Mr. Big (7 page)

But with the new medication, she also had the added responsibility of making sure he was taking it. As a result, in addition to taking care of the children, she now had to monitor his medication twice a day.

And there were still plenty of petit mal seizures. He'd stand there, usually patting his stomach, his head making odd jerking movements. The partial seizures were harder to identify. In fact, sometimes in the middle of a seizure, he could respond to questions and still communicate.

But many of the partial seizures had gone unnoticed these days. Nelson was either lying on the couch, asleep, or gone out most of the time. And with newborn twins, Jennifer was busy every second of the day.

21

Finally. Moving day.

For the past several weeks, Jennifer had begun packing the contents of the entire apartment. She labelled everything and sorted items that would be moved first. There was no help from Nelson, and at this point she didn't expect any.

She had gathered up the boxes, which were marked according to the items the girls would need first. Then she took apart the crib. Piece by piece, she carried everything down to the car. Then, one box at a time, she brought everything she needed to their new house on Bennett Avenue.

“This is quite the change from that small apartment,” said her sister Penny.

Penny had spent the afternoon putting together the cribs and helping Jennifer to unpack.

“Sure is. It's going to be nice to have my own laundry room. You wouldn't believe how much clothes I have to wash in the run of a day,” said Jennifer. “It's never-ending. Plus, I have a feeling they are going to like having their own separate cribs. They're getting so big these days, there's not much room for the two of them in one crib anymore. I can't wait to decorate their room. It's also going to be nice not have to step over boxes of diapers to get to my bed,” she laughed.

That evening the two sisters finished unpacking, and Penny helped put the girls to bed for their first night in the new house.

“What time do you expect Nelson?” asked Penny.

“I don't know,” said Jennifer. “I'm not worried, anyway. He doesn't do anything while he's here. The only time he's got anything to say is when the girls are asleep, and then all he wants to do is argue.”

“I've noticed he doesn't play with the girls much,” said Penny. “Is everything okay?”

Jennifer ignored the question. She didn't feel like talking about it at all, and she certainly didn't know how to explain it.

“Well, I'll stay here tonight. Just in case you need some more help,” said Penny. “Tomorrow my neighbour will be over, and he'll give you a hand getting the rest of the furniture in.”

It took a week or so, but Jennifer finally got the girls settled into the house. She did most of the work, but was grateful for the ongoing help from her sister. Even after everything had been moved in, there were endless chores to be done.

“I need to run up to the store to pick up a few things,” said Penny one afternoon while she and her husband were visiting. “Come on, Jennifer, you've been working too hard lately. Let's go have some girl time.”

“Yes, we can look after the girls,” said Penny's husband.

But Jennifer had never left Karen and Krista alone with their father before, and she wasn't sure if it was a good idea.

“I don't know,” said Jennifer. “What do you think, Nelson?”

“Oh, he can handle them for half an hour or so,” said Penny, not giving Nelson a chance to respond. She handed Jennifer her coat and the two headed out the door.

They made the short drive to the local grocery store, and Penny was stocking up on cans of soup when she asked Jennifer, “What's the problem with Nelson and the girls? I don't see him ever pick them up or feed or change them. Is it only when we're around, or is he like that all the time?”

“I don't understand it either,” said Jennifer. “Sometimes it's like he needs more attention than they do. It's like he's getting mad at me for taking care of them. I can tell by the look on his face. To be honest, I think he believes the girls should be able to take care of themselves even though they're only three months old.”

Jennifer put a few items in her cart but then got an uneasy feeling.

“Speaking of Nelson, it's time to go back. I don't really want to be away from the girls for too long.”

When they got back to the house, Jennifer could hear the babies crying before she even opened the door.

When she walked into the apartment, Nelson was sitting on the couch and the girls were both crying in their playpen. And it was no wonder they were upset. Karen and Krista were in desperate need of a diaper change.

“You couldn't change their shitty diaper,” Jennifer yelled at Nelson.

“I'm not changing them. That's your job,” he snapped back.

Penny and her neighbour left while Jennifer cleaned up the girls and started getting ready for supper. But it wasn't long before the girls were crying again. This time they wanted food.

Jennifer mixed their bottles of Carnation milk and was feeding Krista first while Karen anxiously waited for her turn.

“Why aren't you starting supper?” Nelson asked. “I'm starved, and would ya hurry up and feed Karen? She's getting on my nerves!”

“Can't you see I'm busy? You're going to have to wait, Nelson.”

“Very good. I think you care about those youngsters more than me.”

22

Jennifer's surgery had completely healed by that spring, and she was longing to get outside and enjoy some fresh air.

“Well, my dear, dress them up and we'll go out for a walk.” It was Nelson's mother.

Jennifer caught the look on Nelson's face. She knew he did not want her to go out and enjoy her time with the girls, but she didn't care. By now she had come to realize Nelson wanted her undivided attention, but there were times when the demands were simply too much.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and Jennifer had just bought a second-hand stroller for the twins. She didn't have a chance to try out the stroller yet, mainly because it wasn't easy to get out with two babies and no help. Today she was pleased to have some help, and she wasn't about to miss this opportunity.

“We'll only be gone for half an hour so, Nelson,” said Jennifer. There was no reply, but she didn't care how cranky he was.

She dressed the girls up so they were looking their best, and they headed out the door. The women made sure the two little girls were safely in the stroller seats.

“Let's cross the road to the sidewalk,” suggested Jennifer. “It will be easier walking there until I get used to the stroller and the girls' weight.”

But as she pushed the stroller up onto the sidewalk, she got the scare of a lifetime. The wheel of the stroller fell off. She could barely handle the weight, and she felt both lucky and relieved when Nelson's mother reached in quickly to make sure the girls were safe.

Jennifer's heart was pounding in her chest. She felt a wave of heat come over her and wondered if she wasn't about to pass out from the fright.

When she regained her strength, her one free hand was beneath the stroller holding the weight of the girls.

Struggling, they managed to get the stroller back across the road and to get the girls out of their straps and into the house.

“Oh my God,” Jennifer said. She was still out of breath from the whole ordeal. “I can't believe how lucky we are the girls didn't get hurt.”

Once the girls were safe in their playpen, Nelson's mother went home. For that Jennifer was grateful, because she couldn't handle another fight between Nelson and his mother at the moment. Those arguments just seemed to be escalating more often these days, and most of the time for reasons that didn't make sense to Jennifer at all. The last one was over the fact she didn't like Nelson's jeans. The two of them would argue endlessly for the dumbest reasons.

Jennifer poured herself a cup of tea and sat next to the playpen.

“I guess I'm going to have to call the people who sold me that stroller,” said Jennifer. “My girls could have been killed out there today.”

“I broke the wheel,” said Nelson.

Jennifer could hardly believe what she was hearing. He flicked through the channels.

“Yes, I'm sure you did,” Jennifer said sarcastically. “Why did you do that, Nelson?”

“You don't need to be taking them youngsters out of the house. You can stay here with them,” he told her.

She put her tea down, realizing he was serious. He had done it.

“Are you serious?” She stood up. Jennifer was raised not to swear, but the curse words rolled off her tongue. “You son of bitch. You could have killed those girls. Do you know how serious this is? What the fuck is wrong with you, my son?” she screamed.

But Nelson simply ignored her, continuing to flick through the channels.

“I don't have to put up with this,” she yelled. “I wouldn't have any problem raising those girls on my own.”

Frustrated with his lack of response, Jennifer walked into her bedroom. She knew the situation was not good. Deep down she knew the right thing to do was to leave the father of her children. Her hopes of having the perfect family were quickly diminishing. This wasn't going to work. But at the moment there were bigger things to worry about.

Karen was the first to start crying. Jennifer went out to the fridge and started mixing bottles. Meanwhile, Krista needed to be changed. She tended to her daughters, although she was exhausted from the events of this day. She lay down for a nap, and when she woke several hours later, Nelson was nowhere to be seen.

She fed and bathed the children, and then the three went to bed for the night.

When she woke the next morning, Nelson was already out of the bed. She had gotten up in the middle of the night, so she knew he had slept at home, but where was he now?

Eventually she summoned the energy to walk out into the kitchen, where there was a plastic rose sitting in a vase on the table. From the dollar store, she suspected, but it was still a nice gesture. Shortly after, he came in with some takeout breakfast, and Jennifer was grateful not to have to cook.

She put the events of yesterday behind her and forged ahead for another day.

Another day to make things right for her daughters.

23

Jennifer sat at the table, feeding Karen and staring at the plastic rose. She wondered where Nelson was today. It seemed he was never home these days, and she needed him.

He had the money from their monthly welfare cheque. In fact, Jennifer hadn't been shopping in months. When Nelson got paid, he would volunteer to go pick up groceries. But this month, the few bags of groceries he brought home weren't nearly enough.

There were three diapers left in the box, and they would soon disappear.

And as Karen's little lips sucked down the last of her milk, Jennifer was worried about where she would get the next can of milk.