MrBigStuff-epub (9 page)

He dropped his hand from her mouth and her forehead pressed against the hood. She wondered if she could stay like this indefinitely. She wasn’t sure she could move. If she stood, she might fall.

She let him fix her underwear and lower her skirt. She could hear clothes rustling and knew he was buttoning his jeans, but she didn’t lift her head. Couldn’t lift her hand to wipe the tears off her cheeks. “You broke me,” she sighed.

“I’m here.” Her car door opened and closed and then he was standing her up and slipping one arm around her. “I’ve got you, baby.”

She wanted to stick out her tongue and tell him he was the baby and she was fine, thank you very much…but she could only lean on him. “My purse. My keys.”

“I’ve got your purse. Let’s get you in the elevator. What floor is your apartment on?”

The doors slid open as she groaned, only half mockingly, “Oh God, we just had sex in the parking garage and you don’t even know what floor my apartment is on.”

A dog’s yap made Caroline’s eyes open wide. Hell. The Boston Terrier studying her was wearing a pair of monkey pajamas and watching her with his weird-but-cute alien eyes, his head tilting as he sat patiently in the arms of his owner.

Caroline whimpered internally. “Hi, Robin. Hi Voodoo.”

Her neighbor Robin was a six-foot-tall former athlete with short, spiked fuchsia hair, a small flock of blackbird tattoos flying up her forearm and a sparkling ring in her nose. She smiled as she studied Caroline and Jefferson before stepping out of the elevator. “Don’t mind me. Voodoo just needs to tinkle.”

She stepped out but turned back around and placed her foot in the door of the elevator as they moved inside. “Her apartment’s on the third floor, second door on the right, in case she forgets to tell you.” She winked at Jefferson. “It’s a good thing you didn’t show up next Tuesday, Mr. Big Stuff. The landlord sent out a notice that he’s installing security cameras, and he’s the kind of weasel who’d sell his mother out to the tabloids.”

With that she turned and disappeared around the corner and the elevator doors closed. Caroline bit her lip and looked at Jefferson. His dimples deepened and his eyes were twinkling.

They started to laugh at the same time.

“I guess she knows who I am.”

Caroline lifted one brow. “I guess you didn’t see your giant face plastered on the building across the street when you were following me in.” 

“Forget my face. Was that little dog in pajamas? Is that a California thing?”

“Shut up. And just be glad it wasn’t my other neighbor, Twilight,” she wheezed, trying to recover. “I don’t know his actual name but we call him Twilight because he’s constantly covered in glitter. He’s very affectionate and he would have hugged you and no matter how many times you showered…”

“Glitter?”

“Exactly.”

“California,” he sighed.

She nudged him with her elbow. “Don’t start, La Grange.”

“You win.”

She moaned dramatically. “I’m never going to hear the end of this. She overheard me on the phone with your sister once? And sure, I should never talk to your sister in public, I think that’s a given, but now every time Robin sees me she says, ‘beer bottle’.”

Now she had something better to talk about. Garage sex.

He was still smiling but his brow furrowed. “Why would she say that?”

Fuck.
“Nothing. Really it was just a funny…nothing.”

She buried her head in his neck to hide her flushed cheeks. “You smell really good, Mr. Adams.”

“Nice evasion,” Jefferson chuckled. “Don’t worry, if it’s about my sister’s love life, I don’t want to know.”

Thank God. “I can’t believe we did that. I haven’t had sex in or around a car since I was in high school. And never in a parking garage. You, Mr. Big Stuff, are a bad influence. That’s usually my job.”

“Never?” He sounded so satisfied with himself she had to smile. “I’d be interested to know what else you’ve never done. It’ll help with my list.”

The elevator doors opened and he held open her purse as they reached her door so she could fish out her keys. “Some things need to stay in the never category,” she assured him. “I mean, I’ve never done it in clown makeup or on a Ferris wheel in a thunderstorm, and I’m comfortable with that.”

“So if we stay away from amusement parks, we’re good? I’m glad that part of the negotiation is out of the way,” he teased.

He closed the door behind them and set down her purse while she slipped out of her heels. “I actually love amusement parks. Well, I love Disneyland. Those were just examples.”

She felt drunk again. Not at all in control of her words or her emotions. When he wrapped his arms around her from behind she relaxed against him. “We should probably talk, Jefferson.”

“And here I was hoping for a tour that would end in your bedroom.” Jefferson swept her up in his arms and carried her over to her couch. It was lush with wide, burgundy-colored cushions and covered with small silk throw pillows of ivory and gold.

He sat down and lowered her gently onto his lap, holding her as if she were something precious. She buried her head in his neck, the threat of tears burning her eyes.

“Caroline? What is it?”

She shook her head against him. “Nothing. Great sex makes me emotional. It’s a woman thing.”

It was the truth, but it was more than that. She understood the Jefferson who’d chased her around La Grange and warned the other men away from her. The one who’d driven her bonkers and spoke in innuendo with that cocky, bad boy smile. That was a man she could hold at arm’s length. Have fun with but not be broken by.

But there was more to him than that. She’d noticed he was always touching her. Always watching her and listening to what she said. He was masterfully dominant and boyishly charming. He was nice to her father and he knew what size dress she wore. He carried her purse and cuddled her on the couch after fucking her brains out against a car.

He was doing everything right, and for some ridiculous reason, it made her want to cry. “I told you I was neurotic.”

He held her tighter. “Whatever it is you are, Caroline? I like it.”

She lifted her head to glare at him suspiciously. “Stop it.”

His smile was wide and amused. Innocent. “Stop what?”

She couldn’t help herself. She kissed him. Softly. Just a light skim of her lips across his. Jefferson followed her lead, keeping his hands still and letting her kiss him.

When she pulled back his ice-green eyes, framed by ridiculous thick black lashes, were unfocused. “That was nice.” He licked his lips. “If you want to talk, now would be the time. What are you thinking?”

He’d asked her that before, but she hadn’t told him everything. She’d been afraid to ask. To push. But she couldn’t get it out of her head. “I’m thinking about what happened at the party. And the last three months. After I left…is that when you met her?”

“What? No.” She felt him tense beneath her and his lips tightened. “You think that’s why I didn’t start pursuing you.” He knew, but she nodded anyway. “I wanted to. There was…there was a lot going on.”

“The woman.” She needed to know. She was feeling too vulnerable. She hated feeling vulnerable. It was better if she heard the hard truths now before she got too involved. She needed to know if he still cared about the woman he’d been drinking to forget.

She suddenly missed Trudy. Trudy would remind her of all the good advice Caroline had given her about being a strong, independent woman. And she’d given great advice. She’d thought she’d seen it all. That she had the answers. Where was all her famous cool? “You don’t have to te—”

“I can’t.” She flinched and moved to get off his lap in response but he held her tighter. “I’m still working it out in my head. Trudy warned me but I didn’t listen.”

Oh God. The truth hit her like a bucket of ice water. She turned in his arms to face him. “You’ve seen your mother.”

He was staring at her shoulder, not looking in her eyes. “She came to me. Showed up on my doorstep the morning after the party.”

She’d come to him? Why? How? Had she seen his face in a magazine? Had Trudy sent her another hopeful postcard to let her know? She didn’t think so. One of the reasons Trudy had tried to talk him out of doing the show was their mother. She didn’t want him to find out who the woman really was. What she really was.

Someday Caroline was going to meet Jennifer Estevez-Adams face to face. When she did, she could only hope and pray that there was nothing sharp nearby, because she might be tempted to use it.

She’d been through this with Trudy. Suffered with her best friend when she realized her mother hardly remembered her name. That she’d chosen that life over her two amazing children. That she’d left them without an explanation or apology.

She didn’t deserve either one of them.

Caroline curled her arms around his neck and kissed his temple. His forehead. “I’m sorry for pushing.”

“No. Of course you’d want to know. You deserve to know I just—” He shook his head, frustrated. “I’m not ready to look too close at what happened yet, but I didn’t want you to think I wanted anyone else. Or that I was here for the wrong reasons. I don’t want anything to spoil what’s happening with us. I want this. I want you, Caroline.”

If he didn’t say something obnoxious soon she was going to fall in love with him.

And it was probably going to hurt.

She kissed him again and leaned back to look into his eyes. “Do you like Indian food? There’s this small restaurant no one knows about around the corner. The best naan I’ve ever had and they deliver if they like you.”

Jefferson’s expression relaxed in relief. “I’m guessing they like you.”

She nodded and wriggled out of his embrace to find her phone. “They love me.”

They started talking again over chicken korma and samosas with tamarind sauce. She knew he was still feeling vulnerable about his mother, so she told him about her family. How they’d lost her mother when Caroline was fifteen. How her father’s sister, her namesake Carol, had moved in with her and her father and how close they’d become.

At twenty-one, Carol was everything Caroline wanted to be—hauntingly beautiful, free-spirited and artistic. She taught Caroline how to do her makeup, how to sketch. She took her shopping and to the beach every chance she had. Carol wanted to see the world and visit all the art museums, to live in Paris and paint. She wanted to write a script for her brother, the director, and compose the score as well, though she couldn’t play a single instrument. But she always swore she could hear the music in her head.

Caroline’s father would laugh and tell Carol she needed to pick a dream and make it happen, but she’d refused. “I want everything,” was her favorite response.

A year later, at one of the parties her father was famous for throwing for his cast and crew, Carol was introduced to a producer who convinced her she should be an actress. After that everything changed.

She’d been in two movies within a year, not as the star but she’d gotten attention. Riveting, they called her. A star on the rise. David Aaron had been concerned it was all happening too fast and warned her to keep herself grounded, but Carol hadn’t listened. She moved to her own place and whenever Caroline had called she’d been on her way out to someplace exciting. Her agents flattered her, studio heads wooed her, and men came out of the woodwork…all of them wanting a piece of her aunt.

It ended as quickly as it began. A new rising star had appeared to replace her. Caroline remembered her father’s soothing words when Carol’s phone had stopped ringing and the third movie she’d been cast for had decided to go with the actress who had the bigger buzz instead.

“There’ll be other movies,” he’d promised her. “There’s a script making the rounds that I think you would be perfect for. This will pass.”

Carol didn’t believe him.

“She was found in her apartment three days later,” Caroline told Jefferson softly, pushing her half eaten plate away. “She’d just turned twenty-four, and there’d been so much she wanted to do.”

Jefferson reached for her hand and slid his fingers through hers. “I’m so sorry, Caroline.”

She blinked away the tears the memories always brought back and lifted her shoulder. “It was a long time ago. And it’s not a unique story. I just wish I hadn’t been so busy being a teenager. I wish I’d been there for her.”

“It’s not your fault, but I know what it’s like to worry. When Trudy left to pursue her music, I worried all the time. That she’d disappear like our mother. That she wouldn’t make it here alone. But she wasn’t alone. You were there for her when I couldn’t be.”

Caroline shook her head and smiled. “We’ve been there for each other.”

Trudy had reminded her of Carol when they’d first met—an artist with big dreams and a warm heart. But Trudy had always been stronger. “Meeting your sister that night at the club was and is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I’m not sure what I’ll do without her here.”

Jefferson groaned. “The club. I’ve been to that club, Caroline. I don’t want to think about my sister wandering around with tape on her chest.”

She almost laughed until she realized what he’d said. “You’ve been to my club? When?”

He picked up their food containers and walked toward her small kitchen. “A few months ago. I was curious.”

She followed him. “I need details, Jefferson. If we’re doing this then we have to be totally honest and up front about our experiences.”

He threw away the trash and went to the sink to wash the silverware. “Doing this? Are we negotiating now? Are you going to tell me about all your experiences? You can start with Scottish Guy.”

Scottish Guy had called her sexually intimidating. “He wasn’t into kink.”

He turned and leaned against the counter. “I talked to two girls in the front who knew you. All they’d say is they were hoping to be you when they grew up, you had all the best scenes and you look beautiful in chains. I wasn’t allowed all the way inside.”

He wouldn’t be. You had to come with a member or be invited to play. “Did you catch their names?”
So I can give them a lecture on privacy?