My Savior Forever (6 page)

Chapter nine

“Come on. I have something you need to
know about,” Jesse says as we make our way down the hall by his
office. To the right just before his office door there is a wall
with a built in bookcase.

“Geez, you all must really like to
read. You have bookcases filled with books everywhere,” I said
looking at all the books in awe.

Jesse chuckles, “Yes, well we do, but
these aren’t real books. It’s just for appearances. Feel them.” I
reach out and touch a book. It feels real to me. I tug on it, but
it won’t budge. What the hell?

“See, they look and feel real, right?”
I nod. He then runs his right hand across the next to the highest
shelf and stops on a book and pulls on it. I jump back as the
bookcase moves to the right along the wall and a doorway appears.
Ok that was kind of scary.

Jesse grabs my left hand and
intertwines our fingers. “It’s ok, it’s a safe area downstairs.
It’s used in case of an Emergency. Come on. I’ll show
you.”

Jesse reaches over and flips a light
switch on the wall to his left. In front of us is a spiral
staircase. He guides me down the stairs with him in front of me and
at the bottom he flips another light switch. I gasp as I stare into
the huge room in front of me. It looks like it is as big as the
upstairs.

Looking around I see a rec room with a
pool table, couches, and a bar to the right along the wall. As we
walk through the room he shows me a large bathroom on the left and
on the other side is an alcove.

He takes me into the alcove. “If for
some reason say the house is being broken into, you can come down
here. On the inside of the wall is a hidden button. It’s very hard
to see because it’s built into the wall.”

He presses the button and a sliding
door opens into the wall. It’s a small room, so small that only a
few people would be able to fit in it comfortably. There is nothing
really in there but walls and a security light.

“It’s a safety room in case the
downstairs is breached,” he says looking at me.

“Wow, you have certainly thought of
everything with this house,” I say smiling at Jesse. I am so
impressed right now. He reaches up with his right hand and cups my
cheek. “Anything to keep my family safe.” Wow! I think I just
melted again.

For the rest of that day we just
lazied around, watching movies and snuggling on the couch. I could
really go for this every day, especially the snuggling part. I find
that I am losing myself to him. Surely, he can’t want someone like
me. He will come to his senses when this is all over. But for now,
I am going to enjoy it.

When the last movie is over, Jesse
clicks the remote and the TV turns off. He pulls away from our
snuggling position, turning his body to mine and says, “Care to
have a more serious discussion now?”

I swallow hard and turn to him,
mirroring his position and half smile. “Um, what kind of serious
discussion?” I ask. He looks at me with those gleaming, caring blue
eyes and clears his throat. “Well, in the car on the way here you
mentioned something about a long story of your life. What happened
to you once your parents died? Care to share now?”

Wow, ok. I guess I can do this. No, I
need to do this. I want to know everything about him, and I want
him to know everything about me. I am falling so deep for him and
am so comfortable with him now. I need him to know. Then if he
decides I am not worth it, it can be over quick. Even though it
will kill me for him to not want me, I will never ever find another
man like him. I will try to live the rest of my life as best I can.
I mean really, my life has not been a great one so far. I might as
well continue it the same way.

Shifting a little in my seat, out of
nervousness, I begin.

“Ok, um. I’m an only child and all my
relatives were gone so it was just me then. Even though I was only
seven, I was a fairly smart kid. I mean look how brilliant I am
now.” I laugh and he smiles at me.

“Anyway, the state put me in the
foster care world. Let me just say, it’s not all cracked up to what
it should be. I mean I think there are some great foster care
families out there, but I never found one. I went from one foster
family after another. There were so many I lost count at one point,
but this was all out of survival instinct. Each one was worse than
the other, yelling, verbal abuse, physical abuse.” I stop there and
look over to him. He’s just staring at me with a scared look in his
eyes and his mouth slightly open.

“No one cared, really. No one showed
any love. To answer the question in your mind, no, I had never been
raped. But it’s not that some didn’t try. They did other things
that I have pushed way far back in my mind because they are too
horrible to remember. So I just kept running. I would be caught and
placed, yet again, in another wonderful foster home.” I take a deep
breath. The tears were forming in my eyes, but I refuse to let them
drop. Not now!

“This kept up until the great age of
18. It’s great because once you turn into the adult age the state
simply kicks you out into the street, on your own, with whatever
belongings you have at that time, which of course is not much. No
money, no job, no way to fend for yourself. I mean, who does that
to a poor, defenseless 18 year old? Seriously, I still wonder to
this day how they can do that to someone.” I look at him as one
single tear falls down my left cheek. Jesse reaches over and rubs
it away with his thumb.

“Cassie, if you want to stop, we can
pick it up again some other time. Really,” he says to me as he’s
wiping away my tear.

“No, this is good. I want you to
know.” I smile at him.

Another deep breath and I continue.
“Once I was out on the street, I was lucky to find a small café. I
saw a ‘Need Help’ sign in the window. Of course, I didn’t know how
to do anything but clean because most of the foster homes made me
clean their houses. They never wanted to lift a finger, so I got
really great at that. I really didn’t mind it too much. It’s not
like it was that hard to do. So I went in an applied for the job.”
I smile and get a faraway look in my eyes as I remember walking in
the front door with my head held high. “The Sweet Café. It’s called
that for the best homemade desserts they make.” Yum, I can smell
them now. And as if on cue my stomach starts growling.

Jesse laughs. “Um, do you want to grab
a snack to munch on while we finish our discussion?”

“Ha! Sure, sounds good to me,” I say
as I get up from the couch and make my way to the kitchen. Jesse,
still laughing, follows me and gets out some microwave popcorn and
starts to make it. I go to the refrigerator and get out a diet coke
for me and a regular one for him.

“You know you don’t need to be having
anything diet, Cassie. Seriously, you are a little on the skinny
side. Not that you’re not the most beautiful woman I have ever
seen,” he adds quickly.

I just stand there and stare at him,
with the refrigerator door still open. I can’t believe he just said
that. I am going to melt so much I won’t be here anymore.
GAH!

~*~*~*~

“Jesse, you’re so sweet. Thank you.
But, um, actually I love the taste of Diet Coke. I am kind of a
Diet Cokaholic.” I smile. Jesse starts laughing so hard he is bent
over with his hands on his knees. He straightens back up, still
laughing and chokes out, “Well the first step is admitting it, I
guess.” I start laughing too as his laughter is so
contagious.

Once we get settled again on the
couch, basically in the same positions facing each other as we were
before, eating our popcorn and sipping on our drinks, I begin
again.

“I was so nervous going into the Café.
I had never applied for a job before and other than cleaning I
really had no other training of any kind. But they were so
welcoming, said they would train me to be a waitress. They said I
could start by bussing tables and helping clean the kitchen until I
was more comfortable. It didn’t pay a lot but it was my first job.
I was so excited!” I stopped and ate some popcorn and drank some of
my drink.

He looks at me and gives me that
wonderful full smile. “It’s so great that they took you under their
wing like that. Not many would do that. I am going to have to pay
them a visit and thank them and of course try out some of their
homemade desserts. I mean, I wouldn’t want to offend them,” he
chuckles.

I laugh. “Ha, yes we wouldn’t want
that.” We sit there for a minute laughing then I resume. “Well,
after cleaning and cleaning and more cleaning I finally tried
waitressing and ya know what? It was easy. Geez, if I had only
known that at the beginning. I started making more money between
the raise I got and the tips were great! I became more at ease with
people. I was really shy at first because I really didn’t trust
anyone. After what I went through in my life, I didn’t think there
could actually be nice people out there. Then I realized one day
those that had been mean and abusive to me were a selected few out
of many and not all people were like that. The manager who hired me
and the other staff at the café helped to show me that.” I
smile.

Again I sit there reminiscing of my
friends. I miss them. I really need to call Stella.

I sigh. “The Manager-Owner, Stella and
all the people that work there became my friends. They showed me
everything and were constantly trying to get me to go out and do
things as well as trying to fatten me up. Their words, not mine.
Ha!”

Jesse laughs again. “Well, um, I can
see how they would. You are a little on the skinny side. I think
that is my new mission in life. To put a little meat on those
bones.” He pokes his finger in my good side. I giggle.

I look at him with a smirk on my face.
“Well ok then. But don’t get too carried away.” I smile.

“Never,” he said with a devious
smile.

“So, that’s basically my story, such
as it is. What about you? What’s your story? Fair is fair.” He
rolls his eyes at me. Really?

“Hum, well I’ll share but not tonight.
I think we’ve had enough depressing stories for now.” He smiles.
“We can have that discussion another time. I think maybe it’s time
to get a good night’s sleep, ok?”

“But I’m not tired,” I say with a huge
yawn.

“Ha, yes I can see that. Come on,
let’s go,” Jesse laughs.

He gets up and starts gathering the
popcorn bowl and soda cans and heads to the kitchen. I stand and
stretch slightly trying not to hurt my ribs any more than I already
have and go to the stairs. By the time I reach the bottom of the
stairs Jesse is coming up behind me, turning off lights as he
approaches. I begin to ascend the stairs and can feel his hand on
my lower back. Sigh, I can really see myself with him, here
forever.

Chapter ten

The faces are back in my head, the
movements, and the horror. “Make it stop!” I scream. I am tossing
and turning, getting all twisted up in the sheets. I am sweating
and screaming. “No, NOOOOOOOOO! Stop!! Let me go!!! Jesssseeeeeeee!
Help me!”

Quickly I am in Jesse’s arms. He is
rubbing my back and whispering comforting words in my ear. He has
one hand on the back of my head pressing my screaming and crying
face into his chest, all the while he is rubbing my head. “Shhh,
baby. I’ve got you. I am here. You’re ok, baby. Shhh,” he keeps
repeating over and over.

I begin to calm down my breathing and
the hiccups start. I can’t stop sniffling though. That was the
worst nightmare I think I have ever had, and I have had plenty in
my short life.

Jesse lays us down and wraps me in his
arms. He whispers, “Is this ok?” I nod as I lay my head on his
shoulder. “I wish I could take away your nightmares, baby. I’m so
sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad it was me who found
you.”

We lay like that for what seemed like
hours. He kept softly whispering to me until I drift off to
sleep.

The next few days I feel my shyness
wearing thin where Jesse is concerned. I am scared and excited at
the same time. What if he doesn’t want me because I was raped? I
feel so dirty and cheap. What if I turn out to be pregnant? What
will I do? All of these thoughts keep invading my head.

One afternoon as we were cleaning up
the kitchen after lunch, I look over at Jesse who is wiping off the
counters. I can see a tattoo peeking out from under his shirt
sleeve.

“Um, Jesse?”

He continues to wipe and looks over at
me, “Yeah?” I shift back and forth where I stand, nervous for some
reason. “Is-is that a tattoo on your arm?”

He smiles and nods at me. He stops
wiping the counter and sets the cloth down. Walking over to me, he
pulls up the sleeve on his shirt over his shoulder. Once he reaches
me he turns so that his left arm is in front of me.

“It’s a symbol that means forever. I
got it after mom died. I wanted something that meant I would
remember her forever,” he says with a small smile.

I reach up to his arm and lightly
trace it with my finger. “It’s beautiful.” I slide my finger over
it, following the pattern. It’s a heart but has lines going around
it from either side and through the middle.