My Fairy Godmonster (11 page)

She pushes his hands away and glares at him.
“I know what I saw. I will not move from this spot until you
dispose of them.”

Mr. Dudley looks at me. “You have any
traps?”

“I’ll get them.” I try not to smile. How do
you trap invisible mice?

Mr. Dudley is holding Weasel’s hand when I
return from the pantry. She’s still on the table.

“Where do you want me to set them? As long as
your cat is wandering around the house, she could get hurt.”

“Nonsense,” screeches the Weasel. “I told
Daria to keep her locked in.”

“Well, she just vomited on me and I was in
the living room.”

Mr. Dudley looks at me. “I wondered what
smelled.”

I reach up toward my hair. Stop before I
touch it. Give me horse poop any day.

Weasel sniffs, “Daria is the only one who can
touch Gazella. We’ll have to wait until she comes home.”

The telephone rings. I grab it.

“Hello?

“Winifred!”

“Hi, Dad!” It feels good to hear his voice. I
move into the living room. “Where are you?”

“Ogden, Utah. Scott’s really been a big help
with the driving.”

A pang of regret twists in my heart, but I’m
so happy to talk with Dad, I ignore it.

“How is everything?” he asks.

“I miss you.”

“Are you working out the schedule with Mrs.
Dudley?”

“No. She planned it herself. I’m doing all
the work.”

“Quit teasing, Win. David, Claire and John
are there to help.”

“I’m not teasing, Dad. David left for Salem.
Claire went shopping with Daria hours ago. At least, John helped
with the horses.”

I hear a roll of thunder through the
phone.

“I’m sure it will all work out,” says my
optimistic father. “They can’t be gone forever. Last minute
emergencies are to be expected. I really need to get back on the
road. We’re heading into a storm. I’ll call tomorrow. Love you.
Bye.”

“I love you, too. Bye, Dad.” I hang up and
stare at the phone.

Mr. Dudley carries Mrs. Dudley through the
hall. “I didn’t see any mice, dear. You need to lie down.”

“I will not cook in that kitchen until you
prove to me that all the mice are dead.”

Good luck, I think, smiling to myself.

Mr. Dudley says, “As soon as Claire and Daria
return, we’ll go out to dinner and set the traps.” He carries
Weasel into my Dad’s room, their bedroom for now.

I hurry upstairs and shampoo my hair. After I
clean the cat litter and vomit off the floor, I trudge into the
attic.

The jungle is gone. Instead, the room is
filled with wedding stuff. Gowns and veils hang in racks all over
the room. Counters are filled with silk flowers, jewelry, ring
pillows and cake decorations.

Fairy Godmonster stands in the middle of the
room in a wedding gown. She lifts the veil. A tiara of pearls
gleams in her orange hair. Her eyes shine. She glides toward me on
five-inch spiked heels. I sigh. I’m lucky not to trip on my feet in
regular shoes.

“Isn’t it gorgeous!”

My bed is gone again, so I collapse in a
fancy chair. “Where did you get this stuff?”

“From the wedding magazines, of course. I had
this idea to put the whip into my NTMT chip. When it came out, it
started working.”

“Great.” Now maybe I can get some help.

She preens in the mirror.

“Thanks for the mice,” I say.

Her red X-ray eyes gleam mischief. “That
woman was hysterical. Thought I’d bust a seam.”

“What kind of mice were they?” I ask.

“Clonetronic electromagnets.”

“Where did they go?”

“Back into energy,” she replies.

“Wow. Our government could use you.”

“No thanks. Fairies are trying to save the
world.”

“Weasel won’t even go into the kitchen until
I set mouse traps. Mr. Dudley is taking us out to dinner hoping
we’ll catch them.”

When Fairy Godmonster laughs, her whole face
lights up. I’m even getting used to her tiny fangs.

“Stay home. We’ll let my whip do the magic
and get this place cleaned up.”

Finally. I breathe a sigh of relief.

A car door slams, twice. Screams pierce the
air. What now?

I look out the window. Daria kicks and
shrieks while Claire drags her toward the house.

Chapter 17: Wrong Way - Catastrophe

Fairy Godmonster looks out the window over my
shoulder. “Ooh, fun! Let’s go eavesdrop.”

“No. Stay here. Please.”

Fairy Godmonster covers her face with the
veil and turns her back on me.

I sneak downstairs and sit on the bottom
step. Peeking around the banister, I can see Daria pouting in a
chair.

“She needs to be punished, Mother,” says
Claire. “I have never been so embarrassed. If I hadn’t already
purchased hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise from the store,
I think they would have taken us to the police station.”

Weasel is speechless, for once.

Mr. Dudley frowns and sits in front of Daria.
“What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?”

Daria squirms under her father’s gaze. “It
was a stupid stuffed animal.”

“A five hundred dollar one!” exclaims Claire.
“You tried to steal it.” She paces in anger. “I said you could buy
anything you wanted.”

“Calm down, Claire,” says Mr. Dudley.

Claire glares at her father.

The doorbell rings. I head for the front door
when I hear Weasel say, “Claire, please get the door. No telling
where that girl is hiding.”

I go through the living room so Claire won’t
know I’ve been eavesdropping. We get to the front door at the same
time.

“I’m sorry Winifred. It’s your house,” she
apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t know I was
coming downstairs.”

The UPS man is at the door.

“Hi, Mr. Blakely,” I say.

“Hi, yourself. Got a bunch of packages for
Mr. and Mrs. David Smith. What’s up?”

“My brother is getting married. This is his
fiancée, Claire.”

“Oh yeah. I remember the Missus telling me
about our invitation. Right nice of you

to invite us. Congratulations, young lady.
I’ve known David since he was in diapers. Sign here and I’ll get
your packages.”

Claire smiles. “Thank you.”

“David is one lucky guy.” Mr. Blakely goes to
his truck and starts carrying the packages to the door.

“Where shall we put them?” asks Claire.

“Er, in the living room, for now.”

Claire and I take turns carting them to the
coffee table. There are so many, we have to use the sofa.

“Last one,” says Mr. Blakely. “I imagine I’ll
be here again soon by the looks of this load. Have a good day, you
two.”

“Bye, Mr. Blakely.”

Claire smiles. “Thank you.” Her eyes sparkle
when she turns to me. “I can’t wait until David gets back so we can
open them.”

Mr. Dudley strides into the living room. “We
are going out to dinner as soon as Daria finds Gazella and locks
her upstairs.”

“Gazella. Kitty, kitty,” calls Daria.

“Is she going to be punished this time?” asks
Claire.

Mr. Dudley notices me. “Winifred, would you
mind getting the mousetraps ready?”

“Sure thing. Mice love peanut butter almost
as much as I do.”

I leave the room and hear him say, “She will
be confined to her bedroom for one day.”

“Is that all?” asks Claire.

“When the wedding is over and we return home,
we will consider our options and take the necessary action.”

I try not to feel sorry for Daria and wonder
why a rich kid would steal.

Daria is carrying Godzilla out of the kitchen
when I go for the traps.

“Be sure the bedroom door is closed, Daria. I
am going to be setting mousetraps and they could hurt your
cat.”

Her eyes grow big. She hauls the cat upstairs
with effort. Godzilla protests with a loud growl.

I laugh as I set traps for magical mice.

Mr. Dudley steps into the room. “Thank you,
Winifred. Claire is getting John from the barn. Are you ready to go
to dinner?”

“I don’t want to be rude, Mr. Dudley, and I
appreciate the invitation. Would you mind if I stayed home?”

“I wouldn’t want your father to think we’re
neglecting you.”

“It’s okay. I have lots to do, besides
feeding the horses.”

“If you’re sure.” Mr. Dudley looks right into
my eyes.

“Yeah, just bring me a chocolate shake,
please.”

He smiles. “Fair enough.”

The limousine leaves and I rush upstairs. I
unlock the door not knowing what to expect. The attic is back to
normal. Until I look around the door. Fairy Godmonster sits in a
huge hot tub.

“You took long enough. Shoplifting is
accepted behavior where I usually work,” she mumbles.

“We’re not monsters.”

“So you say,” she laughs. “Let’s get busy
while the house is empty.” She glides out of the hot tub in a
spectacular bikini, sexy even with a tail. She cracks her whip.
When the cloud evaporates, she wears a French maid’s outfit.
“Thought I’d look the part.”

“You’re something else.” I laugh.

“I know.”

“Let’s eat first. I’m starving.”

Fairy Godmonster puts her whip in the NTMT
chip and we go downstairs.

“That chip sounds like a bird.”

“So annoying. The nanoparticles rub each
other at high speed and the designer hasn’t figured out how to
eliminate the problem.”

I fix spaghetti with meatballs and Fairy
Godmonster watches with interest.

“Cooking takes a lot of time.”

“Yeah, it’s worth it.”

We sit at the table and she takes a small
taste. “This is fabulous. You must give me the recipe.”

We have the best dinner I’ve had since
company arrived. When we finish, I point to the mousetraps. “I need
some mice, in case Weasel wants proof.”

“You think she wants to see dead mice?” she
asks.

“Guess not.”

We both laugh.

I spring the traps, wipe off the peanut
butter and put them away.

“You ready to watch the fun?” asks Fairy
Godmonster.

“I have stable chores.”

“Go ahead. Since my whip is working, I’ll
clean the house.”

“I’ve dusted downstairs,” I say. “You’ll have
to dust upstairs and vacuum everything. I’ll be back in to do the
kitchen and the bathrooms.”

“Bet I get done before you do,” Fairy
Godmonster chuckles.

I head for the barn and have the horses fed
and their stalls cleaned in record time. I need to remember to
thank John for mucking out half of them. Kong eats his dinner and
follows me into the house.

When I enter the kitchen, I’m stunned. It’s
spotless. I check all the rooms downstairs. Everything is sparkling
clean. I hurry upstairs, Kong at my feet.

Fairy Godmonster’s tail flips into the
bathroom.

Kong gallops past me.

“CRIPES!”

I rush in.

“A warning would help when your dog decides
to goose me,” grumbles Fairy Godmonster.

“Can I watch your magic?”

“Better put him in the attic.”

“Kong, c’mon boy.” I put Kong inside and lock
the door.

I hurry back to the bathroom. “Ready.”

With a small flick, the whip produces three
white whirlwinds. The whirlwinds twist around the toilet, sink and
bathtub leaving some kind of sparkling silver dust. They swoosh
over the floor. It takes about twenty seconds. One more flick of
the whip and the

silver dust disappears.

“That’s fast. How come you didn’t finish
before me?”

“Watched a dance competition on television.
Humans have interesting hobbies. You know how to waltz?” she
asks.

“No.”

“What if Scott asks you at the
reception?”

I moan.

Fairy Godmonster takes my hand. “Come on.
I’ll teach you. Easier than falling off a horse.”

Like she knows.

I follow her into the hall. She cracks her
whip.

A strobe light materializes overhead and
flashes neon orange and pink. Loud music blares from a hard rock
band in the corner.

“They won’t have this kind of music at the
wedding,” I yell over the beat that pounds through my body.

Fairy Godmonster shouts, “If you can waltz to
this, you can dance to anything.”

She pulls me into her arms.

I try to follow and trip on her toes. She
laughs. I trip on my own toes. I laugh.

“Do monsters waltz?” I yell.

“They have their version. Not something you
would do.”

“Why not?”

She says, “It involves smashing your
partner’s feet.”

We kind of spin, swirl and skip to the music
until I can follow her lead.

“Cool,” Fairy Godmonster says. “You’re a
natural.”

I don’t think there’s anything natural about
waltzing to hard rock.

She cracks her whip and everything
disappears.

“Back to work, Winderella.” Fairy Godmonster
smiles and glides across the hall to Daria’s room.

“Godzilla’s in there,” I warn.

“I’m not afraid of a cat,” she huffs.

I follow her into the room and close the
door. Godzilla glares at us from the middle of the bed.

Fairy Godmonster inspects the wallpaper.
“This your room?”

“Yeah,” I say quickly, embarrassed. “I want
to update it, but don’t know what to do.”

“Hmm.”

She walks around the room and smiles. CRACK!
My bedroom transforms into the

sweetest room I’ve ever seen. Shiny silver
and white. CRACK! Red, oriental. CRACK! Blue and cool.

Dizzy, I say, “Awesome!”

Fairy Godmonster snaps her whip and the
bedroom returns to the way it was.

“Now you have some ideas.”

Her magic fills the room with a white
whirlwind. It swishes around the room, sucking out the dust. Not
one of Daria’s stuffed animals moves.

Satisfied, Fairy Godmonster puts her whip
into the NTMT chip. It chirps. She lays the chip on the dresser and
primps in the mirror.