Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (14 page)

Lucas, however, soon interrupted the moment by asking in a jovial air, “But, Mr. Darcy, having had the benefit of hearing my brother-in-law's sermons during your visit to your aunt, you cannot argue that sometimes a fresh voice might be a good thing? I would imagine that is what drove you from Kent.”

Darcy looked down quickly in embarrassment. Being reminded of what drove him from Kent, in front of Elizabeth, was the last thing he wanted at that moment. Struggling for a reply, he stated, “I suppose there is always some benefit from change.”

As both fell silent, Lucas studied their reactions. He assumed their silence was due to their unwillingness to openly chide Mr. Collins's ability. He had thought both of them less fainthearted, but apparently Mr. Darcy's aunt held more sway over him than he would have imagined, and Miss Elizabeth was holding her tongue for his sake. Taking the hint, Lucas replied, “I suspect, Mr. Darcy, that you are more accustomed to the oratory style presently
en vogue
in London.”

Darcy could see from Elizabeth's heightened color and her sudden unwillingness to return his gaze that the reference to Kent had also embarrassed her. It made him feel how tenuous his position was. No matter how much progress he made with her, his past missteps were always lurking in the shadows, waiting to intrude. It seemed an impossible task for him to start any conversation without invoking their prior interactions. In a vain attempt to change the subject, Darcy offered, “Actually, I am more at home in the smaller setting of the parish at Pemberley, in Derbyshire.”

Unwilling to let pass an invitation to discuss an issue that he had wondered about, Lucas smiled politely and slowly said, “Yes, I think I had heard that you were very particular about who is installed in the clerical positions you bestow.”

Before Darcy could answer this oblique reference to the slander that Wickham had circulated, Elizabeth came to his defense. She spoke in a lighthearted manner, but Lucas could see that it masked a serious message. “I am not sure, Mr. Lucas, that it is our place to opine on the methodology that Mr. Darcy employs to make his appointments, but I have every confidence that he accomplishes the task in a fair and thoughtful manner. Nonetheless, the process must produce disappointment in those who feel themselves worthy of a position when they are, in fact, undeserving. I suppose enduring their bitterness is an unfortunate by-product that cannot be avoided.”

Darcy stared at her for an extra beat before turning to Lucas and adding, “Actually, the criteria I use when I am charged with the responsibility of bestowing a living in the church is quite simple, and I am more than willing to share it with anyone who is interested. I have no qualms discussing any of the details of any of my appointments. Though I am aware that not everyone would agree with all of the actions I have taken, I am more than willing to defend them.”

Somewhat surprised by his earnest reply, Lucas regretted having brought up the rumors he had heard about Darcy, and vowed to give them no further credence. “Yes, Mr. Darcy, I can see that. I apologize if I seemed to imply otherwise. It must be a difficult responsibility that inevitably creates critics of your actions. I think most people would understand, though, that the perspective of such a critic is necessarily biased.”

Darcy responded with a slight bow. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate the sentiment. I hope you are right.” More than encouraged by Elizabeth's defense of his character, Darcy decided to press his luck. “But, Miss Bennet, let us talk of more pleasant things. I know you are fond of reading, but I recall that you once told me you would not discuss books in a ballroom. I see that you are now holding a volume. Do you adhere to the same prohibition during small, informal gatherings?”

Surprised by his playful tone, Elizabeth met his challenge. “Sir, lately, I have had an opportunity to reevaluate many of the rules of conduct that I live by. Not only am I willing to discuss books at small gatherings, but I might even be prepared to revise my ban regarding the dance floor. I have found that in the past, I have been too rigid in the application of some of my more decided opinions.”

As his pulse began to race at her response, Darcy gave her a wide smile that revealed his dimples. “I am very glad to hear it. I can only hope that there is an opportunity to test your resolve. I do so love books.”

She was saved from responding to that provocative comment by the call for dinner. She was half relieved and half disappointed to see that Mr. Darcy was seated as far away from her as possible. She could not help but feel some discomfort on his account, as she realized that the only people he probably wished to speak with during dinner, his friend and her sister Jane, were seated with her. She smiled to herself at the thought of him enduring Mrs. Long and Mary's dinner conversation, but knew there was nothing to be done about it.

She wondered why she cared. She thought it odd that her estimation of him had changed so radically. She understood that her previous opinion of him was in serious need of revision, as it was based on misinformation and bruised feelings. Mr. Lucas's reference to Mr. Wickham was proof of that. But she questioned the degree of his transformation in her own mind. She now thought him a good man and appreciated his help with her sister. But there was more.

To her surprise, she sometimes enjoyed his company. She thought it strange that she would get the opportunity to see this side of him now, when it was really too late. She knew that her presence in company must on some level embarrass him; as a spurned suitor, how could it not? But she was amazed to see that he still tried to interact with her. Was this part of his effort to make amends for any affront she suffered during his proposal? It seemed more than was called for, given that she had insulted him just as much. Perhaps he was just trying to set matters straight between them, and the most convenient method to do so was to show her his friendship. But even that explanation did not really account for their oddly evolving relationship. She resolved, however, to put him out of her mind, as she realized that her dinner partner to her left, John Lucas, was asking her a question.

Darcy took his seat, somewhat disappointed with its location. He consoled himself with the thought that his recent conversation with Elizabeth more than made up the difference. While he was troubled by Lucas's reference to Wickham, he was heartened by Elizabeth's quick defense of his character. He now knew he would need to pay more attention to the damage Wickham had done to his reputation in the neighborhood, but for the time being he could only think of the challenge Elizabeth's proximity posed. He would have preferred their discourse to involve more neutral topics, but on the whole, he was satisfied with the smile she had given him and the loose promise that she might dance with him again.

As dinner progressed, Darcy engaged in polite conversation with those around him. Mrs. Long was willing to speak about almost anything as long as Darcy periodically made a feeble response to her statements. Mary was also willing to talk at length. Unfortunately, the only topic that interested her was morality, and he had neither the inclination nor the time to puzzle over that subject. Instead, he felt moved to spend most of the meal glancing at Elizabeth as she talked to John Lucas.

After dinner, Darcy roamed about the room, looking for an opportunity to approach Elizabeth again. Unfortunately, as coffee was served, she was surrounded by several women who refused to give way to his attempts to move toward her. Realizing that he could not fall into his old behavior and simply stare out the window until she was available, Darcy turned to Elizabeth's neighbor, Mr. Robinson. Darcy's efforts were soon rewarded as they shared a common view on the troubles in France and what England might do to stop Napoleon. Elizabeth, from her vantage point behind them, could not help but overhear their discourse. She was struck by the wisdom supporting Mr. Darcy's beliefs and his knowledge of the world. She had seldom heard such an interesting exchange in her mother's parlor and had a sudden impulse to join them but was distracted by her mother, and the moment passed.

Later, after the coffee things were put away, Darcy was pleased to see Elizabeth standing alone behind the piano. He walked over to her immediately and asked, “Miss Bennet, can I prevail upon you to play?”

“I…”

“I hope you will say yes. There are few things that give me greater pleasure than hearing you sing and play.”

Surprised by his words, she meekly said, “Yes, I did intend to play. I am afraid, though, with such high praise, I am bound to disappoint.”

With complete earnestness, he solemnly replied, “Madam, that is simply not possible.” As she looked at him from across the piano, she was once again surprised by his intense gaze and began to wonder if it was friendship he felt.

As she took her seat, however, John Lucas once again joined them. “Ah, Darcy, you are in for a treat! Miss Elizabeth has agreed to play for me. She is quite good, I am sure that she cannot compare to what you have heard in London, but she always gives it quite an effort.” Easily taking the seat beside her on the bench, Lucas added in a low, playful voice that was still audible to Darcy, “I will turn the pages for you, but I want you to play this for me. It is my favorite.”

Darcy stood trapped at the piano. His head reeled at the impossibility of the situation. He had hoped for time alone with her, but he now understood that he was intruding upon her time alone with Lucas. He would have walked away, if he could, but he knew it would be utterly rude at this point. Instead, he braced himself to listen to Elizabeth sing to Lucas. He wondered how he would manage to keep standing, watching her sing, while disappointment and jealousy fought for the greater share of his heart.

Elizabeth, for her part, was seized with embarrassment. She suddenly realized that John Lucas's familiar behavior would imply that there was some sort of understanding between them. She wondered where this had come from. John Lucas had always showed an interest in her, but she never took it for more than a passing fancy. There was a time when she thought him well matched to her, but she soon realized that, while their temperaments seemed well suited, their basic characters were not. She had long understood that his devotion to her was easily interrupted by brief infatuations with other girls. While she always found him interesting, intelligent, and witty, she could not think of him seriously because she did not believe him capable of serious feelings. She knew she required something more constant. Safe in the knowledge that he could not really touch her heart, their friendship developed naturally, as they fell into an easy camaraderie. He would often accompany her at social gatherings when no one else was available, and she thought it a pleasant and wise arrangement. But his behavior now, in front of Mr. Darcy, no less, seemed to go much further. It was the fact that it was in front of Mr. Darcy that made it so unacceptable.

As she began to play, she resolved to simply sing and ignore the implications. But when she looked up and saw Mr. Darcy's stiff expression, she knew it was impossible. She quickly returned her eyes to the keyboard. Whatever she felt for him, it was too cruel to have him stand there and watch her sing at John Lucas's request when he had so eloquently asked her to sing as well. Even if Mr. Darcy had nothing but regret for his proposal to her, this was clearly a slap in the face. He would think that she had jumped from his interest in her at Kent to an alliance with John Lucas within a matter of days and then had not even bothered to indicate it to him when she had the opportunity. Or worse, he would believe that she had always had an understanding with Lucas and chose to refuse his proposal, not on those grounds, but because she felt the need to point out his character flaws. Either situation would give him an impression she did not want to leave him with.

As the song came to a close, everyone applauded. Mr. Darcy gave a slight bow and said in a formal tone, “That was quite lovely. Thank you.”

As he started to walk away, Elizabeth impulsively asked, “Mr. Darcy, I think I remember from Kent that you prefer German composers. Do you have a favorite? I would be more than happy to play it.”

As he stepped back to the piano, Darcy studied her for a moment before a small smile began to grace his lips. He then said, “Actually, if you are indeed taking requests, while I do enjoy the German composers, after I heard you perform Mozart, I became enamored of the Austrians. Do you think you could play one of his pieces?”

Keeping her head slightly bowed to mask her smile, she replied, “Yes, I have something right here.” She then looked up at Darcy and returned his intense stare. Without turning her head, she casually asked Mr. Lucas if he was willing to continue to turn the pages for her. Lucas nodded in assent but sensed the deeper ramifications. Throughout the song, Darcy stared at Elizabeth, and she often returned his gaze with a smile. Lucas had realized before dinner that while he had a tendency to look at most things from a military perspective, his skill had clearly failed him while assessing Darcy's character. He had somehow missed the obvious, and in doing so, he had violated the first rule of combat: Know your opponent.

At the close of the song, Darcy smiled broadly and said, “Miss Bennet, that was… beautiful. Thank you very much.” She nodded her acceptance as Mary approached to announce that she intended to play next.

Darcy walked to the refreshment table to get a glass of wine to calm his nerves. As he drank it, he leaned against the wall trying to sort out the mix of his emotions. As he did, he could hear Mrs. Bennet mention Elizabeth's name. It was not long before he realized what was being said. “Oh yes, she does play well, but I wonder if it is all a waste. With her high standards, I doubt she will ever find a husband. When I think that she has already rejected a perfectly acceptable proposal, I can barely calm my nerves. Even if she did not like his manner or find his person attractive, accepting him would have saved Longbourn. She obviously thinks she owes nothing to me or to her family.”