Mummy Knew (32 page)

Just when I was starting to flag, and thought I couldn’t go on for much longer, the Rottweiler announced he’d finished with me. I gave a sigh of relief. It was nearly over. I could do no more. Before the judge could dismiss me, my barrister was given the opportunity to question me again but he only needed to ask me one further question, which I am told was very good going. It indicated I had done an excellent job at delivering my evidence, so we didn’t have a long list of clarifications to make.

‘Thank you, Mrs James. You are free to go,’ said the judge over the top of his spectacles.

But the trial was far from over. I was told Bridget and Karen would be going in next, and then it would be the defence’s turn to bring forward any supporting witnesses. Everybody was conscious that the trial had over-run quite considerably, and it was fingers crossed we wouldn’t run out of time.

Now that I had been dismissed, I had a choice whether to stay and listen to the rest of the case or not. But it would have meant staying in the hotel for a few more days, and by this time I was desperate to go home to my husband and children, who I hadn’t seen in nearly a week. My police officer advised that no purpose could be served by me staying.

‘In my experience, it’ll only upset you,’ she explained.

I agreed. I knew that if I had to sit and listen to the Rottweiler trying to defend the indefensible for a moment longer I might spontaneously combust. No, my work was done. I was going home.

As I left the court I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted. I told myself it didn’t matter what the outcome was, although maybe this was just my mind in self-preservation mode. I knew I had fought a long hard battle, and even if the foreman of the court announced a not guilty verdict, I had done my very best to secure justice. I could finally hold my head up high and know I had done everything possible to rid the streets of a very evil man.

The detective promised to call as soon as there was any news. I spent the next few days trying to keep myself occupied but both Neil and I jumped every time the phone rang.

Eventually the verdict was in. The jury found Dad guilty of four counts of indecent assault.

My police officer reported that Dad hardly reacted when the verdict was delivered, just slumping forward slightly with a look of resignation on his face.

‘Sentencing won’t be for a couple of weeks while reports are prepared.’

‘What sort of reports?’ I asked.

‘Just his general health, that sort of thing,’ she said. ‘But I want to warn you not to expect too much.’

She had already explained that because the offences were committed while I was growing up in the 1970s and 80s, he would be sentenced with the tariffs in place at the time. ‘If he’d done the same these days, he’d be looking at ten years,’ she said. ‘But it won’t be anything near that.’

A few weeks later, the detective rang with news of the sentence. ‘He got four terms of twenty-one months,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t sound much, and he’ll probably be out in half that,
but don’t lose sight of your victory, Lisa. You overcame great odds to present your case in front of the judiciary and they believed beyond all reasonable doubt that he abused you while you grew up. He’ll also be placed on the Sex Offender’s Register for ten years.’

The sentence didn’t sound much in comparison to what Dad had done to me, but I had learned enough over the past months to know that only a minuscule percentage of cases reach as far as the court room. I was one of the lucky ones. Besides, it had never been about the length of time Dad served. I cared only that a judge and jury of ‘twelve good men and true’ made it clear that civilised society will not tolerate Dad’s kind of depravity.

I wanted justice done to enable me to shake off the shackles of guilt, shame and fear that had held me down for most of my life.

I wanted justice for the little girl I used to be. I knew I would never truly find peace unless I had stood up for that small, frightened child.

Mummy knew but she didn’t care, and when my family found out, they didn’t care either. But I did. I am different to them. It took a while but through experiencing the wonder of my own children, witnessing their joy, beauty and innocence, I finally learned to care enough about myself to do what was right by the little Lisa within me.

And I know that when my children are old enough to hear my story, they will be proud I did.

I
t’s fair to say that writing this book has taken me on a white-knuckle rollercoaster ride of emotion. I have relived the highs and lows of my childhood and somehow managed to roll out of the dark tunnel and into the light of the future, wearing a smile – albeit looking a little windswept!

It has been such a privilege to share my story, and I owe a debt of gratitude to Judith Chilcote for introducing me to Susanna Abbott and Sally Annett at HarperCollins, who trusted me to write this book in my own words. Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to finally draw a line under my past. Thanks also to the brilliant Gill Paul, whose help and encouragement is greatly appreciated.

A special thanks to Shy Keenan and Sara Payne of The Phoenix Chief Advocates for keeping me safe and warm under those huge Phoenix wings. Keep up the good work!

I will also be eternally grateful to my old friends and saviours, Bridget and Karen, for showing such courage in stepping forward to give evidence when it would have been so much easier for them to turn away like all the others did. The
world would be a much better place if there were more people like you.

Huge hugs and kisses to my amazing friend Shaz up in bonnie Scotland for all the warmth, wit and incredible wisdom she’s given me over the years. I would have been lost without you.

Lastly, I owe my wonderful husband and children more than I could ever attempt to fit into a sentence. Suffice it to say, my heart swells with love and pride as I write. Thank you for filling my life with such love and happiness, showing me what a real family is and allowing me to be the kind of mother I never knew myself.

T
o find out more about the author, visit www.lisajames.com.

For more information about The Phoenix Chief Advocates and the work they do please visit www.tpcauk.com.

Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
25 Ryde Road (PO Box 321)
Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au

Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca

New Zealand
HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz

United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
London, W6 8JB, UK
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk

United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com