My Heart Can't Tell You No (31 page)

“
Fate
? Don’t talk fate to me—I don’t believe in it.”

“No, not fate. Just something that will happen. Even if we fight like hell against it. It will happen. So we have two ways to spend our time together. Lie with each other during the night when you seem to think the darkness will hide it, and not talk or even look at each other during the day when the light will erase everything. Or just let go and enjoy each other like I know we can. Don’t shut me out, Maddie.”

“I don’t know what you want!”

“You.”

“Don’t talk in riddles.” She moved away again.

“Okay—to begin with. Come here.” He took her arm and moved to the couch, pulling her down until they were sitting on its firm cushions. She remained stiff as he pulled her back until she was leaning against his chest with his arms around her. “Let me enjoy just holding you right now.”

“I have to get the water off the porch.”

“Ten minutes—just ten minutes. Then you can get up and clean the whole damn house if you want to.”

But by the end of those ten minutes she was far too relaxed to move. After one small attempt she couldn’t find the energy and stayed on the couch. She brought her hands up to hold onto the arms encircling her. She felt so right here. Why couldn’t she feel this way with her own husband? She felt safe and warm, mellow as she moved down on the cushions until her head was on his chest. She could feel and hear his strong heartbeat.

Maddie fell into a peaceful sleep, a sleep where everything was all right and she had no problems. She felt safe and secure and warm and loved.

“Mommy? Mommy?” Jackie’s voice called to her, drawing her out of sleep’s depths as she moved her feet to the floor.

“I’m coming, Sailor.”

She walked a few steps, then stopped, seeing the dimness of her cousin’s living room. Her heart sank—Jackie wasn’t there. She missed him with all her being. Her body shook with a huge silent sob, her tired steps taking her toward the wall for support. Her head was bent as she tried to gain control of her emotions. The hand that touched her back felt good; warm and soothing.

“He isn’t here, Babe. It was only a dream,” said Joe gently.

“I want to go home, Joe,” she said softly. “I miss him so much.”

“I know. It’ll be a few days yet. But we’ll get you back to him.”

“I feel him here. I feel him wanting me with him.” She looked up at Joe.

“He’s fine. He’s got John and Tom there to make him laugh and chase away the tears.” He turned her to face him as he put his arms around her.

“How can you be so sure?” She leaned back and looked up at him.

“Simple. I grew up with them. Tom’s probably home right now, trying to put him to bed and telling him all about Bruno the elf.”

His smile soothed her, chasing away her fears as she slid her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his shoulder. He bent slightly and picked her up, starting for the stairs at the front of the kitchen then up to the bed they had shared the night before. He lay her down and unbuttoned her shirt, then the button and zipper of her jeans. As he pulled them off, she watched him in silence. He turned back to her and lifted the blankets and tucked them around her.

“I didn’t get the water off the porch yet,” she told him quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her. He was wearing such an expression of concern and comfort that she knew everything was going to be all right.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see to it. You see about getting some rest. I’ll be back up in a little while. I won’t be far.” He bent and kissed her with such tenderness that it caused more tears to well in her eyes. As he got up from the bed he reached down and wiped them away. “Rest. I think you need it a lot more than you’re willing to admit.”

CHAPTER XVI
 

W
hen Maddie woke the next morning she found Joe in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. She silently watched him as she listened to the beating of the rain against the roof.

“You planning on going somewhere?” she finally asked as she leaned against the doorframe, her sudden inquiry making him jerk in surprise and nick his chin.

“How about a little warning next time?” He glanced over his shoulder at her as he reached for a sheet of toilet paper.

“I’m sorry,” she smiled and shoved her hands in her back pockets as she moved over to stand in front of him, leaning back against the sink.

“You look it.” He glanced down at her again before looking over the top of her head and into the mirror. “Good thing I wasn’t shaving down around my throat.”

“Would you rather I leave?” She tilted her head back as she looked up at him.

He let out a low chuckle as he dipped the razor in the water. “Do you find something entertaining about watching a man shave? Is that why you’re in here?”

“I used to watch Dad shave when I was little. He’d watch me in the mirror as I’d be watching him. He said I’d make the same faces he was making, I was that involved in watching him.”

“You’re not going to stand there and make faces in the mirror at me, are you?” He glanced down at her again as he rinsed the blade for a final time, then put it on the sink.

“Looks like I won’t have a chance to. You were practically done by the time I got here. No, don’t let the water out. I’m next.”

“Whatever you say.” He turned toward her, bending slightly as he placed an arm on either side of her. “Do I get to stay and watch too?”

“No. But you can go get some more kerosene from the workshop.”

He kissed her lightly, just long enough to smudge her face with some leftover shaving cream before he started back for the kitchen with a towel. “I already did. Everything’s full and ready to go whenever you are.”

By the time she re-entered the kitchen, she not only smelled coffee but some kind of meat as well. Joe was standing at the small stove, turning steak in a frying pan. There was already a steak on a plate near where he would be sitting, along with a cup of coffee.

“How do you like your steak?” He looked up at her.

“That looks about right.”

“You’re kidding,” he said in a dull voice. “It’s raw.”

“It isn’t raw.” She picked up a steak knife and cut into the meat, showing its pink interior. “See?”

“I see. It’s raw.”

“No.” She removed the steak and put it on a plate then nodded toward the leftover steak laying on the counter. “Now
that’s
raw.”

“Just don’t start eating
that,
or I’m leaving the room,” he told her as he returned to his chair.

She smiled as she sat at the table, thinking of Jackie’s response to any meat less than nearly burnt. God, she missed him. Could she ever get home fast enough to gather that boy into her arms? Her smile faded as she looked down at her meal, but the lightest of touches turned her eyes up to see Joe watching her. His fingertips were touching her hand, a light caress as his eyes seemed to give her the strength to take a second wind.

“Bruno—I bet ya,” he said softly, bringing the tiniest of smiles back to her lips.

“Is there any more news?”

“Radio says two more days of rain, then another day or two before the river crests.”

“Oh.” She looked down at her meal, not feeling much like eating anymore.

“Come on. Eat up. I have a surprise outside for ya.” Joe raised his brows mischievously as he looked at her and took a bite of his steak.

“A surprise?” She peered out at the gloom outside. “Don’t tell me, another mud puddle to swim in.”

“Close. How about a shower instead?”

“A shower?”

“I fixed one of the rain spouts. We now can take a shower out there. Cold—but it’ll serve the purpose.”

“I’m not going outside naked!”

“I didn’t think you would. I found some old pieces of paneling lying out there in the back of the workshop. I propped them up. Now we can wear the clothes out to the workshop, take them off in there then step out behind the paneling. Simple enough?”

“And what happens if this wind blows the paneling over while I’m out there?”

“Probably not much. There hasn’t been a vehicle on this road the whole three days we’ve been here. I don’t think you have much to worry about. But for modesty’s sake, it’s there to make
you
feel better.”

“To make
me
feel better. I suppose you’d just up and walk out there struttin’ your stuff the whole way, not having a care in the world,” she teased.

“No,
my
luck, I’d no sooner walk out that door than the
Daily
Item
Newspaper
would be driving down the road taking pictures of the flood. And wouldn’t that be one helluvva flood picture?” His teasing banter soothed her.

“Front-page material. I’d buy a copy.”

“Uh-huh. And so would John, Tom and Lew. No thank you. I’ll stick with the paneling.”

“Well then, all I need is a toothbrush and I’m all set. I’ve been making do with a washcloth and I’ve gagged the whole time.”

“Guess what I happened to come across while I was looking for a razor yesterday.”

“I
meant
an unused toothbrush.” She looked up at him, and saw his smile. “You didn’t. You did! God, that one’s worth a million bucks!”

“Keep your money,” he told her as he continued to eat, looking at her in a way that said he’d be expecting another kind of payment before long.

The rest of the meal went a lot smoother than the one the day before. She had a feeling he had kept her talking to take her mind off her son. They put the dishes in the sink, then both headed for the bathroom; Joe grabbing a bar of soap and shampoo while Maddie headed for the toothbrushes still in their cellophane wrappers. She remembered that her cousin was an electrician. He must have been working at a hospital and, as a token of their appreciation that they didn’t know about, had taken a box of about fifty toothbrushes.

Using water Joe had brought from the porch and poured into a jug, Maddie eagerly began brushing her teeth, but at the sound of a loud cry she stepped to the window and looked out. The wood paneling hid Joe from anyone outside the house, but her view was unimpaired. She had to smile at the sight of him. She had never seen anyone take a shower that fast before. She knew his cry had come when he stepped under the waterspout, taking the full force of the icy water. She went back to the sink, and, by the time she had finished with her teeth, she met Joe back in the kitchen. He simply dropped the soap and shampoo on the table, looked at her pitifully, then headed for the heater upstairs. Well, she thought, I might as well get it done and over with as well.

The rain was cold enough as she rushed outside, but, after removing her clothes, when she tiptoed under the rushing water, its contact took her breath away. She almost gave up completely, but, knowing this was the only way without using all the kerosene in the stove to heat water, she stepped back under. She drenched herself and hoped beyond hope that her body would become enough accustomed to the temperature to let her stay there and rinse her hair after she got it shampooed. It took all of her concentration and left her with chattering teeth when she threw her coat over her naked body, grabbed her clothes out of the workshop and ran back for the warm dryness of the house. She flung the door open, slamming it shut as she started for the stairs.

“I moved the heater in here,” Joe called from the living room.

“
C-cold
,” she managed to get out as she raced toward him, stopping suddenly at the sight of him, standing only in his briefs.

“Ah—it was invigorating.” He spread open a giant towel. “Come here.”

She went to him gladly as he removed her raincoat, modesty vanishing in her quest for warmth and dryness. He hardly seemed to notice as he wrapped the towel around her, then grabbed another towel to place on her head. He moved her to the cushions he had spread out on the floor near the heater and couch.

“No it wasn’t,” she told him through huge shivers as he sat behind her and began rubbing her hair dry. “It was cold!”

“Well.” He put his arms around her and leaned against her. “I’ll warm ya up.”

She was amazed at the difference his body heat made. He was definitely warming her, but it took an additional ten minutes before she could stop shaking long enough to actually dry herself. She then reached for her underclothing and went to the bathroom to put them on, quickly returning to the heater with a brush in hand where she bent close and began working it through her hair to try to get it dry. After half an hour she gave up. It was as dry as the humid air would allow.

When she stood upright, she turned to see Joe leaning against the couch. He was sitting on the cushions that he had taken from the couch and two chairs, spreading them out on the floor to simulate a mattress the size of a twin bed. His eyes were on her as he sat inside a blanket, his only movement coming when he spread the blanket open in an invitation to join him. After a moment’s hesitation, she went to him. She was still cold. She moved over to him as he spread his legs, allowing her to sit between them and lean back against his chest as he wrapped the blanket around them, resting his arms on her T-shirt clad stomach.

After a while she didn’t know how long they had been there, both relaxed and off into their own worlds when she felt the difference in the small of her back.

“What—are you thinking about?” she asked him quietly.

“Guess.”

He pulled her back against him, and she felt his hardness plainly against her back. He moved his hands beneath the blanket, warming her skin as they sent tingles through the areas he touched. Her legs were warming as his fingers moved flatly over their tops, making her bend her knees and bring them up to satisfy his reach; fingers that moved toward the inside, sending tingles, through her before moving on. His left hand moved up, beneath her T-shirt as his right hand moved to the elastic band of her underwear. Her breathing was cut short as her senses peaked, waiting silently to see what he would do next. She didn’t wait long; his left hand moved over her breast, her left nipple tightening upon contact. His right went lower, fingers taking pleasure in the softness of her dark curls as his legs moved over hers, going around them and spreading them apart. She was exposed to him now and he was taking full advantage of it, knowing just where to touch her and coax her into sparkling sensations. With her head back against his shoulder, her hands moved over his legs and arms, the only part of him she could reach without changing her position.
God
! How could this one man always know how to do this to her—change her so quickly and so completely from a thinking, functioning human to a creature totally lost to sensation with a deep need to be satisfied.

“Maddie. My beautiful Maddie,” he breathed softly against her cheek.

She turned her face toward him, allowing them to meet in a kiss that was deep and encompassing. Oh, how she loved the taste of him. She always had, ever since that first kiss almost five years ago. His tongue was teasing her, exciting her as it touched her lips and tongue as he pulled back slightly before resuming the deepness of their kiss again. She noticed the change in his breathing, becoming as strained as her own. His left hand moved from her breast to her thigh. It was pulling her back against him as his other hand worked with her, pressing her writhing hips against him. She could feel him behind her, his burning flesh now against her flesh. When he had lifted her shirt earlier, her wriggling had maneuvered his underwear lower. He was leaning forward with her now, his legs spreading farther as he pressed against her. God, he was exciting her beyond belief. The only thing her mind could grasp was the extreme need to keep kissing this gorgeous man in the highly erotic way he had begun. Suddenly she was arching back against him; again and again the spasms washed over her. She could hear a sound. Was it possible those noises were coming from her?

She was slow coming out of this one. Her hands moved slowly over his arms until his hands met hers, entwining his fingers with hers until she became aware again. With her awareness came the realization that he remained unsatisfied behind her. His patience warmed her, prompting her to get to her knees to turn to him. But instead, he also rose to his knees behind her. His arm came around her waist while his other came around her chest. He leaned forward against her, lowering her face onto the cushions.

“Joe?”

“
Shh
. It’s okay.”

He pressed her against the cushions as his mouth met the back of her shoulders. Curiousness made her remain still under his touch, not knowing just what to expect next. He lifted her hair off her back to give him greater access to her shoulders and back before sliding his palm sensuously over her shoulder and down her side, then resting on her waist. His mouth gave her back a variety of kisses, moving lower until his hand caressed her firm bottom. His lips brushed along her spine and across her sides, making her clutch onto the cushions in response to the softness of his lips and tongue. But when his hand moved low between her legs and his mouth moved to the small of her back, she stiffened and tried to get up.