My Lost and Found Life (32 page)

“In other words, he's getting off scot-free while my mother's reputation is ruined, and she's dead.”

She raised her eyebrows. “She's not an innocent party in all this, after all. Even if she was only foolish and gullible, she set the whole thing in motion. There's nothing any of us can do to bring her back. However, Curt isn't getting off without consequences. He's lost his position and he's lost me.”

“You're divorcing him?” I asked.

“My lawyer will be filing the papers next week.”

“Good!” I snapped.

Claire stood up. “Forgive me, but I'm due at a luncheon soon. I hope what I've told you has helped. You understand, of course, this conversation can't be repeated. As far as I am concerned, the matter is now closed and I will not discuss it again.”

“I understand.” I also stood up.

“You seem like a very determined young woman. I'm sure your mother was very proud of you.”

“Maybe she could have been,” I answered. “But now she never will be.”

In a few hours I will don a cap and gown and stride across a makeshift stage in the noonday sun to receive my college diploma. Gloria and her husband, Richard, will be watching from among the gathered throng. Earl and Malcolm too. Even Tattie will be here. These people, this rather odd group with nothing in common except me, are my family now. Still, I'm glad to have every one of them in my life.

Nicole is still back east, working on her master's degree. I tease her that she may end up with a doctorate just to avoid going home. But she's already planned her final escape. She recently became engaged to a New Yorker named Andrew, and an August wedding is planned. Cindy must be delirious that her daughter has beaten me to the altar and is probably planning a wedding lollapalooza where Nicole will, at long last, occupy center stage.

Tattie came back from Mexico and began tending bar at a place on Market Street. She changes jobs and addresses about
as frequently as she changes boyfriends. Periodically she takes off for a month or two to Costa Rica or Belize or some other tropical paradise. While she hasn't made it to Amsterdam yet, she swears she's still going.

Malcolm remodeled and reopened the Madhouse with great fanfare. Even with new floors, new paint, and new furniture, the coffeehouse remains much the same as ever. The Scrabble games rage on.

Earl still works the night shift at the gas station. Sometimes when it's late and I'm restless, I give him a call. Recently he announced with great pride that his granddaughter had won a scholarship to Mills College in Oakland. From Earl I know that Ted Strobel continues to protect and serve the citizens of Burlingame.

After my mother's funeral, my life took another sharp turn. I was finally ready to go away to college and Gloria became my champion. Like a pit bull, she sank her teeth into the firm of Warren Simmons & Co. and wouldn't let go. Since Diane died in an accident and her guilt couldn't be proven, Gloria made sure I received all of my mother's company-funded life insurance. She threatened to sue if the company tried to claim any part of the insurance proceeds, and they backed off. No doubt their decision was influenced by Claire Davidson's payback of her husband's off-the-books “bonuses.” In the end, the company hushed it up and the whole ugly mess went away.

Instead of shelling out big bucks for Boston University, I enrolled in the University of Santa Barbara, where I could pay in-state tuition. I lived in a tiny but cute apartment with Stella and majored in Comparative Literature. My second year I took
a lot of elective theater classes, slowly edging myself into their cliquey crowd. I had good parts in
The Waiting Room
and
The House of Bernarda Alba,
and managed to get the lead role of May in
Fool for Love
.

What's next for Ashley Mitchell? At first, I thought about trying my luck in Hollywood, but instead I applied to the Yale School of Drama. If I don't get in, I'll try the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York. Nic says I'll love the East Coast.

Traveling is also on my agenda. I'm thinking of going to Europe this summer, including a side trip to Ireland and look up a certain someone there.

Whatever happens in the future, I'm pretty confident of my ability to handle it. I'm no longer Ashley the stuck-up homecoming queen or the girl Phil described as pouty, sulky, and sullen. I hardly even remember that girl. Even though my life didn't turn out the way I planned, I'm happy with the person I've become and the new life I've found.

Yet, sometimes at night, just before I fall asleep, in that twilight between waking and oblivion, I see my mother's face floating before me. I want to reach up and hold her thin arms in mine and say over and over,
Forgive me, forgive me.
I whisper it into the darkness, but I never get an answer.

If only she had left a note behind. If only I could be sure that she knew I loved her. If only I had been with her to hold her hand. I would give anything—anything—to know that my mother forgives me. Earl keeps telling me I have to get over it. He says I have to forgive myself the way he had to forgive himself for his own mistakes. I know he's right and I'm working on it.

My mother made herself responsible for everyone else's happiness, and in the process she crossed the line between right and wrong. But I can't hate her for it. Whatever she did, she always loved me. I am still, and always, her daughter.

I am deeply grateful to the friends and family members who read this book at various stages in its creation and encouraged me to keep going, especially Lynn Lasner, Suzanna Musick, Lorraine Flett, Nancy Staltman, Rochelle Worthing, Mia Cingolani, Patti Roth, Rebecca Johnson, Betsy Brill, Liz Watson, and Sue Bostick.

The members of the San Francisco Writers Group deserve recognition for the support and feedback they've given me, particularly Scott James, Maria Strom, Arlene Heitner, David Gleeson, Shana Mahaffey, Erika Mailman, Joe Quirk, and Tamim Ansary.

A special thank you goes to agent Andrea Somberg for loving my book and the character of Ashley (even in the beginning of the novel when she's not easy to love). Thanks to Celeste Fine for picking up the torch.

I also am grateful for the kindness and enthusiasm of everyone at Bloomsbury, especially my editor, Julie Romeis, who demonstrated amazing forbearance.

I would also like to express my appreciation to Janet Fitch and Joyce Maynard, whose words and writing inspired me, and to Margo Perin, for helping me get started at her workshop in San Miguel Allende.

And thank you, Charles Michelson, for loving me and helping keep the wolf from my door as I wrote and rewrote this novel.

Melodie Bowsher
grew up in Kansas and received a degree in journalism from Kansas State University. After graduating, she went to work in the
Wall Street Journal
's Dallas bureau, where at age twenty she was the first woman ever hired by that newspaper as a staff reporter. Melodie later moved to San Francisco, where her two California kids provided the research for this, her first novel.

Visit the author at
www.melodiebowsher.com

A New York Public Library Book for the Teen Age

“
My Lost and Found Life
is so well-written that Ashley seems like a real person. It's written like an autobiography, and I almost forgot that it wasn't a true story…. A reminder that you might be surprised at what you can do when you run out of options.” —TeensReadToo.com

“Part sexy romance, part urban survival adventure…. Ashley's first-person narrative is funny … and readers will be caught up in the riches-to-rags turnaround in a materialistic world.” —
Booklist

“Bowsher convincingly develops the unique voice of a young woman sliding from being a San Francisco suburban ‘Valley Girl' into homelessness…. [A] captivating story.” —
SLJ

“A riveting adventure … empowering teen readers.” —
VOYA

Copyright © 2006 by Melodie Bowsher
First published by Bloomsbury U.S.A. Children's Books in 2006
Electronic edition published in October 2012
www.bloomsburyteens.com

All rights reserved. You may not copy, distribute, transmit, reproduce, or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (including without limitation electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, printing, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

Published by Bloomsbury U.S.A.
Children's Books 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010
This electronic edition published in 2012
Distributed to the trade by Holtzbrinck Publishers

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Bowsher, Melodie.
My lost and found life / by Melodie Bowsher. —1st U.S. ed.
p. cm.
Summary: When her mother is accused of embezzling a million dollars and vanishes,
spoiled, selfish Ashley must fend for herself by finding a job and a place to live.
[1. Abandoned children—Fiction. 2. Homeless persons—Fiction.
3. Mothers and daughters—Fiction. 4. Coming of age—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.B6795My 2006           [Fic]—dc22                         2006006432

ISBN: 978-1-61963-022-2 (e-book)