My Rock #6 (4 page)

She was just pissing me off more and more. Suddenly,
she wanted some kind of credit for being a fucking martyr and taking in the
homeless addict off the street. I wondered if she’d like me to tell the doctor
how much she likes fucking the homeless addict, or maybe how she was the one
who came to see me in that bar and fucked me in the bathroom that first night.
I was tempted.

“Why would we need to talk about it, Elly? So I
could feel like shit about it? Was talking about it going to change the
situation? If we had talked about it, were you going to not let me live with
you? I don’t like being called a liar. I have no problems telling it like it is—if
there’s a reason for it. Was there a reason for me telling you I got evicted
other than you feeling fucking superior because you had an apartment and a job?
Fuck no!”

“Tristan….” the doctor tried again.

“No!” I said, standing up. “Fuck this!” I walked out.
I heard the doctor calling out to me, but I wasn’t going back. I couldn’t
believe that Elly, of all people, had just thrown me underneath the fucking bus
like that. I didn’t even think about him signing off on the fucking tour
either. If I showed up without the papers, what were they going to do? I
already won in front of hundreds of millions of people. The tour was already
sold out. Fuck him and the papers—and Elly, too!

I pushed open the outside doors and let them slam hard
on my way out. I got to my bike just as I heard them push open again. I knew it
was Elly, so I didn’t look back. I got on my bike and as I drove away, I saw her
standing there with her arms folded as if she was the one who had a right to be
pissed. She could have talked to me about it the other night…or that
morning….but no, she fucking puts it out there in front of the doctor like a
little fucking kid who is tattling to the teacher. She had no right! I was
actually glad I didn’t go in there and tell her the night before like I was tempted
to. She didn’t deserve my honestly if she was going to be a sneak and a
traitor.

CHAPTER
FOUR

ELLY

I watched Tristan drive out of the parking lot. I
knew he was pissed that I’d brought it up in front of the doctor. I’m not even
sure why I did. Maybe I knew how he was going to react and it felt safer to
come out with it in front of a witness. I wasn’t sorry I confronted him about
it, though. He said that he didn’t lie, but I felt that he did. I was
supporting him; I had been for three months. I gave him a place to live and I
went to all of his appointments with him. How the hell did he figure that I
didn’t have a right to know? For his fucking information, I had an apartment
and a job before he came along. After I met him, I lost one of them—because of
him.

I didn’t care what he said; a lie by omission is
still a lie. Right then, I was wondering if that was all he wanted me for. He
was desperate for a place to stay and he knew I was easy to manipulate. So far,
I hadn’t really told him no about anything he wanted. It was my fault he
expected me to give him everything he needed.

When I got home, I told Susie what I did.

“You brought it up there…in the therapist’s office?”
She had a look on her face that told me she had something to say about it…but
she was hesitant for whatever reason.

“Yes. I thought it was the best place. He opens up
there more than he does with just me…usually. What? Why are you looking at me
like that?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing.”

I felt anger rising inside of me. “Bullshit, Susie.
I can tell you’re thinking something. What is it? Tristan has already raked me
over the coals today. You may as well too.”

 
She sighed
and said, “Don’t get mad; I’m just wondering if it wouldn’t have been better to
talk to him about it in private since you know how he gets. He’s so weird about
his personal business, you know?”

“I know, I thought about that. I knew he was going
to be pissed about me looking at the legal papers. He shouldn’t have left them
out like that though if he had something to hide. But, I know that you’re
right, I should have tried it in private first. I wasn’t even sure I was going
to bring it up today. It just came out and then he got all defensive and it
pissed me off and I couldn’t let it go.”

“I’d be pissed, too, that he didn’t tell me, don’t
get me wrong. He should have told you. Maybe just apologize for where you
brought it up but let him know you’re not going to tolerate him just not
telling you things and calling it honesty. It’s okay to stand up for yourself.
Sometimes with dicks—um, I mean men—you just have to go about it in a
roundabout way for your own piece of mind.”

I was nodding. She was right. The only way we’d get
past this was if I started out with an apology. I knew how he was and I knew
that he wasn’t going to make the first move. I think hell would truly freeze
over before I ever heard Tristan genuinely apologize for anything.

“Thanks, Susie, you’re right.”

“I usually am,” she said with a grin.

I lay in bed and listened for him. I figured if he
came back, he would sleep on the couch. He was going to do his absolute best to
avoid me at all costs; I knew him well. I planned on talking to him then, but it
was after midnight when I heard him come in. I wondered where he’d been, and of
course I wondered if he’d been using. I had to trust that he wasn’t going to go
there every time things got a little stressful. Either way, I wasn’t going to get
up and argue with him in the middle of the night. Besides, it would be worse
because we were both tired; Susie didn’t need to be woken up with that. Maybe
things would be calmer in the morning and we could talk about it before or on
our way to leave for the tour.

I woke up when my alarm went off at six. We had to
be there at eight to get on the buses. I’d asked Susie to take us so that we
didn’t have to leave my car or his bike parked downtown. I started to get in
the shower but decided I should make some coffee and wake Tristan up first. I decided
that we should get the discussion over with before the tour began.

I slipped on my robe and slippers and went out into
the living room. The blanket he used when he slept there was rumpled up on the
couch, but Tristan wasn’t there. I looked around and realized his things were
all gone too. The big chicken shit took off early so he didn’t have to talk to
me. I’d woken up calmer and ready to apologize for my part of it; then I was
pissed all over again. I took my shower and got ready to go. Since I was
leaving early, I just called a cab and left Susie a note. I would call her
later and check in. I dragged my two suitcases and overnight bag down the
stairs and waited for the cab. I was a little pissed off at him about the fact
that I wasn’t as excited as I should be because of all his crap.

I got to the studio around seven-fifteen. I wasn’t
surprised to see that it was already crowded; everyone was excited to get on
the road. The crew was loading things up and the singers were mingling around
with stars in their eyes—looking at the beginning of a new career, they hoped. I
looked around but didn’t see Tristan. I wondered if he was still excited and I
started to feel bad for my part in taking some of that away from him. I was
softening, as I always did. I was going to head down to the music room and see
if he was there for some reason, when I ran into Tony.

“Hey, Elly!” I really could hardly stand to look at
him these days. The little bald bastard had almost seemed to take some kind of
pleasure in it the day they let me go. Right then he was all smiles. I wasn’t
in the mood for his fake shit.

“Hey,” I said, brushing past him. I really didn’t
have anything nice to say to him. I needed to find Tristan.

“If you’re looking for Tristan, he’s already on his
own bus.” One thing Tristan was always right about was what a little prick this
guy was. He said it like he was smart and knew everything. I wanted to tell him
he was wrong, I wasn’t looking for Tristan, but he’d peaked my curiosity.

“He has his own bus?”

“Yeah, he’s got his own bus. That way he can
rehearse and get plenty of rest. It was part of his winning the show, too. He
is the star, after all.”

“Yeah, he is,” I agreed. I tried to walk away again.
I was feeling worse and worse for taking anything away from this for him, no matter
how much right I’d had to be mad at him. I needed to find him before we left.

I’d taken two steps and Tony said, “Hey, Elly?”

“What!” That came out a lot snappier than I intended
it to. My attitude was getting
pissier
and my mouth
was getting dirtier; maybe I was spending too much time with Tristan. Or maybe
I was just blaming Tristan for all of my short-comings. “Sorry, Tony. I’m
just…never mind. What is it?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about
everything and welcome back.”

Little prick! I’d bet that wasn’t what he was going
to say. He just wanted to make me feel bad. “Thanks, Tony.”

He finally let me walk away. I found my way through
the crowd out to the back where the buses were waiting. I showed my badge and
asked the security guard which bus was which. He directed me to the crew buses.
I dropped my stuff next to the one that the girls in the crew would be on. We’d
be sleeping on it in some of the towns we stopped in so they’d split up the
crew by gender. I almost felt like I was back in high school going on a field
trip.

 
He hadn’t
pointed out Tristan’s so I looked around for one that looked like it might
belong to the star. I saw a big black one with blacked out windows. It was like
a limousine bus. I went over to it. The doors were open so I stepped up inside.
It was like a studio apartment. Lucky bastard, I was going to have to sleep on
a cot on a bus with ten other women. I saw Clay, the drummer for the band that
played for the contestants, slumped down in a chair in the seating area looking
like he had a hangover, or maybe he just wasn’t a morning person. Either way he
looked like shit.

“Hey, Clay, is Tristan around?”

Clay pointed to the back. The bus was huge and that
part partitioned off; I guessed it was the star’s sleeping quarters. I made my
way down the long aisle and knocked on the door.

“What?”

“Tristan, it’s Elly. Can we talk?”

“Nah, we don’t have anything to talk about.” I felt
a surge of anger rush through my veins again. How dare he be mad at me when I
was the one doing everything for him and he couldn’t even be honest with me? Of
course there I was, the one with the olive branch. He always did this…he turned
it around to try and make me think it was all my fault. It wasn’t going to work
this time.

I pounded on the door again and I heard him say,
“Fuck!” then I heard shuffling around and he finally pulled open the door. He
looked like he’d been sleeping. I wondered if he’d gotten up in the middle of
the night and come down there.

“What?” he yelled at me again.

“Don’t yell at me!”

“Don’t bang on my fucking door!”

I took a deep breath. This was stupid…I didn’t want
this whole tour to be like this. That would be so uncomfortable…. “Can we talk?
Five minutes? Please, we just need to work this out.”

“Nothing to work out,” he said. “You’re a snitch. If
you were in prison you’d have an ugly scar down the side of your pretty face.”
So fucking mature.

“Fuck you, Tristan!” I was stooping to his level.

He closed the door in my face. I turned around and right
then the entire band was on the bus and looking right at me. “Fuck all of you
too!” I said. Jesus, I sounded just like him.

CHAPTER
FIVE

TRISTAN

It only took a few hours to get to Vegas. We had
rooms at the MGM, which was cool. I would have been okay on the bus, but I
wasn’t going to turn down a VIP luxury room, either. They gave us a schedule
and it was pretty tight because our first show was the next morning. We weren’t
allowed to run around Vegas at all, but the section of the hotel we were in was
completely private and it had a little mini casino, a couple of restaurants,
and bars and gift shops. It was cool; behind where the rest of the tourists
partied, they didn’t even know we were there.

I avoided Elly. I’d never seen her as pissed as she was
when she barged into the bus and told everyone to fuck off. The guys in the
band thought it was hilarious. It was funny to see her like that actually…she
was usually so even tempered. I wasn’t even sure why she thought she had a
right to be mad at me. She’d gone snooping and then blurted my personal
business out without even talking to me about it. I wanted to concentrate on
the show and having a good time. I wasn’t going to let that shit follow me
around and drag me down.

I had to meet with the stylist and then get together
with the band on my bus for practice. In the midst of all that, I got a note
delivered to my door by one of Jake’s assistant’s that said Jake wanted to see
me tomorrow before the show. Jake was the big wig producer that Elly was so fond
of. I didn’t see that he was really any less of a prick than the rest of them.
I wondered what the fuck I did. I wasn’t going to worry about it, though; I had
too much other shit to do.