My Body-Mine (28 page)

“
His flight leaves in three hours or so.”

“
Study?” I asked as I headed toward the hallway.

“
Yes, and Jane?”

“
Yeah?”

“
Thanks for coming back.”

“
Of course.” I gave her a slight smile before running down the hall toward Marcello.

I paused outside his office and put out to the universe my hope that he’d let me be there for him, even though he must be furious with me. Taking a deep breath to steel myself against his reaction, I knocked. When he didn’t respond, I pushed the door open.

He glanced up at me and my heart melted. He appeared so young and dejected, I just wanted to scoop that huge towering man into my arms and carry him to his bed like a little child. I wanted to take his pain away, as he had done for me.

“
I’m so sorry, Marcello,” I said, waiting for a sign that he wanted me to come closer.

“
Jane,” he muttered, and I knew.

Moving in, I reached out my hand. He took it and allowed me to lead him through the study door over to his bed. We both lay down, and I wrapped myself around him, hugging him tight. He held my head to his chest as the racking sobs shook him.

I felt his pain in my heart, knowing how much his mother meant to him. Tears filled my eyes as I listened to his sorrow spilling out. I truly loved Marcello, and as he suffered, I grieved along with him.

As his weeping slowly subsided, I touched his face, wiping away the tears. He leaned down and kissed me. The world, our issues, his mother’s condition all went away as his lips touched mine. Tears cascaded down both of our faces as we sought refuge in each other.

Breaking off our brief union, he said, “Thank you.”

“
Thank you for letting me be here.”

He stroked my hair and said, “I have to pack, shower and get ready to go.”

“
Would you like me to come with you?”

Gazing down at me, Marcello didn’t speak right away. I could feel his sadness and knew some of it had to do with me.

“
I think we both could use this time apart, and my mother would hate anyone else seeing her right now.”

“
I understand. Will she be okay?”

“
The doctors don’t know yet. It seems the stroke has affected her left side and she can’t speak.”

“
If you change your mind at any point, I’ll only be a flight away.”

He kissed my forehead and lingered there. “Please look after Janice while I’m gone. I’m sure she’ll need some time to process tonight.”

“
Okay.”

We both got a reprieve of sorts in dealing with our situation, but it would have to be confronted at some point. I loved him
in my own way
, but our time had passed. I hoped with every fiber of my being that we’d find a place of love and friendship for each other and stay in each other’s lives.

* * * *

After Marcello left, I napped for a few hours, and then loaded up Facebook before jumping into reviewing and editing
Falling
Through
T
he Rabbit Hole
. Lost in the world of my past, the message sound on Facebook brought me around.

Sandy:
You on?

Jane:
I’m here.


Sandy:
How’s it going?

Jane:
Busy revising my book, which is going very well.

Sandy:
Would another time be better?

Jane:
Now is perfect.

Sandy:
I have some news.

I held my breath, hoping.

Jane:
Do tell.

Sandy:
We set a date.

I jumped out of my seat and danced the jig around my room. Huge relief swam through my blood stream, allowing another chunk of the past to fall away.

Jane:
Fucking awesome Sandy. I’m so happy for you and Jason. When? When? When?!

Sandy:
LOL! I knew you’d be happy for us. Six months from now. Frankly, if it were just up to us, we’d elope, but his mother is crazed to be involved, so we’re doing the whole shebang.

Jane:
Let me know what I can do to help.

Sandy:
Glad you asked. I know I probably don’t deserve you, but I’d love you to be my maid of honor.

I burst into tears and cried as I typed.

Jane:
Given all that has happened, I’m floored that you’d ask. Yes, of course!

Sandy:
Phew! Jason said you’d say yes.

Jane:
Can I ask you something?

Sandy:
I know what you’re going to say. One night Jason said, if Jane can get over her ordeal, why can’t you?

Jane: Ah.

Sandy:
So I really thought about it and decided it was time to take the chance, and Jason is so great. It felt silly to wait any longer.

Jane:
I’m so happy for you guys. Please give my love to Jason.

Sandy:
I will. Jane?

Jane:
Yeah?

Sandy:
Thank you for saying yes. It means the world to me.

Jane:
Love you, Sandy.

Sandy:
I love you too.

Overcome with both relief and sorrow, I climbed onto my bed and cried.

As I lay there recovering, I heard Janice moving around. Wanting to check in on her, I splashed water on my face and went to her room.

Knocking lightly on her door, I heard her say, “Come in.”

“
Hey,” I said as I perched on the edge of her bed.

Janice stood naked in front of her closet deciding what to wear. Her back had crisscross welts from neck to mid-thigh.

“
Does it hurt?” I asked.

“
Not so much,” she said to her closet.

“
Do you want me to rub in the healing salve?”

She turned to face me and said, “Why are you being so nice
to me
?”

“
I might not agree with your choices but I still care about you, Janice. This crazy world we’re in can try anyone’s resolve.”

Facing her clothes once again, she took a black sleeveless shift from a hanger and drew it over her head. “Well I don’t think I deserve it. Not from you. Thank you for coming home.”

“
I always planned to come back, if only to settle things with Marcello once and for all. His mother’s stroke has put a temporary hold on my plans. What are you going to do?”

She wrapped her arms around herself and said, “I don’t know.”

“
Did the event help?”

“
No, although for the most part I enjoyed myself.”

“
Get the fuck out of town, you must be joking!”

She smiled and said, “I’m not.”

I shook my head at her, and wondered what brought a person to crave so much pain. I still questioned that about myself. I remembered Christian saying that just a matter of degrees separated us. Maybe he was right but I still found it baffling.

“
Have you heard from Luke?” I asked. I had wanted to ask that question ever since I saw the couch flipped around at the beach house.

“
Yes, I have.”

A wave of prickly energy thrummed through my body. I stood and said, “When? Why didn’t you say something?” I felt my pulse beating rapidly in my throat. “What did he want?”

“
About a week ago. He had money to give me and asked about my life and how the situation was working in the house with the three of us.”

“
You saw him? What did you say?”

“
Jane, I don’t have to tell you anything.”

Janice stood defiantly in front of me. What had I done to her that made her so … hurt or angry?

“
You’re right, you don’t.” I couldn’t think of what to say, so I finally forced myself to leave Janice, when I really wanted to shake the truth out of her.

As I turned, she touched my sleeve and said, “He asked about you.”

I snapped to attention.

“
Marcello already told him about the book and I said you were well.”

“
That’s it?”

“
No. I also told him Marcello is gaga over you. He said that wasn’t news to him.”

“
And?”

“
He asked if you were gaga over Marcello.”

I held my breath, waiting for her to continue.

“
I said, I didn’t think so.”

“
Is that it?”

“
The pertinent parts, yes.”

“
Thank you for telling me. You and me—is that ever going to sort out?”

“
I’ve only ever experienced jealousy once in my life, and you’re the one. I wish it weren’t that way and if wishes were rainbows, it would be a beautiful world.”

“
Do you think you and Marcello will sort things out once I’m gone?”

“
I honestly don’t know what is left for me and Marcello. He has asked me to stay, so I guess we’ll see,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“
Okay. Well … I’ll be around if you want to talk again,” I said, leaving her room and the ball in her court.

T
he weeks went by quickly. I spoke or texted with Marcello each day as his mother slowly recovered from her stroke. Still unable to speak, she did have use of her right hand and could communicate with Marcello through writing. She adamantly refused to move into his home and I knew Marcello wouldn’t leave her side until she fully recovered. Her mobility was improving, leaving her doctors and Marcello encouraged.

As I reviewed the
proofs
of my manuscript,
the
phone jostled me out of the world of
my story
. I reached over to pick it up and saw my mother’s name on the Caller ID.
How odd
, I thought. My mother would chide me—any time I had worked up the nerve to reach out to her, that is—about how I never called or came to see her, but it had been months since she had rung me up. Worried there might be a crisis, I put my work aside and answered.

“
Hi, Mom,” I said. “This is a surprise.”

“
I wanted to speak to you. It’s been months.”

“
I’m glad you called
,” I said
.
“
How are you?”

“
I’m fine. Worried about you but all right.”

“
I’m doing fine, Mom, truly. I’m better now.”

“
Still living at Marcello’s?”

“
Yes, Mother.”

“
I worry about him as much as I did with Luke. I still remember him from the wedding and how he snatched the bouquet from Sandy. She’d probably be married already if it weren’t for him,”
she said,
finishing the statement with a tut-tut.

“
They set the date so you can take that off your list of concerns.”

“
That is good news,” she replied. “I always really liked Sandy.”

Her response took me by surprise. “You’re welcome to come to dinner here if you’d like.”

“
I’d much rather meet for lunch in our usual place, just you and me.”

“
That’s fine,” I said. I wanted to tell her about my book but not over the phone. “When are you free?”

“
Well, let me check my organizer,” she said.

Organizer?
Was she being sarcastic? Usually I could tell.

I, like everyone else, wanted to love my mother but she sure made it challenging at times. I took a calming breath and said, “Tomorrow at noon?”

“
Let’s make it 12:30 p.m.”

“
Thanks for the call, Mom, and I’ll be there tomorrow.”

Seeing my mother—never at the top of favorites on my task list—would at least occupy some of the time until Marcello returned home.

After ending the call with my mother, I hopped onto Facebook to check my messages. I found one from Chase.

Chase:
You might get a call from Parker.

I typed in my response hoping I would catch him.

Jane:
You still on?

Chase:
Here.

Jane:
Why is Parker calling?

Chase:
Well, evidently the woman I went out with
the night I came and got you
is a friend of a friend who works at their office.

Jane:
And you told her you ended the date because of me?

Chase:
No, but you know what she’s like.

Jane:
You mean relentless?

Chase:
LOL! Your words, not mine.

Jane:
Thanks for the warning.

Chase:
Any more news on Marcello’s mother?

Jane:
Her mobility is improving and he sounds much more encouraged.

Chase:
Will he be back in time for
the signing party
?

Jane:
I don’t think so.

Chase:
Parker, Andre, and I will be there.

Jane:
Great!