Mountain Ash (10 page)

‘And then he stayed,' said Jodie, fiddling with a flower in the vase on the kitchen table. ‘So, I don't know where this leaves us –'

‘If you don't stop massacring those poor flowers, I know where I'll leave you.' Mue swooped in and grabbed her precious bouquet. ‘Do you know how much those roses cost me?'

‘Sorry,' said Jodie. ‘Oh God, Muey, I don't know whether I've done the right thing.' She glanced out into the backyard where Milly was tying a big red bow around Mue's dog's neck. ‘It's just, I'm not a hundred per cent sure, but I'm so sick of being on my own.'

She eyed the thin gold wedding band Mue still wore. ‘You've been by yourself a long time too, haven't you?'

‘Mmm … a while.'

‘How long exactly?'

‘Too many years to count.' Mue smiled to take the sting out of her deflection. ‘I guess I just don't keep tabs any more.'

‘Your husband died, didn't he?'

‘Something like that.'

Mue obviously didn't want to talk about it, and Jodie owed this woman too much to push her. The way Mue had helped her care for her father until the end was amazing. Jodie couldn't have done it without her. And on this topic – single motherhood – she knew how Mue felt. She'd felt the need to explain her own situation to a number of people over the years and it had never got any easier. Regardless of what you said, people made up their own mind as to what box they put you into. ‘Single mother – she'll put out easy enough', ‘Divorcee – be wary', ‘Single woman with child – possible husband-snatcher': the list went on. There were only a precious few who could see beyond the labels and just accept you for who you were, not what they thought you might be.

‘Being a widow makes a difference,' said Mue, interrupting Jodie's thoughts. ‘Somehow it seems to make being a single mother honourable. I'm not sure how that works, but it does.'

Jodie nodded. ‘Yes, I know what you mean. It seems like if you've been left by a man, it makes you a second-class citizen, but if he had no say in the matter that's okay.' She watched, distracted, as Milly proudly walked Mue's little dog, Gracie, down the garden path towards the Hills Hoist. She wasn't going to hang upside down on the clothesline with the dog, was she?

‘Sometimes people have no choice but to leave,' said Mue, continuing the conversation, oblivious to the goings-on in the garden. ‘Abusive spouses. If one partner takes up with somebody else and cheats on you. There's all sorts of reasons. People need to be more open-minded about the world.'

Jodie glanced back and away from her daughter at the vehemence in Mue's voice. ‘You sound more peeved at the current state of single motherhood than I am, Muey.'

‘Yes, well. I've lived a bit longer than you.' The older woman smiled. ‘Now where is that daughter of yours? I need her to pack her bag.'

Jodie swung back to the garden, just in time to see a little fluffy white dog flying through the air, trailing red ribbon. She jumped up, raced out the back sliding door. ‘Milly! You can't do that!'

‘Why not?' said her upside-down daughter. With legs hooked over the crossbars of the lowered clothesline, Milly was hanging on to Gracie with one arm and with the other skilfully pushing the ground to make the Hills Hoist go round. ‘She loves it, Mum!'

The dog looked terrified.

‘Give me poor Gracie, Milly.'

‘Oh, but, Mu-um …'

‘Millicent, do as your mother asks,' said a male voice from around the corner of the house.

Alex.

Milly scowled, closed her mouth and halted the clothesline by swinging her free arm up so she could unhook her legs and drop herself to the ground. Gracie leaped from her arms and escaped to the sanctuary of the house through the cat door.

For a tiny, itsy bitsy second, Jodie wished she could follow. She'd forgotten how she hated the morning after, wondering how it would play out. She'd been asleep when Alex had left and looking at his current stern face wasn't helping to alleviate her fears. Was it last night or her daughter causing his glare?

‘Milly's fine, Alex. She knows when I mean business.'

‘Sorry. I was only trying to help,' said Alex, his scowl disappearing and lips spontaneously curving into a smile as he took in Jodie.

Her nerves eased a little.

‘Hello, Mr McGregor,' said Milly. She was standing beside her mother, looking for all the world like a wild child. There were scraps and leaves and grass scattered through her long unbound hair. A smudge of dirt encircled the middle of her face, making her look like a humanised Rudolph with a coal-coloured nose. ‘Did you have a nice time last night, Mr McGregor?'

Jodie watched as Alex's face coloured slightly. ‘She means our dinner date,' she said quickly. The child certainly didn't mean the sex because a) Milly hopefully didn't know what that was yet and b) Milly didn't know Alex had stayed over.

‘Yes, I did,' said Alex, directing his reply to Jodie rather than her daughter. His eyes were steady, mesmerising even. His tone was deep. ‘Very much.'

‘What have you got behind your back?' asked Milly, moving around Alex.

Alex frowned slightly at the curious little girl, then smiled at Jodie before producing a lavish bunch of red roses wrapped in delicate tissue.

‘Oh Alex, you shouldn't have.'

‘Mummy doesn't like red roses.'

‘Milly!'

‘You said after Grandpa's funeral you never wanted to see another red rose again!'

Jodie flushed. She had. And Alex had been there too. He must have forgotten. ‘It's a lovely thought.'

Alex nodded stiffly. ‘I didn't think. I do apologise.'

‘It's fine, Alex. Milly, can you take these into Mue? She'll find a vase and some water.' The little girl skipped off inside, flipping and flopping the delicate blooms as she bounced. Jodie winced as she watched, but then turned back to a waiting Alex.

‘I was wondering if you would come to lunch today, Jodie? I have a meeting with some politicians and you could dine with me and the other councillors afterwards.'

Jodie felt her face reddening even more. He was asking her to dine with his peers? His mates?

‘I thought after last night it was time we did a few more things together, seeing as, well, we are together.'

Oh God. Sleeping together obviously meant to Alex that this relationship was moving to another level. Perhaps she should pull back on the reins a little. Everything was going very quickly, all of a sudden.

‘Jodie?' said Alex, sounding a trifle impatient.

‘I can't,' she burst out, gesturing to Milly. ‘We have stuff to do.' Not. But she didn't want to dump Milly on Mue again and she needed time to think. It was so hard to work out what she wanted and needed with him right there, pushing her into decisions she wasn't ready to make. And, if the truth be known, she was still struggling with her feelings of discomfort after last night. Sex with Milly's father had been sizzling. Rhys and she just couldn't get enough of each other. (Well, in the days before Milly came along, anyway. After the baby arrived she didn't have any time or energy to think, let alone make love.) Since then she hadn't had the time or the courage to jump into bed with a man, so she didn't have anyone else to compare last night with other than Rhys.

With her and Alex it had been so different. More going through the motions because that's what was expected. Maybe
with age you had to remould your expectations? Sex became more of a comfort than a compulsion?

‘I'm sure Milly can manage with Mue for today.' Alex's voice interrupted her thoughts. He turned and called out towards the house, where her daughter was coming back out the door towards them. Mue's shadow could be seen loitering in the kitchen. ‘Muriel? Are you available –?'

Jodie stepped forwards, placed a hand on his arm. ‘I can't, Alex. Not today. Milly and I have to work Parnie. His leg needs gentle exercise.' She knew as soon as she uttered her horse's name, it was the wrong thing to say.

Alex's face tightened. ‘Oh, yes, the horse.' He stood for a few moments staring down at her fingers. He took so long, Jodie looked down too. Noted the knotted cords of muscles and tanned skin, all that capable and solid strength in his hands.

‘Jodie, the horse I want to buy you is still available. How about we go and look at him tomorrow? Stay overnight, perhaps?' He glanced down at her daughter who had returned. ‘I'm sure little Milly here would love to go and see a campdrafting champion like Warrior.'

‘But we have a nice horse already, don't we, Mum? Parnie is great. He's just got a sore leg, that's all.' Milly, ever the loyal little daughter, except when it came to something she didn't want to do.

‘That's right. Alex, I really appreciate your offer. But I don't want or need another horse. I've got enough on my plate as it is.' Jodie flung her arm around her. ‘A daughter, a job, a place of my own to look after …'

‘But that's what I'm offering as well as the horse. To look after all that for you.' Alex sighed impatiently then glanced at his watch. ‘Look, I'm running late. I can't discuss this with you now; I haven't got time. We'll need to continue this conversation later.'

She was sure he meant it as a promise, but in her current state of mind it sounded like a threat.

Oh God, what was she going to do?

He was only trying to help make things easier for her – how she wished he would listen to her instead of just deciding he knew best what she needed. She stepped over and patted him on the arm, not prepared to get any more physical in front of Milly. ‘You don't want to be late. I'll see you soon.'

‘Very soon,' said Alex in response. His smile was slow to come but it was there in the end. Confident again. Making her feel all was good in the world. He turned and walked back down the side of the house. They soon heard his BMW crank over and drive down the street towards the town centre.

Jodie turned and ruffled her daughter's hair. ‘Go pack your bag, sweetheart.'

‘Okay, Mum.' Milly went to leave then turned back. ‘You aren't going to get rid of Parnie, are you?'

Jodie forced a smile. ‘No, sweetheart. Remember what Grandpa said? We three have to look after each other.' Her daughter nodded, seemed happy with that and took off.

She watched as her daughter skipped her way down the path towards the sliding door.

Why was she questioning everything Alex offered? Why was she working so hard on boundaries and independence? Wasn't marriage what she wanted? A man in her and Milly's life? Surely it didn't matter that there wasn't a fizzing ‘I have to have you now or die' chemistry between her and Alex. He was a good man who was respectable and reliable. Wasn't that better than taking up with some hotshot cowboy who'd just ride away? Like Rhys Lucas.

Maybe she just needed to talk to someone, to try and sort this through. There was Stacey, her campdrafting mate who
loved chasing men. No, she'd just tell her to get a root and move on. Stacey was younger, at a different stage of her life. Everything was so uncomplicated when you didn't have a child.

Mue called through the open window, startling her out of her reverie. ‘Want a cuppa?'

Jodie pursed her lips. Why not? Perhaps Mue might have some answers.

‘I really don't know what to do, Muey.' Jodie put her friend's earlier reluctance to discuss the situation to one side. She needed the help too much to pussy-foot around because Alex was Mue's boss.

‘About what?' Mue spooned a couple of dollops of sugar into Jodie's coffee. She obviously thought this discussion was going to need it.

‘The horse Alex wants to buy me … about Alex full stop.'

Mue stood on the other side of the bench and sipped her coffee, as though she was trying to work out what to say. The huge bunch of roses rested in a vase on the bench between them.

Jodie sat staring up at the ceiling. She knew if she let her head drop, tears would fall.

‘Well, love, I can't help.
You
have to decide what you want.'

‘That's the problem, I can't. All the positives and negatives keep going round and round inside my head and nothing's winning.'

‘Then you need to step away. Take a long hard look from a distance.'

‘As if that's going to happen,' said Jodie ruefully. ‘Now we've slept together I think he thinks this is it. We are together.'

Mue peered at Jodie over her coffee mug. ‘But you think you're not?'

‘I don't know,' said Jodie. She should be saying yes, yes, yes! Why wasn't she? Jodie stared out the window at the azure sky. If only she could fly. That would give her the distance she needed.

Mue grabbed her glasses and picked up a piece of paper from her cluttered bench. ‘There's a patchworking workshop coming up. The weekend after next, actually. It's part of a big festival they're having in the Snowy Mountains. I think you should go.'