Mountain Ash (35 page)

Mue's expression immediately changed from fierce to compassionate. ‘You poor love. Are you okay?'

Jodie flapped her away. ‘I'm fine. Go, go. I'll be there in a minute.' Wherever there was.

The older woman looked doubtful. ‘If you're sure?'

‘I'm sure,' said Jodie. ‘Go.'

Mue threw her a grateful glance, tore off her apron and scurried out the door.

Jodie sat and relished the silence. After the drama of the past twenty-four hours and despite all the smoke in the air, Glenevelyn at this time of night was very peaceful.

The peace didn't last. As she took another sip of her tea, a woman's piercing scream ripped the stillness to shreds.

Mue. It had to be Mue. She was the only other female there. Jodie raced down the passage into the homestead's front foyer and out onto the verandah. There was a cluster of men standing around a ute. The farm ute. Russ and Jase were back. Jodie pelted along the verandah, only slowing down as she caught sight of Mue sagging between two men. Clem and Nate stood like statues on either side of the woman, hanging on to her arms. Mue was wailing, crying, ‘No, no, no … Oh my gracious God
no!
It can't be him! It's someone
else.
'

Jodie hadn't realised she'd stopped moving. She was standing on the cusp of the verandah and the perfectly manicured, sooty
lawn. Nate looked around. Saw her. His face was a frozen mask of pain. He shook his head slightly. Jodie stepped forwards. One foot at a time. Mue was still rambling, ‘It's someone else, I tell you. It's not him, it's not Alex. He doesn't look like that … that … thing.' She fell down into a huddle and Clem bent over her, trying to hug her, to protect her from whatever was on the tray-back in front of them.

Nate turned to Jodie. His eyes were pleading. Don't come over. Please don't come over.

But she had to. She had to know for herself. It couldn't be as bad as she would imagine for the rest of her life.

Slowly. One foot at a time – a moondance – as though she was going forwards and backwards at the same time.

Until she was there.

Until she saw what was on the tray of the ute.

It was worse than
anything
she could have imagined.

Above the shoulders he was a blackened lump. Below he was intact.

‘What happened?' Jodie didn't even recognise her own voice.

‘He must've tipped the tractor over. Got stuck under the water trailer,' Nate said, sounding like he was one hundred years old.

‘He would've been in the cab.'

‘We think he must've let the tractor run on by itself and was out the back on the trailer,' said Senior Constable Gary Something.

‘Oh God, why did he go out on his own?' said Jodie. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. The man who had been her Alex. Nate's Alex. Clem's Alex. Mue's Alex. Robert's Alex. Glenevelyn's Alex. Dead. It was inconceivable.

‘Yes, not the best idea,' agreed Gary. ‘We think the water from the upturned tank soaked his clothes, stopping him getting burned there, but as for the rest of him …' He let the sentence hang.

Geez, how did these blokes do it? Sound so bloody distant when something like ‘that' was in front of them?

‘I've seen enough,' she said to no one in particular. She knew she should have been turning to the others, comforting them, but she couldn't. She had to keep herself together. Jodie turned and walked away, not back inside where there were reminders of Alex haunting every corner. She climbed through the fence and took off across the paddock. A long stride.

Watching her go, Nate wished he could follow – whatever it took to get away from this mess in front of him – but he couldn't. Even though Clem was Alex's son by blood, he, Nate, owed it to his father to do this right. There would be no more running for Nathaniel McGregor.

The police organised a hearse to meet the farm ute at the nearest roadblock. They covered Alex's body and treated him with as much respect as they could under the circumstances. Clem dealt with his mother, settling her in a spare room and giving her a sedative they found in Elizabeth's things, untouched despite the years. Nate worked the phone, letting anybody he thought needed to know that Alex had met with an accident.

He glanced out the window from time to time to reassure himself that Jodie was still out in the paddock. She was sitting on a cattle trough, looking towards the glowing mountains. He would have thought she'd had enough of that bloody fire to last
her a lifetime. Nate refocused on the last thing he needed to do. He dialled the Hunters down at Montmorency.

‘How'd you go?' said a tired-sounding Travis. ‘You find him?'

‘Yep, we found him. He's dead.' No softening of the truth.

The man on the other end of the phone sucked in a deep breath. ‘Geez, mate. I'm really sorry.'

Nate had held it together up until now but the sympathy in Travis's tone was just about his undoing.

‘Just organising the necessaries. You okay with Milly?'

‘Yeah. Right as rain. She's in bed. Tammy's reading her and Billy a story.'

Nate let out a breath of his own. ‘Can she stay a couple of nights if Jodie needs her to?'

‘No worries. Whatever we can do to help. By the way, tell Jodie we found her horses. The vet's treated them for burns. Said they'll be fine. We've put them in the house paddock. They can stay there for as long as she likes.'

Nate thanked the man, then rang off. Took a look out the window. He could still just see Jodie, sitting. Staring.

He laid his head on his father's big desk. And finally allowed himself to cry.

Despite the warmth still in the air, a breeze fluttered its way under Jodie's collar, causing her to shiver. She should head back inside. See Mue and Clem. Nathaniel. But she kept staring at the burning hills, contemplating just how lucky she and Milly were they didn't end up like Alex. She'd done it all wrong. But at least they were alive, thanks to Nate. She touched her tummy as it gave a swoop.

Alex. The poor, poor man. She only hoped he'd been unconscious at the end. She couldn't bear to think otherwise, because despite his anger, his aggression, his need to control, he had been a massive and often very comfortable part of her life for a few years now. He was probably up there in heaven playing chess with her father, sipping port like they used to do. Having a discussion and laughing over the latest antics of the Narree council.

Jodie let out a breath, long and slow. She would not cry. She'd cried enough these last few hours, these last few
months
. There came a time when there was nothing left to give. She got up and walked back to the house. When she came within a few yards of the garden boundary fence, her attention was taken by a man. Through the undressed window she could see he was sitting at a huge antique desk, the pride and joy of Alex's office. The only thing wrong with the picture was Nate. And he had his head on the desk; his shoulders were shaking.

Cowboy Nate. The man who'd risked all for her and her children. Crying for his father, for all that he had lost. And she was responsible for some of that heartache. She knew that now. There was not a shred of doubt in her mind that he loved her. He'd come back, hadn't he? He'd braved fire and hell on earth to save her and Milly.

And now he needed her.

Summoning strength from somewhere deep within, she walked with purpose towards the house, to face the reminders of her life with Alex, to comfort the man she finally admitted to herself she loved with all her heart.

A soft hand stroked the back of his neck. An arm came around to clasp him by the shoulders. He glanced up into soft blue-grey eyes filled with compassion and something else … Something he could barely hope was … love.

He went to sit up, embarrassed to be caught blubbering like a little boy. But taking in the tenderness of her expression, somehow it was okay to let his raw emotions go.

‘Nate?' she said quietly. She held out her arms, like a mother to her child, a woman to her lover. And he allowed himself to be folded within that comforting hug and be supported for the first time since childhood.

‘He wasn't all bad, Jodie,' he said after a time.

‘I know that,' she murmured with a wry half smile. ‘I was engaged to him, remember.'

‘Oh hell, I'm sorry,' he said, drawing back. The cold air between them was like an icy blast. ‘I shouldn't have … I thought …'

Jodie moved to take hold of his hands. She urged him up out of the chair and wrapped herself in his arms.

He gave up thinking. He gave up wondering what the hell to do now. He gave up every thought in his head. Just kept his strong arms around her soft body and held on for dear life. Over the top of her head he stared out the window at the glowing mountains and thanked God she was still here with him to do this.

It could have been so different.

‘I just rang the Hunters. Milly's tucked in bed with Tammy reading her a story, and Travis has found your horses.'

The woman in his arms silently nodded.

He sucked in a ragged breath. Searched to find the words he needed to say. Finally, ‘I couldn't forget Riverton,' he mumbled
into her hair. ‘I tried so hard to find you. I've never wanted someone so much in my entire life. And then on that bloody hill, I thought I'd lost you again.'

The woman in his arms tilted her head to look up into his eyes. ‘Milly and I would have died today just like Alex, if you hadn't saved us.' She shuddered.

He went to kiss her, to wipe away the memories, but she placed two fingers on his lips. ‘I have to tell you this, Nate, while I'm game. I was so scared you'd ride away like everyone else I've ever truly loved that I didn't want to let you in. I didn't want to put myself through the joy of loving you and then have you walk. I didn't want to put my children through that pain either. As a single mother you feel so vulnerable. You need to protect everything. Yourself. Your kids.'

Nate shook his head slightly, disbelieving. ‘I tried to tell you –'

Jodie cut him off. ‘I know. I know. But other than Milly, anyone who I have let into my heart always leaves. If they don't run off because they don't want me, they die!'

Understanding finally dawned on him as to how deep her emotional scars ran. He gazed into her turbulent eyes. ‘Jodie Ashton, I swear on my mother's grave, I will not leave you, Milly or any other children we have. I will love you for the rest of my days.' He stopped and shook his head in wonder. ‘I can't believe you thought I'd just get up and abandon you all.'

She shrugged. ‘Cowboys always ride away.'

‘Well, this cowboy won't.'

To reinforce that statement, Nate gathered Jodie in and held on tight.

They stayed that way, just taking and giving comfort, until Clem appeared in the doorway. ‘Thought I'd stay here the night
with Mum. She's asleep. That all right with you?' He addressed this last query to Nate.

‘Sure. It's all yours now anyway, isn't it?'

‘Hope not. I don't want it,' Clem shivered. ‘Bloody mausoleum of a place.'

Nate had dropped his arms from around Jodie so she could face Clem too, but he made sure he still had her hand in his. Tightly. ‘When do you reckon we should have the funeral?' he asked the other man, the true son of Alex McGregor.

‘Whenever you want. I don't want to have anything to do with it.'