My Paper Heart (15 page)

"Then why..." He lifted up a hand as to say I'm not done.

"But..." He sighed loudly and over exaggerated. "I'm not just going to screw you in Jackson's bedroom." He put his arms around me and pulled me closer. "You are more than just some random skank that I'd hump and dump, and I hope you think more of yourself than that."

I didn't want to think of him humping or skanking anyone, and I kind of winced when he said that.

"Baby." He tilted my chin up toward him. "Do you really just want to have meaningless sex with me on Jackson's bed?  Right this very moment?"

"Well." I bit my lip. "Not when you put it that way."

He groaned and not in the good way.

"Blaine, do you not understand how I’m feeling?" I moved my hands back and motioned them in a circle encompassing my torso. "I spent an entire paycheck on this. And not only that, but you have acted like doing anything more than kissing me is like some kind of a crime!"

"Libby. I do want to. Trust me." He ran his fingers along the front of my panties, thumbing the lace in his fingertips. His very touch was proving that the panties were definitely not waterproof. "More than anything."

I leaned in closer and whispered. "Then why don't you?"

He moved his hand back up to my hip. "Because you mean too much to me to throw you down here on Jackson's bed!" He was almost yelling, I hoped no one heard him.

"Well fine. Why don't we go over to my place then, no one is going to be home all day." I scooted in closer so that I was practically on his lap, from the angle I was sitting and the rumbling in his pants, I could tell that I was making a pretty good argument.

He put his head down and whispered something I couldn't understand.

"What?"

"I can't Libby, I'm sorry." He didn't look up at me as he spoke.

"Why?  It's obviously not like you have a problem in the keeping-it-up department." I nudged his bulge with my thigh.

He didn't move for a minute and then slowly pushed my thigh out of the way. "Look Libby." He stared me down. I couldn't tell what was behind his eyes or what he was thinking, and I wanted more than ever to know. "I'm not going to have sex with you here. End of story."

He took his arms out from around me and slowly stood up, adjusting himself as he did.

"Okay." I bit the inside of my cheek and then sprang up off of the bed, clasping my hands together. "Well no one is at my Aunt Dee's right now, we can go there."

I positioned myself back in front of him, my body pressing tightly against his. "I'll even bring the bubblegum pink bedspread back out for you." I grabbed his hands and intertwined them with mine.

He groaned and made a circle with his neck before looking me straight in the eyes. I knew the look behind them now, and it was anger.

"Elizabeth." He growled. He had never called me Elizabeth before. He released his hands from mine and stomped toward the door.

"We are not having this conversation anymore. It's done." He put his hand on the door and took a deep breath. "Now come on, people are going to wonder where we have been."

I crossed my arms over my chest and just stood there. I was in shock and had no idea what to say. So I mumbled the only thing I could think of. "No."

"What was that?" He tilted his head so that his left ear was closer to me.

"I said no, Blaine." I said a little louder. "Isn't that what you just said to me over and over?" I smirked and grabbed my dress.

"Come on Libby, it doesn't have to be like that, let's just go back outside get a few beers and have a good time." He forced a tight lipped smile.

"No, Blaine." I slipped the dress over my head. "Take me home."

He sighed and walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders as I pulled the rest of my dress down. "Baby can't we just wait a bit longer?  Not just have it be some meaningless sex in Jackson's bed?  Or trying to sneak behind your Aunt to do it in your bedroom?" He eyes looked at me, pleading like puppy dogs.

"So is all sex going to be meaningless with me?" I pushed back. "Or just when you don't want it?"

"Libby…"

"No Blaine." I balled my hands into tiny fists and tightly crossed my arms across my chest.

"Take me home."

"Libby. Come on." He pleaded again, trying to make eye contact with me.

I looked down at the ground, grinding my feet into the wooden plank floor. "Please just take me home."

With a sigh he agreed and I spent the rest of the night, by myself, on the bathroom floor. My cheeks were soaked with tears and the toilet was a swirling mass of lemon shake up and cookie dough. I laid my head down on the cold tile floor until I heard Aunt Dee unlock the front door. Then I quickly washed my face and headed to bed.

 I had never felt so rejected in my life, even Beau wanted me, but my own boyfriend wouldn't even sleep with me when I was right on top of him, in black lingerie that cost hundreds of dollars.

Blaine called, texted, and Facebook messaged me dozens of times that night, but I ignored every single one of them. All of the
I’m sorries
and
please talk to me's
. And one point he even showed up at Aunt Dee's house, but I couldn't bear to see him. I was embarrassed, but more than that I was hurt, and it was going to take a lot for me to get over that.

Chapter 16

I missed Blaine. I was still ignoring his texts and calls. When he would come into work I would make some excuse so that I could go to the backroom and sort through whatever junk people had brought in. My heart was already paper-thin and now it was starting to rip.

People at work were starting to notice something was going on. I wasn't eating and if I was eating, I was running straight back to the bathroom. I was always tired and started keeping to myself more. I knew Aunt Dee was worried about me, but of all people I never thought she would ask Dina to talk to me.

I could hear her gum chomping, getting louder and louder as she approached my desk. "Um, Libby?"

I didn't even look up from my computer. "Yeah Dina?"

"Um yeah, like can we talk?" Chomp, chomp.

"We are talking Dina." I sighed.

"No." She pouted. "I mean like go for a walk or something, alone, get out of here?"

"Dina." I stared blankly at the computer screen. I had been staring at blank excel document for the past hour. "I'm working."

"Please?" She begged in her semi-nasally, whiny voice.

I took a deep breath and turned away from my computer. "Fine." I stood up. "I will go for a damn walk with you."

I locked my eyes on Dina, looking her up and down. How could Blaine sleep with her and not me?  She was skinnier than me. Her boney shoulders looked like baby chicken wings sticking out of the top of her shirt. Or maybe he just preferred brunettes, like Julie, but Dina's hair was more of a, dirty bottom of the sink, brown. Whatever it was, it was bothering me. I concentrated on looking at the ground instead as we walked out the front door of the office.

"I noticed Blaine hasn't been around lately." She piped up as we started down the sidewalk.

"Yeah, so?  Now you don't have anything good to look at in the shop besides old pottery?" I kept my eyes down, but I couldn't keep my sarcasm in check. "Or maybe you just want to tell me some more about how you screwed my boyfriend. Oh, wait no it was before he met me, so it's okay right?" My voice was getting louder as I tried to hold back tears.

"Maybe Blaine just doesn't want to be with me?  Maybe I'm not good enough, just another college flunky. Another blonde sorority bimbo he can just toss to the side." I could feel the tears that were streaming my cheeks, stinging my eyes. I wiped them with the back of my hand and plopped down on a bench, putting my head between my knees.

Dina took a deep, long breath and just stared down at me for a minute, her ugly black loafers tapping against the pavement.

She slowly sat down beside me and put her hands on her knees. "Libby, I honestly don't think that's it at all."

"Then what?" I practically spit, putting my face in my hands. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't even face him."

She took another deep long breath. "Let's face it Libby, you and I aren't really friends."

"No shit." I sniffled.

"Anyway." She leaned back. "My point is that there is a lot you don't know about me and a lot that you probably should."

I had no idea what this had to do with me and Blaine, but she continued anyways.

"Well, I bet you didn't know I used to date Jackson?"

I looked up at her raising an eyebrow. She didn't look at me, just straight ahead. Turns out Dina isn't in her thirties, she was only 24. You think I would know that from writing her paychecks, but like I said, I was terrible at math.

"Well, Jackson and I did date for a long time. I thought we were going to get married. I moved back here after finishing school at Tulane, started here doing appraisals, and immediately started dating Jackson."

Her expression never changed. She just stared off into space like she was going into another world.

"Now Blaine and Jackson started working together the summer after Blaine graduated high school, and they quickly became friends. I remember that first summer, he and Julie were always over."

I shuddered as she said Julie's name, but Dina didn't notice. She was still just staring straight ahead.

"He lost his virginity to her that summer, you know?"

I actually had no idea. Julie was something Blaine and I cared not to discuss. I just knew that there had been a lot of girls, but I didn't know that Julie was the first. But I couldn't speak at that moment, it was like my mouth had swelled up, so I just shook my head.

"That's why he was so crushed when she broke up with him. He saved it all those years for her. And that little wench held it over his head for years. Then finally the night before she left for college they finally did it, right there on Jackson's bed."

Well I guess that made sense why he wouldn't have sex with me at Jackson's…

"Do you know how many times I washed those sheets?" She wrinkled her nose. I couldn't help but laugh. "Girl was nasty!"

I laughed again, a real laugh, one that I hadn't had since the Fourth of July.

"Well it's obvious why he was so crushed when she broke up with him. For weeks he just tried nothing but to get her back. Calling her all the time, trying to plan trips up to Mississippi, but she just wasn't interested."

Dina tugged her skirt down a bit, and then glanced at me to make sure I was still paying attention. I nodded to show that I was.

"About a month later he found out that she had a new boyfriend. Some fraternity boy at Ole Miss, Beta or Gamma or something or another. Anyway Blaine was completely mortified. He didn't know which way was up."

An elderly lady walked past us to go to the post office and we sat in silence giving a polite smile as she passed. Dina watched her until she walked into the post office and then closed the door.

Dina took a deep breath and then stared down at the sidewalk below us.

"Well that night he found out about Julie, Jackson decided to have a little ‘forget about Julie’ party. He got some beers and some pot and everyone was having a pretty good time."

Dina tugged on her skirt again. It was kind of, her nervous tick.

"Let me put it this way, Blaine was having a really good time. He was definitely three sheets to the wind. I don't even know how he was walking."

I wasn't too sure where this story was going, but I knew a drunk and high Blaine was probably not a good thing.

"And you know Blaine has always been one of the most attractive guys in the Parrish. I mean star pitcher in high school and those blue eyes, they are what girls have dreams about."

How I missed his blue eyes.

"Well it wasn't just Blaine that was a little smashed, it was all of us…and well Jackson and I had a big fight."

Then I knew exactly where this was going.

"I was the first in Blaine's series of random girls, and right there on the bed that Jackson and I had shared so many moments."

She looked right at me, her beady little black eyes welding back tears. "Jackson was going to propose to me that night. I couldn't find him because he was planning the perfect proposal out by the boat dock. And when I didn't show he came looking for me and he found me alright."

She took a big sniffle, looking back down at the ground.

"Blaine was practically passed out on the bed, so naturally it was all my fault. He came into that room and there I was naked as the day I was born laying next to Blaine on his bed."

She started tapping her feet on the ground.

"He threw the ring box at me." She looked back at me. "It was a beautiful ring, more than I think he actually could afford. He must have saved for months."

She looked back down. "But it ended that night and as for Blaine. Well." She snorted. "He didn't even remember it. When I tried to talk to him the next day, you know thinking we could go to the Tasty Freeze or something, he acted like I was dirt or something."

She shook her head.

"But that didn't stop him from moving on to the next girl and the next girl. It was like he thought he could drown his sorrows in alcohol and vagina."

"Wow." It was all I could scratch out. My throat was so dry from my tears.

"But that's not the point of the story, Libby." She looked at me again. It was like those beady black eyes were pleading with me.

"Then what is it Dina?  Why should I care so much for a guy that doesn't care about me?" A single tear rolled down my cheek and I left it there.

"Libby, he has never looked at another girl like he looks at you, not even Julie. Hell if it wasn't for you, I think he would have probably screwed the whole town!"

I snorted. That was probably true, and he probably would again now that he was done with me.

"Libby." Dina's expression was sober. "He didn't have sex with you at Jackson's because he wasn't going to have you just be another random girl, or even worse have you leave him like Julie did. Don't you see that?"