My Mind's Eye (Pub Fiction #1) (28 page)

“Jesus, Ryker, I’m just messin’ with ya, man. Calm the fuck down, dude,” Justin says as I remove my hands from his neck, my eyes still trained on him, my body ready to pounce if need be. Justin stands in front of me, hands raised in defeat. “Ryker, man, I swear I’m only messing; it’s my bad. I’m sorry. I saw ya’ll leave the bar together. I just assumed things went well, that she’d be here this morning.”

Shaking my head, I apologize, and for the first time since shit went down with Melissa, I sit down and let loose about all the crazy shit that’s been going on between Kat and me.

“This girl has got me all kinds of fucked up. I told her last night that I wanted more than just sex. I thought she understood. I dunno what the hell happened, all I know is she’s fucking gone. And it pisses me off. I really don’t think she’s the one-night stand type. She’s too damn sweet for that shit.”

“Well, just give it some time, man; she’ll figure it out. But just know I was only kidding with you. I’d never talk about your girl like that.”

“Thanks, Justin. I’m sorry, too, man. I’m all over the place. I just reacted.”

Ever since Melissa, I’ve never let a girl get me riled up like this. Seriously, I need to deal with Kat. I need to talk to her, convince her I want more than sex with her. I, Ryker Eddison, want all of her.

***

One week. It’s been one fucking week since Kat left my bed like a thief in the night. One week since I’ve officially grown that vagina, the one I’ve been growing over my cock ever since this damn girl walked into my life. Fuck me! Even my friends are noticing a change in me, feeling the effects of Kat on me. Clearly, I’m not as good at being nonchalant about her and my wayward feelings as I thought. But that shit is gonna change real fast. By Tuesday, I’m more irritated and I bail on work again for the second time this week. I’m just not in the mood to deal with anyone’s shit.

While I’m listening to the guys go on about letting her be, I have to question, how this is the right move? I get a text back from Levi, telling me he’s free for lunch, but not for a few days. I had texted him hoping he could give me some brotherly advice. Seeing as I trust him the most in this life, I’ll trust his advice too.

Levi:
Meet me at Duncan’s pub Thursday at noon. Be warned, I’m pissed. Just got word you called in for tonight too. You better be really sick, bud. I gotta cover.

Me:
Sorry. See u Thursday.

I need real advice, Levi.

Levi:
Ok. C U.

Shit. He’s never going to let me live this down. I called in sick because of a chick.

That night, the guys and I sit around playing cards and they give me their two cents about what I should do about Kat. They insist I did the right thing.

“Just leave her, dude; she’ll come back. She knows where the orgasms are now. I wouldn’t be surprised if she shows up begging by morning. Chicks love you, Ryk. She’ll be back.”

“You’re an idiot, Justin. When’s the last time you had a steady girl? What the fuck do you know?” Matt challenges him.

“Ryker, I think you should wait till Friday, that way it’s a full week, and then you can seek her out. Just tell her you’ve been busy. Kat will understand,” Justin offers again, and I’ve had enough.

“I’m out. I’m heading to bed.” I stand, folding my cards. Poker and beer aren’t doing shit to help relax me tonight.

“Night, fellas.”

“Night, Ryk. Try not to let it get to you too much, buddy. I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

“I hope, Matty, I really do. I’ve never felt like this before.” With that, I head up to my room.

Chapter 44

Ryker

I
meet Levi for lunch and, instantly, I feel like more of a tool with how I handled the situation with Kat than before. Especially after the way Levi puts things into a more realistic perspective.
Shit, I’m such a douche.
I should have called her. Gone after her.

“You idiot,” Levi says, taking a pull from his beer. “I can’t believe you listened to dumb and dumber. What the hell would make you think she’d want space? If anything, you probably should have gone straight to her and talked shit out. Now you’ve sent the message that she did the right thing by leaving, that she saved face.”

Fuck. Hearing my brother say this makes me feel uneasy, like I should have gone with my gut and hunted her down. Stupid assholes, I should have known better than to listen to them. What the hell do they know? I think Claire might be Matt’s only steady girl since…forever, actually.

“Dude, why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner? How long has this been going on? I’ve never seen you like this, Ryk. Does Mom know? She’s going to lose her fucking mind.” He laughs.

“Slow the fuck down, man. Of course she doesn’t know. I fucking didn’t know how deep I was until a week ago.”

After a few beers and some more razzing, he was actually supportive and helpful.

“She’s different, Levi. I’ve never felt like this before. Like, with Melissa, it was all smoke and mirrors, you know? Nothing was really as it seemed. I didn’t love her. It was lust; it was superficial. With Kat, it all feels right. Like she fills a void in me that I’ve had for so long. I’m not pissed off all the time; I’m excited and there isn’t another chick who can hold my attention like her. Fuck, my mind is set on her. And my heart, as lame as it sounds, it’s ready to let a girl in, and fuck if that doesn’t scare the shit outta me. Half the time, I can’t find words when I’m with her, ’cause these feelings make me fucking nervous. Nervous ’cause she actually makes me happy.”

“Holy shit, Ryk. I knew you were in deep, but fuck, man, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were falling in love with her.”

“God, Levi, I’m such a dick, just help me. She’s going to hate me. I gotta fix this. I need this girl, man. She makes me feel good, makes me want more. Shit, man, I actually want to be there for her, like all the time. Dude, I need help. I’ve fucked this up.”

Together we concoct a plan. Thank God for my brother, the man is a genius.

“Okay, come to work about an hour early tomorrow. I’ll make sure your girl is there for you. That way you can talk in private before the shift and before the others are there. The last thing I need is a night full of drama, ’cause you’re a fucking idiot,” he chides before finishing his beer.

Thank fuck tomorrow is Friday. Kat and I will work together and, she and I, we will be talking.

Chapter 45

Kat

I
t’s been over a week since I snuck out of Ryker’s bed. One week since that unforgettable night and not a single word, text, or any attempt to contact me. The only person who seems to be relentless at getting in touch with me is Seth. I can’t believe this guy. It’s crazy how much time he seems willing to make for me now. How all of a sudden, I rank on his list of priorities. How he’s managed to get my number again is beyond me. But again, that issue needs to take a back burner to this thing I’ve got going on with Ryker right now. Well, is it even a thing anymore?

God, I knew I wasn’t cut out for this shit. Not with a player like Ryker Eddison. I know better. I’ve known better this whole time.

But fuck me if I don’t think maybe it was all worth it.

Holy fudge nuggets, can that boy fuck! And he really is a good guy.

I really suck with this acting like everything’s okay, that I am all right, pretending that shit with Ryker isn’t affecting me. That what I experienced with him a week ago doesn’t matter. Claire’s been all over me, trying to get me to open up about what exactly happened between us and why I’ve needed to take my sleeping pills so much. She’s offered to go over and kick his ass a few times this week.

As I’m studying in my room, Claire busts in. “Kat, get the fuck up and get dressed. You need to put the textbooks away and get the hell out of the house. Enough is enough. You, Radha, and I are heading to Pub Fiction for a few drinks. Levi was able to give me the night off. Besides, you look like you could use a couple.”

“Are you frickin’ kidding me, Claire? I am not going there now, tonight, maybe not ever.”

“Oh, don’t be melodramatic, Kat. You’ll get through this; it’s a glitch. They happen.”

“You’re right, Claire, it is, and I will get over it, but you have no idea how I feel.”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it now, but, girl, this shit is messed up. I’ve never seen you so fucked up. It’s like you’re fine, but not. It’s like you’re crazy, to be honest.” Claire sighs, closing the door, giving us more privacy. I know she worries, but I don’t need this right now.

“Well, I’m sorry, Claire,” I snap at her. “Sorry we all can’t have perfect relationships with every guy we meet. I can’t help it if I’m goddamn confused. I knew this shit with Ryker was going to hurt, but you know what? I’m not hurt. I’m seriously beyond it. I knew it was going to be a mistake fucking with Ryker, but I’m not upset about that. What I’m upset about is the fact that I was a chicken shit and left him. Like a fucking coward, I left. When everything we did had felt so right, I left just like he probably wanted.”

“Aww, Kitty, come here. It’s going to be okay,” Claire states while moving onto my bed to hug me.

“No, it’s not, actually. Don’t you get it? I fucked up. I’m pissed off that I gave in, that I let my greedy lady bits take over my brain where Ryker was concerned. And truth be told, I want more… a lot more. I’ve needed my sleeping pills because I can’t shut my mind off. All I do is sit and think about the way my body moulded to his, how he made me feel beautiful, wanted…different.”

“Kat, believe me when I say this. I think you are different. From what I’ve heard, Ryker is definitely different with you. According to Matt, he’s never seen Ryker, so…so, ah…I need to say this, but don’t get mad. Matt said he’s never seen Ryker so alone, if you know what I mean.” She cringes at the last part, knowing all too well that I won’t find any comfort in that at all.

“Great! Thanks for the ‘you’re falling for the player’ reminder; that’s just what I needed!”

“Oh, for fuck sakes, Kat. You know that wasn’t the goddamn point of that. The point is, you are different. Maybe he’s just giving you space? Maybe he thinks you don’t want him? Maybe he thinks you regret it? Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass and go over and talk to him? Didn’t he tell you the other night that you guys would figure it all out? Dude, I’m really thinking you might be the one who fucked this up. So why not go get what you want? If it’s him that you want, Kitty Kat, go get your catnip.” I can’t help but laugh at this. Claire really is such an amazing friend.

We end up talking for a long time, and I gave her pretty much all the juicy details she wanted. She squealed like a slaughterhouse pig when I told her how fucking hot this man is. And how he gave me the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had.

***

It’s Thursday night and I’m preparing a math lesson for my primary math class tomorrow morning, and, of course, Ryker pops into my mind. He was great about helping me with my math. I can’t help to wonder how great it would be to have him around all the time to help me figure this shit out. God, I’m behind in my assignments; it’s crazy. I can’t believe tomorrow’s December.
Where the hell did the semester go?
I need to get him outta my head
. Before I know it, winter break will be here. This weekend will need to be a school focused one for sure. Sitting here working, though, I’m too distracted and I can’t help but laugh at myself.

Who would have thought that “Ms. High Strung” really just needed a good shagging, like a really, really, really amazing shaggin’ actually? I never expected to feel like this. I’ve been stressing over this boy for months now. Trying to deny my feelings, when in the end, it seems as if being around him, one-on-one relaxes me, makes me happy. Looking back on the past few months, my focusing on Ryker has helped me to be less uptight, more spontaneous and fun. One of the biggest things I smile at is the fact I haven’t slept that well in years as I did in Ryker’s bed. It wasn’t just from the sex either. When Ryker held me, I felt calm, my mind at ease. It was a strange feeling, one I’d give anything to feel again. Hmph, like that’s going to happen. In the end, I left, saving face before Ryker dismissed me, as I’m sure he’s done many times to many girls before.
You made the right decision.

Fuck!

Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow I work with Ryker.

I think I’m going to vomit.

Chapter 46

Ryker

December

P
ulling up to Pub Fiction, I immediately spot Kat’s car parked in the lot. I still smile every time I see that little Beetle bug, the same one I noticed on my street all those months ago. Perfect. We’re both early. Levi’s plan just might work. I walk to the bar after parking my car next to hers. I’ve got a nervous energy buzzing around me. It’s been a week now and I’m done with this shit. We’re going to get things straight right fucking now. I nearly trip over myself rushing to get inside. Levi is cleaning glasses as I approach and looks up, nodding his head at me with a knowing smirk.

He waves to me as I walk up to the bar. “Hey, buddy, you’re girl is waiting for you as promised. God, you’re lucky to have such an awesome brother like me,” he laughs as I walk past.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re the shit, big man. Thanks. Oh, and don’t bother coming down the hall for at least the next hour. If things go my way, there is make up sex in my future,” I add with a wink.

Levi called Kat in telling her he needed some extra help with planning the Christmas auction this year. He knew she would want to help because she had offered before. This was the perfect excuse to get her in here early.

Every year, we hold a fundraiser for local community support programs. This year we are sponsoring
Food4Kids
. It’s an organization that delivers food bags to school children in need on Friday afternoons so they have healthy food over the weekend. It’s a great organization, and with Kat wanting to be a teacher, he knew she’d be willing to help, no questions asked.