Mr. Mysterious In Black (39 page)

“Screw you,
Nelly
! You could’ve saved him! You know as I know that you could’ve prevented this.” Before he could reply, I hurled the phone across the room and it went smashing into pieces against a wall. I felt as if I had an anchor tied to my ankles, dragging me down to the bottom of a sea of salty tears. Drowning me in grief.

When I finally had the courage to face Kelsy, her eyes were red and swollen, her face drenched in tears. It was hard to see. But I looked at her anyways, as she looked back at me. And all we could do at a moment’s beat was launch into each other’s arms, both of us seeking solace from the other. But all I withdrew from her was bereavement, as she withdrew the same from me. Because this was all we had, this was all we could give. And so we sank to the floor in our embrace, our tears mixing, our wails competing.

We cried ourselves into a tangled heap, curled up on Natalio’s huge, dark rug like a twin fetus. Tevin was dead. We cried ourselves to sleep.

When I awoke, night had fallen, and there were arms around me. But they weren’t Kelsy’s. They were arms I knew, yes. But they were arms that I didn’t want to embrace me, to try giving me solace to a grief that these said arms could’ve prevented.

Kelsy was nowhere my eyes could see. Launching up in a sitting position, I began calling for her. My friend who needed me like I needed her. I couldn’t allow her to grieve alone. She had no idea what grief could do to her. She wouldn’t know how to deal with it.

“Kelsy!” I called out. But my voice was so hoarse I could hardly hear myself.

Natalio’s hard frame was right there behind me, his strong arms trying to tug me back down to the carpet. “Sadie, calm down. Kelsy left.”

Anger surged through me as I twisted to look at him. He was shirtless and seemed a tad weary. I tried not to let his nakedness distract me. “How could you let her leave? Are you that goddamn insensitive?” Though I wanted it to sound like a shout, I failed, because my throat was so sore from crying, I almost had no voice.

Natalio ran a hand through his hair then braced up on his elbows, his eyes holding sympathy and remorse. “I tried to get her to stay, but she insisted on leaving. She was worried…about
you
.”

“About me?
I
know what grief feels like. I know how to get over this. She doesn’t. I have to be there for her, Natalio. I’m sorry, but I can’t go to your family dinner with you. I have to stay here with her.”

“That’s exactly what she said you would do,” Natalio sighed. “I came in and found her sitting on the sofa. Just staring at you while you slept. Saddened.”

“Of course she’s saddened, her boyfriend just
died
!”

Natalio shook his head, trying to be patient with me, seemingly understanding my rage and allowing me to be angry. He stuck his hand in the side crease of the sofa and pulled out a folded paper. “She left this for you.”

Giving him a glare which sent the message that I hated him—only temporarily—I snatched the paper from his hand and unfolded it.

Sister,

We’ve both just lost someone dear to us. Someone who was apart us. Your brother and my lover. We have lost him. And all the tears in the world won’t ever bring him back.

Please note the plural pronoun: WE.

It’s not just me that’s feeling this pain. You are, too.

As you might know, I’ve never, ever felt pain like this before. I’ve only ever known joys, and happiness and sunshine. Contentment, love in abundance and peace. My life has always been exceptional.

Your life, on the other hand, has been anything but. You’ve been grieving since that midwife slapped you on your bare bum the day you were born. Unlike me, you’ve known only sadness, sorrows, and darkness. Unhappiness, tough love and heartaches. People like me who have always been in merriment need doses of grief from time to time to even things out. To open our blinded eyes to the abrasiveness of life.

But people like you, my dear sister, need not a dose of happiness, but an outpouring, a torrential flood of bliss, love and contentment foraying into your life. Because life has not been lived until we know what happiness feels like. Neither has life been lived until we know, too, what grief feels like. And there can be no way to distinguish the two until we’ve felt both.

Which means neither of us have ever lived…until now.

It’s your time to be happy with that man who loves you enough to wait seven damn years for you. That is love I’m yet to receive!

Don’t worry about me, Sadie. I have enough happy bones inside me to fight off this minuteness of grief. Stay with Natalio and let him love your pain away. Go to the dinner, meet his family, and, though I know it will be hard, have fun. I’ll see you when you get back. And if you decide to move there, you know damn well that I’ll be moving there, too.

But please, let me grieve on my own. Focus on your own happiness. For once.

I love you, with all my heart, mind and soul.

Kelsy.

Twin tears strolled down my face as I folded the letter as small as it could be folded and tucked it in my shorts pocket. In a time when I thought Kelsy would’ve withered to the ground, she’d found so much more strength than I ever could. She wanted to grieve
alone
. She was handling this so much better than I was, and in her sorrow, she was thinking about
my
happiness. That fact evoked rivulets of tears from my eyes.

I turned to Natalio who was gazing at me with pained eyes, as if wishing he could swipe away my misery. “I don’t believe her, Natalio. What if she’s just trying to keep me away so she could go hurl herself off a bridge? I don’t want her to grieve alone. It’s not healthy.”

Reaching out, he thumbed my tears away. “You only see one’s true strength in their time of sorrow. Some people may seem weak on the outside, but really, they’re so much stronger than you could ever imagine. Everyone has their own way of handling grief. You’ve never seen Kelsy grieve before, so maybe this is her way of dealing with her distress. I sure as hell know that I hate having people around when I’m going through my shit. While there are some people who’d rather be surrounded with friends and loved ones. Just…respect what she asks, Sadie.”

“But I’ve always thought her to be so fragile. It’s just…” I sighed and crawled up to his chest, curling myself in his arms.

“You stop to think that maybe she was expecting it? I’ve seen her, and I’ve seen you. You’re taking it so much worse than her, Sadie. And I think that’s why she’s worried about you. It’s almost like she was expecting it and you weren’t, which made the news a harder hit on you.”

Natalio might have made a correct assessment. In fact, Kelsy had been vacillating between whether she should break up with Tevin or not, due to the scare of the event that had taken place at Tevin’s house. Adding also the nights that she used to sit up and worry about Tevin on the streets. So in some light, she might have been expecting the unexpected. Of course I knew that Tevin was a son of sin, but I honestly was not expecting his death. At least, not yet.

Tevin was bad, yes, a menace to society. But I was hoping he would’ve been like one of
those
bad guys that tiptoed around God’s wrath and reaped long life. Incalculable sinful bastards have lived until their eyes dimmed into gradual darkness. And I thought, really thought, Tevin would’ve been one of those sinful bastards.

Pressing my lips against the firmness of Natalio’s chest that was my fortress, shield and refuge, I whispered, “Love my pain away. All of it. Everything that has ever made me cry, love it away, Natalio. Be my light at the end of the tunnel. Be my eternity.”

My lover sighed and kissed my forehead. “All that and more, Francé. All that and more.”

I
was convinced, no doubt, that Natalio was obsessed with glass homes once I stepped into his pad in San Francisco on Saturday night. Dumbstruck I was, for once, because I’d never seen anything like it. Huge was too small a word to describe his pad. Would
colossal
do? I knew not where to look first. It was aesthetically decorated with white furniture and elaborate pieces of art. No black this time. And I wondered sketchily if he’d replaced black with white because of my dislike of his loft.

It didn’t matter where I went, kitchen, living room, bathroom, bedroom, I still saw the city lights twinkling all around because the pad was all-glass. Everywhere. How could I ever feel comfortable here? I would always have the notion that someone was watching me. My discomfort had retired when I stepped outside on the immense wraparound balcony and saw only my reflection when I tried to look into the house. From inside of the house I could see everything outside, but from outside the glass walls were exquisite opaqueness.

Strewn about the balcony were white leather seating and tall decorative plants. I wasn’t the type of person who was easily awed, because I fully concurred with the Ecclesiastes verses that everything here on earth is all meaningless. Nevertheless, I was awed.

“You like?”

At the voice, I spun around to see Natalio standing on the balcony bearing an anxious expression. His shirt, shoes and socks were ridded of and he wore only his trousers. Then I realized that I’d forgotten about him once I walked inside the house and wandered off.

“Yes,” I answered. “It’s lovely.”

His shoulders relaxed as he smiled. “Good. Because I had it redecorated, hoping you would like it.”

So I’d guessed right then.

A stumpy, bald guy dressed in a dark suit appeared at the sliding doors. “Sir, all the items are in. Should I send up Rosa?”

“No. I’ll be down with Miss Francé to familiarize her with the staff in a minute. Shut down. I won’t be leaving for the night.”

The man nodded and jotted off.

I raised my eyebrow at Natalio. “Don’t tell me you live with a host of people who cater only to one man.”

“No I don’t. They have their own space below,” he deadpanned.

Succeeding at not rolling my eyes, I walked into his arms and we stood looking over the balcony at the choppy waves of lighted buildings, cars and people. “What’s your obsession with glass homes?”

Natalio chuckled. “It was my brother’s fascination, actually. I no sooner became entranced, too. I don’t know,” he shrugged. “It’s just different. I like different.”

“Trevillo, the one in real estate? He built this?”

“Yep.”

Should I be anxious about meeting his aristocratic family? Maybe I should. But I wasn’t. Because it wouldn’t to me matter is his family liked me or not. As long as Natalio wanted me, loved me, I was good. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, wishing I’d never have to let go.

“Are you okay?” he asked, tucking a lock of hair behind my ears.

I thought about it. Was I okay? A few days ago I wasn’t. A few weeks ago I wasn’t. Heck, a couple of years ago I wasn’t. I’d never thought in a million years that I would’ve recovered my memories, let alone see Natalio again. And when I did, my pride had caused me to push him away. Now he was here in my arms. And he wanted to marry me, with the same eagerness he had seven years ago. Wanted to make me his forever. Wanted to fulfill his promises that I was once led to believe were empty. I believed in love again, because of the same man who’d introduced me to love. Made me feel love, received love and gave love. I
believed
in love. “Yes. I’m okay.”

Natalio turned, leaning his back against the rail with his hands still circled around my waist. The cool night air ruffled his hair as he bent his head and kissed me softly before saying, “I love you, Sadie. The feeling is frightening. I have you, but it’s like I don’t have you enough. So I hug you, but when I do, it’s like you’re not close enough. So I kiss you, and still I can’t get enough. So I make love to you. And yet, my hold on you doesn’t feel secure enough. Then I lay my head on your pillow and I worry. I worry that I’ll lose you again. I worry myself to sleep. And it’s not long before I awake with wide eyes and a pounding heart, hoping you’re still there. I would sigh with relief at the feel of you in my arms. Your warm, sinuous frame against mine, your soft sighs as you dream of me, calling my name. And I watch you, peacefully, until you’re awake.” His eyes grew intense as he pinioned my eyes with his. “This why I want to marry you. I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

A lone tear fell from my lashes. “I promise you, Natalio, I’ll never leave. I love you.”

He pulled me closer and pressed his lips in my hair. “Death can.” The words whooshed out as if they stole every bit of vigor he had.

Wooden became my frame. Was Tevin’s death taking a toll on all of us? “Why are you thinking about death?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking about all the bad things that could happen.
I’d
rather be the one to die. Because I know if you do and leave me behind, I’ll take my own life, just to be able to lie next to you in the grave. That our souls may continue in love. You see, there is no other for me, Sadie. For seven years I’ve had the money, the houses, the cars, and every material thing one could dream of. But none of it made me happy. Just…thoughts of you. Just you. Only you.”