Mr. Real (Code of Shadows #1) (31 page)

“I’m sure the salve is gone, too,” Alix said.

“You mean
gone
,” Paul said.

“Yes.”

Tonio looked from Paul to her and back to Paul. He mumbled something about grabbing tape from the car and walked off. Paul climbed down from the ladder.

“I’m sorry for last night. I know you’re mad at me,” she said. “But I thought you should know.”

“You sure?”

“All the stuff I ordered is gone,” she said. “All of it. His car. I would’ve heard his car.”

Paul seemed to school his features. Was he happy? She needed him not to be happy.

“Maybe he drove off quietly,” Paul said.

“How? And the necklace was in my sweater pocket on the floor in my room. I locked my door last night, Paul. Not that anyone would’ve even known to look there, anyway. Also, my white boots. And he always makes his tea in the morning, and he didn’t this morning. What if all the stuff from the computer disappeared into thin air? Last night, I scanned some of the pages from that book and sent them to Karen to work on—”

He raised his eyebrows. “You did?”

“Just to be ready—if need be. But, what if I caused him to disappear by emailing the code? Necklaces don’t vanish into thin air. Or cars or boots or men…”

Paul’s expression softened. “You think you emailed the spell and it got activated?”

“I don’t know. Yeah.” She felt a tear stream down her cheek. “All I know is I brought him into the real world and let him enjoy all the tastes and smells and wonders of it, and now he’s back as a picture or whatever. What I did is worse than killing him.” She thought about his Denali, his cucumber sandwiches. “He just wanted to be human.”

Paul furrowed his brow.

“Right. You’re happy.”

“I’m not happy for you to be upset.”

“You’re happy he’s gone,” she accused.

“I won’t pretend I’m not. Considering he’s a walking, talking reminder of the nightmare that was my childhood.”

A roar sounded at the front of the house. Sir Kendall’s car.

A dark look crossed Paul’s face.

“Oh,” she said.

“There you go. All’s well that ends well.”

His words had a bitter edge. She didn’t know what to say. He seemed to be waiting for her to leave.

“Sorry,” she whispered, unsure of what to do with his emotions. She finally turned and headed around the house.

Sir Kendall pulled up to the side of the drive and shut off the engine. He was still alive. Alix watched him get out.

It was good that he was still in the world…somewhat. She felt so confused. And poor Paul. Could she mess with him any more?

Sir Kendall saw her and smiled. “My pet. What are you doing standing there?” Shopping bags dangled from his hands—one from Radio Shack, another from the Malcolmsberg hardware store.

She closed the distance between them, managed a smile. “Where were you? I couldn’t find you.”

“Out shopping. What’s happened, my dear?”

“Nothing.”

“Come now. What is it? You’ve been crying,” he whispered, puzzled.

“Oh, nothing. I just worried that you…that you’d left. It’s silly.”

Sir Kendall pulled away, studying her face. “You think I’d leave without saying goodbye? What kind of a man do you imagine me to be?”

She laughed—too energetically, maybe. She
had been
a little bit relieved when she’d thought he’d disappeared. “I just couldn’t find you anywhere. And you hadn’t made your tea…”

“I thought I’d stop at the coffee shop for it. Did you think I’d met with foul play?” He said this lightly, but he watched her, like the answer might be on her face.

“No, not, you know...” She looked toward the house, just to escape his gaze. “I guess I should drink my coffee before I start my brain up. I was feeling dramatic and hung over and well, I don’t know.” She paused; she didn’t want to alarm him, but she was feeling so emotional suddenly. “You’re a good man, Nick. I know you’re just trying do your best…” Tears filled her eyes. Shit, she was probably scaring him.

“My pet, I’m not going anywhere. Don’t you worry.” He smiled suavely. “I have formidable resources, such as you can’t even begin to comprehend.”

His formidable resources would be as imaginary as everything else in his life. It seemed so sad. Everything seemed so sad and messed up. Everything was falling apart—because of her! She’d failed Paul utterly—he’d chosen her to confess his story to, and she’d only made him feel miserable. And now poor Sir Kendall was trapped between worlds because of her. Why did she think she could ever help him? She would never be enough—not for a real man or a fake man.

Sir Kendall smiled as if he had not a care in the world. “I’ll leave a note next time, how about that?”

She nodded through her tears. “I’d like that.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Paul whomped the heavy bag with his right leg, a powerful round kick. He hauled into it again, then again, filled with the blackest shame.

He’d told her. He’d never wanted another soul to know about his dark past and how fucked up he really was. How they’d beaten him. How much they’d hated him.

He shouldn’t have told her.

And then he’d been so harsh with her. It frustrated him that she couldn’t see the situation clearly, but he didn’t have to go off on her. And then this morning she’d needed a friend. Could he not have transcended his hatred of Sir Kendall for one minute? But he’d never been a good liar, and hell, he’d felt happy Sir Kendall might be gone.

Outrageously happy. Deliriously happy.

Paul slammed a right cross into the bag, then a left hook. Another right, a left, a right. He repeated the sequence, putting his whole body into it—every ligament and tendon and fiber of his being.

Why couldn’t Sir Kendall just disappear?

He rounded in another kick to the clank of Tonio’s weightlifting in the corner.

And all he’d done was alienate her, thrust her into more danger. Tonio came around to stabilize the bag for him. This small kindness made Paul feel even more like a jerk.

He kicked until he felt the exhaustion grow. He kicked until his legs shook, until he collapsed on the mat.

“Thanks,” he mumbled to Tonio.

Tonio shuffled away.

Sir Kendall was back. Maybe forever. Paul needed to earn Alix’s trust. He needed to man-up and handle Sir Kendall. He knew what that meant. He’d been a student of Veecha’s long enough to know that the thing you most needed to do was always the thing you least wanted to do.

Your greatest opponent and you know nothing of him.

He didn’t know the first thing about Sir Kendall. The thought of knowing him repulsed Paul, but he had to do this thing. Alix needed him to handle this.

To know Sir Kendall, he needed to open himself to Sir Kendall. What did that mean specifically? Learn about him. Spend time with him.

You can’t get an opening if you aren’t inside,
Veecha had taught him.

Paul had always resorted to strength to deal with Sir Kendall, using everything he had to push him away. But this required the opposite of strength. He had to stop girding himself against the blows. No—he needed to be indifferent to them. Which would require a certain amount of vulnerability.

Vulnerability. That’s what he’d been missing. He knew it was right because the idea of bringing any kind of vulnerability to Sir Kendall felt like poison in his veins.

Paul stared up at the ceiling. The fixture he’d chosen, the best he could find, had a full spectrum bulb in it. She would never know, but it mattered to him. He wanted good things for her. There was so much he wanted to do for her.

Metal clanked on metal—Tonio on the bench. Paul closed his eyes and just stood there, remembering the way Alix had put the ointment onto his lip last night. The soft caress of her fingertips. The way she’d smoothed the stuff onto his cheek, his chest. Being touched by her felt like heaven.

Because he loved her.

For the rest of the day, Paul tried to monitor Sir Kendall in a new way—from a perspective of curiosity instead of antagonism. He would get to know him. He would get inside. That had to be the way to vanquish him.

Sir Kendall ran more mysterious errands in his car. He seemed to be procuring equipment. Was he building something? What did he actually do with his time? What did he want in life?

He thought about walking over and just asking Sir Kendall, one man to another, but he couldn’t.

Alix seemed to be stripping woodwork in one of the far bedrooms. He could hear the rhythmic sanding, and he saw her pass by the open window now and then.

Tonio left at around four to get ready for a date with the motel girl. Soon after, Alix came out with Lindy. She stopped at the threshold of the garage. She wore shorts and a pink top and sneakers, and her socks were pulled up all the way to her knees. He wanted to kiss every inch of her.

“It looks great,” she said.

He nodded, wiping his hands and face with a towel. “Thanks.”

“But don’t think it makes up for your being happy to think he was dead,” she added.

“Does it make up for me being a jerk about it at least?”

“Hmm.” A smile in her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “So you want to go for a walk with me and Lindy?”

He did. Very much.

They set off into the woods, down the path that led through brambles and up toward the bluff. They walked in silence.

“I know how awful it must be for you to see him every day,” she finally said. “I’m so sorry, I really am. It meant so much, what you told me last night, and I can only imagine—”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted. “I’m handling it.”

“I don’t want it to be hard—”

“It’s fine,” he said firmly. “You hear from your friend?”

“Yeah. No progress. She’s going through some ginormous code manuals using the process of deduction.”

“What does that mean?”

Alix picked up a stick and threw it for Lindy. “I don’t know. But
she
does, and that’s the important thing.”

“You find your other missing stuff?”

She grinned sheepishly. The pale light coming through the tree canopy made her skin look glowy and warm. He wanted desperately to touch her. “It turns out I left the boots in my office,” she said.

“Oops,” Paul said.

“And obviously Sir Kendall is still around. He told me he drove off quietly so as not to wake us. But the necklace is definitely gone. And I locked my bedroom door last night. I don’t understand how that necklace can be gone.”

“You think Sir Kendall can’t pick a lock?”

“Sir Kendall values answers, not money.”

“Maybe he took it to get appraised. That’s answers.”

“He’d ask me. He knows I don’t care about it that much.”

Paul picked up a stick. “This looks Lindy-sized.”

“That’s a perfect one,” Alix said. “Throw it.

He threw it. Lindy bounded into the brush. When he looked back, Alix was smiling. “What?”

“I just can’t believe how your face healed.”

“Apparently, the things your computer orders aren’t everyday things. Apparently they’re supernaturally powerful.”

“The salve sure is,” she said.

“And what’s he up to with all the stuff from the hardware store and Radio Shack? What’s he up to in his room?”

“I’m guessing he’s building some spy gadget.”

“So you don’t know what? We need to get in there and find out.”

“Let me handle it.”

“I’ll ask him.”

“No, Paul, I’m on it. I want you to stay away from him. I want you to trust that I’m being vigilant about Sir Kendall. It’s not like I’m ignoring your story. It’s making me really think.”

“But here’s the thing,” Paul said. “I’ve decided I need to get to know him. He’s here, and I don’t even know him as a person. Maybe I even find common ground with him. I mean, we both care about you.”
Supposedly
, he thought.

“You’re not getting know him. No.”

“That first day, I promised I wouldn’t attack him or tell him who he is. You never said I couldn’t be friends with him.”

“Friends?” She snorted. “Seriously?”

“Maybe he could use a male friend.”

“Not one that hates him.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t hate him if I got to know him.”

“Forget it.”

“Look, I’m sorry, but you lost your right to control him when you brought him into this world. You want people to treat him as a human? Then you have to let him act like one, which includes picking his friends. You can’t have it both ways. He can’t be a regular human, but you say who his friends are.”

“You don’t want to be his friend.”

“I want to get to know him. I’m going to see if he wants to hang out tonight.”

“No,” she warned. “You can’t.”

Paul grabbed another stick. “We’ll see what Sir Kendall has to say about that. I bet he wants to hang out with me. He wanted me at dinner.”

When he looked over, she wasn’t there. She crouched on the ground a few feet back, staring at something. “Fuck,” she said softly.

Had she dropped something? Lindy tried to sniff at the spot and she pushed Lindy’s nose. “Get away.” She sounded upset.

“What is it?” He knelt beside her.

“Nothing. I just…” she motioned at a small form, no larger than a wine cork. A tiny, dead baby bird. And then she burst into tears. “I don’t know why it seems so sad, suddenly.”

“Hey.” He put an arm around her.

She sniffled through her tears. “I know it’s just a bird,” she said.

“It’s okay. It’s sad.”

She wiped her eyes. “It just couldn’t fly, you know?”

He kissed her hair. She was so beautiful. She didn’t even know it.

“Its little wings. They weren’t enough. Just not enough.” The idea of this seemed to make her sadder. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

He felt the charge in her words.
They weren’t enough. Just not enough.
And some things came to him then. Like why she’d ordered a fake man for herself, as if she couldn’t measure up for a real one. And he saw her sisters overshadowing her. And how she made a game of everything. She didn’t make games of things because she didn’t care. She did it because she cared too much. She would do anything for her people. And then he had the stunning thought that the bird was her heart.