Mountain Sanctuary (9 page)

Stella knew she’d be safe, too. At least, she knew Adam would take care of her. But she had to wonder how safe her heart would be. If she accepted his invitation, she’d be taking a step toward building a relationship with him. And where would that relationship lead?

You won’t know until you find out.

In spite of her misgivings, Stella wanted to find out. She wanted to get to know Adam better. And she prayed that God would grant her this one request and show her the way to handle her feelings.

Two prayers in one day, she thought, her mind reeling with all kinds of new sensations. It felt odd, but good, to lean on a higher source for a change.

After freshening up, she kissed Kyle, admired his picture of Jesus and a little lamb, then headed out into the backyard. Adam was standing by the honeysuckle bush, waiting for her. He turned at the sound of the back door slamming.

“So you decided to come?”

She nodded, her head down as she walked toward him. “Yes. It sounded like fun.”

He smiled over at her. “I’m glad you’re coming with me. I’ve heard good things from everybody at church about this group.”

Stella didn’t think she’d be able to concentrate on the music tonight. She would be too busy trying to ignore her growing attraction to Adam. She needed to remind herself to keep things in perspective.

“This doesn’t mean anything, okay?”

He gave her a look that indicated he understood. “It only means that we’re going to walk down to the square to listen to some music.”

“Right.”

He took her hand, then led her through the back gate. Then he stopped, turning her back toward the yard. “Look.”

Stella followed his gaze to where the doves were walking side by side, eating seeds and worms, underneath the ancient magnolia tree.

“What a pretty sight,” he said.

She nodded, then turned back toward Adam. “Our doves are very loyal to each other.”

He smiled. “I wish people could be that way.”

Then it occurred to Stella that maybe she wasn’t the only one who’d been abandoned and hurt. Maybe it was time she found out what had driven Adam away from his home. And how he’d managed to keep his faith throughout it all.

T
he band’s rendition of “Rock of Ages” echoed out over the town. Stella had to admit, the music was soothing and toe-tapping. The tone was a bit country, but with a definite old-fashioned gospel appeal. She hadn’t heard these kinds of songs since her early days at vacation Bible school back in Little Rock. But that was before things had fallen apart between her parents, before her mother had denounced organized religion and her marriage vows and had left for good.

No wonder Stella had buried all of those memories. It hurt to think her own failed marriage had somehow mirrored her parent’s union. And no wonder she was afraid to even dream of a happy future with another man.

“Hey, you want something to drink? A funnel cake, maybe?”

The hopeful look plastered on Adam’s face made her smile in spite of her dark musings. Tilting her head, she asked, “Do
you
want a funnel cake?”

He patted his stomach. “I could eat one, yeah. But I’m willing to share.”

She laughed out loud. Adam had Kyle beat on always being hungry. “Okay, one funnel cake and two lemonades. How’s that?”

“That I can handle,” he said, walking backward as he grinned at her. “Find us a bench. I’ll be right there.”

Stella nodded, then searched for a place to sit. People had brought their chairs and blankets and were clustered here and there in the center of the park, with the ever-present mountain looming as a picturesque backdrop of rock and trees. She saw a secluded bench near one of the bathhouses, and headed that way. Settling her long baby blue broomstick skirt around her legs, Stella took a breath and inhaled the sweet cinnamon smell of funnel cakes mixed with the more lemony scents of magnolias and fresh grass. Off behind her, she could hear the steady flow of the warm, therapeutic waters that came directly from the hot springs underneath the mountain, bubbling and steaming in a small pool behind the row of famous bathhouses. It was a perfect late-spring day filled with the sounds of gentle music and refreshing laughter. She waved to people she knew and smiled at the many tourists strolling up and down Central Avenue toward the famous Arlington Hotel. The grand old building stood across from the square, where the street split with one road going toward the park and the other continuing through town.

This really was a pretty little town, she thought, wondering why she’d never stopped to enjoy the beauty of her surroundings. Then part of a Bible verse flashed through her mind.
Things hoped for; things not seen.
Stella couldn’t recall the entire verse, but she did remember her mother reading that to her once, long ago in their happier days. Maybe that truly was what faith was all about. You saw the blessings in your everyday life and surroundings, but you also accepted the unseen blessings of God’s hand on everything in life.

I might need to take that into consideration, right, Lord?

She closed her eyes, allowing the warmth of the waning sun to fall across her face, her heart reaching toward that warmth like a flower waiting to blossom.
Help me to see the unseen. Help me to find my blessings.

When she opened her eyes, Adam was standing a few feet away, a funnel cake on a paper plate balanced in one hand and two plastic cups of lemonade gathered close to his midsection in the other. Seeing the tender expression there on his face, Stella got up to help him with the drinks. And felt her own blush all the way down her neck.

“Thanks,” he said, allowing her to take the drinks. “I got extra cinnamon on the funnel cake. Is that all right?”

“That’s just fine,” Stella said, avoiding the intensity of his eyes as she sat back down. Waiting for him to get the funnel cake centered on his lap, she took the paper napkin he handed her.

“You get the first bite,” he said, offering her the flat brown swirls of dough that had been deep-fried to a curling perfection. “I got extra powdered sugar on top, too.”

“You sure like a lot of extra trimmings, don’t you, Callahan?”

He grinned, then watched as Stella broke off a swirl of the crisp doughnutlike confection. She took a bite, closed her eyes, then let out a sigh of contentment. “That is sure good.”

Adam pulled a piece of crusty dough off the paper plate, then bit into it. “Hmm. That is mighty tasty. Why
are
these things so good?”

Stella took another chunk from the funnel cake. “Maybe because they’re loaded with all the bad stuff—sugar, flour, grease—the works. But I can’t resist them.” She took a long sip of her lemonade. “And they seem to just go with lemonade, don’t you think?”

When he didn’t speak, she glanced over at him. And stopped chewing. “Adam?”

He was staring at her, his blue-gray eyes going as dark as the deepest waters steaming up from underneath the mountain. “I think…” He stopped, swigged his own drink. “I think…” He reached a hand across the space between them, touching on her lips. “You have powdered sugar, right there.”

Stella inhaled at the soft gentleness of his finger brushing across her skin. Little flutters of awareness floated throughout her system much in the same way the powdered sugar seem to flutter up and away from the funnel cake. “Thanks,” she said in a hollow voice. Then she caught his finger with her hand. “I’ll get the rest.”

“Okay.” He looked away, back toward the crowd and the music.

They sat silent for a while, each munching on the disappearing funnel cake. Stella wondered if she’d done something wrong. He seemed embarrassed, too. She knew why
she’d
gotten all flustered. She’d wanted to kiss the man, right here in the middle of the park. Not wise. Hot Springs—the downtown artist community of Hot Springs—was a small tight-knit group. Rumors would run amok.

But what was so wrong with her dating again? She was a good mother and a hard worker. It wasn’t as if she were doing something forbidden or wrong, wanting to have a man in her life, was it?

Finally, unable to stand the silence, she dusted off her fingers and turned to Adam. “Are you all right?”

He polished off the few crumbs left on the plate, then tossed it into a nearby trash container. He sank back down on the bench and turned to stare at her. “No, I’m not all right. I have a big problem, Stella.”

“What is it?” She worried that he was going to up and quit on her, leave her in the lurch before he’d finished all that he’d promised. “You got something on your mind, Callahan?”

He nodded. “Yeah.
You.
I got you on my mind, Stella. Day and night.” He held up a hand. “And I know we had a deal, an agreement that you’re the boss and I’m just here for the summer. But I don’t know if I can stay that long.”

Her stomach went cold, making her wish she hadn’t eaten so much of that sugary cake. “Why can’t you?”

He turned to her, grabbing one of her hands in his. “Because I want to kiss you. That’s why.”

Stella held on to his hand, her heart hitting with paint splatter precision inside her chest. “So that means you have to leave? You’d just up and leave because of how you feel about me?”

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” He shook his head. “I like it here, Stella, and the Good Lord knows I needed this respite, but I don’t want to mess things up between us. I want to finish what I started, but I think something else is starting between us. And I’m afraid you’ll fire me if I cross that line.”

Stella shut her eyes, said another silent prayer, then wondered if she’d regret her next words. “What if I told you it’s okay to cross that line? What if I said…I’d like to kiss you, too?”

Adam swallowed another gulp of lemonade. “Do you mean that?”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t thinking it.”

He knew her well enough to understand that. Stella didn’t mince words. “What are we gonna do?”

She gave him such a sweet smile, he couldn’t look away. “Stella?”

Her smile broadened. “Cool it, Callahan. Don’t get into such an all-fired panic. It’s been a long time since a good-looking man has looked at me the way you’re looking at me right now, so I just want to savor the moment, okay?”

He bobbed his head. “I could look all day and never get my fill of you. But what about that kiss?”

She wiped her hands on her napkin, her smile indulgent and teasing. “We’ve got all summer, right?”

Adam lowered his head, then ran a hand over his hair. “Are you trying to drive me crazy here, Stella? ’Cause if you are, it’s working.”

Her tiny hand on his arm only added to his woes. “Adam, I’m just saying, well, the first time I fell in love it was this big fast rush. It was too rushed, you know? I didn’t feel worthy of anyone’s love, so I took what came my way and didn’t look back. I made a big mistake with Lawrence, but Kyle is the blessing I gained from that mistake. I don’t want to make another mistake.”

“You think kissing me would be a mistake, then?”

“No, I think kissing you would be very nice and pleasant and…good. But I want to take it slow this time. I want to know everything there is to know about Adam Callahan. And all I know right now is that I like you, I think you’re a good man and you cook the best blueberry pancakes I’ve ever tasted.”

He gave her one of his own teasing smiles. “Isn’t that enough?”

“It could be, if I was the same old Stella. But I’ve changed. I had to change for Kyle’s sake. I won’t put that little boy through any more heartache.”

Adam saw the doubt in her eyes. And the fear. “I’d never hurt Kyle or you.”

“No, you probably wouldn’t set out to hurt us, but that’s why I’m asking you to take things slow. What if come summer’s end, you decide you’re ready to go back down to New Orleans? What if you get tired of being a bed-and-breakfast maintenance man in this sleepy little town? Then what, Adam?”

Adam’s frustration slid to the pit of his stomach and lodged right there with his indigestion. “I doubt I’ll ever go back to New Orleans to stay. I might visit my family, but I don’t think I can ever live there again. Too much water under the bridge, both literally and inside my soul.”

Stella took his hand in hers. “Okay, but I need to understand why you can’t go back. I need to know that about you, too, so I can understand you. Lawrence kept a lot of things from me—nasty, dark things. He wasn’t a good man. But you are a good man—a good man who’s seen bad stuff. I need to know about it, Adam. All of it. I just want to know, to understand how you can survive something like a hurricane and all that comes with it and still have such a strong faith.” Then she gave him a hard stare, pinning him with her green eyes. “Or is this about more than just a storm?”

Adam got up to pace in front of the bench. “I don’t know if I’m ready—”

“Exactly,” she said. “And I want you to be ready. Because if you can’t share your past with me, how can I even think about what the future might hold? You talk about having spiritual guidance, but I need the truth. I’ve always needed the truth. That’s what guides me.”

He turned, trying to control the sense of helplessness cresting like a hot wave inside his system. His faith was strong, but it was also very private at times. It was one thing to invite her to church, but could he let her inside the deepest part of his soul? He wanted to share his beliefs and his regrets with Stella, but he sure didn’t want to bare his soul or go back over the horrors of a city destroyed. And his way of life destroyed. So he tried to waylay her.

“Is this about your mother?”

Stella got up, the pink of her skin showing that she was wrestling with this, too. “Probably. I never could get the truth out of her. I never could get the truth out of Lawrence. They both died with their secrets intact. And I’m all about the truth, Adam. I’m just too practical and pragmatic to go on anything else.” She touched a hand to his arm. “I care about you too much to let anything stand between what might be between us. But I need proof and I need answers. I have to know I’m doing the right thing, opening myself up to that kind of hope again. I want you to understand that.”

But he didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how his past as a police officer could possibly have anything to do with the simple, peaceful life he’d found here at the base of this mountain. In his heart, he knew she was right. It had everything to do with his future, and he couldn’t deny that. But he tried. “Do you think I’m hiding something, Stella? Is that what this is all about?”

“Yes, I do,” she said, her gaze holding his. “I think you’re hiding a world of hurt. And I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to carry you through that hurt, Adam.”

“I don’t expect you to carry my burdens,” he said, his words harsh. “I’ve always handled problems myself. I’ve always taken care of things—” He stopped, remembering how he’d taken care of things for his family. And look where that had gotten him.

Stella gave him a compassionate look that almost broke him. “Maybe it’s time you listen to your own advice, then. Maybe it’s time to let someone else in on
your
pain and suffering.”

Adam didn’t get this woman. “But you just said you weren’t sure if you wanted that job.”

“No, I said I don’t know if I’m strong enough to help you—unless you open up to me now.” She shrugged. “I guess I don’t like surprises and drama. My mama left all of a sudden, without explanation. If I’d known some of what she surely was feeling, maybe I could have helped her. Same with Lawrence. He didn’t tell me anything, but I think deep inside that man was suffering more than I ever realized. He didn’t let me
know
him, Adam. I want to
know
you. I don’t want you to be a stranger to me the way my mother and my husband both were. I care about you, so it has to be right.”

Adam digested that, thinking at least she did want
something
from him. But he couldn’t bring himself to just sit down and pour out his heart to her. His feelings were still too raw, too muddled and confusing. And besides, she might think the worst of him for what he’d done. “I need time, Stella.”