My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish (16 page)

“I think Frankie must have summoned them somehow,” I interrupted, “and sent them a message with what he needs. Look!”

“Oh, he doesn't look good, does he? Poor fish. Looks famished. No wonder he wanted eggs and bread, but why the moldy ones?”

“They're green!” Pradeep and I said at the same time. I realized I talk at the same time as a lot of people. Gotta work on that. I checked no one else was about to speak before I added, “He only likes green food.”

I took the eggs and moldy rolls and crumbled them into the jug. Frankie shook slightly, then his mouth opened and closed. He started gobbling up egg bits and moldy bread. He looked up at me from his jug, winked, and swished his tail.

“Good to have you back, Frankie,” I said, patting him gently on his top fin. “We just need your help with one more thing,” I added, before Pradeep and I whispered the next stage of our plan.

 

 

We tied Sanj in the mosquito netting too and let Frankie zombify him and Mark so they wouldn't try to escape. Then we went down to the basement and Frankie re-zombied the BBEDLAM-stunned zombies, so that they were under his control. He made them all go to the assembly hall, including the lunch ladies and Mrs. Kumar. Pradeep and I wrote a message on the whiteboard that said: “Welcome to the Lunch Lady Appreciation Assembly.”

Frankie released everyone from his control and they all blinked to life. The zombie-stares had vanished.

“It's like they've been rebooted,” Pradeep said.

On cue, Pradeep and Sami and I started singing, “For they are jolly good ladies, for they are jolly good ladies, for they are jolly good ladies, which nobody can deny!” And everyone just kind of joined in. The lunch ladies looked surprised and some of them even blushed. Gladys smiled bigger than ever.

Mrs. Prentice looked confused to find herself standing at the microphone at the front of the assembly hall. She read the whiteboard and looked over at the beaming faces of the lunch ladies and said, “Yes, um, of course, the school couldn't function without the dedication of our much-valued catering staff.”

“Three cheers for the lunch ladies!” I shouted.

The whole hall replied, “Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!”

When the assembly was over, we told Mrs. Prentice that we had found the purple-traitors (even though neither of them was wearing purple) of the false fire alarm and computer prank and that they were in the science lab. Pradeep and I ran ahead, and Pradeep wiped the virus off Sanj's laptop just in time.

Mark and Sanj were still tied up when Mrs. Prentice and Mrs. Kumar walked in.

“Stupid moron, letting a fish crack your code!” Mark shouted.

“No, you are the stupid moron for not catching the fish in the first place!” Sanj shouted back.

“You are
so
not evil enough to be in my gang,” Mark said.

“And you are far too intellectually
inferior
to be in my gang,” Sanj replied.

Mark's face looked like his brain was trying to figure out what Sanj just said, then he gave up and thumped Sanj instead. “Whatever!” he grunted.

Mrs. Prentice leaned over Sanj and Mark. “I've spoken to the principal at the middle school, so you can add truancy to your list of other misdemeanors, like tampering with the fire alarm and hacking the school computer.”

Basically, Mrs. Prentice was telling them that they were busted.

“I think you boys have a lot of explaining to do,” she said.

She led the boys toward her office, with Pradeep's mom tutting at Sanj. Then Mrs. Kumar stopped and turned around. “Samina,” she called. Sami skipped out of the science lab, carrying Pradeep's lunchbox.

“Oh, thank you, Samina. Here's your lunch, Pradeep.” She paused for a second. “Oh, I nearly forgot the way you like it.” She gave the lunchbox a shake before handing it to Pradeep.

Pradeep gave me a look that said, “I bet you know why she did that, but I won't ask you now.” And I knew exactly what his look meant.

Sami waved as she trotted off after her mom. “Bye, swishy shaky fishy,” she giggled.

Pradeep opened the lunchbox—and there was Frankie in the plastic bag that I had put him in after the lunch-lady assembly. The goldfish's eyeballs were spinning around in their bulging sockets.

“Poor Frankie,” I said. “I don't think he's going to want to come to school with me again.”

“Hey, Frankie, let's go and see the lunch ladies,” Pradeep said.

“Yeah, I bet they could find you something green to eat,” I added.

Frankie swished his tail and it even looked like he gave us a fins-up sign with his left fin.

In the cafeteria Gladys said that she would keep our secret about Frankie.

“He's the cutest little zombie fish really,” she said. I think Frankie blushed, but it was hard to tell through his fish scales. “Besides, it's the most exciting day at work I've ever had,” she carried on, “and don't worry, next time you're in the food line, I'll give you an extra egg.” She nudged my arm with her spatula and smiled.

My stomach lurched at the thought, but Frankie thrashed around in excitement. I guess I could always take it home as a treat for him. 'Cause, from now on, Frankie's safer staying at home. I never realized how dangerous school can be. Luckily, we've got a big fat zombie goldfish to help out when things get rough. I wonder how good he is at times tables…?

 

NOTE

 

Chapter 4
The Rise of BBEDLAM

1
Pradeep looked up “purple-traitor” later online and told me that the word is actually “perpetrator,” which apparently has nothing to do with being purple or being a traitor. How boring is that?

 

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

 

I have so many people to thank for taking
My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish
by the fin and leading it to publication.

First I have to thank the volunteers and members of SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators). I would never have written this book without the support that SCBWI has given me over the years. I wrote
My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish
for a SCBWI contest run by Sara Grant and Sarah Manson. So thank you so much to both of them.

I also want to thank my friends in my fantastic critique group, Sue Hyams, Paolo Romeo, and Liz De Jager, for cheering me on and cheering me up when I most needed it and for helping my manuscript along its journey.

I want to thank Brady the goldfish (who lives with my amazing agent Gemma Cooper). It's because of Brady that Gemma asked to see the manuscript of
My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish
when we met at an SCBWI conference last year. I of course have to thank Gemma for being everything I could possibly ask for in an agent and a friend and for working with me on the manuscript and making it as strong as it could be before we sent it out to the wide world, where it was hooked by Emma Young and Sam Swinnerton at Macmillan UK and Jean Feiwel at Feiwel and Friends.

I especially have to thank Ruth, Emma, Sam, and the UK team at Macmillan for everything they have done and Jean, Holly, and the team at Feiwel and Friends for encouraging, editing, promoting, and throwing the best Zombie Goldfish suprise party ever.

Lastly, thank you to my friends for believing in me and thank you to my fiancé, Guy, and my kids, Daniel and Charlotte, who have made what could have been a very difficult few years so much fun. Thanks for the coffees and the cuddles.

 

What happens when a Big Fat Zombie Goldfish meets the Evil Eel of Eel Bay? This is one family vacation that is bound to be . . . electrifying!

Read on for a sneak peek of