Murder and Mayhem (52 page)

“Sir?” the woman behind him said.

Danny smiled apologetically and stepped out of the
line. “I’m sorry, you go ahead.”

THIRTY-TWO

I set aside my usual attire of jeans and T-shirt in
favor of gray slacks and red top in celebration of my sister’s last day of
treatment. I slipped a long strand of gray pearls around my neck and checked my
image in the mirror. What is it they say–dressed to impress–although I don’t
know who I was trying to impress; Chartreuse and Louanna–a go-go bra and
G-string would impress the hell out of them; Grace and Linda–a white communion
dress might be more their style. I wasn’t sure if Daphne and Susannah would be
there but nothing I wore would impress those two–I had neither their figure nor
their fashion sense. And it certainly wouldn’t be the hospital staff–they only
notice people wearing washed-out blue hospital gowns with missing ties.
Although I did get a strange look from one of the doctors when I wore my Olivia
Newton John
Grease
outfit; so, that only leaves my dear friend…, Mr.
Takamura. I wonder where his preferences would
lay? M
ini-skirt
and plunging neckline perhaps, and glittering stilettos with six-inch heels.
But, with those Coke-bottle lenses I doubt he could see much at all.

I looked over at my sister and smiled. As usual we
were dressed in similar fashion–
sans
the gray pearls.

“If you had lent me yours, I’d have some to wear–but
you wouldn’t,” she complained as though reading my mind.

“I’ll have Ross pick you up a strand next time he’s at
the market. Long or short?”

“Surprise me,” she said.

“Not much chance of that,” I retorted.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and cut the
engine.

“Well, this is it, my love. Last one. Rosie sighed and
gave me a weary smile.

“Cause for celebration,” I added in an effort to lift
her spirits.

“Not quite. Not until I get the all clear.”

“You’ll be seeing the doctor in a couple of weeks and
all indications are everything is clear. Remember, after the surgery, they said
the tumors were removed intact with no cells in the margins or nodes. The
chemotherapy and radiation were just added insurance.”

Rosie remembered it all too well. It had been a
particularly stressful time.

“I’m going to miss all our friends at the hospital.”

“Me too,” I said as I grabbed the basket off the back
seat and headed through the car park to the main entrance.

“Shame Ross couldn’t come with us,” Rosie said as she
eyed the basket filled with lamingtons, cupcakes and cookies Ross had been up
half the night baking. He’d wanted to come but he’d promised Cody he’d take him
to Santa Cruz to spend the weekend with his brother, from there he was heading
to Santa Barbara to catch up with a couple of buddies before they headed back
east. Sunday night he planned to take Cody and Ben out to dinner before he and
Cody headed back up the coast. Drew was in South Carolina–but planned to catch
the red-eye home later that night.

We walked into the room and looked around. Someone had
regrouped the chairs and placed a table in a corner, filled with plates of
food, bottles of iced tea and soda along with plastic glasses, napkins and
paper plates.

I unpacked the basket and
laid
the food on the table wondering if others were celebrating the end of their
treatment as well.

“This is nice,” I said as I looked around the room.
Several patients we knew had already finished their treatment while others had
taken their place. Chartreuse finished her treatment yesterday but we’d been in
touch by phone and made plans to catch up at the weekend. I couldn’t see Daphne
or Susannah so made a mental note to call them later to make sure the wedding
was proceeding as planned.

When I looked down the room, I saw Mr. Takamura
keeping watch over the television. I put a couple of lamingtons on a paper
plate, grabbed a couple of napkins and took them down to him. When he saw me,
he jumped up and bowed and was about to climb onto the chair when I put my hand
on his arm.

When I said, “Not today, Mr. Takamura,” he looked at
me strangely and posed the question, “J. J?” I shook my head. “No. Not today.”
When I handed him the plate of lamingtons he eyed them suspiciously.

“Lamington,” I said. “Australian cake.” He looked from
me to the plate, and back again.

“You eat.” I put my hand up to my mouth and pretended
to chew. “Yum,” I said and rubbed my tummy.

He prodded one of the lamingtons and licked his
finger. Then he picked up the lamington and popped it in his mouth.

“Boy, that man is hard work,” I said as I wandered
over to Rosie feeling somewhat deflated that he hadn’t noticed my outfit. “I
don’t know how he manages to get through the day.”

“With a lot of help from people like you,” she said,
smiling.

We wandered down to where Linda and Grace were
chatting like old friends.

“How are you both doing today?”

“We’re both doing real good, thank you, Bee,” Linda
said and made room for us.

Grace looked at my outfit, and
beamed me a smile. “Love the pearls,” she said.

I slipped them over my head and handed them to her.
“Notice how the size and color are uniform. It takes an awful lot of oysters to
achieve that kind of symmetry.”

Grace put them up to her face, stroked them, then
handed them to Linda, clearly impressed. “Must have cost a fortune,” she said.

“Ross gave them to me for my birthday. I know he paid
a lot of money for that single strand because the price tag was still
attached–$45.” It sure impressed the heck out of me. I suspect Little Sweetie
may have had a hand in that. “Usually Ross buys me something from the local
market for $5. Last year it was a pair of imitation leather pants. You can
guess how long they lasted. First time I put them on they split all the way up
the crotch. When he demanded his money back the girl refused. Said I probably
had camel toes–whatever that means–and, ‘You hain’t gonna git no leather pants
to fit that!’  Never did figure out what she meant, I have the same toes as
everyone else.”

Grace held up her hand with two
fingers splayed apart making a V. “It’s when a woman has large…um…lips.” She
looked pointedly at my crotch.

“Oh, Gross!” I covered myself with my hands. I felt
sure everyone was looking at me. I thought it was my sunny disposition and good
looks that drew the admiring glances but now I see it as something entirely
different–Gross!

I heard my sister’s voice through my haze of
embarrassment. “When do you finish your treatment, Grace?”

“Oh, I finished a couple of days after you started. I
thought you would have noticed I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown?”

Rosie shrugged. “I figured it was because the
treatment you were having didn’t require a gown,”

Suddenly, I realized what she had said. “But if you
have finished your treatment, Grace, why do you keep coming?”

Grace smiled. “I come for the company. And to hear
about the sex.”

I was so taken aback I was almost struck dumb–but not
quite. “The sex!” 

“I’ve never heard anything so….so, exciting before,
Bea.” She grabbed the magazine out of Linda’s hand and started fanning her
face.

“What about you, Linda. Do you finish your treatment
today?” Rosie asked..

Linda nodded and handed the pearls back.

I slipped them over my head and felt their calming
coolness against my breast.

“So, Grace, what are you going to do now? Are you
going back to the convent?” I asked my hand resting calmly on the smooth
surface of the pearls

“Good heaven. Why would I go to a convent?”

“Because you’re a nun?”

Grace looked at me quizzically. “Whatever gave you
that idea?”

“Just a wild guess, I suppose.” Then realization
dawned on me, like a kick in the head. “You’re a teacher in a Catholic Girls
school!”

Grace seemed confused. “A teacher! Good heavens, no.
What made you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just a wild guess. So, what is it
you do?”

Grace grinned. “I thought you would have figured that
out by now?”

“Can you give me a clue?”

When she said, “I own a chain of high class brothels
scattered across the country,” I was flabbergasted–struck dumb, even.

Grace laughed “Now, don’t tell me you didn’t guess. I
thought my interest in the sex would have been a dead giveaway.”

I shook my head, unable to speak.

“Makes sense to me,” Rosie said glibly.

When I found my voice I said, “What about you, Linda.
Are you going back to leading a normal life?” Then realized what I had said.
How could anyone possibly lead a normal life after what these women have been
through?

“Do you have children?” I asked hoping to cover my
faux par.

“Me? Gosh no. I’m not even married.”

“So, what type of work do you do?” Rosie asked.

“I used to work the check-out at Safeway in
Burlingame. But now I’m going to work for Grace,” she added with a giggling
lilt in her voice.

Linda, working in a brothel! Whatever next!

Linda noticed the shocked look on my face. “Oh, no,
Bee, it’s not what you think. I’m going to be answering phones and taking the
bookings.” Then she looked at Grace and smiled. “And, Grace is going to help me
with my diet.”

“Why, Linda, that is wonderful news,” Rosie said.

Grace handed me a gold-embossed card. “Here’s my card,
Bee, if you’re ever looking for a job you could make a fortune from phone sex.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said and slipped the card
in my pocket.

. . .

When Rosie finished her treatment, we did a lap of
honor, hugging and kissing like a bride and groom leaving on their honeymoon.
We wished everyone well and exchanged several phone numbers.

When we came to Mr. Takamura he looked up at me and
said in a strange Humphrey Bogart-like accent, “Miss you, babe,”

I was quite taken aback. “I’m going to miss you, too,
Mr. Takamura. When do you finish your treatment?”

“Oh, I finished weeks ago,” he answered in English
without a hint of accent, and grinned at the shocked look on my face. “I just
came… for the entertainment. Better than watching a soap-opera on T.V.”

I was stunned. This certainly was turning into a day
full of surprises.

“Didn’t you notice that a couple of days after you
thought they had mixed up the names, they didn’t call me in for any more
treatments?” he said with a laugh.

“No. I didn’t notice that.”

“Didn’t you notice I started to wear underwear under
my gown?”

I certainly should have noticed
that–but didn’t. I wonder how I could have missed it. “No, I didn’t notice that
either.
How come your command of English
has suddenly improved? I can’t detect any trace of an accent.”

“
My English has always been good.
I was born in Bakersfield.”

I was shocked. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“That first day you just assumed I couldn’t speak
English so I decided to play along. Loved the lamingtons by the way. My
grandmother used to make them for me when I was a kid.”

And then came the doorstopper...

“She was born in Australian. Lived in Moonee Ponds all
her life.”
He held out his hand. “Well,
it’s been a real pleasure, Bee, Hon. You’ve brought a lot of pleasure to a lot
of people who were going through some pretty rough times–myself included–and I
thank you both for it.”

“Thank you,” Rosie said shaking his hand warmly. “I
wish you all the best for the future, Mr. Takamura.”

“Butch.”

“Pardon me?”

“Butch. My name’s Butch. Nickname’s followed me around
all my life”

I gazed at the Coke-bottle
lenses of this weedy sexagenarian who barely came up to my chin and noticed he
suddenly had a certain presence about him. Who would have thought he would have
been the one to draw
first blood.
That’s usually my role
.

I wanted to hug him but thought better of it. Even
though he was wearing underwear, somehow it seemed different.

Butch noticed my hesitation. “I suppose I had better
go and put some pants on before people get the wrong idea.” He grinned.

Ah–to hell with it. I leaned over and kissed him on
the cheek. “Good Luck.”

“You too,” he said and as I started to walk away he
called after me. “Oh, by the way−you never did say where you hid the
body.”