Mother’s Only Child (38 page)

Now it was Maria’s turn to look stunned. ‘You
mean she doesn’t come round to do her homework a couple of nights a week?’

‘No, as I said…‘

Maria, seeing that there were problems that were probably not for the boys’ ears, began to walk on with then. They were just as anxious to get home, for laid out on their bedroom floor was the train set Santa had left. At least Paul knew it was Santa and though Tony had his doubts, a train set was still a train set and it was just begging to be played with.

Sean, beside Martha, watched them walk out of earshot before he said, ‘Have they gone to concerts a time or two, or to the pictures?’

‘Not together. Chloe is mixing with a completely different set these days.’

‘Where is she?’ Martha said. ‘We will ask her.’

‘She isn’t here. She was in the choir at Midnight Mass, but your Patsy has given that up too, so Chloë was telling me. Said she needed time for her studies. Commendable, if a little sad. My dear, are you all right?’ she said, seeing the colour suddenly drain from Martha’s face.

‘She’s fine,’ Sean said. ‘It’s the fasting and the cold.’

‘Of course,’ said Chloë’s mother soothingly, but she knew that was not what had so upset Martha. It was because her daughter had been deceiving them. Why should a girl do that unless she was up to no good? She scurried home, anxious to regale her husband with this juicy snippet of gossip. She’d pump Chloë too, she decided, and find out just how much she knew.

Martha’s mind was screaming denial and yet she knew that what Chloë’s mother had said had been true.
So where had Patsy been all those times she was supposed to be with Chloe, and who with? These were the questions to be asked. As soon as Martha was in the door, she told Patsy she wanted to see her in her room.

The latest encounter with Barney had shaken Patsy and she had begun to realise that Chloë was right. Barney wanted more that mere friendship and she knew exactly what he would have done to her had she not fought him off. The realisation made her feel physically sick. And then her mother was home and attacking her like a raging virago.

Everything was exposed, all the lies and deceit, the very things that Martha came down hard on.

‘Who were you with?’ she demanded. ‘That’s what I want to know.’

Patsy knew to be truthful here would not help her case, but she didn’t have a plausible lie to hand and so she shrugged. Martha grabbed her shoulders and shook her. ‘Don’t you shrug your shoulders at me, my girl, or I’ll give you a good hiding, big as you are. It was some boy, no doubt?’

It was better she believed that, Patsy thought, and she nodded dumbly.

‘Name?’ Martha rapped out.

Patsy shook her head. ‘Don’t want to tell you.’

‘By Christ, my father would have taken his belt off to me for less than half of what you have got up to.’

Patsy’s head shot up. ‘You don’t know what I have got up to.’

‘What I do know is a girl who says she is up at her friend’s house, or going out with her when she isn’t,
is up to mischief of one kind or another. If a boy asked you out and he was a decent, honest boy that you could bring home and introduce properly, then I probably would have had no objection to you seeing him a time or two. But not like this—underhand and secretive. It points to the boy not being at all respectable. I just hope that you have respected yourself and not let this boy take liberties.’

‘I have, I mean I haven’t,’ Patsy said flustered, but the memory of that morning and the kiss that she had responded too so eagerly pushed itself to the forefront of her mind. She blushed with embarrassment and gave a sudden shudder.

Martha saw the flush and the shudder and put a different interpretation on it altogether. She felt for the bed and sat down, for her legs threatened to give way on her. ‘Holy Mother of God!’ she cried brokenly. ‘Have you forgotten everything I have ever taught you?’

Patsy stared at her mother. ‘You don’t think…you can’t imagine…‘

‘Patsy, I will ask you this one question,’ Martha said. ‘Think before you speak and tell me the truth. Did you go with this boy?’

‘I don’t need to think,’ Patsy cried. ‘The answer is no! No! No!’

Martha sagged with relief. ‘That is the absolute truth?’

Patsy nodded. ‘The absolute truth.’

‘And you still won’t give me this boy’s name?’

Patsy shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘But you may as well know I had already decided just today, while you were at Mass, to end it.’

‘Good,’ Martha said. ‘And that would have happened anyway now, because after this performance, my girl, you’ll be lucky if you are allowed to put your nose outside the door for some time. Now get ready for Mass and, much as I would love to sit down now to a lovely Christmas breakfast, I will walk with you to the abbey to make sure you get there.’

Patsy was glad her mother was going with her, because she had dreaded meeting up with Barney on the way. She fully intended to dodge him after Mass too, but Sean was waiting for her when she came out of the church.

‘Is this how it is going to be from now on?’ she asked.

‘’Fraid so,’ Sean said. ‘But you brought it on yourself, Patsy, and proper upset your mother. She doesn’t deserve this, you know, because she loves you dearly. We both do and I don’t know why you ever doubted that.’

Every word was like a hammer blow to Patsy’s heart and she was engulfed with shame. She knew now Barney was wrong—wrong about many things—and she had been such a silly little fool to believe him. Both her mother and Sean cared about her, and loving Deirdre too had not changed that. She had let them down badly. She would make it up to them, she decided, and in time maybe they would learn to trust her again.

Barney was soon well aware that somehow Martha had found out that Patsy had been deceiving her, and though he knew Patsy couldn’t have involved him, because Martha wasn’t the sort to sit on that sort of information and do nothing about it, he still wanted to know exactly what she had said.

However, she was guarded too well and Patsy herself seemed to be steering well clear of any situations when they might be alone together. He supposed that he had really frightened her on Christmas Day.

Patsy actually felt burdened down with guilt and shame, and full of remorse. It was as if blinkers had been removed from her eyes and she saw Barney clearly for the first time. He was a drunk and a liar, not always kind to Maria, and took no notice of his own wee daughter. Patsy castigated herself for the fool she had been. She was very glad the relationship with him had gone no further and deeply regretted that one kiss when she had almost forgotten herself. She was aware that Barney was trying to have a word with her and she knew too that all he cared about was saving his
own skin. Well, she thought, he can just sweat. It will do him good.

It was two days after Boxing Day and a Saturday when Martha asked Patsy to fetch the rations from Erdington as both she and Maria had very heavy colds. Patsy wrapped herself up well and had wellingtons on her feet, for the falling snow was being driven by the wind into drifts. It was bitingly cold.

It was as she turned for home that she saw Barney coming towards her and knew she would have to face him. She stepped back to where the overhang of the shop gave her some shelter and where she could put down the bags, which felt like a ton weight.

‘You have been avoiding me,’ Barney snapped as he drew near.

‘What if I have?’ Patsy retorted. ‘And do you blame me after you attacked me on Christmas morning?’

‘Don’t give me that,’ Barney snarled. ‘You came into my bedroom. You knew what you were about and then you got cold feet and now you are turning the blame on me. Anyway, I heard Martha going for you afterwards. How much does she know?’

Patsy sighed. She knew that Barney was right about one thing. She had gone into the bedroom, knowing he was in the bed. Who would ever believe that all she intended giving him was a cup of tea? No one would think a person could be that naïve. So she didn’t bother trying to defend herself, but instead said, ‘Well, Mom knows nothing about you—and not for your sake alone either. If I had spoken about you, it would have hurt too many people. Mom thinks I went out with some boy and she knows no more than that. So you
can rest easy in your bed,’ she added mockingly, seeing the relief flood Barney’s face.

‘I should have known I could count on you,’ he said.

‘Count on me?’ Patsy repeated. ‘Yeah, once, bloody little fool that I was, you could have counted on me. What we did…I can hardly believe I was so stupid, but while I was wrong, you were worse, and all that stuff you said about Mom and Sean not caring for me was rubbish. I regret what I did with you, but I can’t change that. There is to be no more of it though.’

Barney looked at Patsy disparagingly. ‘You’re a cocky little sod.’

‘You can call me all the names you like,’ Patsy said with a shrug, ‘because your opinion doesn’t matter a jot to me.’

‘You cheeky bugger!’ Barney said through gritted teeth. ‘Don’t worry yourself, for I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole.’

‘Good. Suits us both then.’

Barney longed to give Patsy a good hiding, talking to him like that. She felt the suppressed violence and saw the balled fists, yet faced him unafraid. Barney looked away first.

‘Go home to your mammy and daddy, little girl,’ he said mockingly. ‘I’m away for a pint.’

Patsy picked up the bags again as Barney walked away. A pint, that’s a laugh, she thought. A great many pints is more like it.

The weather worsened. Each day brought more snow, blown, by the gusting, billowing winds, into drifts,
some big enough to cover a man. Each night the snow froze, making the roads and pavements like sheets of ice, which were then covered by more snow the next day.

Anyone who ventured out was in danger of being swept into a drift by the relentless wind, or slipping and breaking a limb. The cold was bone chilling; water pipes burst all over the city and affected power supplies. Few went to the sales that year, but the
Evening Mail
had pictures of the intrepid souls who did, to shops often lit by candles and served by those shop assistants who could make it to work, still wearing their outdoor coats.

The schools opened, but the children were often sent home, for there was no power. Many roads became impassable and trains were either delayed or cancelled altogether. Supplies weren’t getting through to the shops so even the rations couldn’t be relied on, and there was further rationing on coal.

Few buses were running, including the one down to the Dunlop factory. Barney, by preference, would have stayed in bed, but Sean said they couldn’t afford to lose money and so they walked, along with many others, wading their way through the drifts and trying to keep their feet on the icy roads.

Martha worried about them being in wet clothes all day, for when they returned at night, they were grey with fatigue and soaked to the skin. Patsy would often come in from school in the same state and soon the house smelt permanently of damp and steaming clothes. Some of the younger girls at the convent were sent home, but those studying for the matriculation or
Higher School Certificate were encouraged to continue to come to school. Patsy wouldn’t have dreamt of having any time off, only too aware of how little she had given her studies the previous year.

She had plenty of time now to study, for most of the girls left her alone. This wasn’t just to do with her neglect of them, but also because of the things Chloë had whispered to them of Patsy’s exploits.

‘…With a married man, and a relative into the bargain,’ she’d said, aghast. ‘Smoking and drinking, no less, and plenty of sex too, I imagine, for all she tried to say there wasn’t.’

Chloë had envied Patsy’s illicit carry-on while it had remained a secret, but the envy turned to outrage when it had all come to light, and it seemed suddenly sordid and wrong. ‘My mother says I am not to have anything more to do with you,’ she told Patsy.

Patsy was saddened, for they had been friends a long time, but she told herself she deserved no better. Patsy wasn’t the only one grounded at that time. It was such an effort to go anywhere that most people were content to stay in if they had the choice. Even Barney had to forgo many of his evenings at the pub. Being unusually sober didn’t improve his temper any, and he frequently took his bad humour out on Maria, snapping and shouting at her often, for little or nothing. Patsy saw Maria bore it with little complaint.

‘Don’t you mind?’ she asked one day.

‘Patsy, I mind so much about the things Barney does that I cannot change,’ Maria said. ‘Shouting at me doesn’t even seem worth caring about.’

‘Why don’t you at least shout back?’

‘That wouldn’t help and it might frighten Sally,’ Maria said. ‘She’s nervous enough of her father as it is.’

‘I would say that’s because he virtually ignores her.’

He did, and it hurt Maria. Sally had given up on her own father, but loved Sean. Both her and Deirdre would clamber all over him at every opportunity. He had immense patience, treated both children the same, and would play with them and read them stories endlessly.

The big freeze went on until mid-March and then the thaw began. Icicles disappeared and the snow began to drip from the gilded trees and run down the hedges from the crusted tops. The snow on the ground softened and turned slushy. Often there would be a roar like that of an express train and snow would slide from roofs to lie in sodden lumps in streets and gardens.

The drains were unable to cope with this amount of melted snow and there was much flooding. Martha and Sean were more fortunate than many, being halfway up a hill, but, even so, their cellar didn’t escape and Martha and Maria had to attack the offending seepage with mops and buckets. Even the children were glad to see the back of the snow.

With the warmer weather, towards the end of March, spring felt only just around the corner, though Patsy couldn’t really enjoy the spring that year. She was up to her eyes in revision and often looked strained and white with exhaustion. She really seemed to have taken almost a dislike to Barney, which Maria thought odd when she’d once thought him such a grand fellow. Maria wondered if Barney had done or said something
to offend, but hesitated to ask. She was getting on better with Patsy now, but both were feeling their way and she didn’t want to rock the boat.