Authors: M Robinson
I sat there in pure panic; Brooke and I decided to meet at eleven so that we could have some time alone before Madam arrived. We discussed her life and I tried to pay attention, although, in reality, I wasn’t. I felt awful that I had lied to Sebastian…well, I didn’t really lie; I just omitted the truth.
That’s not a lie, right?
I couldn’t tell him why I was seeing Madam–he wouldn’t understand or he would want to come with me. I didn’t know which one would have been worse. Madam arrived promptly at noon, she looked exactly how I remembered her, not a hair out of place, her makeup was flawless and she wore a black pantsuit. I paid extra attention to my appearance that morning; for some odd reason, I still wanted to please her. I wanted her to think I was still beautiful and I wanted to make her proud. I even straightened out my hair; Sebastian had called me out on it immediately. I just told him I wanted to look nice for Brooke; she didn’t know curly hair Ysa. He seemed to buy it.
“Bella Rosa,” Madam addressed, pulling me into her arms.
Her hug reminded me of the same embrace I had with Sebastian’s mom.
Maybe she really was like a mother to me…
She pulled away to look at me, still holding my arms in place. “God, darling, you are so strikingly gorgeous. Your hair is so long, I love it! Your skin is so tan and those clothes make you look like a Caribbean princess. No wonder your bar does so well,” she praised.
I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel more at ease. I was happy that she was still taken with me. She shared a similar welcoming with Brooke and we sat down to eat.
We talked about nothing in particular…at first.
“Bella Rosa, tell me everything, how are you and Sebastian?” she asked, making Brooke smile.
“Umm…we’re great, perfect actually. I have never been happier.”
“Really? Everything is going smoothly? No concerns or cause for complaint?”
I shook my head. “Not at all.” I lied.
There was no way I could tell her.
She cocked her head to the side. “Huh?”
“Yeah…nothing to complain about. Our relationship is amazing, everything just sort of fits. It’s like we left the past in the past and all that matters is that we’re together. We trust each other and there’s so much love it’s…just…perfect,” I exclaimed.
She took a sip of her mimosa and nodded.
And that’s when I knew…
“I call bullshit,” she announced.
As soon as Brooke told me that Ysabelle would be in town, I knew it was only a matter of time till she called me.
I’m never wrong.
When I saw her name appear on my phone, I silently cheered.
Tick tock…
I knew my girls better than they knew themselves. That’s what made me The Madam. As soon as I heard her say hello, I knew there was trouble in paradise. I accepted her offer to lunch, even though I had to change my entire day for it. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered other than her.
Mine.
I saw her sitting with Brooke as I parallel parked my car. They were sitting outside, right near the street. She looked disheveled, even from far away I could read her. The time had come…I had waited almost two and a half years to get to that point and I had to creep slowly. She was like a scared little kitten and I had to play nice, even though I wanted nothing more than to drag her back to The Cathouse where she belonged.
Home.
She was still picture-perfect, immaculate in every way. We had casual conversation until it was time to put on the show, from both our parts. She was going to play the role of the loving and devoted girlfriend while I played the role of the concerned and sympathetic Madam.
“Bella Rosa, tell me everything, how are you and Sebastian?” I asked, making Brooke smile.
My Brooke, always the eternal optimistic; I truly loved that about her.
“Umm…we’re great, perfect actually. I have never been happier.”
My…my…darling…your nose is growing.
“Really? Everything is going smoothly? No concerns or cause for complaint?” I coaxed.
She shook her head. “Not at all.”
Liar…liar…panties on fire.
I cocked my head to the side. “Huh?”
Bella Rosa could never lie. Maybe she could to other people; I’m sure Brooke bought every single word. I knew better.
You reap what you sow.
I needed to tread lightly.
“Yeah…nothing to complain about. Our relationship is amazing, everything just sort of fits. It’s like we left the past in the past and all that matters is that we’re together. We trust each other and there’s so much love it’s…just…perfect,” she boasted.
And then I was on…
3…
I took a sip of my mimosa and nodded.
2…
She looked right at me and knew. See…Ysabelle could read me, too. Except that I knew how to perform any role that I set myself in. The Madam can be anything you want her to be and right now, she needed to be understanding.
1…
“I call bullshit,” I declared.
“Excuse me?” she asked, taken aback.
“Ysabelle…my Bella Rosa…my darling, beautiful girl…since when have you ever been able to lie to me? I can’t tell you that I am not a little offended and hurt by your ability to boldface lie to me; however, I understand. Relationships are a personal thing and I completely respect that.” I grabbed her hands and held them in my lap, in a comforting gesture.
“I love you like a daughter, that will never change. I also know you like a daughter. You’re confused. Now, please, let’s try this again. How are things? Tell Madam.”
And
the walls came tumbling down…
She sighed. “I don’t even know anymore. I love him so much and he loves me equally the same. I just…it’s just…” she stammered.
“Yes, I know, but all relationships are hard and take work. Anything you love in this life takes work, darling, especially a man.”
Her eyes widened. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to reply like that.”
I half-laughed. “How did you expect me to reply?”
“I thought you would say I told you so or something along those lines,” she admitted.
Oh…trust me. I am biting my fucking tongue.
“I want what’s best for you; that’s all I’ve ever wanted,” I honestly replied. “Do you trust him? Are you scared?”
“I’m terrified, Madam; I don’t want to get hurt again. It’s this paralyzing fear that I have in the back of my mind and as much as I try to steer it away, it always comes back. I can’t get away from it. It mocks me.”
This is just way too fucking easy, like taking candy from a baby.
“That’s natural. You’re a strong woman. You control everything and anything about you. That’s how you’re made.”
My blood runs in your veins.
“Love is a scary emotion.”
It makes you fucking weak and brings you to your knees. I know, I live it.
“You love him and he loves you; everything else will just fall into place.”
And that place is…and will be…you sitting at the throne, in The Cathouse.
The Madam.
It’s only a matter of time.
Tick tock.
Call it intuition or a sixth sense, but the second I saw her step out of the bathroom with straight hair and completely made up, I just knew. When I asked her where she was going and she replied that she was having lunch with Brooke, it added fuel to the fire, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I asked the concierges where the driver had dropped her off and I found myself driving toward the restaurant before I gave it a second thought. I saw her immediately and my heart dropped.
She lied to me.
I waited at the suite for her to return, trying desperately to control the anger that was rising. I needed to give her another chance; she had given me so many that I had lost count. When she walked into the room, I pretended like I wasn’t suffocating inside.
“How was lunch?” I casually asked, changing the channels on the TV.
“It was great; how was your afternoon? I missed you,” she stated, laying her head on my lap and looking up at me.
I played with her hair, which usually relaxed me. Instead, it brought back painful memories; I hadn’t seen her like that in what felt like forever.
“I missed you, too. I got everything done I needed to. How’s Brooke? Anything interesting happen?”
I could see it in her eyes; her eyes always held the truth. She contemplated what to say to me. She wanted to tell me. It was screaming and blazing through her mind.
Please don’t lie to me.
“Same ole, same ole. We’re going to have dinner with her and Devon Saturday night.”
I nodded. “Okay. Did she say anything to you about Madam?” I impatiently inquired.
Her head jerked back. “Why would you ask that?”
“Just curious. You’re in Miami.”
“Oh.” She hesitated. “Sebastian…I ne—”
The phone rang, cutting her off, and I irritably answered it. “Yes? Yes. Thank you for confirming.” I hung up and looked back at her. “You were saying?”
And just like that, it was gone.
“Yeah…no, I haven’t talked to Madam, and Brooke hasn’t said anything.” She lied.
She fucking lied to me.
I needed to get away from her. I couldn’t be near her right then. I didn’t know what I would do and it physically destroyed me inside. I wanted to shake her, I wanted to yell at her, I wanted to hurt her. I hastily removed her off me and told her I was going to the gym. As I ran on the treadmill, I thought about everything.
Was this my punishment? Was I getting a taste of my own medicine? Is this how Julia felt every time I lied to her?
I hated myself.
And it was the first time since I made my way back to her.
In that moment…
I hated her, too.