My Reality (28 page)

My main concern was to not step on Chris Harrison’s toes. This was, after all,
his
franchise. I wanted to find a place next to him that offered respect for the fact that he’s been there for fifteen seasons now. Here I was, this little old contestant who was now a cohost, and I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. And to be honest, I struggled. It was the first time I’d ever hosted anything, and so I was learning how to work off the script while also making it my own. I was also trying hard to impress the producers—ironically, the same producers who had produced me a few years prior. Being the newbie on the set, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Looking back, I would have brought more of my personality into it, but in the moment, I was terrified at every shoot we did. I just didn’t want to mess up. When they needed me, I came in, said exactly what they wanted me to say, and tried to make friends and make amends that way. And I think it worked.

Once I relaxed, it was a fun experience. I got to see a lot of the girls I had lived with in the house and meet some of the new faces that had popped up in the past couple of years.
The Bachelor
franchise is really just like a big sorority or fraternity. Everybody from all of the different seasons knows one another. But I had been kept out of that loop because, after my season, I was busy working, and so I hadn’t gone to any of the reunions. It was great to be on the other side of things and get to meet these people as friends now and not as competitors.

That was probably the strangest thing about the show, suddenly watching everything from behind the scenes, being in the control room with all eighty cameras, and hearing producers talk about all of the different backstories and why someone was crying. Meanwhile, I could look at that girl who was crying and know exactly how she felt. And even though the Rose Ceremonies
were slightly different than they had been on
The Bachelor
, when I hosted them, I always sympathized with the girls because I knew how hard their hearts were pounding. It’s been really exciting to have the chance to be in both positions; I think I’m the only person to have done that on the show.

Although it’s easy for me to have perspective from where I stand, I know that if I went on one of these shows, even now, I would probably get wrapped up in it all over again. It’s inevitable. They’re set up in this certain way because it makes for good TV, and they’ll always be set up in that way. So even though I sometimes found myself wanting to talk sense into one of the girls on the show, who had just met some guy and immediately thought she was totally in love with him, I never judged her, because I knew exactly where she were coming from.

You want to know my thoughts on reality television? Well, it’s as real as you want it to be. As the viewer. As the contestant. Whoever you are and however you perceive it, I’ll say it again: It’s only as real as you want it to be. Take everything with a grain of salt and realize that behind the loveable good girl or malicious villain, there is a producer just trying to make a great TV show. And heck, they do, don’t they? Don’t judge what or who you see on the television set, because there most definitely is information that you’re unaware of. Of course it’s exciting to watch reality TV and pick the people who you love, or you hate, or you love to hate. That’s part of the fun, right?

These days, many people go on the show to get TV time and become famous. I don’t think these people will ever get their heart broken like I did because they’re just in it for themselves. But there are those handful of people, every season, who are romantics like I was. I always feel for them when I watch them go through
it, especially the girls, because they’re always the ones who are so devastated when they get rejected. And I can totally understand why. It definitely makes me feel closer to them, having gone through it and been on the other side because, again, you can explain it all you want, but it won’t really make sense unless someone has actually experienced it.

After Tye and I got married, we knew that we definitely wanted to have a semibig family, probably three kids, but we put ourselves on a three- to five-year plan. There were dreams I wanted to accomplish, places I wanted to go, and things I wanted to do. I’m Greek, and I’d always wanted to go to Greece. So Tye vowed that he’d take me to Greece before we had kids. We also planned to go backpacking through Europe and have all of the adventures we hadn’t gotten to enjoy when we were dating because of everything else that was going on. At the same time, I wanted to see where this career would take me, and Tye wanted to build up his agency even more.

And then, as often happens, we were reminded that sometimes the universe has its own plans for how and when things will happen. About six months into our marriage, we found out that we were pregnant. It was a shock, but I suppose it’s always a shock, whether you’re planning or not. We looked at it as just another curveball we’d been thrown, and since we’d gotten pretty good at hitting those, and hitting them hard and far, we figured we’d be in good shape. And then we got really, truly happy in a way that was totally new and special for us.

Thankfully, my pregnancy didn’t stop my career or change our lives at all. I was still been able to do what I do. Tye was still able to do what he does. We have such a great support system with both of our parents living nearby.

Tye and I made a pact pretty early on that our family would
always be the priority. As cool as my job is, and as many benefits as it brings, I’m not going to let it force me to give up any of what I’ve got at home. I would never take some multimillion-dollar deal if it meant I had to leave my family behind and go to LA. So far, Tye and I have been able to make it work by traveling out to LA a lot, usually together, and by sticking to that rule we made that we’ll never spend more than four days apart at a time.

Home for Tye and me will always be Dallas, or at least wherever our families are. If I ever get the kind of deal that we just can’t refuse, and we have to relocate to LA more permanently, I would not be surprised if our entire family moved with us, just because that’s how important family is to us. As I have said, I do love what I do, but what keeps me grounded and keeps me sane are my home and my family. I mean, heck, we live in a house that is ten miles from my parents, two miles from his. It’s in the same area where we both grew up. It’s home. And I think when people lose their sense of that, they lose their sense of themselves.

The few times I have lived in LA, it’s been fun. But it’s not home. And it’s a whole different world. People treat each other differently. And I can see why some people get very wrapped up in Hollywood and the paparazzi, and all of that. But I think it’s important to remember that it’s not normal. It is not normal to be followed to dinner by camera crews. And if a person who happens to be a TV personality starts getting in the mind-set that it is normal, and questioning why the paparazzi aren’t outside the restaurant today, it becomes a problem. That’s no way to live, especially because my career may go away, and I understand that. I look at how my career started, and let’s face it, I am a reality star. I’ve gotten very lucky in the opportunities that I’ve had. But I’m not naïve enough to think I’m taken care of for life. It’s not like
now I’m Oprah Winfrey, and I am all set. I’m still on a gig-by-gig basis. I understand that I have to work very hard, and that even if I do, this may all go away.

But with everything as good as it is in my personal life, I’m honestly okay if that happens. I really am. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been. If the little bit that I had at that time had gone away, I would have been an emotional wreck. But I’ve grown so much, even just since then. And now that I’ve found the peace and happiness that I’d been looking for, I can see that it’s really all I need. And so, I don’t take any of it for granted. I love my life. I love what I do. But if it goes away, and I find myself teaching preschool in a few years, I’ll be happy with that, too.

I think the most important thing I’ve learned from all of this, which I will take with me into whatever I do next—whether it’s in the entertainment world or not—is the importance of being brave enough to take chances and try new things. When I look back, I see that if I had said no to
The Bachelor
, or no to
Dancing with the Stars
, which I considered doing in both cases, there’s a chance that I’d still be at home in my cube, still single, and feeling like my life could be so much more.

But luckily for me, I had reached a point in my life where my motto, literally, was:
Why not?
The worst that can happen is that it won’t work out. And that’s okay. Just like I’ve learned it’s okay to be rejected, and it’s okay for some people not to like me. I can’t please everyone. But if I do try something new, the benefits could be fantastic.

That said, I also know my limits. I’ve been lucky enough to get approached about all sorts of different things since
Dancing with the Stars.
I remember being very excited when I received a script to try to out for a part on a new sitcom. I was thinking how cool
that would be. And then Tye and I read the script together, and I was practically blushing, just reading it. The character was overtly sexual, and I knew I couldn’t do it. I can be goofy and silly. I can come in and be a ditz, but I can’t do something that makes me embarrassed just thinking about it. Later, Tye and I watched the show, and it literally made me blush, so I guess I’m not the actress type. I mean, if I’m too immature to even read the script, that’s not a good sign.

But I’m comfortable with my limitations, and I’m excited about everything that I
can
do. I can honestly say that I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life. And I feel really grateful. The bad times I went through definitely make me appreciate the good times now. And if I ever have little things to complain about in my life, I quickly take myself back to a few years ago and it sets me straight.

It’s funny because there was a time in my life when it seemed like nothing would work out right. And then, starting with the time that everything made it so easy for me to go on
The Bachelor
, it seems like it all happened exactly as it was supposed to—even the parts of
The Bachelor
and “After the Final Rose” that I would have preferred not to have gone through.

Sometimes, even looking back from the place of happiness where I’m at now, it’s hard to believe that I ever came out on the other side. Which is why it feels a little weird when people call me a role model. During everything I went through, I was just being me. I certainly didn’t sign up to have influence and inspire people to follow my lead. But I have to figure that I must be doing something right if I’m having an impact on all of these women—and I don’t only hear from a lot of teenage girls who are going through their first heartbreak but also from a lot of women my age,
and even a lot of older women. To me, that’s a huge compliment. If people can look at me and say, “I admire her because she went through this, and she came out the other end,” that makes me feel really, really good.

Part of it is that I know that I’m not the only person who has suffered through heartbreak or public humiliation—or some combination of the two, like I did—and so I’m glad to give hope to those who are still in the early stages of dealing. You know, the stages of grief that involve a lot of tissues and couch time with good friends. But I also know that when you are weathering something rough, it’s really hard to look at somebody that’s happy, or that has successfully overcome his or her own tough times. For me, when I was heartbroken, I didn’t want to hear my married friends tell me that it would get better. So the fact that people in the depths of their pain and misery are still contacting me, and can still relate to me without wanting to gag at my good fortune, makes me feel really proud and humbled.

That’s why I decided to tell my story; to share what I’ve been through and how it shaped me into the person I am now, which is really the person I was all along. Only I didn’t have the confidence back then to realize it. Also, I want to remind people that good times will be here again, even if it’s hard to see that from the midst of a heartbreak. Believe me, I know the hardest thing to hear when you’re heartbroken is that “time will heal all.” But it’s important to look back at the bad times and acknowledge them for the role they played in inspiring the kind of big, scary—but ultimately necessary—life changes we all need to make in order to get to the good times in our lives. Sometimes it’s the disastrous work presentation that leads to the new, better job; the eviction that leads to the dream house; the nightmare breakup that leads
to true love. And I truly believe that the bad times make you appreciate the good ones that much more.

I know it seems like it would be a lot easier to skip all of this bad, hard stuff. My best friends found love really easy. They didn’t have to take the path I took. They got married at twenty-three, found the guys they were going to be with, and are still with them. I didn’t have that. But a lot of other things did come easy to me. Whatever it is that challenges you, it forces you to grow up. It forces you to look around you and make do with what you’ve got. And it forces you to be grateful. Because no one is going to have a perfect life forever; I think it’s written on our birth certificates that we’re going to have hard times. And as hard as my hard times were, I would absolutely do it all again. I would feel that pain again, and I would cry myself to sleep if it led me to this outcome and the utter and complete completeness that I currently feel.

I cherish every good moment in my life right now, because I know there’s a chance that it’s not going to be this perfect again. But no matter what happens, I believe we all have a path to get to our happiness, whatever that is, and so if I do ever lose it, I will definitely find it again. And for right now, while I’ve got it, and I’m home in Dallas with Tye and our daughter, or traveling with them to do work that I love on
Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight
, and
The Insider
, I want nothing more than to celebrate how I got here.