My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish (4 page)

“I guess you're coming with me then,” I said as I scooped up Frankie from the puddle and plopped him in the bag. I tied a knot in the top and held the bag in my teeth as I climbed down the side of the garage. My feet felt for the top of the compost bin. Got it! From there I jumped down onto the lawn. Escape Route 5 was a success (even carrying a fish). Result!

I ran around to the front of the house and peeked through the window. I could see Pradeep's back. He was sitting in a chair and Mark was standing in front of him showing him his chemistry set. If Pradeep could just keep Mark downstairs for a bit longer, then Frankie and I would be back before he noticed. In seconds I was at Pradeep's back door, inching it open.

His mom was inside making popcorn. Popcorn kernels popped and banged so loudly, she didn't hear the door open. She rolled some popcorn pieces in green marshmallow fluff and rolled some others in blue marshmallow fluff and then squished them into little round globes. Then she poured melted white chocolate over the top of each of the little earths. It took me a second, but then I got it. Melting polar ice caps. Cool.

“Samina,” she called out, “can you come and help Mommy take out our party plates?”

Sami burst through the kitchen door dressed in mermaid pajamas with a blue-and-green tail swooshing behind her. The tail got caught in the door, yanking her onto the floor with a
thud
. I covered my mouth so she couldn't hear me laugh.

And before you say anything, laughing at little sisters doing stupid things is totally not evil; it's not even mostly evil. It's just regular.

As Pradeep's mom went over to help her, Frankie and I moved over to the cupboard where all the party stuff was kept. I crouched low behind the counter and put Frankie on the floor in his bag so I could open the cupboard and reach inside.

“Samina, would you like to lick the chocolate bowl?” Pradeep's mom asked as she put Sami back on her feet and turned to take the chocolate-and-marshmallow popcorn balls out into the living room. I heard the kitchen door shut behind her.

Sami toddled over to the counter that we were hiding behind. “Bowl,” she announced in that really serious way tiny kids have of saying stuff. She stuck her hands in the bowl, smeared them around and started to lick the chocolate. Then she squealed, “Fishy! Fishy!”

I peered around the corner to see Sami jumping up and down on the spot and Frankie swishing his tail in circles and paddling his front fins at the same time to roll the bag toward her. How did he figure out how to do that?

“Fishy! Fishy!” Sami shouted again.

I jumped out from behind the counter. “Shhh, Sami!”

Her bottom lip started shaking in that earthquake warning—this tantrum is going to be a nine on the Richter scale—kind of way.

I scooped up Frankie off the floor in his bag and handed him to Sami. She gripped the top with her chocolatey fingers.

“I mean, shhh, quiet little fishy,” I whispered.

“Shhh, little fishy.” She giggled. She stared at Frankie in the bag. “Swishy little fishy,” she said.

I ran back to the cupboard and searched. Flour, sugar, sprinkles, icing, tiny little icing polar bears … Aha! Food coloring. I grabbed the little green bottle and ran back to Sami and Frankie.

Sami was still holding the bag, but she was much quieter now. She just whispered “swishy little fishy” over and over. Frankie stared at her with his big green bulging eyes and she just stared ahead. What was with this goldfish? He could survive toxic gunge, jump out of windows, and now he could make the noisiest little kid on the planet go quiet. As I looked at Frankie a little lightbulb went on somewhere in the back of my head.

Frankie's glowing green eyes. They looked like the “Undead Gaze” that the zombies in Mark's comics used to hypnotize people. And Sami's stare! One of her eyes was looking at the wall and the other one was looking up my left nostril at the same time.

It was a goldfish stare!

Maybe I hadn't saved Frankie's life at all when I shocked him with the battery? Maybe I brought him back from the dead … and now Frankie was a Big Fat Zombie Goldfish! And somehow he had hypnotized my best friend's sister.

 

 

I had to get back to Pradeep. He'd know what to do. Maybe they'd learned about hypnotized little sisters in Cub Scouts? I grabbed Sami's slimy, chocolatey hand and headed for the back door just as Pradeep's mom came back into the kitchen.

“Oh, hello, Tom. I thought you and Pradeep were playing at your house. Isn't Pradeep with you?”

“Um, hi, Mrs. Kumar, um, Pradeep asked me to come and get Sami 'cause my mom said she could play with the new goldfish we got,” I mumbled. “Is that OK?”

“Swishy little fishy,” Sami said again.

“Tell your mom that's fine, but Pradeep should bring Samina back in half an hour for dinner. Would you like to come as well? I can—”

“OK,” I blurted out, pulling Sami by the hand. Pradeep's mom was still talking as we ran out the door and around the back of my house. I pushed Sami through the dog flap in the kitchen door (Escape Route 14) and then squeezed through myself.

Sami was still doing the freaky goldfish-stare thing and I knew I had to get Frankie back up the stairs and into his bowl with clean green water or Mark would completely kill me. I peeked around the corner into the living room, but Mark and Pradeep were gone. Then I heard Mark's mumbling voice upstairs.

Frankie started thrashing around in the water like mad at the sound of Mark's voice and I swear his eyes started glowing more than ever. I quickly pushed Sami and Frankie back into the kitchen.

“Just wait here,” I said. “And remember, shhhh.”

Sami put a chocolatey finger to her lips as she held the bag in the other arm like a baby doll. “Shhhh,” she said.

OK, I know that it might seem strange to leave my friend's hypnotized little sister alone with the zombie fish that hypnotized her, but I don't know how to explain it, I just kind of knew she wouldn't be in danger with Frankie. I also knew, even back when my brother was mostly evil, Pradeep would totally be in danger with Mark. Zombie goldfish are like Code Blue in jelly bean terms, but
EVIL SCIENTIST
big brothers are definitely Code Red.

I snuck upstairs and slowly peered around the corner into Mark's room. Pradeep was on the floor. Oh no, I was too late! I could see his feet but not his body or his head, because Mark's desk was in the way. Pradeep wasn't moving at all. Mark must have knocked him out. He'd gone completely evil now. The millipedes in my stomach were having a squirming party.

Mark stood in front of Pradeep and looked at the goldfish bowl. “Fine,” he said. “If you won't tell me where my experiment is, then you won't say nothing at all.”

Then I saw Pradeep's foot wiggle and heard him trying to talk.

“Mmanything,” he mumbled.

He sounded like he did the day we had the green cupcake–eating contest at his mom's and he was trying to say “No more cupcakes, please” with a mouth completely squashed full of cupcakes.

“Shut up,” Mark said, and kicked Pradeep's foot as he went out toward the bathroom. “I'm gonna put more water in the fishbowl. Stay put, moron.”