Murder on the Leviathan (18 page)

No sooner had he made his apologies and left us alone than Fandorin whispered to me. conspiratorially: 'Well, Sir Reginald, which of us is going to crawl under the table;'' I realized that the diplomat was as suspicious of the professor's behaviour as I was. We understood each other completely in an instant. 'Yes, it is not exactly convenient,' I agreed. Mr Fandorin glanced around and then suggested: 'Let us do this thing fairly and honestly. If one of us can invent a decent pretext, the other will crawl after the napkin.' I nodded and started thinking, but nothing appropriate came to mind. 'Eureka!' whispered Fandorin, and with a movement so swift that I could barely see it, he unfastened one of my cufflinks. It fell on the floor and the diplomat pushed it under the table with the toe of his shoe. 'Sir Reginald,' he said loudly enough for people standing nearby to hear, 'I believe you have dropped a cufflink.'

An agreement is an agreement. I squatted down and glanced under the table. The napkin was lying quite close, but the dratted cufflink had skidded right across to the wall, and the table was rather broad. Imagine the scene. Your husband crawling under the table on all fours, presenting the crowded hall with a view that was far from edifying. On my way back I ran into a rather embarrassing situation. When I stuck my head out from under the table, I saw two young ladies directly in front of me, engaged in lively conversation with Mr Fandorin. When they spotted my red head at the level of their knees, the ladies squealed in fright, but my perfidious companion merely said calmly: 'Allow me to introduce Baronet Milford-Stokes.' The ladies gave me a distinctly chilly look and left without saying a word. I leapt to my feet, absolutely bursting with fury and exclaimed: 'Sir, you deliberately stopped them so that you could make fun of me!' Fandorin replied with an innocent expression: 'I did stop them deliberately, but not at all in order to make fun of you. It simply occurred to me that their wide skirts would conceal your daring raid from the eyes of the hall. But where is your booty?'

Palace!

What are these geometrical figures? What does the zigzag line mean? And why are there three exclamation marks?

I cast a stealthy glance at Fandorin. He tugged at his ear lobe and muttered something that I didn't catch. I expect it was in Russian.

'What do you make of it?' I asked. 'Let's wait for a while,' the diplomat replied with a mysterious expression. 'He's getting close.'

Who is getting close? Sweetchild? Close to what? And is it a good thing that he is getting close?

I had no chance to ask these questions, because just at that moment there was a commotion in the hall and everyone started applauding. Then M. Driet, the captain's social officer, began shouting deafeningly through a megaphone: 'Ladies and gentlemen, the grand prize in our lottery goes to cabin number eighteen!' I had been so absorbed in the operation with the mysterious napkin that I had paid absolutely no attention to what was going on in the hall. It turned out that they had stopped dancing and set up the draw for the charity raffle 'In Aid of Fallen Women' (I wrote to you about this idiotic undertaking in my letter of 3 April). You are well aware of how I feel about charity and fallen women, so I shall refrain from further comment.

The announcement had a strange effect on my companion - he frowned and ducked, pulling his head down below his shoulders. I was surprised for a moment, until I remembered that No. 18 is Mr Fandorin's cabin, just imagine that, he was the lucky winner again!

"This is becoming intolerable,' our favourite of fortune mumbled, stammering more than usual. 'I think I shall take a walk,' and he started backing away towards the door, but Mrs Kleber called out in her clear voice: 'That's Mr Fandorin from our saloon! There he is, gentlemen! In the white dinner jacket with the red carnation! Mr Fandorin, where are you going, you've won the grand prize!'

Everyone turned to look at the diplomat and began applauding more loudly than ever as four stewards carried the grand prize into the hall: an exceptionally ugly grandfather clock modelled after Big Ben. It was an absolutely appalling construction of carved oak - one and a half times the height of a man, and it must have weighed at least four stone. I thought I caught a glimpse of something like horror in Mr Fandorin's eyes. I must say I cannot blame him.

After that it was impossible to carry on talking, so I came back here to write this letter.

I have the feeling something terrible is about to happen, the noose is tightening around me. But you pursue me in vain, gentlemen, I am ready for you!

However, the hour is already late and it is time to take a reading of our position.

Goodbye, my dear, sweet, infinitely adored Emily.

Your loving

Reginald Milford-Stokes.

Renate Kleber

Renate lay in wait for Watchdog (that was what she had christened Gauche once she discovered what the old fogy was really like) outside his cabin. It was clear from the commissioner's crumpled features and tousled grey hair that he had only just risen from his slumbers - he must have collapsed into bed immediately after lunch and carried on snoozing until the evening.

Renate deftly grabbed hold of the detective's sleeve, lifted herself up on tiptoe and blurted out:

'Wait till you hear what I have to tell you!'

Watchdog gave her a searching look, crossed his arms and said in an unpleasant voice:

'I shall be very interested to hear it. I've been meaning to have a word with you for some time, madam.'

Renate found his tone of voice slightly alarming, but she decided it didn't really mean anything - Watchdog must be suffering from indigestion, or perhaps he'd been having a bad dream.

'I've done your job for you,' Renate boasted, glancing around to make sure no one was listening. 'Let's go into your cabin, we won't be interrupted in there.'

Watchdog's abode was maintained in perfect order. The familiar black file reposed impressively in the centre of the desk with a neat pile of paper and several precisely pointed pencils lying beside it. Renate surveyed the room curiously, turning her head this way and that, noting the shoe brush and tin of wax polish and the shirt collars hung up to dry on a piece of string. The moustache man was obviously rather stingy, he polished his own shoes and did a bit of laundry to avoid having to give the servants any tips.

'Right then, out with it, what have you got for me?' Watchdog growled irritably, clearly displeased by Renate's inquisitive-ness.

'I know who the criminal is,' she announced proudly. This news failed to produce the anticipated effect on the detective. He sighed and asked: 'Who is it?'

'Need you ask? It's so obvious a blind man could see it,' Renate said with an agitated flutter of her hands as she seated herself in an armchair. 'All the newspapers said that the murder was committed by a loony. No normal person could possibly do anything so insane, could they? And now just think about the people we have sitting round our table. It's a choice bunch of course, perfectly matching blooms, bores and freaks every last one of them, but there's only one loony.'

'Are you hinting at the baronet?' asked Watchdog.

'Now you've got it at last!' said Renate with a pitying nod. 'Why, it's as clear as day. Have you seen his eyes when he looks at me? He's a wild beast, a monster! I'm afraid to walk down the corridors. Yesterday I ran into him on the stairs when there wasn't a soul around. It gave me such a twinge here inside!' She put one hand over her belly. 'I've been watching him for a long time. At night he keeps the light on in his cabin and the curtains are tightly closed. But yesterday they were open just a tiny little crack, so I peeped in. He was standing there in the middle of the cabin waving his arms about and making ghastly faces and wagging his finger at somebody. It was so frightening! Later on, in the middle of the night, my migraine started up again, so I went out for a breath of fresh air, and there I saw the loony standing on the forecastle looking up at the moon through some kind of metal contraption. That was when it dawned on me. He's one of those maniacs whose bloodlust rises at full moon. I've read about them! Why are you looking at me as if I were some kind of idiot? Have you taken a look at the calendar recently?' Renate produced a pocket calendar from her purse with a triumphant air. 'Look at this, I've checked it.

On the fifteenth of March, when ten people were killed on the rue de Grenelle, it was a full moon. See, it's written here in black and white: pleine lune.'

Watchdog looked all right, but he didn't seem very interested.

'Why are you goggling at it like a dozy owl?' Renate asked angrily. 'Don't you understand that today is a full moon too? While you're sitting around doing nothing, he'll go crazy again and brain somebody else. And I know who it will be - me. He hates me.' Her voice trembled hysterically. 'Everyone on this loathsome steamer wants to kill me! That African attacked me, and that Oriental of ours keeps glaring and grinding his teeth at me and now it's this crazy baronet!'

Watchdog carried on gazing at her with his dull, unblinking eyes, and Renate waved her hand in front of his nose.

'Coo-ee! M. Gauche! Not fallen asleep have you, by any chance?'

The old grandpa grabbed her wrist in a firm grip. He moved her hand aside and said sternly:

'I'll tell you what, my dear. You stop playing the fool. I'll deal with our red-headed baronet, but I want you to tell me about your syringe. And no fairy tales, I want the truth!' He growled so fiercely that she shrank back in alarm.

At supper she sat there staring down into her plate. She always ate with such an excellent appetite, but today she had hardly even touched her sauteed eels. Her eyes were red and swollen and every now and then her lips gave a slight tremor.

But Watchdog was in a genial, even magnanimous mood. He looked at Renate frequently with some severity, but his glance was fatherly rather than hostile. Commissioner Gauche was not as formidable as he would like to appear.

'A very impressive piece,' he said with an envious glance at the Big Ben clock standing in the corner of the saloon. 'Some people have all the luck.'

The monumental prize was too big to fit in Fandorin's cabin and so it had been installed temporarily in Windsor. The oak tower continually ticked, jangled and wheezed deafeningly, and on the hour it boomed out a chime that caught everyone by surprise and made them gasp. At breakfast, when Big Ben informed everyone (with a ten minute delay) that it was nine o'clock, the doctor's wife had almost swallowed a teaspoon. And in addition to all of this, the base of the tower was obviously a bit too narrow and every strong wave set it swaying menacingly. Now, for instance, when the wind had freshened and the white curtains at the windows had begun fluttering in surrender, Big Ben's squeaking had become positively alarming.

The Russian seemed to take the commissioner's genuine admiration for irony and began making apologetic excuses.

'I t-told them to give the clock to fallen women too, but M. Driet was adamant. I swear by Christ, Allah and Buddha that when we g-get to Calcutta I shall leave this monster on the steamer. I won't allow anyone to foist this nightmare on me!'

He squinted anxiously at Lieutenant Renier, who remained diplomatically silent. Then the diplomat turned to Renate for sympathy, but all she gave him in reply was a stern, sullen glance. In the first place, she was in a terribly bad mood, and in the second, Fandorin had been out of favour with her for some time.

There was a story to that.

It all started when Renate noticed that the sickly Mrs Truffo positively blossomed whenever she was near the darling little diplomat. And Mr Fandorin himself seemed to belong to that common variety of handsome males who manage to discover something fascinating in every dull woman they meet and never neglect a single one. In principle, Renate regarded this subspecies of men with respect and actually found them quite attractive. It would be terribly interesting to know what precious ore the blue-eyed, brown-haired Russian had managed to unearth in the dismal doctor's wife. There certainly could be no doubt that he felt a distinct interest in her.

A few days earlier Renate had witnessed an amusing little scene played out by those two actors: Mrs Truffo (in the role of female vamp) and Mr Fandorin (in the role of perfidious seducer). The audience had consisted of one young lady (quite exceptionally attractive, despite being in a certain delicate condition) concealed behind the tall back of a deckchair and following the action in her make-up mirror. The scene of the action was set at the stern of the ship. The time was a romantic sunset. The play was performed in English.

The doctor's wife had executed her lumbering approach to the diplomat with all the elephantine grace of a typical British seduction (both dramatis personae were standing at the rail, in profile towards the aforesaid deckchair). Mrs Truffo began, as was proper, with the weather:

'The sun is so very bright in these southern latitudes!' she bleated with passionate feeling.

'Oh yes,' replied Fandorin. 'In Russia at this time of the year the snow has still not melted, and here the temperature is already thirty-five degrees Celsius, and that is in the shade. In the sunlight it is even hotter.'

Now that the preliminaries had been successfully concluded, Mrs Goatface felt that she could legitimately broach a more intimate subject.

'I simply don't know what to do!' she began in a modest tone appropriate to her theme. 'I have such white skin! This intolerable sun will spoil my complexion or even, God forbid, give me freckles.'