My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (3 page)

I was about to AWOL from a hospital against
medical advice. But someone had to intervene with the whole Lorrie
and Dick situation. The hope in me was that he had gone after her.
One would think one could assess the probables of merely walking
with a concussion. That I could not.

I stood up fast, as usual, almost went face
first into the empty bed next to mine. The caffeine was kicking in
but not fast enough. I felt drunk and something like Thorazine was
in my system. Pocketing the Dew Black bottles, as much my pockets
would allow, I stumbled down the busy hospital corridor trying to
be inconspicuous.

Stumbling here and there. I more than likely
looked drunker than a skunk on a Sunday. Which made sense in my
mind at the time. Chugging the Dew Black, burped, stumbled along.
The elevators and stairwell were just a few feet away. I was going
to make it, I was going to escape from the hospital! My mind
flashed to Lorrie Lovitt and her teary eyes, I knew in that moment
I was escaping for her. Not Dick. My best friend. But to see Lorrie
Lovitt smile again, no red face, no tears.

“THAT'S HIM RIGHT THERE!
THE ONE WITH THE LIMP AND SODA POP!” I heard the voice of the upset
nurse.

“SIR, HOLD IT! SIR, YOU
ARE IN NO CONDITION TO LEAVE THE PREMISES AT THIS TIME!” I heard a
stern male voice shout. I was at the stairwell door. I turned to
them, they were behind me, far enough away.

“Stay back or I'll break
out my black belt karate, motherfuckers!” I shouted quickly
throwing the empty Dew bottle in their direction. I opened the door
to the stairwell, hopped the steps three at a time, no doubt I
would face plant at some point.

The overhead speakers screamed out, “CODE
GRAY TO THE STAIRWELL, CODE GRAY TO THE STAIRWELL, CODE GRAY,
STAIRWELL.”

I didn't know what the fuck that meant but
it made me hop faster. I made a fast decision to descend all the
way to the service exit. The doors used by the cooks, bedmakers,
and maintenance crew. The very last door on ground level.

I made it to the bottom.

The door read: Level 1. It looked locked
tight. I smashed my shoulder into it. The door shot open, smacking
against the outside wall of the building. There was a loud feminine
shriek. The smell of cigarette smoke hit my nostrils. The cold air
chilled my piping hot skin. It was clearly fucking Winter out
here.

Alone smoking a cigarette, Lorrie Lovitt
crouched against the speckled wall. The door slamming open had
shaken her. She looked up at me, her eyes re-piercing my soul, she
stood up fast.

“Oh my god. What the hell
are you doing out of bed and dressed with soda in your
pockets?”

“I'm escaping, duh.” I
tried to make a joke.

“Fucking you and Dick just
turn everything into a joke. You need serious medical attention and
here you are ready to run from something you need. Why are you two
so self destructive?” She wasn't really asking, the whole time she
stared me in the eyes, it hurt me.

“Smoking is also self
destructive. Looks like you just took a big bite of hypocrite
pie.”

“Whatever. You need to get
back in bed.”

“You know where my Zephyr
is?” I asked ignoring her talk of me going to bed.

“Your what?”

“My car.”

“Yeah. I have
it.”

“Okay, let's go.” I
started walking toward the back parking lot.

“Whoa, I don't think so,
Tuck.”

“Hey, you called
me,
Tuck
.”
Fireworks went off in my stomach.

“That's your name, duh.”
She said making my same joke, it made me smile. “Don't try to
change the subject, I'm taking you back in there.” Lorrie placed a
light restraining hand on my arm. Her hand was soft and
surprisingly warm. I wanted to kiss her, but forced it out of my
head, this made me squeeze my eyes shut. “Oh my god, are you OK?”
She asked putting her other cooler hand on my forehead. It smelled
like exotic flowers and cigarettes. Greatest smell ever.

“I'm fine. Where's Dick?”
I asked.

“He ran off, I don't know.
He had his car, I drove yours here. I was being stubborn and told
him to leave me alone. And he did something no guy has ever done
before.”

“What?” I was scared of
what idiotic thing it could've been.

“He listened. He left me
alone.” Lorrie was saddened and it hurt me to see her that way. She
looked up at me. “Hand over the soda, I told Dick not to bring you
that junk. Let's get you back inside, back in bed.”

“Not a good plan. I just
threatened the admitting doctor with karate. We gotta hit the road
Miss Lovitt.” I said and shot her my ace-up-the-sleeve grin. She
smiled and I think...blushed a little?

“You're not a charming as
you think.” She said with a curious grin. “Fine. But I'm
driving.”

“Fine by me. And yes, I'm
pretty damn charming.” I said. Followed Lorrie Lovitt to the
Zephyr. We sped off into the afternoon to find Dick.

We pulled into the parking lot of Johnny
Basil's Pizza. Dick's car was nowhere in sight. Lorrie's hair
shined in the light of the early evening. We had drove hours from
that far hospital to be back in the Inland Empire. The sun wasn't
quite settling down, but on its way.

I literally had to put the pain and
devastation I had from Lorrie Lovitt's innocence on hold. Suck it
up and swallow down. I would have rather died than been this close
to a woman I was falling in love with.

Lorrie had a certain away about life. Like
everything was going to be gravy. No matter what happened, things
would be alright. She went on long runs for fun! She volunteered at
the V.A. Hospital, for free! I didn't know all this at this point
in the story, so I will shut up now.

I smelled pepperoni pizza, salivated, then
wanted to tackle Lorrie and force her to confess how she felt about
me. The feeling I had was that Lorrie Lovitt could fall in love
with me.

Johnny Basil's Pizza was where Dick
delivered pizza's part time. But I knew he was not there,
immediately. I let Lorrie lead us in. The place was owned by Johnny
Basil, go figure. It was odd for a sit down place like it to
deliver, but anyone in their zone got to have the best pizza in the
world brought to them. The place was dark and set a relaxing mood
that made you wanna guzzle beer and wine, then gorge on pizza or
calzone, put some Dean Martin on the jukebox and relax.

There was a large indoor fountain in the
center of the restaurant. The fountain was a custom job. It
depicted a large pizza pie on a pedestal, water streams shot out of
the pepperoni. The smell in the air was always of cooking food,
fresh cool water, and the tart smell of wine. Johnny only had three
delivery guys and they had to split up days. The other two guys
that weren't Dick were Nico and Lorenzo, Johnny's nephews.

Nico was on duty that day. He looked like a
23 year old Joe Pesci. His hair was always in full pomade and he
only wore button down shirts with slacks. His shoes were shinier
than most Catholics virginity. Nico always chewed gum and talked
like everyone in the room knew what was going on. There was no such
thing as an inside joke to Nico Saucony.

Nico suffered a shake down at the hands of
the petite angel Lorrie Lovitt. For some reason she had trouble
believing that he had no info on Dick's whereabouts.

Three of us stood in the corner near the
jukebox. Lorrie conducted the following interrogation.

Lorrie: “You seen Dick around here
today?”

Nico: “Nah. He's off.”

Lorrie: “You sure about that?”

Nico: “Positive. I put it on my Mama's
secret sauce recipe.”

Lorrie: “Does Dick ever swing by on his days
off?”

Nico: “If he does hes got Tuck with him.
They drink themselves stupid, scare off the customers, gorge on
calzone. In fact, Johnny said he don't want Tuck hanging around
here no more.”

Me: “Sorry, Nico, just let Johnny know I was
escorting this lady here.”

Nico to Me: “Awright, but he ain't gonna
like it.”

Me: “I can handle Johnny.”

Lorrie: “Has Dick tried to contact you
today? Text? Email?”

Nico: “No texts. I don't have email.”

Lorrie: “Thank you for your cooperation, Mr.
Basil.”

Nico: “It's not Basil. It's Saucony.”

Lorrie: “Thank you, Mr. Saucony, you may
want to consider getting an email address.”

After that Lorrie shook down the bartender,
a cat named Miles, he didn't know where Dick was nor had he seen
him. I wasn't worried but Lorrie had this fire behind her eyes.
Like she felt that she had been the one who fucked it up. I wanted
to hold her. Of course I did not.

We got back into the Zephyr. Lorrie behind
the wheel, me stepping all over months of fast food trash and
Mountain Dew Pitch Black bottles. Out of my peripherals I saw
Lorrie turn to me.

“Sorry I went all
Law and Order
in there. I
guess I can get a little whacky when I'm determined. It just
doesn't make sense that Dick would disappear. You sure you called
your guys' place?”

“I'm positive. He's
probably just cruising around.”

“I should've never taken
him to McDonald's to pick up his car.” She said aloud to no one in
particular.

“Is your car still at
Deb's?” I asked.

“Yep.”

“Let's go get your car
then go back to the apartment and wait for Dick.” I
suggested.

“You can't drive
concussion boy, forget it.” Lorrie rolled her eyes and I could see
real agitation setting in. She was still more precious than any
woman I had ever seen.

I stared at the glove box. Realized I hadn't
been in the glove box for sometime. Opened it, rummaged through it.
We stayed in park, car off. Nothing new or interesting was in the
box.

Then I saw a neon blue card. The card was a
V.I.P. Pass from Lou's Chubby Chaser Lounge. A strip club featuring
thick, chubby, and large women. I had taken Dick there 3 months
earlier. He became a regular after that. I remembered it as one of
our greater bonding moments. We had a real “Guys Night.” The girls
weren't half bad either, the smaller chubby ones anyway.

So I realized that's where Dick was. But I
had Lorrie Lovitt with me. Bringing her there would probably only
make things worse. She already knew Dick had physical attraction
issues with her. I thought if I could ditch her, then I could step
out and hit Lou's and have a talk with Dick. A plan already formed
in my head.

“Look, why don't we just
go back to our place and wait out Dick. After the concussion wears
off I'll drive you to your car. But that probably won't be
necessary, because Dick will be back. I have ice cold beer or warm
bourbon if you like.” I said gently.

“Bourbon sounds awesome.”
Lorrie said. The sleep showing in her eyes. “You better not be
trying to seduce me or get me drunk, something like that. With
enough bourbon and the night I've had, it just might work.” She
said starting the car. Slightly flirtatious? Joking? Either way my
loins responded to that smile and comment of hers. I had to take a
deep breathe and think about baseball.

We pulled out onto the main street and
headed toward me and Dick's apartment.

CHAPTER 3

I Get
Lorrie Lovitt Drunk and Learn a Few Things from My Uncle

(Cynthia Garcia, The Lorrie
Lovitt Mixtape Playlist)

Lorrie Lovitt downed a third finger of
bourbon on the rocks(that means ice). She was already hazy eyed and
her size was the problem. Lorrie was more than likely legally
drunk. Her slender and fit body soaked up the liquor like a
sponge.

I sat next to her nibbling
on Nacho Cheese Doritos and sipping Mountain Dew Pitch Black. I
managed to convince Lorrie there was Yager in the Dew.
Death Cab For Cutie's
song
Lack Of Color
played in the background as the booze coursed
through her thin veins.

“
Did you call him again?” Lorrie asked.

The defeat behind her eyes angered me. But
Dick could not be at fault for this. The whole situation had run
into overdrive. It was 6:34 p.m. This fiasco started at 3 a.m.

“
Yeah. His phone is either off or dead.” I said.

It was partly true. Lorrie stared straight
ahead at the blank TV screen, I stared at her, trying to soak in
her looks and energy. Because she had alcohol in her system, my
staring was not creepy.

Keep in mind, creepy or weird, is only
decided by those who witness what chicks consider “creepy or
weird.”

“
You should lie down.” I suggested.

Lorrie looked at me. Her eyes were glazed
over.

“
You want to join me?” She said. Yeah she was
drunk.

“
I can't. I have work to do on the computer.” I said,
coldly.

“
But you make me feel good, Tuck. You make me feel the way
Dick does, but in a different way.” Lorrie said. Before laying her
head on my chest.

Was I Edward or Jacob in this situation?
Google the names together if you have been living under a rock.

I cringed. My chest hurt. I wanted my
headphones. Dick was my best friend. I couldn't touch her, she was
Dick's and she really didn't want me. The part where she didn't
want me, that part killed me the worst, I kept a straight face.
Years practicing being a man kept my face hard, strong.