunt of every woman who passed me.

After a midday meal, travellers sat in front of the hotel with parasols up, digesting and talking. I thought of the cunt of each woman I looked at, then moved my chair to talk to the widow who with her parents was there. My friends had gone for a stroll. — Soon her parents went and we were alone, but there were other travellers sitting about. I looked in her eyes, thought of her cunt, and my cock stiffened. “What a lovely climate etc. etc,” she said. — “Yes and it’s having the same effect on me as sea sickness.” Her eyes opened wide, she colored up, made no reply to the observation, but drew my attention to a finely clad Turk who was walking by. Shortly after I looked her full in the eyes and laughed.
—
She laughed, and I felt sure she was thinking about my words.

We had slightly moved our chairs the better to avoid the sun, and then were overlooking the street sideways. We were talking about the hotel bedrooms, and found that mine was near hers tho at the back of the house. Suddenly the violent braying of a jack ass was heard, and turning to look, there was a splendid nearly white donkey, with a prick a foot long, getting into a very small donkey, one of several standing in the street for hire. Just as we looked Jack made a successful lunge and his big prick disappeared in the small donkey’s cunt, and he rammed with energy, whilst the little female with her tail obligingly turned aside, stood still enjoying it. A donkey boy with yells and blows pulled Nanny away from Jack, by her ears and bridle. — The owner of the stallion, who rushed out of a shop, belaboured it with a big stick, pulling its head at the same time quite round, and at length the two got separated, but Jack’s sperm was issuing as his big tool withdrew from the Nanny. By that time a group of Orientals with one or two Europeans who had collected thro the violent braying, seemed delighted, and witnessed the scene laughing. I looked on, the widow at my back I caught looking on when I turned round, tho she’d turned her parasol down in the direction of the street, as if to shut out the view. My procreator, hot before, was now burning and throbbing.
—
“I shouldn’t like to be disturbed like that,” said I. — “It’s hot, I shall go in,” she answered and quickly rose up.
—
Instinct I suppose made me reply that I should do the same, and we entered the hotel together. — “Didn’t the master twack the poor jackass,” said I when we were indoors. — “I didn’t see anything,” said she, — her face as red as a poppy. Then she burst out laughing. — “You did,” I replied, laughing heartily too. — “I don’t know what you mean. — He — He — He.” — “You fib,” — replied I. Then both grew serious.

We stood talking in the hall for a minute, I smiling, she scarcely restrained from smiling herself. We each knew well what the other was thinking of, and I wish I could have felt the sensations in her cunt, for I saw from her eyes that she was lewed. We both went upstairs together, and when in the bedroom corridor, “That’s my room, they are lower this side but larger than yours.” “Really?” — “Look.” — I opened the door, she half entered it, I laid hold of her arm quite gently, and without any resistance, pulled her in and shut the door. — “Oh! I mustn’t stop here.” — “Give me a kiss — I will have one.” — She didn’t resist the kiss. — “I mustn’t stop here.” — “Yes do — I’m dying for you — let me see that sweet foot and leg which I saw on the steamer.” — “I shan‘t” — I pulled her down on to the bedside and put my hand on her calf. — “Oh you shan’t” — next second it was on her thigh. — “Oh now — no, you shan’t.” Next minute my fingers were between her cunt lips, and I was titillating her clitoris, and kissing her. “Let me have you, my darling.” — “Leave off now.” — “Let’s fuck.” — “Oh, I’m sorry I came in, what will the servants say if they see me leaving?” The lovemaking then ran its course — how commonplace but how delicious, tho the same, and the same, and ever will be the same. — Frigging her first, then baudy words, then pego erect, dazzling and fascinating her, next her hand is round it, and I’ve a finger up the warm moist avenue. — “Hush dear, don’t make a noise, they can hear thro the partition — I will have you, don’t be foolish. — Hish.” — “Oh — now — don’t get me with child then.” — “I won’t, I’ll spend outside. — Hish.” — I pulled her bonnet off and threw it on the floor, then pulling her back onto the bed, the mosquito curtain tore down in all directions, then she was laying on the bed silent, her cunt thirsting for the soothing lifegiver. I see a dark-haired motte for an instant, then my belly covers her. — “Ah — Herr” — she sighs as my prick is buried in her. “Aha — err” — and I’m rapidly fucking her. “Aha” as my tongue meets hers. “Oh don’t — ahr.” — My spunk was coming, was throbbing out into her, she spending, our pleasure was complete, her cunt full of my libation,
my
promise was forgotten, she’d forgotten
her
request, but both were happy.

Then came the wash and the usual regrets — the modest look — the fears. — “Oh if I’m seen.” — “Wait longer — now let me see it.” — She made no sham, she knew she could give no more than she had, and waited till she’d seen my prick erect again, till I’d seen her charms from bum hole to navel, and we’d fucked again. — Then smoking, I promenaded the corridor till the coast was clear, whistled loudly, and she escaped safely, nor did I see her until with Pa and Ma seated at the table d’hôte. — Then how we looked at each other. — A widow I’m perfectly sure can’t help getting fucked on the sly, and they know somehow, I find, how to take care of possibilities to themselves afterwards. — There were two other widows at that hotel, and also two soldiers’ wives who had been without their husbands for months. — Had they done without sexual solace long? — Perhaps — most likely not.

An Oriental bagnio.
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A circumcized cunt.
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Terpsichorean bum-vibrating whores.
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Cunts in the street.
—
Penis sine prceputtum.
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The physiognomies and sizes of pricks.
—
Female admiration of big ones.
—
The time consumed in a
fuck. —
The number of thrusts.
—
Quantity of sperm injected.
—
Amorous ejaculations whilst fucking.
—
Abnormal erotic whims and fancies.

 

Then I found out the locality of the whores. My friends had already done so, and we walked in the daytime there together. Evening found me there alone. Many an Englishman had been in the house, and the women had learnt a few English words explanatory of copulation — “Me fuckee prick,” said one — I saw two dance naked their national dances. The quivering of their buttocks raised my pego in no time, whilst the novelty of hairless quims finished my excitement. I had a woman, and afterwards looking at the other’s cunt it did not seem to have a clitoris and that the nymphæ were also partially gone — all in fact of that on which women frig themselves, and looked what much like a scar, — tho reddish like the rest of the vulvas — was in their place. I pointed to it hoping some explanation by gesture or pantomime. But the girl looked sulky, then savage at me, got up and left the room, nor would she return.
—
Cautiously I mentioned this to a married one of our party whom I knew to be without prejudices, and had several times been in the East. He laughed. “You’ve been at
^****
I knew you would. She’s been circumcized, they cut off the clitoris of some girls to prevent them frigging themselves and flat fucking, but what objection they find to their amusing themselves that way, I can’t guess.” — When I returned after a month or more, I sought the brothel again and fucked the circumcized one (if that be the term and it were the fact).
—
She laid quite sulkily whilst I fucked her at the side of the bed, never helped me, laid like a log, and looked away from me, I cannot imagine why.

Then master of myself, I yet was unavoidably chaste. Hundreds of miles away from the great city I got no opportunities, but saw bathing and at other places, men naked or partially so, with big pendant tools which would have made the average Englishman’s look small. They are a big-pricked race. — Of cunts I saw none, but often felt wild with desire to raise the clothes of the women, garments which shrouded their forms so much, that one only guessed them as women from that.

At the end of some weeks, one night I saw the dancing women, saw them dancing naked. There were two
—
a copper-colored woman and a sweet little dark-colored girl about fifteen years old, a Nubian with the most exquisite form, with faultless breasts, teeth white as snow, a sweet little plump creature who danced wriggling her body, quivering over belly, and breasts and buttocks, till I thought her lovely little dark bum would drop off. — She ceased, smiling, showing teeth exquisitely shaped and whiter than snow and demanded backsheesh which she liberally got. — Her companion dancer, a brownish copper-colored woman about twenty I guess, did the same, and both got well rewarded. The little one looked in my eyes voluptuously, invitingly, and tho two male musicians squatting on a carpet were there, I couldn’t restrain myself, and turning my back to the musicians, grasped my buttocks, pouted my lips, protruded my tongue. She understood. At a sign the men left the chamber, her female companion remained.

The next instant, I had her on a dirty divan, on one side of the room, and wide enough for fucking, and was inspecting her little gap
round
which not a hair was visible from motte to bumhole. She was Mahomedan and they all divest their quims of nature’s clothing. My inspection was quick, I looked at her bright handsome face, her smiling mouth, and snow white teeth in a slightly prognathus jaw, and the next minute we were one in body. Five minutes after, our union was dissolved and her cunt white with sperm. How strange it looked, that pearly white film over the dark red oval, in the dark and nearly black surface of cunt lip, and thigh. She was a Soudanese and almost like ebony, tho a nice fleshy tint ran underneath the black. Her skin was satiny, ivory. — No white woman’s skin ever felt more delicious to me.

As my belly left hers, I became conscious that the other dancer was in the room, in my erotic excitement I had not noticed it before. — Standing naked she had watched our coupling. — With a very much larger mouth, with fuller lips than the little Nubian, there she stood smiling at me lewedly, as the little Nubian got up with her cunt full. — Then unasked she laid down at once upon the divan, and opened her thighs just as if it were the custom of the house to do so, and that at once I would begin to enjoy her. Shaking my head I pointed to my pendant tool, but still she lay there making Ghawazee signs, opening the doors of the temple with one hand, and pointing to it with a finger heaving, jerking her belly, quivering her body from thighs to breasts, in much the same manner as when dancing.

The Nubian got me water and I washed my prick — fearful of consequences — I pissed, then shook my head. The dancer got up from the divan, fell down on her knees, and minetted me. The little black lass rose from the floor where she had squatted on her haunches after washing, and placing herself in front of me, — having snatched up a tamborine — commenced the wriggling, belly and bum shaking dance, and the copper-colored woman sucked me, till what with her labial exercise and the jellylike quivering of the little black’s haunches, my prick rose stiffly, and at once on the divan I opened her cunt with it. But it was too soon after the first, it slunk out from it. Then I laid on my back on the divan, and my pego went into her mouth as she knelt and gamahuched me, as whores do everywhere in every clime, whilst the little black continued vibrating her buttocks close to me. At last I stopped her by feeling her cunt and groped till my libation sped into the other’s mouth, which completed my evening’s pleasure.

Another enforced chastity of weeks and again I was in the big city. I saw the short fellow whom I’d frigged in the street and shook my head as he approached me. I found that in other streets and places besides that where I’d seen it done, women lifted their clothes up as an invitation to their charms, and I felt one or two smooth-lipped quims. Then I had curiosity to see if another native’s standard was like those seen by chance and which seemed so big in repose. — It was not lust but simple curiosity. — Seeking a brothel I had a smooth-cunted harlot, and having learnt of the language enough to enable me to say I wished to see a prick, when there I’d forgotten half, yet by the aid of two or three words and baudy signs the girl at length understood, and called an ugly, hook-nosed woman, whose nationality I guessed was Greek, and who spoke two or three words of French and English. It took me long to make her even understand my wants, but at length she did, and in a quarter of an hour in came a young man about five feet nine high.

He stripped at once and shewed a dark brown skin, and hairless, large pendant tool as brown as the rest of his body, and without a bit of prepuce; all having been cut off. He began feeling for my prick and jabbering all the time. I didn’t understand a word and pushed his hand away. Saying something which sounded like “hicke” he threw himself face downwards on the bedside, his rump towards me, and pulled open his buttocks. I pulled him round and frigged him till his prick became very big, and his semen fell in front of me. My curiosity was satisfied and I left very rapidly, — glad to get away.

In another city wandering thro a cemetery, I saw a girl seemingly about fifteen with a white child who could just toddle. The girl was of the brownish copper tint, but so handsome that I couldn’t help noticing her. She followed me leading the child, so that I met and met her again, and each time she fixed her big dark eyes on me till my prick swelled and I lusted for her. — What was she, that she was unveiled at her age, and with a white child? Surely not a Moslem — and yet her color! — It was in the afternoon. A party of English strolled through the cemetery and disappeared. Again I met the girl and child in an obscure part, it was hot, I sat down on the ground, she squatted near me. — She’d rings round her ankles.