Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (33 page)

Mortified, Elizabeth began to plead, “Mother, please, I am sure…”

“Mrs. Bennet,” interrupted Darcy, “Georgiana and I were just discussing this morning how much she would enjoy an opportunity to spend more time with Miss Elizabeth. She wanted to invite Miss Elizabeth to stay at our house in London but was unsure if she would want to be separated from her family party. If I may be so bold, perhaps both Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth could stay at our townhouse. That way, there would be more room at the Gardiners' house and your party would not be quite so scattered.”

Elizabeth looked at Darcy, wondering if he knew what he was about by making it easier for her younger sisters to come with them to London. Elizabeth might have been shocked to know that Darcy knew exactly what he was about. He wanted Elizabeth near him, and all other considerations were beside the point. He thought it unlikely that her father would let her stay at his townhouse all by herself, and thought that the addition of Jane would be most to Elizabeth's liking. Bingley might be disappointed at his opportunism in snatching Jane away, but he sincerely believed that Bingley would have more opportunity to spend uninterrupted time with Jane if she were not at Bingley's home, where his sisters would also be in residence.

“Oh, Mr. Darcy, you are so gracious,” cooed Mrs. Bennet. “It would be such a comfort to have all my daughters in town.”

Nodding at Mrs. Bennet, Darcy smoothly turned his attention to Caroline and intoned, “Miss Bingley, I hope that you will forgive me for stealing Miss Bennet away. I know that you would want both ladies to stay with you, but this will give Miss Elizabeth an opportunity to familiarize herself with what will eventually be her new home.”

“Not at all, sir,” replied Miss Bingley coolly. “This way, Eliza and Jane will be together when you and Charles call on them, and it will spare you the need to travel to Cheapside on a regular basis.”

Darcy bowed slightly. If he was fazed by Miss Bingley's comment, Elizabeth could not tell from his demeanor. After a pause, he looked up at Elizabeth and stated, “I think you will like our housekeeper in London. She has been with our family for many years, and she is very capable. I hope she meets with your satisfaction.”

As she and Darcy continued to talk, she could feel Miss Bingley's frosty stare. At the first lull in the conversation, Miss Bingley cleared her throat and spoke in a voice meant for all, “Mrs. Bennet, I think you were just saying how lucky you are to have two daughters engaged. It must be quite a comfort to you.”

“Oh, yes. You cannot know. I only hope that my other daughters are as fortunate.”

With a condescending smile, Miss Bingley replied, “Yes, I am sure they will be, given that you will be there to oversee their futures.”

“Oh, you are too kind,” twittered Mrs. Bennet. “Not everyone understands what a heavy burden a mother carries in this regard. A daughter's future is made by her marriage, and it is up to a mother to ensure that she secures the best place she possibly can.”

“I had never thought of it that way before,” replied Miss Bingley with fake sincerity. “Then you are careful to ensure that your daughters take serious account of financial considerations when they consider a marriage proposal.”

“Oh, yes, my dear, we must be practical too,” beamed Mrs. Bennet.

With a triumphant smile, Miss Bingley replied, “Yes, Mrs. Bennet, I suppose some people must.”

Elizabeth sat in mortification. Miss Bingley had clearly won her point. She had always known in the back of her mind that some would think she had accepted Darcy's proposal for mercenary means, but it had never hit home as forcefully as it did now.

Before she could think how to react, Elizabeth heard Darcy addressing Miss Bingley. “While it is true that both partners in a marriage often look to more material considerations when selecting or accepting a spouse, it is not the foremost concern of every individual who anticipates marriage.”

“Oh, yes, Mr. Darcy. I am sure that men of a certain means need not take such issues into account. I was simply agreeing with Mrs. Bennet that it is something a woman may need to consider if she is not of… independent means.”

Darcy cleared his throat and looked closely at Miss Bingley before speaking. If his intent was to unnerve her, he succeeded. “You may be right, Miss Bingley. You are, of course, more familiar with what a woman considers important in seeking a husband than I. But I am roused to defend my sex. I think some would consider attention to such considerations, to the exclusion of all else, an insult to the virtues of all men since a man's worth in the matrimonial state might be misconstrued as tantamount to his worth in a material sense.”

“Yes, of course, Mr. Darcy,” cooed Miss Bingley, “I am in complete agreement. But I think Mrs. Bennet was simply saying that it is something that she has been careful to instill in her daughters as it is a concern that will obviously affect their futures more than others.”

Elizabeth could not believe that Miss Bingley had so openly questioned her motives. She wanted to reply—at least to defend her attachment to Darcy—but every approach to the subject seemed blocked. Miss Bingley's cruel innuendo seemed extreme, as it was done directly to her face, but she knew that similar gossip would follow them wherever they went. As she struggled for a reply, she heard Darcy casually state, “I am particularly relieved, then, that such ideas held little sway over my fiancée, as I know that did not motivate her to accept me.” The silence in the room was deafening.

Miss Bingley could not help but offer one more barb. “Luckily, most men feel the same as you do, sir.”

“Yes, Miss Bingley, I am sure you are correct. But there is a difference between hoping something is true and knowing something is true. I know that I have been blessed in choosing a wife who possesses superior beauty, intellect, and character. While she may not be receiving similar advantages in accepting me, I know that she has done so because she believes our temperaments are particularly suited for each other and because I have been lucky enough to win her affections. I know not all men can make such a boast, but I do so sure of its veracity.”

Elizabeth had watched this exchange with growing concern. In an attempt to dissuade him from what she feared was his intended course, she quickly interjected, “Mr. Darcy, I do not think…”

But Miss Bingley was quicker, stating sweetly, “Your faith in womankind is clearly a testament to all women. I thank you on all our behalf.”

Instead of letting the issue drop or heeding Elizabeth's hint, Darcy offered, “But I did not intend to compliment all women, for I certainly cannot attest to the motives of your entire sex. Of Miss Elizabeth's intentions, I have no doubt. For you see, if she had wished to accept me for the material advantages that I can obviously supply, she would have accepted me the first time I proposed. At the time, though, she did not hold me in high regard, and consequently she appropriately rejected my offer and whatever advantages such a union might provide her.”

While his words sunk in, Mrs. Bennet sat in stunned silence, blinking. Miss Bingley fared no better as she unsuccessfully attempted to formulate a reply. Bingley abruptly laughed but then quickly looked down, afraid that his sister might attempt to catch his eye. Jane looked to Elizabeth with concern and found her head bowed and her cheeks bright pink. Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam stared at Darcy with open astonishment. Mr. Bennet observed Darcy in what appeared to be thoughtful consideration. It was therefore to the surprise of everyone in attendance that Kitty's voice was heard to reply in a dreamy tone, “How romantic. You proposed twice. How? When?”

Darcy smiled indulgently at Kitty, and she seemed to look back at him as if seeing him for the first time. He then answered slowly, “I asked Elizabeth to marry me in April when we were both in Kent.”

Replying as if they were the only two people in the room, Kitty quickly asked, “But she said no?”

“Yes, she rejected my proposal out of hand.”

“Were you heartbroken?”

“Yes, I suppose so. I thought she would accept me when I first asked, and when she did not, I found it very difficult to live with the results.”

“So, you came to Meryton to win her back.”

“Yes, it was one of the reasons I returned.”

“And how did you succeed in getting her to accept your second proposal?”

He looked quickly at Elizabeth, but she continued to keep her gaze down. “I attempted to court her, as I had failed to do in Kent. I persuaded her to give me a second chance to prove myself. But maybe it would be best if you asked your sister the details yourself. I am sure this is of very little interest to the rest of the room, and I have monopolized the conversation long enough.”

When he looked up again, he saw that most of the party was still staring at him. He looked to Miss Bingley and said, “Miss Bingley, I am so looking forward to dinner. You always set the most sumptuous table.”

Honesty and Desire

Darcy arrived at Longbourn the following morning to find all of the Bennet women assembled in the parlor. After his confession at dinner, there had been little opportunity to speak to Elizabeth alone. As the carriages were called, he had hoped to say his good-bye to Elizabeth in private, but her father once again seemed omnipresent. He almost thought that Mr. Bennet wanted to say something to him, but in the end, he simply departed with a nod. Remembering the charge that Bingley had given him at breakfast, Darcy turned to Jane. “Miss Bennet, Mr. Bingley asked me to make his apologies for not coming to call this morning.”

“Oh, I hope he is well?” asked Jane with concern.

“Yes, very,” replied Darcy. “It seems that Miss Bingley and the Hursts have decided to return to London a little earlier than planned. He will be detained while he sees to their traveling arrangements. He intends to call later today.

“Mrs. Bennet,” continued Darcy, “I was hoping to take Elizabeth riding this morning. With your leave, I thought we could start off directly.”

Mrs. Bennet did not seem to be following the thread of the conversation. Instead, since his arrival, she had been eyeing Darcy with an odd look on her face. Remembering herself, she said, “Oh, a ride? Yes, yes, by all means.”

After they made their way to their awaiting horses, Darcy helped Elizabeth to mount, happily noticing that she seemed much more relaxed on Fleece. He seemed to be formulating a question and then abandoning it, when he finally asked, “Elizabeth, I hope I did not put you in an uncomfortable position last night. I did not mean to make public something that you intended to keep private.”

Surveying him thoughtfully, she replied, “No. I am no longer uncomfortable on that account. I understand that you were trying to defend my honor. But I must say, I am surprised that you would attempt such an undertaking without consulting me first.” She then raised one brow and added, “I believe I can recall being called to task by you not so very long ago when you mistakenly thought I had divulged the same information. I wonder how it is different now, other than, of course, that the shoe is now on the other foot?”

He looked at her seriously, struggling with a reply. “I have no defense. I suppose I was moved by my emotions to act.” Looking earnest, he added, “I am truly sorry if I embarrassed you.”

Content with his honest answer, she smiled. “I doubt there was any other way in which to silence Miss Bingley.” The slightest of smiles graced his lips, as he acknowledged her compliment. “It did,” she continued, “make for quite a long evening, though. It took my mother rather a long time to understand the matter.”

“Yes, Georgiana and my cousin were quite adamant about knowing all the details of our courtship. I can only imagine that if Georgiana was so difficult to placate, your mother, with her more direct style, would not rest until she felt completely satisfied.”

“I think the problem is that my mother finds the both of us so baffling. She cannot imagine why you would want me after I had rejected you and why I would not have accepted you in the first place. I think we defy her closely held precepts as to how marriage should be approached. I do not believe the three of us will ever fully understand each other.”

As they approached the bank of a small stream, Elizabeth showed him a clearing she admired and he dismounted in order to help her down and secure the horses. As he worked, he asked, “But she is at least content with the result?”

“Oh, yes, just confused by the process by which we got there. She just needs time. In the meantime, I can well understand your reluctance to spend too much time in my family's company.”

Darcy looked at Elizabeth with an unreadable expression and then looked to the stream. After several moments, he asked, “Do you feel that I do not want to spend time with your family?”

Seeing his serious expression, she regretted the slip of her tongue. “I did not mean to imply that you have not acted properly in regard to them. It just seemed that you prefer to see me away from Longbourn.” She added in a light tone, “Truly, I understand. All together, they are quite a disconcerting lot. It makes perfect sense if you wish only to see them in small doses.”

“Do you think that is why I suggested riding today?”

“Well, to be honest, yes.”

Darcy sat next to her in contemplation. He then spoke. “Elizabeth, you misinterpret me. I must say I am unsure how to proceed. I do not want you to labor under a misconception about my feelings toward your family, but I am also at a loss as to how to explain.” As he twisted his signet ring, he continued, “I do not like disguise, but I have also erred before as to what level of honesty is required or, for that matter, wise… I have never been engaged before.”

Elizabeth laid her hand on his arm and said, “I do not think we have erred before by being honest, just in the level of understanding we have been willing to extend each other for our honest opinions.”

“Very well, then. I will tell you. Although I think it would be obvious…” Looking slightly away from her, he said, “When you accepted me, I understood that we both were also accepting each other's families. I know I am to be a brother to your sisters, and I hope I have made some progress in that regard. I think Jane and I are content in each other's company, and today I thought Kitty was much more comfortable in my presence. I do not always know what to say to Mary or Lydia, but I assume that will come with time.” After a pause, he squared his shoulders and looked intently into her eyes. “It is not that I want to be away from your family. It is that I want you to be away from them—from everyone. I want to marry you because I love you. But I would be lying if I did not confess that what I anticipate most about our marriage is being able to be alone with you—completely alone. Sometimes, it is all I think about. I have been in love with you for a very long time.”

As Elizabeth listened, her cheeks flushed. Seeing her discomfort, he continued to speak. “It is just that your father has taken to the habit of accompanying us at the end of each evening and I wish… I wish to have some time alone with you. After our first ride, I saw that I had you to myself, since your sisters do not seem inclined to join us as they might on a walk to Meryton.”

Elizabeth stared at her hands and quietly replied, “I see.”

Forlorn, he said, “I have made you uncomfortable. I am sorry. I just did not want you to have the wrong impression. But now I wonder whether you have a worse impression of me….” Resolute, he added in a formal tone, “We can return. We should return. You need not fear that I will not act as a gentleman.”

Looking up, concerned about his tone, she replied timidly, “No. That is not necessary. It is not that I am uncomfortable here with you. I am just embarrassed that I did not understand… You must think me very naïve.”

Staring at her with great intensity, Darcy replied, “No, I think you lovely.”

As they gazed at each other, Elizabeth felt she could hardly breathe. His honesty had moved her. She suddenly realized that they were at another crossroad. They had always challenged social convention by saying what they meant. She regretted that he now obviously felt ashamed for having done so. She wanted to tell him, that while she misunderstood his primary reason for seeking to be away from her family, she did not regret that they were now alone. Why was it so hard to say something, anything?
Because I also risk myself
, came the answer in her head.

“Fitzwilliam, I have been foolish. I do not know how I could have confused your desire for us to be alone with anything else. I should have known better…” She watched as her words seemed to give him some comfort, but he maintained a rigid air that betrayed his unease. Gathering her resolve, she said, “I should have known better because I feel the same way. Perhaps I was just too embarrassed to acknowledge it. But each time you have kissed me, it has made me long for more. I know that I should not say this, but… I am glad you have brought me here and with the intent of being alone. I welcome it.” With her voice now only a whisper, she added, “I only… I do not know what you expect. What I should do.”

Confusion and then relief crossed his face. Ultimately, he smiled. “I expect nothing, but I wish many things.”

She reached up to run one finger down his cheek and then across the line of his jaw. He closed his eyes for a moment as he held his breath. As she moved her finger across his lips, he watched her intently. She then asked in a very quiet voice, “Do you wish a kiss? A touch?”

She watched as his eyes darkened with pleasure. He reached up and held her wrist in order to still her hand at his mouth. Breathing heavily, he responded in a slow, deep voice. “Yes… Each… Both.” He turned her wrist to give his mouth access to its length. He gently, but with steady pressure, dragged his teeth down it and then began to lightly kiss his way back. He then took each fingertip in his mouth in turn. She watched him with her mouth slightly parted, her breath coming quick.

When he had finished, he cupped his hand behind her head to bring her slowly to him. He stopped when she was just inches from him and looked deeply into her eyes, murmuring, “Dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, I cannot tell you the ardor I feel for you. I… I… I am simply bewitched.” He then brought her mouth to his.

She could feel his shudder as they touched. He had kissed her before, but there had always been a rushed quality to it—as they each feared an interruption. This kiss began slow and teasing, but soon turned intense as he sought access to her lips and then her mouth. His other hand came around her, and he pulled her to him. Her arms slipped around his waist and she began to explore the taut planes of his back. As his mouth moved from her lips to behind her ear, she closed her eyes to savor the exquisite feeling he was eliciting, a feeling that spread to her neck and then to her shoulder until her whole body began to tingle. Awash in her own passion, she tangled her fingers in his curls and brought his head to her mouth, seeking to claim him. Surprised by her intensity, he moved his head back so that he could look at her, his eyes crinkled in a smile. She seemed to sway ever so gently as she opened her eyes to look at him, silently inquiring as to why he had stopped. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered. “I am so lucky to have found you.”

She broke into an infectious smile that made her eyes dance. “No more than I.”

He looked deeply into her eyes, and their smiles soon turned serious. He began to kiss her again and eventually surrendered to his need to hold her ever closer. Pressing himself against her, he began fervently to kiss her neck, dipping down to her collarbone and then returning to her lips. She soon felt his hands move from her back to either side of her waist. He held his hands there for a moment while they continued to kiss. He seemed to be measuring how small it was around the whole of her. He then slowly moved one of his hands along her side until it gently rested beneath her breast. He dipped his mouth lower until he was exploring the bodice of her dress, gently edging his mouth toward the lace that marked where he was allowed to look but not touch. As she became more and more mesmerized by his ministrations, she moaned ever so softly, unaware that any sound had escaped her lips.

The noise seemed to bring him back to the reality of their situation. He looked confused and then embarrassed. His brow furrowed. “Elizabeth, I am sorry. I did not mean to… to go so far. I would not risk…” Squaring his shoulders, he said in a formal manner, “I have forgotten myself. Please forgive me. We should go.”

Bewildered, Elizabeth asked, “I do not understand I… I thought we both…”

“No,” he interrupted, “I alone am responsible… Please forgive me. I should have known better. I am not sure how I let things get out of control so quickly. When I said that I wanted to be with you alone, I did not mean… I do not want to take advantage of your generosity. I promise you it will not happen again.”

She studied him, trying to understand his complex nature. There was much she could say, but she was uncertain how to say it and unsure that it would do any good at this moment. Instead, she raised her eyebrows and said, “Very well, then, we shall leave. It is getting late, and Jane will be expecting us. But, Fitzwilliam, may I caution you, do not make promises you cannot keep.”

***

When Darcy arrived the next day, Elizabeth could see his troubled countenance. He wasted no time in seeking her out. “Elizabeth, I received an express this morning from my uncle. He has reminded me of some business matters that exist between our two families that I will need to resolve before we marry. Inasmuch as we are all planning to go to London soon, I cannot see putting off the trip to see him. I do not want to go now, but I know I will be even more disinclined to undertake the journey once we are in London and you and your sister are guests in my home. I am afraid that if I leave the trip until after you leave London, there will be insufficient time to resolve everything that needs to be done.”

Hiding her distress at the idea of their separation, Elizabeth asked, “How long of a journey do you think is required?”

“I am still uncertain. If I leave right away, we could attempt to settle the matter as soon as possible and set into motion whatever contracts will be required. Perhaps I could return in time to accompany you to London. Colonel Fitzwilliam has also said that he needs to see his father. If I can convince him to take the journey with me, he could stay on with his father until after the contracts are copied. Then he could bring them with him to London for me to sign.”

“Wouldn't that require you to spend a great deal of time in travel with very little time for rest?”

“It will be a strenuous schedule but I am up to the task. My greater concern is leaving at all.”

Seeing the tenderness in his eyes, Elizabeth leaned toward him to place her other hand on his arm. “I will obviously miss your company, but I understand that you have responsibilities you must fulfill.”