My Heart Says Yes (3 page)

I smiled at my sister. 
“He meant them Katie.  He probably didn’t intend to hurt me, but he meant them
and he’s right.  Guys don’t come around like they do you for you or even
Christine and Brielle, they never have and I accept that.  But I don’t have to
like it.  Anyway, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.  Dad has been doing this to
me all of my life and I’m used to it.  I’m jut happy that I won’t have to put
up with it much longer.”

“Are you sure you’re
okay?”  She looked worried.  My relationship with Katie was funny because even
though she was younger than me, she sometimes treated me like I was the younger
sister the way she always worried about my happiness.

“I’m fine, really.  Now
go pack because we have to head back to school kind of early tomorrow, I have a
group project I have to work on and we’re meeting at the library at 1:00.”

Katie went to her room
and I finished packing my things and climbed into bed.  Tomorrow would come and
the scene at breakfast would be as if nothing had happened the night before.  I
was used to it, I was sick of it, and I was eager to get out of that house and
get back to some sense of normalcy at school.  Graduation was in one week and I
could not wait to have college life behind me. 

***

       As I walked across the stage to
receive my diploma, some of Jordan's words and my father’s words came flooding
back to me as I realized so many eyes were watching me.  Were they also
criticizing my weight and my looks?  As the Dean handed me my diploma, I had a
moment of clarity and decided that it was time to make a change.  I was moving
to Chicago at the end of the summer, right after my 22
^nd
birthday,
and I wanted to arrive as a brand new Emma.

       I worked really hard on transforming
my body that summer by working out religiously with Katie who was a workout
fiend, cutting out sugar, and eating really healthy foods and snacks.  It was
so hard to give up the good snacks like potato chips and Snickers bars, but I had
a goal that I wanted to reach, so that helped me do it.  As the pounds melted
off of me and my clothes became baggy, I realized that I needed a new
wardrobe.  I wasn’t a size two, or anywhere near that, but I was healthy.  I
still wasn’t a skinny minnie like my sisters, but I was happier with my
weight.  I had extra curves but I liked them.  I didn't go crazy and charge
everything in the store but I did buy a few key pieces and, at my sister's
suggestion, a few trendy tops.

       I was in my room trying on my new
clothes in front of the mirror when my sisters came in.

       Brielle and Christine squealed when
they saw me in my new clothes.  “You look so pretty!”  I loved when they talked
in unison or finished each other’s sentences, it was such a cool twin thing.

       "Emma, I cannot get over how
amazing you look.”  Katie walked over to me, stood next to me looking at my
reflection in the mirror, and then her eyes settled upon my hair.  She grabbed
a handful of it and shook it at me.  "What are you going to do about
this?”

       “Yeah, you really should change you
hair.”  Christine and Brielle stood behind me analyzing me in the mirror.

       "What do you mean?"  I
turned to look at all of them with a puzzled look on my face.  I thought my
hair was just fine.

       "I mean I think you should
change your hair to go along with your new changed body.  And while you're at
it, you need to get rid of these."  She pulled my glasses off my face and
handed them to me.  "Emma, it's time you thought about contact
lenses."

       I had considered getting contact
lenses briefly a couple of years ago but it was just so much easier to grab my
glasses when I needed them.  As far as my hair, I never really took a lot of
time with it and I certainly had never considered changing it in any way.  Katie
was such a glam girl and I knew she was having a lot of fun with my
transformation, but I didn't want to take it too far.  I still wanted to feel
like me.

       "Katie, you're probably right
about the contact lenses, I'll make an appointment with Dr. Miller tomorrow. 
But my hair, I don't know.  What do you guys think I should do to it?"  My
hair was a mousy brown with zero personality, but at least it was long and thick.

       "I think you should dye your
hair a dark blonde and then add in lighter blonde highlights.  That will look
so pretty with your green eyes.”  I could see the excitement in Katie’s eyes as
she looked at me as if I was her new project.

       "Dye my hair?  Are you
nuts?"

       I made a silly face at her and Katie
giggled as she tried to reassure me about my hair.

       "Emma, it will look gorgeous,
trust me.  I'll make an appointment with Paul for you, he's fabulous."

       “Yeah Emma, that will look so
pretty.”  The twins spoke in unison again.

       Paul had been Katie's hairstylist for
years and her hair color looked natural even though it was totally from a
bottle.  I agreed to go see him because I really did want to go to Chicago
feeling like a brand new me.  Kelly was the only person who knew me there, and
this really was my chance to reinvent myself and be the person I had always
wanted to be, the person that was dying to get out of me.

       "Okay, okay, I'll go but if I
hate it, it’s all your fault."

       They all jumped up and down
squealing and clapping their hands like five-year-olds.  "Emma, I am so
excited for you, you’re going to look so gorgeous!”  Katie beamed at me and
gave me a big hug.

       She ran off to go make the
appointment and I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at her excitement for
me.  We were only two years apart and we had always been very close and supportive
of each other and never really had any sort of real sibling rivalry.  Oh, we
would have mini spats every now and then, but we’d never had a huge fight. 

I loved my sisters to
death and the feeling was mutual, but I was closest to Katie.  It was going to
be especially hard to leave her when I moved to Chicago but I made her promise
that she would come visit me.  She was going into her junior year at the same
college I just graduated from so I probably wouldn't see her again until I came
home at Thanksgiving, but she was already planning to come visit me during her
spring break.  I didn't know yet if our spring breaks would coincide, but I
figured we would figure it out as we went along.  The twins wanted to come
visit me also, of course, and I told them that it would probably be easiest if
they visited me during their summer break.

       The next day, I made an appointment
with Dr. Miller, my eye doctor, who was able to get me in that afternoon at one
o'clock.  It was perfect because my hair appointment was at 2:30 PM and the salon
was not far from his office.  It felt really strange to be wearing contacts
when I had worn glasses all my life.  I settled into the chair at the salon and
told Paul that he could do whatever he wanted with my hair.  I don't know that
I had ever seen such a look of excitement in someone's eyes in my entire life. 
I assumed that he was so happy because hairstylists are never really given free
reign to do what they want with a client’s hair.  I was at the salon for nearly
2 hours when Paul was ready to reveal his work.  He stood beaming at me,
clearly proud of the work he had done and I was happy that he looked so pleased
because I was nervous as could be. 

One thing that he'd
thrown in for free was a makeup session with their makeup artist.  I assumed he
did this because Katie told him that I wanted a new look and I would be open to
whatever he wanted to do that day.  When he turned my chair around so that I
could look at myself in the mirror, I couldn't believe that the person looking
back at me was me.  I actually looked pretty.  My makeup was perfect, and my
hair had literally transformed my face.  The blonde highlights really brought
out my green eyes, which I never realized were so bright green.  As it turned
my tear filled eyes to Paul, I stood up to give him a big hug.

       "I love it, I just love it. 
Thank you so much Paul, I don't know how I can ever thank you, I feel like a
totally new person."

       "You look stunning Emma.  I
knew this diva was hiding inside of you waiting to be free!  I hope you make a
big splash when you move to Chicago.  Don’t forget us!"

       As I left the salon I could tell
that I was walking with a new found confidence as I held my head a little bit
higher, my back straighter, and noticed approving glances from men I passed on
the street.  For the first time in my life I felt beautiful.  Katie, Christine
and Brielle came running to the door when they heard me come in.

       "Oh my gosh, you are gorgeous! 
Emma, you look so pretty, I knew this was what you would look like if you
spruced yourself up a little bit!  You should never wear glasses again, your
eyes are simply popping out of your head.  If Jordan could see you now, boy
would he eat his words."

       "Katie thank you so much for
encouraging me to do this, I feel so pretty.  I really wish you were coming to
Chicago with me, we would have so much fun."

       "Well maybe in a couple of
years after I graduate, I will move there also.  And then we can take that city
by storm!  Chicago is going to be the start of an awesome chapter in your life
Emma, I can just feel it."

       My mom was pretty excited to see my
new look and she told me how beautiful I looked.  My dad was a little bit more
reserved and he just looked at me and gave me a weak smile.  “You look nice
honey.”  That’s all he said to me. 
Oh well, I’m not going to dwell on that,
maybe one day he’ll appreciate me
.  I always did that, I always pushed my
dad’s lack of affection and interest out of my head and imagined that one day
he would change.  I had to keep telling myself that because it was what I held
on to whenever I doubted that he loved me.  So I stuffed my hurt feelings way
down deep and I went on about my way. 

       The following week, I was off to
Chicago to live with my best friend.  It was time to shut the door to my past
and open the door to my future.

           Portfolio School was set to
begin soon, I had been in Chicago for a week and the last of my things had
arrived earlier that day.  I wanted to finish unpacking so that I could feel
settled.  Kelly found us a really cool, affordable timber loft in the West Loop
and I loved it!  The wooden beams and exposed brick were exactly what I had
been dreaming of. 

       “Just how many clothes do you have,
girly?”  Kelly feigned shock at all of my boxes that were strewn around the
apartment.  I was almost done unpacking but empty boxes were everywhere so it
looked like I had more than I actually did. 

       “Not half as many as you missy!  I
am so happy we wear the same size because I just tripled my wardrobe with your
clothes!”

       Kelly laughed as she threw a t-shirt
at me.  “You know you can borrow anything you want.  But triple your
wardrobe?   I don’t have
that
many clothes!”

One of Kelly’s friends
was having an end of the summer party that night and I wanted to be completely
done unpacking before we left. 

       “This is going to be a casual party,
right?”

       “Yeah, totally chill and laid back. 
It’s an art crowd so you’ll find that everyone is pretty cool and easy to talk
to.  It’s probably similar to the kind of people you’ll meet in advertising. 
Creative types tend to stick together.”

       “I’m just excited to meet new people
who live in a big city.”

       “I really do think you’re going to
love Chicago, Emma.  It’s so different from New Holstein, it’s a completely
different world.  I know I keep saying it, but I still can't believe how
different you look.  I always knew you had this hottie inside of you waiting to
get out.  You look so gorgeous and I am sure you're going to have guys falling all
over you left and right.”

       "You know what, I'm not even
interested in meeting anyone right now.  After being in a relationship for
almost two years with someone who turned out to be the biggest jerk of all, I
just want to take some time for myself.  I want to focus on school this year
and not get involved in any messy relationships.  I'm calling this the year of
me and that is where my focus will be."    

       Kelly gave me a knowing smirk and
didn't say anything as emptied the dishwasher.  But I knew her, and I knew that
smirk, and I could tell that she was holding back what she really wanted to
say.

       I giggled at her silly antics. 
"Oh just come out with it Kelly, before you pass out from holding your
breath."

       “I just think that as soon as guys
get a look at you, you are going to have to beat them off with a stick and you
won’t be able to say no!  As soon as you meet a cool, nice guy I bet your
attitude about all of this will change.  Mark my words, you heard it here
first!”

       I threw a t-shirt at her and she
threw it right back at me and we erupted into a mini clothes fight.  We were
goofing off for a while and laughing and giggling so hard that we didn’t
realize how late it was.