Mrs. Lieutenant: A Sharon Gold Novel (6 page)

"Oh, honey, it must have been terrible for
you,” he says. He jumps up and hugs her. “Some of these guys, they
get crazy, all that killing they see in Vietnam, makes them do
crazy things. “ He nods his head as if agreeing with himself that
this happens.

"Besides, even down home people do go crazy
with their guns," he says. "Happens all the time. Just sorry you
had to be there." He asks no other questions.

During the next few days she stays in the
apartment, afraid to go out except when she has to go with Jim to
the post to get her ID. While there Jim insists she call Susanna
Norris to thank her for the dinner and tell her where they found an
apartment.

Now, on the first day of Jim’s AOB class, Kim
sits in the living room, hot even with the room air conditioner
running, and crochets little squares of green yarn and yellow yarn
that will become an afghan for her sister Diane's Christmas
present.

And over and over again Kim wishes for a
phone. She wants to call her sister, be reassured that things are
fine at home. Without a phone here she would have to go out to make
the call, the closest phone at the little store. And she sure isn't
going there – not ever again.

Kim squeezes her eyes shut to block the
mental picture of the ballooning blood just as the doorbell
rings.

"Hi," Susanna says, ushering her children
through the door. "Thought you might like a little company."

Kim doesn't tell Susanna what happened.
Instead she sits listening to Susanna chatter about life as an army
wife. "And it was so much fun meetin' Bill in Hawaii. You know, for
R & R after six months in Vietnam. Patty and I loved the
beaches. And at night Bill and I really pumped those bed
springs."

Kim has never met anybody who talks so much,
who tells all the details of her life without hardly even knowing
the person she's telling.

Susanna fans her face and pops a bottle in
Billy Jr.'s mouth. "Just wait till you're invited to your first
official function. It'll be so much fun to meet everybody."

Kim's thinking how much agony it could be,
worrying about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing,
when Patty slips off the couch and walks to the kitchenette.
"ooies!" she says.

"That's how she says cookies," Susanna says
to Kim. Then Susanna says, "Patty, come back over here. It's not
polite to ask for food."

Patty stays where she is, repeating "ooies"
over and over. Kim doesn't know what to do. Should she offer
cookies to the child or would that be interfering with the mother's
authority? As a child she learned all too well the consequences of
interfering with an adult's authority.

And then Susanna gets up, switching Billy Jr.
from one hip to the other, and walks over to Patty. Susanna bends
down and slaps Patty. "No cookies. Now come back and sit down
quietly." Patty follows her mother back to the couch.

Kim's chest lurches. She stands up. "I have
some cookies I'd be glad to give her."

"No," Susanna says. "She didn't come over
here when I told her to so she can't have any cookies."

The tears in the child's eyes shine up at
Kim. She feels as if she herself has been the one slapped. She
herself ... Kim switches her mind back to Patty. The child looks so
miserable that Kim asks, "Can I show my pet rat to the
children?"

"Rat!" Susanna says. "Absolutely not."

She stands up and says, "It's time to go.
Billy Jr. needs a nap."

Kim waves good-bye to them from the door.
"Thanks for stopping by," she remembers to say, glad they are
leaving. She doesn't want to have to talk to anyone or to feel
badly about anyone else. She just wants to feel safe.

Now Kim hears the Ford outside. She opens the
door before Jim can insert his key.

"How was it?" she asks.

"Nothing much happened in class," he
says.

He closes the door. "A guy from my class –
Robert Gold – invited us over tonight. He's from the North, but he
seems like a nice guy. He lives right near here and he says you and
his wife might like to meet."

"He invited us over without knowing us?"

Jim nods his head. "Guess they do that, so I
said yes."

A warning jab above her left eye. She doesn't
want to go out and she certainly isn't prepared to meet any new
people yet, especially ones from the North!

She wants to scream at Jim that he shouldn't
have said yes without asking her first – especially when she is
still upset – but she doesn't want to start a fight. She'll take
some aspirin and get through it.

At least no one will be shot and killed in
front of her eyes.

“
It will certainly be more advantageous to both
of you if his record reflects a man and wife who were sincere in
their efforts, could meet and enjoy new people, able to adapt to
different and new circumstances, and who displayed an attitude of
cooperation and respect.”
Mrs.
Lieutenant
booklet

At dinner time Sharon leans over the balcony
railing to watch for the yellow blur announcing the Fiat's arrival.
The sizzling sun fries the few cars mired in the asphalt parking
lot.

In her mind it is morning again, the alarm
clock's shrill ring waking her. For a moment she doesn’t recognize
where she is. Then she remembers and also what today is – the day
Robert reports for the Armor Officer Basic training course. She
rolls over to reach for him – he isn't there! A wild fear sweeps
over her that the army has already swallowed him.

"Robert!" she calls. The apartment so small
he can surely hear her wherever he is.

"I'm in the bathroom," he says.

He comes and sits down on the bed. "What is
it?"

He seems so calm, so self-assured, that she
doesn't want to mention her fears. "I just wanted a good-morning
kiss."

"I'll give you more than that," he says,
reaching under the sheets for her nude body. "Then we have to get
going."

A few minutes later she slips out of bed and,
shrugging on her robe, goes into the tiny kitchen to get coffee
started and the cereal set out. Robert joins her at the table, a
rosy flush on his chest visible between the edges of his robe. They
eat in silence except for "Please pass the milk" and "May I have
more coffee?"

"I'll be right back," Robert says, heading
for the bedroom.

He'll be putting on his uniform, checking one
last time, she knows, that his boots are shined, his insignia
pinned on correctly.

She’ll write in her journal today, she tells
herself. She hasn’t written anything – the pages all virgin white.
Yet today she’ll record her feelings of watching her husband leave
to become part of the war machinery.

Robert reemerges from the bedroom in his
uniform, carrying his uniform hat, and stands in front of her for
inspection. She wants to say "good luck." The words stick in her
throat – don't these words imply the opposite is feared? She says:
"You look terrific."

And he does look terrific if you like men in
uniforms.

He kisses her good-bye at the front door. She
stands on the balcony and watches him down the stairs to the car.
He waves and mouths "I love you." Then he's gone.

She is without wheels and all alone.

She picks up the journal. There’s a knock on
the door.

Anne announces: "I want you to meet
Elizabeth, one of our other neighbors."

Humidity droplets slide down Sharon's bare
arms and legs in the few short steps to a downstairs apartment in
the building on the right. The landlord waves as Anne knocks on
Elizabeth's door.

Elizabeth is a small woman with blond hair
pulled into a tight French twist and expertly applied makeup. She
wears a flower-print dress, nylons, and heels, not the shorts, top,
and sandals both Sharon and Anne have on.

A large wall-hung wedding portrait in a gilt
frame overpowers the small living room. Elizabeth in a Scarlett
O'Hara gown and her husband in his army uniform stand together
under crossed swords.

Elizabeth follows Sharon's eyes. "Mama said I
had to bring it. Wouldn't be a proper home without it. I also
brought my silver. An officer's lady has to be ready to assume her
duties."

Anne laughs. "Can you tell she's a
Southerner? Even if she didn’t have an accent. These Southerners
are in love with the 'noble duty' of the army – that's why so many
officers are Southern – even if it means going to Vietnam."

There, someone has said the word –
Vietnam.

Elizabeth smiles. "How can a man get ahead in
the army if he hasn't had at least one combat command? If my
husband decides to go regular army – make the army a career, he has
to get ahead."

Sharon mentally runs through any number of
responses to this statement. No words leave her mouth. She has
promised Robert.

Now, as she waits for Robert to return home,
Sharon again thinks how Southerners are truly crazy. Robert told
her Southerners make up a disproportionately large percentage of
the army officer corps. This love of the military, can it really
come from losing the Civil War and thus wanting to prove their
manhood?

Below her a young woman dusts off a huge
Chrysler. "Why are you dusting the car?" Sharon calls down to
her.

"My husband just washed it yesterday," the
woman says, "and I promised to dust it off if I drove it
anywhere."

Unbelievable! Along with the soap operas that
Anne and Elizabeth watch faithfully each day – "Whose program is it
now?" they had said to an amazed Sharon – this seems to be the main
activity for army wives: waiting for their husbands to come home
and keeping their apartments, clothes and cars "spit-shined."

The Fiat appears in the open area between the
three buildings. Sharon races down the stairs. Robert gets out,
looks around as if checking who else has arrived home, and locks
the car door. He kisses her hello.

"How was it? What did you do?"

"Cool it," he says out of the side of his
mouth. "Wait until we get upstairs."

They walk up the outside stairs of the
building, then down the outer balcony to their apartment door.
Sharon unlocks the door and lets Robert enter first, then she
follows him back to the bedroom, where he immediately sheds his
uniform.

"It went okay. There's about 30 of us in the
class. We filled out forms and listened to lectures. Not much
action yet."

She doesn't want Robert to see any "action."
She wants him to spend a quiet two years in the army behind a desk
somewhere – if possible in Washington or some other big city –
where she can pretend to herself he's not part of the war
machine.

"What were the lectures about?"

"Mostly administrative details, TDY pay,
uniform allotment."

"What's TDY?"

"Temporary duty. That's what this assignment
is for me. Same as going to Ft. Holabird for MI – military
intelligence – training will be temporary. The assignment after
that will be a permanent one."

"And we'll get housing provided then,
right?"

He turns away from her, places his insignia
on the dresser. "If it's an accompanied tour."

"What's that mean?"

His back is still towards her. "Unaccompanied
tours are to combat areas – Vietnam."Sharon sits down on the edge
of the bed. "Did they say anything about the chances of your going
to Vietnam?"

Robert shakes his head.

She leaves the bedroom to serve dinner and
Robert follows her, turning on the television in the living room.
"Please don't watch the news," she says.

"I just want to see what's happening in
Israel. I'll turn it off right after that."

Sharon walks back into the bedroom. She turns
on the radio to listen to music and drown out the television. She
doesn't want to risk seeing or hearing the news of Vietnam come on
before the news of Israel.

At least the War of Attrition in Israel is
one war of which Sharon can approve. It's a fight for survival
waged by the country's own inhabitants. And no American troops have
been sent there to fight.

A few minutes later Robert comes back to the
bedroom. "I'm done watching the news now. And, listen, I invited a
guy and his wife over tonight – Jim and Kim Benton. They live in
the next complex."

Sharon stands up. "That's great. I want to
meet some people. What time are they coming?"

"About 7:30. I said it would be nothing
fancy, just coffee, or I'm not sure he would have agreed to come.
Jim seemed surprised we would invite strangers over."

"Where do they come from?"

"Somewhere in the South."

**

Sharon has prepared for the Bentons' upcoming
visit, straightening the sofa cushions and checking on the supply
of cold pop. Still the knock on the door startles her. She hasn't
realized she is so nervous about this visit – what will they think
of her and Robert? Do they dislike Jews?

Robert answers the knock as Sharon stands
behind him. Both Kim and Jim are tall, slender blonds with light
eyes. They look almost like brother and sister.

"Come on in," Robert says, motioning them to
sit down.

"Would you like some coffee?" Sharon
says.

"Not right now," Jim says as he and Kim sit
down on the sofa. "It's a little too hot."

"How about some pop? I've got some Dr. Pepper
and some Coke."

"Thanks, that'll be really great," Jim says.
"We'll both take a Coke."

"I'll have one too," Robert says, jumping up
to help her.

"Where do you come from?" Sharon asks as she
and Robert bring four Cokes from the kitchenette.

"Small town in North Carolina," Jim says.

Kim smiles, her face relaxing for the first
time since she's entered the apartment. "We met at church."