My One Regret (Martin Family Book 3) (2 page)

She was trying her best to let him down gently, but Ryan could see how disconnected she was. She simply didn't see him the same way she saw Marcus; he could see it in her eyes. She was doing her best to be sweet, but it was evident by her expression that she saw him as a friend and nothing more.

Ryan's chest ached as he realized he had done and said everything he could without making a total fool of himself.

Chapter 2

Wynn

I felt tightness in my throat that made it difficult to breathe. Ryan Collins, one of my best friends, was standing right in front of me, saying he'd be willing to forget about getting his doctorate if I wanted him to stay home.

It was one of the most awkward, difficult things I had ever done, but I had to come out and tell him that I was moving to Austin, not only for my music, but also for Marcus.

"You just met this guy," he said, staring at me with a baffled expression.

"It's been a month," I said.

"Yeah, it was a month ago, but you've only met him
once
. He's been in Austin, and you've been here."

"I talk to him on the phone everyday, Ryan. I've come to know him well by now. And, I'm not moving in with him, if that's what you think. I've got my own apartment lined up. I already had an earful from my family about it. The last thing I needed was for my friends to start doubting me."

"I think you should finish school," he said, shaking his head. "You only have two semesters left."

"Well, I'm sorry you think that," I said, feeling defensive. "But, I've gotta do what I think is right for me, and right now, I think that's moving to Austin."

"You're not gonna have family around," he said.

"You're not gonna have family around in Philly either," I said. "And I have a few friends in Austin already. Nick and Kristin moved over there, and so did Sean Chapman."

Ryan stood there, shaking his head and wearing an annoyed expression like I just wasn't getting it. He was tall and thin-framed, and I considered the possibility of being attracted to him and staying in Louisiana like he suggested. The thought had crossed my mind several times over the years because I knew he liked me, but I just didn't have that crazy spark with Ryan the way I did with Marcus.

Ryan was handsome enough, and he was perhaps the kindest person I'd ever met, but Marcus made me lose my breath. He was absolutely gorgeous, and he believed I could make it big, which was what I needed in my life. I felt confident with my choice to move to Austin… but that didn't make goodbyes any easier. I had shed many tears with my family during the last week, and telling Claire was terrible, but my feelings got easier to deal with when Marcus came to town—he reminded me why I was going in the first place.

"Wynn, we could be good together," Ryan said in a last-ditch effort.

I stared at him as we stood on the mostly deserted sidewalk. It was breaking my heart to break his heart. He stared down at me, letting his light eyes roam over my face. I could tell how much he cared for me—it was written all over his face. He wanted to kiss me. I looked at his lips, imagining what they would feel like. I almost gave into the urge to kiss him just to make us both feel better about this whole thing, but I ultimately knew what a bad person that would make me.

"Maybe we could have been good, Ryan. Maybe you're right." I shrugged. "But sometimes life just brings us to different places."

He shook his head with a faint smirk on his face. "We bring
ourselves
different places," he said.

I paused for several long seconds, feeling terrible about leaving him and leading him on. "My choice is Austin," I said, since I couldn't let myself drag it out more than I already had. My voice cracked, betraying how difficult it was for me to say those words with him standing there like that. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

"Not now you aren't, but I'm pretty sure you will be."

I let out a little humorless laugh once what he was saying hit me. "Thanks a lot," I said.

He shrugged. "Well, I'm not gonna stand here and tell you I think you're making the right decision, Wynn, because I don't. I'd love you no matter what, and I just don't think he would."

"First of all, I'm not trying to talk about love right now, since I'm still just
hanging out
with him. And second, you have no idea what he's like."

"He's not like me."

I let out a frustrated sigh, not knowing what to say.

"Marcus was looking for y'all!" Claire yelled from the door, announcing him before he came out. Ryan and I both looked that way to find Claire who was followed by Marcus. He was smiling, but Claire wore a worried expression like she hoped she wasn't interrupting something.

"Hey," I said, smiling as if nothing was wrong.

"The band's playing," Marcus said, looking at me. "You're gonna miss it."

I felt uncomfortable with him coming near. I was afraid he would try to kiss me or put an arm around me, and I didn't want that to happen in front of Ryan. I put a hand out to stop him from walking toward us thinking of what a huge disaster this night was shaping up to be.

"We'll be there in just a few moments," I said with a finger in the air, warning them to not come closer.

(Yes, I said
moments
instead of
minutes
because when I got nervous, I sometimes used a more formal vocabulary than normal. And since I was nervous most of the time on stage, my fans thought I was really poetic, like Shakespeare.)

"We're done here," Ryan said. "I'm gonna head on out."

I glanced at him to find that he was staring straight at Claire with a forced smile.

"Tell Charlie and Hud we'll see 'em next time."

"Hudson's leaving for Alexandria in the morning," Claire said.

Ryan shrugged. "I probably won't see him before I leave for Philly, then. That's all right, I'll text him and tell him bye."

I glanced at Claire to see her nod and make a regretful face in response to Ryan's comment. They definitely had some unspoken facial cues going on, and it agitated me. This whole interaction was making me anxious and embarrassed.

"I'll see you before you go, won't I," Claire asked Ryan.

He nodded. "I'm not leaving till next month."

She nodded and waved. She seemed anxious to usher Marcus back inside so that Ryan and I could finish up. Neither Ryan nor I spoke for the first few seconds after they went inside. I had no idea what to say.

Ryan grew up 45 minutes north of New Orleans in a town called Mandeville. I had grown up nearly an hour south of New Orleans, so it was almost two hours from my house to his. I knew this would probably be the last time I saw him before we both went on our own adventures.

Ryan had been good to me all these years. He had always cared for me and been there to remind me where to go and what to do because I was usually spacing out. I was sad to say goodbye, but him leaving after the embarrassing conversation we just had seemed like a better option than him coming back inside with me.

We stared at each other, both of us knowing this was goodbye.

"You're gonna do amazing at Penn," I said, knowing I needed to say something heartfelt. "Please tell me you'll follow through on that book you wanted to write—the Civil War one where you paralleled the two men's lives…"

I trailed off because Ryan was nodding as if I didn't need to explain any further. It was, after all, the only book idea he had ever talked about, so I just smiled and stopped talking, knowing I was rambling.

"All right," he said, casually reaching out to take a gentle swipe at me the way my boy cousins would when they'd say goodbye. "Bye, Wynn."

"
Bye Wynn, with a goose to the arm
?" I asked with a disbelieving grin. "That's all I get after three years?"

"All right, I'm gonna hug you, but I'm not gonna like it," he said, taking me into his long, lanky arms.

I smiled as I squeezed him tightly. "You better like it!" I said in a voice that said I was squeezing the living daylights out of him even though I wasn't really doing it that hard.

He patted me on the back a couple of times, and let go of me as he took a step back. He smiled, but I could tell it was forced. I smiled back at him anyway.

"Don't get hurt," he said, looking at me as if he really meant it.

"I won't," I assured him. "I promise."

He smiled again, and again, it didn't reach his eyes. "You're gonna make it big," he said. "One day I'll tell my kids, that I used to play with Wynn Martin, and they'll be all impressed and think I'm the coolest."

Even when he was hurt and disappointed, he was trying to make me smile. I smiled, but it was tinged with some odd feeling that hit me at the reference to his future kids. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that Marcus was right inside waiting for me. I hated myself for feeling emotional like this.

"I bet I'm gonna be the one telling my kids I played with
Ryan Collins
," I said.

Ryan screwed up his face. "Let's just, for the sake of my own peace of mind, say that you're running off to Austin to join a convent. No kids, okay?"

"A nun?" I asked, laughing at the thought of quirky old me walking up to a convent.

He nodded, pointing at his own head as he turned to walk away. "That's what I'm choosing to believe," he said. "Off to Austin to dedicate your life to the Lord's work."

"Even if I did dedicate my life's work to the Lord, I don't think I'd join a convent." I shrugged, imagining for a second what being a nun might be like. "Who knows, actually," I amended. "Crazier things have probably happened."

"Great," Ryan said, gesturing to the door as he walked away. "I feel much better about this than running off with that dude."

"Bye, Ryan," I called, smiling sincerely and waving at him.

"Bye, Wynn," he said, trying again to smile.

He walked backward for a few paces before turning to head to his truck.

"Bye, Ryan," I called to his back since I couldn't resist saying it one more time.

He waved from over his shoulder but didn't turn around. I felt the strangest urge to stop him, but I didn't.

I let him walk away.

I reminded myself that I was excited about all the new changes in my life—that I liked Marcus, and I was ready to give it a go musically in Austin. I sighed as I watched Ryan walk away. I'd always been sensitive to people's feelings, and the thought of hurting someone—especially someone who had been as good to me as Ryan—made me sick to my stomach. I let out one more exaggerated sigh, working up the nerve to walk back inside.

"Where'd Collins go?" Charlie asked when he saw me come back alone.

The band was playing, so he had to yell from across the table. I glanced at Claire, assuming she would have already told them Ryan left.

"They didn't ask," she said, answering my unasked question.

"He went home," I said, standing next to Marcus who was sitting on a stool.

"Home?" Charlie asked with a confused expression. "We just got here."

Right then, as if Marcus knew there was some male battle going on, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He pulled me in, and I looked at him and smiled. I was flat out smitten—love-struck, if you will. He smelled like exotic cologne, and I snuggled into his arms, feeling like Austin was definitely the right choice.

A few songs later, Claire excused herself to go to the ladies room, and I followed her, though my only intention was to talk to her.

"Why'd you let him do that?" I asked once there was enough distance between us and our table.

"Who?" Claire asked, glancing at me with a confused but defensive look on her face.

"Ryan," I said. "Why'd you let him corner me like that? I know you knew what he was saying to me out there. I could tell by the way you looked at him." I was speaking loudly over the crowd noise at first, but by the time I finished my statement, we'd reached the hallway leading to the restrooms, so I got quieter.

Claire shot me an offended glare. "He's one of your best friends, Wynn. I hope you don't really see what he did as
cornering you
. He just cares about you."

"Well, when I'm just starting to care about someone else, and I have all this other change going on, it felt a bit like I was being cornered."

She stopped walking before we entered the ladies room and turned to me with a serious expression. "He cares about you, Wynn, and he's a good guy."

"I know he's good, and I know he cares about me."

"You just don't care about him," she said.

I could tell she was taking up for him, and I made an injured expression. "I guess I don't, in the same way he cares about me," I said. "I almost kissed him out there just to make sure, but then I realized what a bad idea that was."

"I don't think that would have been so bad."

I scoffed at her and dropped my jaw. "Why are you so freaked out about Ryan?" I asked. "You know I'm with Marcus."

Claire shrugged a shoulder. "I guess I was just rootin' for him a little bit," she said, not looking at me. "As someone who loves you, I like the idea of you going for someone like Ryan."

"I'm gonna miss you, too, Clairebear," I said.

"I don't mean I want you to go for him just so you would stay here. I'd like to see you with someone who likes you for you, not just—" Claire cut off mid-sentence. I could tell she thought she'd already said too much.