My Brother's Keeper (18 page)

Ellis folded his arms against his chest and tucked his head under Jon’s chin. How many nights had they fallen asleep just like this? He’d lost count a long time ago.

“I love you. I want you to know that. You’re the most important person in the world to me.”

Ellis’s voice was so broken Jon almost mistook his words for a sob. “I failed him.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you didn’t.” Ellis nodded against Jon’s chest. “No, no. You didn’t, I promise. This isn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It was just an accident.” Probably some young person who was too scared to stop or someone who’d been drinking.

“I failed him.”

“Shhhh—”

Jon rocked Ellis until he fell asleep.

Jon didn’t welcome Mike into the hotel room he just opened the door and remained in the background while the man looked Ellis over.

Mike shined a light in Ellis’s eyes and asked questions, but his answer was the same every time.

Silence.

When Mike was done he nodded at the door.

They met outside.

The bright sunlight made Mike’s auburn hair turn a shade closer to red. It didn’t seem right that Mike had almost a decade on Jon, but no gray hairs. His eyes, however, belonged to a much older man. Maybe it was the shade of hazel, or maybe it was the job.

“You must have broken every speed limit they have between here and Atlanta.”

Mike chuckled. “That rental has a top speed of a hundred and ten. The engine sounded like it wanted to wind out at ninety five.” Mike fumbled around in his pockets until he found a package of gum. He popped it in his mouth. Cinnamon flavored his words. “You want one?” He held out the pack.

“My morning breath that bad?” Jon took a piece. “Never mind, don’t answer that.” A slight burn traced his tongue as he chewed. He ran his thumb over the empty wrapper.

Hi. Would you like a piece of gum?

No thanks.

You don’t like gum?

I’m allergic.

Jon blinked back the tears. “So what’s your professional opinion?”

“He’s in shock. I think it’s bad enough you might want to consider taking him to a hospital.”

“He wouldn’t want that.”

“I’m not sure that’s an option.”

“Can’t you give him something? A shot, or maybe a pill?”

Mike rubbed his forehead. “Even if I was licensed in Georgia, it’s not that simple. He may need medication to stabilize him.”

“And you can’t do that.”

“Like I said—”

“You have to be licensed in Georgia.”

“Exactly.”

Jon leaned against the wall. “If you really think he needs to go, I’ll take him. But I’m afraid it will make things worse.”

“Bad experience?”

“Bad memories. His dad died there.”

Mike nodded. “Then keep any eye on him for now. If he gets worse…”

“I’ll take him.”

“Good.”

“So, do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Probably.”

“Those aren’t encouraging words.”

“No.” Mike shook his head. “I suppose not.”

“If there’s nothing you can do, why did you agree to come down here?”

Mike stared across the parking lot with a thoughtful expression. He took out another piece of gum and popped it into his mouth. “Because I’m your friend.” The aluminum wrapper became a ball between his fingers.

“So this is about me?”

“Hmm. Some.”

Jon crossed his arms and kicked at a piece of gravel near the door.

“So? How are you?” Mike said.

Jon blew out a breath. “As good as I can be.” At least, for a man having hallucinations about his brother, losing someone he cared about, seeing the man he loved most in the world suffer, and being powerless to change it.

Rule number four, Jon
.

Mike bumped Jon’s elbow. “You still there?”

Jon nodded.

“You went away for a minute.”

“Yeah, sorry. Just thinking.”

“You have a lot to think about.”

“Right now I just need to know how to help Ellis.”

“Give him time. Listen when he talks. Encourage him to talk, but don’t push it. I think he should stay away from home for at least a few days. When he does go home, don’t be surprised if he has an emotional breakdown.”

Jon snorted. “Is that out of the ‘how to’ psychiatric playbook? ’Cause I’ve got news for you, Ellis’s life, for the past twenty years, has been Rudy. Every decision he makes, from what time to get up to what to cook for dinner. It wasn’t a normal relationship.” It was unique. Very rare. And twice as special.

“That’s because they were codependent. And you’re right. It will make things more difficult for Ellis. But for now, I think he just needs time. Pay attention to him. Watch his behaviors. Don’t be surprised if he tries to hurt himself.” Mike’s thin lips crooked into a sympathetic smile. “He’s very lucky to have you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because if he didn’t, I’m not so sure he’d live through this.” Mike looked at Jon. “I’m not sure he’d have the will to live.”

“How do you know he does?” Barely responsive, completely broken.

“Look at his eyes, Jon. Really look at them. There’s sadness, anger, guilt, but when he sees you, there’s fire. That’s what tells me he has a will, because he knows he has you.” Mike clapped him on the shoulder. “I better get going. I need to eat some lunch, since I missed breakfast.”

“Sorry about that.”

Mike patted his stomach. “Don’t worry, I have plenty to spare. I’ll be staying in town at one of those bed and breakfast places. I figured, while I’m here, I’ll cash in on a few of my vacation days.”

“Gilford isn’t exactly a vacation hot spot.”

“No, it’s not. But it’s quiet. That and a good book is really all I need.”

“What’s the name of the place you’re staying at?”

Mike shoved his hands in his pocket. “It’s the one with the blue wagon on the roof, near the square. I didn’t really look at the name. I just picked up a brochure when I stopped for gas. They were the only one with an opening. I don’t think you’ll have problems finding it.” He stepped off the curb. “I’ll call you and give you the room number when I get there.”

“Sure.” Jon raised a hand in goodbye. Mike climbed into his car and left. A semi passed the motel. A truck pulled into the parking lot. There was a moment of silence before the chug of a tractor hauling a hay bell turned the corner onto the main stretch. Two men on bikes passed him on a double yellow line.

Jon went back inside the room.

Ellis sat on the edge of the bed. His hair stuck up on one side and he had sheet creases across his face. The flush in his cheeks accentuated his pale skin.

He stared at something Jon couldn’t see. The thought of what, or who, he could be looking at made him shiver.

Jon sat and put a hand over Ellis’s. He was slow to respond, but eventually his fingers tightened. Jon kissed the back of Ellis’s hand.

“This is really happening, isn’t it? This isn’t a dream.” Even hoarse, the anguish in his voice was palpable.

“Yeah, it’s real.”

“I was sure it wasn’t real. I was so sure. Then I didn’t wake up and there were more people, more cars, more lights. I didn’t wake up, Jon. I didn’t wake up.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” He kissed Ellis’s hand again.

“He knew.” His grip tightened on Jon’s hand.

“Who knew?”

“Rudy. Before we met you in the park, he drew a picture of three stick figures. I asked him who they were. He said, ‘Me, you, and I don’t know his name yet.’” Ellis swallowed.

“Do you want some water?”

Ellis shook his head. “He knew about this too. I found the pictures in his room.”

“Rudy draws a lot of pictures.”

“Not like the ones I found. They were horrible.”

“A lot of horrible things have happened.”

Ellis inhaled a watery breath. “Do you remember when he didn’t eat his cookies?”

“Sure.”

“When I asked if he wanted them he said he didn’t need them. The day our parents died, they’d been on their way to visit friends. Mom baked a cake. Rudy found it and ate half before he got caught. When Mom told him that she’d baked it for the party, he told her she wouldn’t need it. He knew he was going to die, Jon. He knew Lenny was going to kill him.”

Jon stroked his fingers through Ellis’s hair. “It may seem that way, but it’s not. I promise.”

“He tried to tell me and I didn’t pay attention.”

“Lenny was still in jail. They held him for seventy two hours.”

Ellis shook his head. “It was him. I know it was him.”

“Let me get you something to drink.” Jon used one of the disposable cups by the sink to bring Ellis some water. “Here.”

Ellis drank until it was empty.

“Do you want some more?”

“It was Lenny.”

“It was more likely a hit and run. This road is dark and there were no lights on the bike.”

“Lenny said he was going to kill him.”

“Do you think you could eat something?” Ellis seemed more gaunt with every passing minute.

Ellis twisted his hands in his lap. “I’m not hungry.”

“I know, but you should eat.”

“I need to use the toilet.” Ellis shuffled to the bathroom. Jon followed just to make sure he’d be okay. He stood outside the door until the toilet flushed. Then water for the tub kicked on and Jon peeked in.

Ellis pulled off his shirt.

“You okay?”

Dark circles washed out the blue gray color of Ellis’s eyes. “I’m going to take a bath.”

“Would you like me to keep you company?”

Ellis’s pants were undone, but he didn’t push them down. His eyebrows collided over his nose and he stared at his hands. “I’m not sure.”

“Here.” Jon helped Ellis undress and into the tub.

He was not a fragile man, but in that moment he seemed made of glass.

Strings of steam curled from the top of the water. Ellis hugged his knees to his chest and shivered.

Jon sat on the edge of the tub with a washcloth in his hand. He soaped it up and made small circles across Ellis’s shoulders, then down his back. The sound of their breathing and the trickle of water from the washcloth made the silence dense.

The days after Danny died, Jon’s world became an open wound and words of sympathy were salt. So there were no words he could offer Ellis. He would have. He wanted to. But there were moments in life when it was better to say nothing.

Jon washed the dried tears from Ellis’s cheeks and the sweat and grime from his hair. When Jon was done, he started over again. Several times he drained cooling water from the tub and refilled it with warm water. He would stay there all night if that’s where Ellis wanted to be.

“Jon?”

“I’m here.”

“I’m sorry I got mad at you and made you leave.”

“You did the right thing.”

“No. No, I didn’t. You were trying to protect us.”

“I endangered Rudy’s life. I made a mistake. A really bad one. If anyone should apologize it’s me.”

Ellis rested his cheek on his knees and followed Jon’s movements with his eyes. “Maybe if I had let you teach me how to use the gun, none of this would have happened?”

Rule number four, Jon.

Jon put the washcloth down and picked up the locks of hair glued to Ellis’s forehead. He placed each one to the side, following the part of Ellis’s hair. “Learning how to use a gun wouldn’t have prevented this.”

“Rudy missed you so much.” Ellis buried a sigh into the crook of his arm. “I missed you too.” He trembled and Jon reached over to turn on the hot water. “I think I should just get out. My toes are shriveled up.”

“Whatever you want.”

Jon helped Ellis out of the tub and dried him with the same care he’d washed him with. There were no robes available, so Jon wrapped one towel around Ellis’s waist and draped the other over his shoulders.

“C’mon.” He led Ellis to the bed and pulled down the covers. “Why don’t you lay down for a bit?”

“I don’t want to sleep anymore.” Ellis sat.

“Do you want me to get you something to eat or maybe a soda?” Something with calories. No matter how useless.

“Peach pie.”

That was a start. “Milk with it? What about a sandwich?”

Ellis nodded.

Did Ellis mean the milk, the sandwich, or both? Jon didn’t care.

He took out the phonebook from the nightstand and found the number for the restaurant across the road. Jon dialed the number. A woman picked up. “M’s Café.”

“Would there be any way I could get one of you to deliver an order?”

She laughed. “This isn’t Foo-Man-Chu’s Chinese restaurant.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask. But I’ll give a tip big enough to make it worth your while and I’m just across the street at the Moonlight Motel.”

“I had two bus boys call in and one cook. That leaves me, one cook on the grill and another in training. Not to mention I’m running three waitresses on thirty tables. I don’t have anyone to just run your order to you. Either pick it up or get eggrolls.”

But Ellis had asked for peach pie and Jon was going to get him peach pie.

“I’ll do a pick up.” He gave her the order. It was way more food than he needed, but hopefully there would be something Ellis would eat.

“I’m going to run across the road and get you some pie.” Jon stomped his feet into his shoes. “Are you going to be okay if I leave you for a few minutes?”

Ellis nodded.

Jon hesitated. “Okay. I’ll be right back.” He grabbed his wallet and jogged across the street.

The lady on the phone hadn’t exaggerated. Jon waded through three layers of patrons to get through the foyer. Then wait in line.

The man in front of Jon moved out of the way and he stepped up to the counter. “I called in a to-go order?”

“Name?”

“Jon Foster.”

The girl with the ponytail checked the line of white bags behind her on a shelf. “I don’t see a Bob Foster.”

“Jon. Jon Foster.”

Don’t be surprised if he tries to hurt himself.

She turned over each ticket.

“I called it in about a half hour ago.”

She reached the end of the line. “Ah, here it is. Peach pie, two hamburgers, turkey club, fries. Wow, you must be feeding an army.”

Jon rubbed his chest.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“That’ll be twenty three eighty.”