Music Notes (26 page)

My knees turn to jelly and my heart does this crazy schoolgirl flutter. This man is making it impossible to continue to resist him day in and day out. It’s getting harder not to lean in and kiss him. Contract and show be damned.

“I’ll meet y’all at the hotel. Say six o’clock?”

We all agree and head towards the waiting van. Ben and Sara chat animatedly the entire trip, making us laugh with their sibling banter. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about Beau. I know. Nothing new, right?

I just hope I can keep it together long enough to get through this show. Hell, I’d be happy to just get through this night.

*****

“You look beautiful,” Beau whispers in my ear as we’re led towards a grill at the far end of the restaurant. The entire place is buzzing with energy. I’ve only ever been to a hibachi grill one other time and I left with my cheeks hurting from laughter and stuffed to the gills.

“Thank you,” I whisper back as I let Eli pull me towards our spot.

“I’m in da middle,” he exclaims as he reaches for Beau for help onto his chair.

Fortunately, I’m saved from having to sit by Ben, who was hovering closely, when my mom grabs the empty seat next to me. Beau sits on the other side of Eli leaving Sara to his left and Ben on the other side of her.

Sara instantly strikes up a conversation with Beau, which haggles my annoyance. I try not to let it show, but when Beau catches my eye and raises his eyebrow in question, a faint blush creeps up my neck.

We each place our order with the waiter. Mom and I chose the chicken and shrimp with fried vegetables and rice while I ordered chicken and lo mein noodles for Eli. Beau chose the steak and shrimp with veggies and rice, and Sara and Ben each stuck with the salmon and shrimp.

The mood is light as we enjoy our pre-dinner cocktails. I catch Ben watching me over the shoulders of Sara and Beau, but try not to let it get to me. Beau casually rests his arm on the back of Eli’s chair, which leaves his arm hanging right by my shoulder. Occasionally, I feel the slightest touch of his finger against my bare skin. Each graze is like a bolt of lightning straight to the apex of my legs. God, what I wouldn’t give to feel those hands on me in
other
places.

When our chef comes out, he instantly makes sure the grill is clean. He starts to set out his supplies, spreads the oil down on the grill top, and grabs his spatulas.

“Watch this, buddy,” Beau says to Eli who is watching wide-eyed for the show to start.

“Lean back, Eli,” I tell him as I pull his chair back a little from the table. When they light the oil on fire, flames shoot up, dancing high above the top of the grill. It’s amazing to watch, but could definitely sear the hair off your arms or eyebrows if you’re not careful.

Note to self: Eyebrow-less is NOT the look I’m going for tonight.

There’s not much opportunity to visit while the chef is cooking. He flips his spatulas around, spinning them and catching them like some oriental version of the movie “Cocktail.” He even tries tossing cooked pieces of chicken from his utensils into Beau and Ben’s mouths. It takes several tries, but Beau finally catches a piece of meat in his mouth. Eli cheers loudly and seems pleased when Beau offers him a friendly, happy smile.

“So, Beau, did I hear you’re dating Penelope Shaw?” Sara asks, resting her hand on his forearm again.

“Um, no. I’m not,” he replies with that country drawl so prominent.

“Oh, I thought I read somewhere that you were. My mistake,” she says, batting her eyelashes just a little bit more.

“Nope. I was seen in public with her a few weeks ago at a meeting of mutual friends, and ya know how the media is. Seen in public means ya must be gettin’ hitched,” he says with the shake of his head. 

He’s hatless tonight, which is a completely different way to view Beau. I’ve seen him take off his hat several times and run his long, lean fingers through those dark locks, but tonight the only indication of the cowboy underneath is the boots on his feet. His hair is styled nicely with no sign of hat-head, which tells me he must have showered before tonight’s dinner. Beau in the shower: God, talk about a mental image I’ll happily carry with me for the rest of the night!

“So you’re not seeing anyone?” she asks with a blindingly bright eager smile.

“Nope, but I’m not really lookin’ either.”

“Yeah, but sometimes those are the best relationships. The ones you weren’t looking for when they find you,” my mom adds to the conversation, drawing everyone’s attention to the woman over my shoulder.

“That’s absolutely true,” Beau says. When I look back at him, those gray eyes are focused exclusively on me. My heart rate spikes and my palms start to feel a little damp. I’m sure my breathing looks similar to that of a poodle in heat.

The moment we share is broken when Sara grabs his arm and pulls him closer. Beau’s a great sport, not wanting to be rude to the overzealous woman, but doesn’t exactly respond to her advances either. Not that I blame her at all! If I was single (which I am) and not under contractual obligations (we all know the answer to that one), then I’d probably throw myself at the hottie in the seat next to me too!

“I’d love to see LA while I’m here. Are you familiar with it, Beau?” Sara asks not-so-subtly. Again, touching his arm.

“Only a handful of places and landmarks. When I’m here, I just don’t have time to sightsee,” Beau says. “But they have tours, I’m told, that you can take and see all the Stars’ homes and stuff. You should check into one,” he adds politely. Denied. Something about that makes me smile internally.

“Yes, well, maybe I will,” she replies with a small smile.

After dinner, we head back to the hotel. Beau is still with us, riding shotgun in the network van that we’re using for this evening. I’m not sure how he arrived at the restaurant, but apparently it wasn’t in his own vehicle. Knowing the network, he either has his own driver or his own car to use.

“Beau, wanna see my Legos?” Eli asks with wide, innocent eyes.

“I’d love to, buddy,” he replies, throwing him an award-winning smile that makes my belly flip-flop.

“You can help me build a house. I wike to build houses,” Eli adds.

The air crackles as we make our way to the bank of elevators. Eli has Beau’s full attention as they discuss different things you can make with Legos. Eli has those larger blocks that he loves to build things with. He’s too little for the tiny Legos right now, but if his love for building things continues, I can see many Lego purchases in my future.

As we step off the elevator on the top floor, I follow my mom towards our suite. We had moved all of my belongings up here earlier in the day before rehearsal. Eli and I are set up in the larger of the two rooms while Mom happily chose the smaller room. The view from the main seating area is stunning. You can see the mountains majestically rising in the background, dotted with million dollar mountainside homes that all look like they could tumble down the mountain if someone so much as sneezes.

“Beau, can I get you something to drink?” my mom offers from the small kitchen.

“I’m good, thank you.”

I grab a bottle of water from the fridge as Beau sits in the middle of the floor and prepares to build a house with building blocks with my three-year-old. The sound of their laughter echoes off the walls in the kitchen, but it’s the unsaid words from my mom that are the loudest.

“What?” I ask.

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“That you have feelings for him,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Mom, don’t go there. You know that I can’t afford to develop feelings for him. Nothing can happen between us right now. Even after the show, it’s not likely that anything will develop.”

“What if something has already developed? I know you, Layne. I know how you guard your heart. I know how you protect yourself from men for fear that they’ll hurt and disappoint you. Well, not all men are like Colton. Some are actually good, decent men. Your father was a great man who loved fiercely and loyally. He was taken from us too soon and I live with that loss every day. But, you can’t be afraid to try, Layne. You can’t be afraid to give your heart to someone. Because someday, someone isn’t going to give it back. Someday, they’re going to keep it and give you theirs in return. Someday, all of the tears and the hurt will just go away because someone takes it all away. They will make you forget because they love you so fiercely that you have no other choice but to love them back. Live for that moment, Layne. When you find it, hang onto it.”

I blink rapidly to keep the tears at bay. I can’t cry now. Beau is not twenty feet away, playing with my son in the other room. Yet, her words strike me so deeply that I can’t help but to let one fall.

I’ve watched my mom mourn the loss of my dad every day. She gets by, coping in her own way, but she has never been the same since the day we laid him in the ground.

“What about you?” I choke out.

“What about me? I had the perfect life for a while with your father and you. I miss him every day. But lately I’ve been trying to enjoy life again. I realized not that long ago that I can enjoy life, the company of a man, and still always love your father. He’ll always be in my heart, even if my heart is leading me towards someone else. That’s the circle of life, Layne.”

“Wait. Towards another man? What are you talking about?”

“Well,” she says, shifting uncomfortably. “What if I told you I had a date not that long ago and that I’ve been meeting a new friend for lunch over the past several weeks?”

“I would be happy for you. Who is it?”

“Umm…Lee.”

“Lee!? From Chaser’s, Lee?” Suddenly things start to click into place.

“Yes, Lee from Chaser’s. He’s been divorced for a while now and we’ve been enjoying each other’s company.”

“I’m happy for you, Mom,” I tell her honestly as I walk across the room and pull her into a hug.

“Yes, well, it’s still new. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but I enjoy spending time with him nonetheless.”

“He has always seemed like a nice man. Though, if he hurts you, I’m going to have to maim him,” I tell her resulting in a laugh.

“Excuse me, ladies, but I’m supposed to grab ya and show ya our newest creation,” Beau says uncomfortably from the doorway.

I quickly step away from my mom, wipe away the rogue tear, and follow him into the living room where Eli has their tower proudly on display.

“It’s awesome, Eli,” I tell my son.

“Thanks, Mommy. Beau helped make it tall! It’s the tallest tower ever!”

“It sure is,” I tell him, bending down and kissing him on the crown of the head.

“Eli, why don’t you come with me? It’s time to take a bath, and Mommy can visit with Beau before he heads out,” my mom says.

“I can do it, Mom,” I retort.

“I know you can, but I don’t mind doing it tonight,” she says with a wink before scooting Eli off to the guest bedroom.

We stand in awkward silence for a few moments before Beau says, “Wanna step out onto the balcony?”

“Sure,” I reply, following him towards the sliding glass door.

Outside, the air is cool, but not enough to require a jacket. Night is falling and the roadways are littered with headlights. The sound of traffic is constant. That’s something I’ve noticed about LA. Even in the dead of night, you can always hear traffic. It’s like the city is always in motion.

A chill settles over me as we both look out over the city. I can feel his body heat next to me, and it warms me clear down to my toes.

“Are you cold?” Beau asks, taking note of my goose bumps.

“Not really,” I reply honestly. I just leave out the part about my goose bumps being caused by his mere presence.

Before I even know what’s happening, Beau pulls me against his warmth, wrapping his arms securely around me. “I had a good time tonight,” he mumbles against the top of my head.

“Me too.” Honestly, I did.

“So, I take it ya liked my surprise?”

“Yours was the best I’ve had in a long time,” I tell him.

“Are we still talkin’ about the surprise?” he asks with just hint of that cockiness that I’ve become accustomed to.

I laugh before replying, “Yes. What did you think I was talking about?”

Beau looks down at me, causing my neck to crane upward to meet his eyes. “This,” he says moments before his warm, lush lips meet mine. I shiver as heat floods my body, sending waves of anticipation coursing through my blood stream.

The kiss starts out slow, but it doesn’t take long before our need for each other starts to rear its head. With one swift swipe of his tongue against the seam of my lips, I’m opening up and granting him access. His tongue is everywhere. The way it strokes my own sends my entire world spinning. I grab tightly to the back of his black t-shirt, holding on for dear life. God, can this man kiss.

I barely register movement until his hands dip underneath the back of my shirt. His touch almost burns me as his hot, calloused fingers graze the sensitive skin of my lower back. My moan is swallowed by his mouth and by the night.

Suddenly, there are too many clothes. The barriers between us are too great, restricting and confining. I snake my leg up and around his strong leg. I can feel his hardened length pressed against my stomach, begging to be released, to be touched. I grind myself against him, rubbing and trying to relieve the pressure between my legs. Pressure that Beau created. Pressure that only Beau can release.

But before it can go any further, Beau starts to pull away. I whimper as I try to pull him snugly against me, but he resists. He stands directly in front of me, my leg still wrapped firmly around his waist with our hands locked on each other’s bodies. But the distance is there. It takes everything I have to not attack those lips again as I attempt to wrangle in my breathing.

“I can’t let this happen, Layne. Fuck, as much as I want it to, I can’t do this here. I can’t risk someone findin’ out. They’d send you home and your time on the show would be over. Besides the fact that you deserve to be here, deserve a shot at winnin’ this whole thing, I can’t risk sendin’ ya home early. You not being here every day would kill me. Not seeing you, not stealin’ touches and glances, it would slowly kill me inside. You’ve become the very air that I need.” His hands make their way up to my face. His eyes are full of lust and desire, but something else, too. Affection. Suddenly, I feel like I’m the most cherished person in the world.