My Body-His Marcello (34 page)

I began to
unbutton his shirt. Impatient, he pulled it over his head and
embraced my naked body tightly against his hairy chest. I buried my
face against him and breathed in his unique smell, so earthy and
masculine. He tucked his hands under my buttocks, rubbing his hard
cock between my legs through his pajama bottoms. Holding my pussy
snug to his pelvis, he lowered his head and sucked my aching
pierced nipple into his mouth, eliciting whimpers of
pleasure.

“
I can
wait no longer,
bella
,” Marcello whispered. His husky voice
in my ear had me fully roused.

My skin tingled
with anticipation of what would come next. He stepped back to lower
his pants. His prominent erection was proof of his yearning for me.
It was thrilling to see Marcello lose control.

He gathered me up
by my hips, lifting my wet opening so that his hard phallus could
penetrate me, filling me and frankly thrilling me.

“
Oh my
god, this feels … ” I muttered as he seated himself deeper within
me. “Oh my … you are so … oh please … don’t stop. Please don’t
stop.” I leaned back on my hands, brazenly pushing myself up to
meet him. His cock felt exquisite, stretching me, opening me to the
pleasures I had lost. My eyes closed involuntarily from the sheer
elation of the sensations I was feeling.

“
Jane,” Marcello said in a stern tone. “Look at me.”

I gave him the
vulnerability he wanted. I allowed his piercing gaze to scale the
walls I had erected to allow myself to heal. And now, I could feel
a massive orgasm building within me, not just a clitoral release
but a real body explosion of the woman I was finally accepting, the
sexual beast Luke had set free.

“
I’m
close, Jane, and I want you to cum with me,” he said as he slammed
in and out of me, meeting my thrusts.

I inhaled the
essence of our sex and the man before me and finally allowed myself
the intense decadence my body craved. “Now, oh god, now please,
oh,” I moaned.

“
Yes,
Jane,” He thundered as he spilled his seed within me. Our eyes
locked, sparking not only my libido but my heart as
well.

As he pulled out
of me and stepped back, I scooted off the chest of drawers and ran
into the bathroom to clean up. I had so enjoyed the sex, the
release, his physical prowess, but now I worried about what he
would expect from me. I knew I would enjoy some rougher play but I
might never be ready to give myself to another. I lingered in the
bathroom not wanting to confront the formidable man in the next
room.

“
Jane?” I heard him say as he rapped on the bathroom
door.

“
Coming,” I said, shutting off the faucet and drying my hands.
I opened the door and strode over to where he sat on the bed. “I’m
not ready,” I said.

“
You
are closer than you think,” he said, hugging me to him.

“
I’m
not sure I’ll ever be ready to meet your expectations. I can’t
commit to the kind of relationship you have with
Janice.”

“
We
have time and I can be quite convincing,” he said, holding me at
arm’s length and gazing into my eyes.

“
That’s what I’m afraid of,” I said with a small grin. I held
out my hand and he smiled. His grin vanished when he realized my
intention. “Time for you to go,” I said, leading him to the
door.

“
I’m
not one to give up easily,” Marcello said as he looked back at me
before closing the door.

I knew he meant
it.

* * *

While I lived at
Marcello’s Janice and I renewed our friendship. It took a while,
but after a time I forgave her, realizing that she, too, had been a
pawn in Luke’s game. I knew she still loved him as much as I did. I
also knew that, given the chance, she’d go back to him. I honestly
wasn’t sure of what I would do, but I’d given up the hope of ever
seeing Luke again.

I sometimes
struggled between “ignorance is bliss” and “knowing the truth,”
which currently battled for dominion. One thing still plagued me
and I finally got up the nerve to ask Janice about it.

Janice, who had
just gotten home from work, asked me if I would join her for a
drink. She opened a chilled bottle of Moscato and poured us both a
glass.

After taking
a large swallow of the
wine, I said, “Something has been bothering me and I’m wondering if
you have the answer.”

“
Sure,
what is it?” she said, sitting on the couch near where I
stood.

I paced a bit and
then finally spit it out, “Does Luke sell the videos from the house
parties?” It bothered me to think he did something so illegal and
ethically wrong.

“
Oh,
those? No. He records them for liability reasons. He worries about
getting sued.”

“
Oh,”
I said, sitting down next to her. I felt incredible relief, which
struck me as silly. “And videos like the one I watched of you and
the men?”

“
Those
are legal. All the parties involved signed waivers to
participate.”

I looked away,
trying to organize the new information in my mind.

She laid her hand
on my thigh and I glanced back at her.

“
Do
you still miss him?” Janice asked.

“
I’d
say no but he still haunts my dreams.”

“
Yeah,
I know what you mean.”

* * *

At least the
doctors at the retreat had gotten one thing right: documenting the
story of my time with Luke had helped me gain clarity. In order to
be with him, I’d had to barter away pieces of myself. I traded
parts of me for his love. In the end he abandoned the love that
kept me whole, leaving me to fall apart. I would never again let
that happen.

Unfortunately he
had instilled in me the desire to be dominated, disciplined, and
tied up. I wasn’t yet ready to explore that place again but I felt
the time would be coming soon.

Something else I
had learned: Janice and I both loved Marcello. Even though he was
the more severe of the two, Marcello had shown more depth of
compassion than Luke ever had. He’d also shared much more of
himself with me.

* * *

The next day,
after dropping off ten query letters for agents at the post office,
I went to the beach for a run. When I finished my workout, I
stretched in the usual spot. I bent over to touch my toes and felt
an unexplained jolt to my spirit. When I stood again I saw Luke
leaning against the wall across the boardwalk.

I stood, staring
at him, not knowing what to do. Although he had never divorced me
nor I him and I had kept the piercings from our wedding night, I
didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I hoped to hear if I did
speak to him.

My heart raced
and the rest of the world fell away. His face looked sad and lost.
He looked older than I remembered.
What had happened to him
?
I thought.

As my eyes
brimmed with tears I realized that
I
had happened to him.
We
had happened to each other. We had
been the cause of our mutual destruction
. I
leaned down to retrieve my water bottle and when I looked up again,
I could see him slowly walking down the street, away from
me.

Sometimes love
isn’t
good
love, my mother used to say. I don’t know where
life will lead me next but I do know I will look for
good
love the next time around.

* * * *

Following is an excerpt from

MY BODY-MINE

The final episode in the
My Body
Trilogy

By Blakely Bennett

Coming July 2013

The crazy odyssey
I had come to know as my
new
life had quieted down somewhat,
but I knew it for what it was, a mere reprieve. I had healed,
mostly, from my recent ordeal and settled peacefully into
Marcello’s comfortable home. Janice, Marcello and I had found an
easy daily rhythm, and they both allowed me the space I required to
repair the damage to my psyche and soul. However, I knew my time
for coasting was coming to an end.

True to his word,
Marcello persisted in prodding me to move forward into a more
submissive relationship with him.
So far
I had
held
him off
,
but
now
he began to show his
impatience
in the way he would raise his voice
before quickly
regain
ing
self-control.
Not unlike Luke, he intended to possess my body, possess my sex,
and rule my life by giving his own erotic urges
precedence.

“
Jane,
pick a safe word,” Marcello said as if we had sorted everything out
between us. He took a seat next to me on the brown leather couch
closest to the front entrance.

“
I could leave
…” I
said, using my trump card again. I knew the last thing he wanted
was for me to
move
out
from under him, literally and figuratively.

Even though our
sex
ual encounters
had
become more aggressive, I had yet to allow him true dominance.
There had been no bondage or discipline between us, short of the
spanking I had received the day before. The only fallout from that
had been a mildly
inflamed
ass. I had
giggle
d
and
squirmed and resisted, causing
his large phallus to poke against my stomach.

His hospitality
had run its course and now I needed to decide whether to move out
or submit. Could I give Marcello the submission he hungered after
and still keep my mind intact?
I had a constant
fear of losing myself again. I
longed to be more like Janice, who really owned the person she knew
herself to be and
fully
embraced the choices she had made. I, on the other hand, constantly
second-guessed my
decisions
and lived in fear of repeating my recent
mistakes.

I
n my own way
I loved Marcello and a part of me
wanted to give my body over to him. Another part of me
—the survivor—
argued that my
sanity
hung in the
balance.

Once
again I introduced a topic
we had
discussed
several times over the
past
few weeks. “Janice
told me a while ago that you don’t use safe words.”

“
We’ve
been through this, Jane. I haven’t, so far, but you and I need to
start from the beginning, just as Luke should have done with you
from the
get-go
. We need
it for the contract
 
… which you will ultimately sign.” He
fixed
me
with
a penetrating stare that was
meant to compel me into submission.

Dancing my part
of the repeat performance, I said, “I will consider signing when
you show me that you understand the concept of negotiation and
compromise.”

“
I’ve
already removed the part about having control over when you eat.
That’s a huge compromise.”

“
We
have a difference of opinion on that
. As
you
certainly
know by now
,
I would prefer not to have any contract between
us.”

Marcello rose
from the couch and walked over to the bar to pour a scotch. “Our
type of relationship
must
have
rules and boundaries and
clearly defined
expectations. You need to know what
to expect from me and what I require of you.”

“
I’m
having a déjà vu, Marcello. I’m not ready for what you want from
me.”
Confronting him directly,
I added,
“Why does our relationship have to be like the one
you already have with Janice? You can take
her
to your S
and
M parties
. She’s
accustomed
to that
.”

“
It’s
time for you to let go of what happened with Luke,” he said. “I
think it would be the best choice for you to get a divorce and move
on
. My offer still
stands
.
M
y attorney is at your
disposal.”

“
I
don’t want a divorce and I have been very clear with you about
that. I don’t intend
to
marry again so there is no point.”

“
A
divorce is symbolic of your willingness to move on from that
relationship.
Then
we
could really start our life together.”

“
What
is wrong with what we have now?”

“
You
know the answer to that question, Jane.”
He was
start
ing
to raise his voice as he approached where I sat.
“How many times have we been over this?”

“
Let’s
finish this tango later, shall we?
” I said, rising to my feet and hurrying toward my room.
“
I need to get my run in
.
”

“
Ciao,” he said.

“
Goodbye,”
I said
with a conciliatory wave.