Moth to a Flame (15 page)

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Authors: Ashley Antoinette

BOOK: Moth to a Flame
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Ethic has to take us with him. We don’t have anywhere else to go,
she thought. She told the cabbie to take her back to the hospital. Morgan was antisocial the entire way as she clung to Raven. “Everything is going to be okay, Morgan. I’ma take care of you,”Raven assured her. The confidence behind her words waned and she hoped that she could live up to what she had just promised.
They finally arrived back at Hurley Medical Center and Raven gave the cabbie a hundred dollar bill. “I need you to wait right here. Keep the meter running. I’m going to leave my sister in the car with you. There is more where that came from if you keep an eye on her,”Raven stated. She showed the black man the money inside the envelope as proof.
“I’ll be right here, sista, do your thing,” he said.
“I’ll be right back, Morgan. I have to go find Ethic,” Raven signed.
“No, Raven, I want to come with you,” Morgan objected.
“I’ll be back, stank, I swear on everything. Nobody is going to take me away from you, okay?” she said sincerely, not bothering to sign the words because she knew her sister could read her lips. Morgan nodded her head, but she choked on her own sadness as Raven peeled her sister’s small hands from around her waist. No matter how hard Morgan cried she could not take her back into the hospital. She was sure that the feds knew that they were missing and Child Services would no doubt be looking to take them in as wards of the State.
“Stay here, I’ma always come back for you,” Raven said.
She closed the cab door and looked around nervously before making her way quickly inside the hospital. She ran to the trauma unit, and by the time she made it to the nursesstation she was out of breath.
“Can I help you with something?” the nurse behind the desk asked.
“I’m here to see Ethic ... um ...” Raven couldn’t even finish her sentence. She realized she had no clue who Ethic really was. She couldn’t even tell the lady his legal name. “My friend was caught in a car explosion. He was rushed here. I need to see him,” Raven described quickly, trying to get to Ethic as fast as she could.
“Slow down, child. I didn’t get anything you just said. Are you a family member?” the nurse asked.
A heavy whisper escaped her lips as she thought of her circumstances and grew impatient. “I am. It seems like he’s the only family I have left.”
The nurse noticed the sadness in Raven’s voice and pointed down the hall. “Room 812.”
“Thank you,” Raven said appreciatively as she headed off in search of Ethic. Right now he was the only answer to her problems.
She stepped into the room and everything was cleared out. She paused in confusion as she looked at the crisp, white sheets and the empty bed. She rushed back to the nurse.
“There must be a mistake. Did he switch rooms? There is no one in there,” Raven said.
“No, that’s the room he was admitted to after his surgery,” the nurse said with conviction as she arose from her desk. She walked with Raven back down the hall as if by her going, Ethic would suddenly appear. Discovering the same thing as Raven, a look of utter confusion spread across her face.
“I don’t understand. He is supposed to be here. There have been no changes and he has not checked out. In his condition he could not have checked out. The doctors would have never allowed it,” the stubby woman said. “I’m going to find out what is going on here.”
Raven took that as her cue to leave. She didn’t know what to think.
Did the feds come and arrest him to? People don’t just disappear. Where is he?
she wondered as tears came to her eyes. The people around her were dropping like flies. Her back was against the wall and she only had one place to turn. Making her way back to the cab, she pulled out her cell phone. She went back and forth with her decision in her mind. The only person she could call on was the one who she was afraid may hurt her the most. He had her young heart in the palm of his hand. She only hoped he wouldn’t break it.
She got back into the cab and told the driver to pull off before she slowly dialed Mizan’s number. She wanted to teach Mizan a lesson and stay away from him for a while, but circumstances were pushing her to swallow her pride and go back home to her man.
 
 
Mizan sent Raven’s call to voice mail, then smirked to himself when he saw her call him right back. As a master manipulator, he was going to turn the tables and make her feel wrong, as if she had started the fight. He didn’t need Raven, but he wanted her. Having her by his side was an ego boost. She had no clue that she was sleeping with the enemy, and by the time she found out it would be too late to leave. On her third phone call he finally picked up the line.
“Yo , I got your shit packed. You need to come scoop them so we can go our separate ways,” he said in a low, serious tone.
“Mizan don’t do this ... I need you now more than ever,” she replied. He could hear the desperation in her voice. Her plea was more needy than an addict begging his pusher. Mizan was her drug and Raven needed him to survive. Right now he held all the cards in his hand.
“Nah, I don’t think so, ma.” Mizan’s voice was dripping with sadness. “You’re making me crazy, Rae. I can’t do this with you. You make me do things that ain’t me. I’ve never put my hands on a woman, but you just have no respect for your man, ma. You pushed me to the limit and you know how to press my buttons. You put everybody above me. I’m supposed to be your king. I love you and you shit on me,” he said. He knew he was making her feel bad, evoking guilt and instilling unwavering loyalty in her at the same time. He sniffled to make the conversation more real.
With every word Mizan spoke, Raven’s resolve softened. She began to replay in her head what had happened between them. She had been so sure that he was wrong, but now she was beginning to think that she had provoked the situation. “I do respect you, Mizan. You know I do. I’m just going through a lot right now and I spoke out of the side of my neck. I should have never asked you to come to the funeral. I apologize. . . just please don’t leave me.”
“Where are you?” Mizan asked, smiling to himself because he had her directly where he wanted her.
“I just pulled up outside.” She grabbed Morgan’s hand and exited the cab. After paying the man, she walked slowly up the driveway. Mizan came outside and stood on the porch. He watched her approach him unsurely until they were standing face to face, with Morgan standing by Raven’s side.
“Your stuff is in the house,” Mizan stated, avoiding her stare as he adjusted his fitted Detroit hat and folded his arms across his chest.
Raven’s eyes spilled over. “Please,” she whispered. “What about all the things you promised me? You said you would be here.” She was so young and foolish as she begged Mizan to be with her. Her entire world centered around him.
“You said a lot of things, Raven. If you’re not real, how you expect me to be?” Mizan asked, laying it on thick. “Then I hear about you riding around town, making me look like a fool. My man went to your people funeral and said you left with a nigga. What type of shit is that, Rae? I’m out here telling these mu’fuckas you my lady, and they see you hopping in cars with other dudes and shit ... said you was extra friendly with the mu’fucka. You got niggas clowning me out here.”
“That was nothing. It wasn’t what you think!” Raven defended.
“You don’t know how to act. I need a chick that can follow rules and hold me down.”
“What about the baby, Mizan? I’m pregnant. My father is dead, my mother was arrested today. We have nowhere to go.” Raven stepped closer to Mizan so that Morgan wouldn’t be able to read her lips. She did not want her baby sister to know that they were homeless and desperate for a place to stay.
“I’ll hit you off with some paper to take care of that little situation. You’re not that far along. You can still get rid of it,” Mizan stated. “The rest of it ain’t my problem.” His words were cold and carefully calculated. They broke Raven down to the ground and stung her naïve heart. She clutched her stomach as if he had punched her in it, and then held on to the porch railing for support.
Seeing her sister cry was tearing Morgan up, and tears began to slide down her young cheeks as she grasped Raven’s hand tightly.
Mizan smirked. He had broken her. He had shattered her heart to the point that not even God himself could put the pieces back together. He had torn her down; now it was time to build her back up. It was his way of letting her know who was boss. She needed to understand that her happiness depended on him. She felt what he made her feel. Fuck everybody else. He needed to be the only one who mattered. Her world now revolved around him. He reached for her and she fell into his chest, sobbing hysterically.
“Why you doing this to me, Rae? You did this, ma,” Mizan said soothingly. “You got your baby sister out here crying.”
“I love you,” she bawled.
“You love me?” he asked rhetorically. He rubbed her back gently. “I love you too, Rae. You got to act right, though, ma. You can’t push me to the edge. You got to cater to your man, Rae. I’m your king, right?”
She lifted her eyes and nodded in agreement.
“You belong to me?” he asked.
“You know I do,” Raven said. “You just hurt me, Mizan. You told me you would never do that and then you hit me. I know I made you do it, but I’m sorry.”
Mizan’s smoky eyes burned deeply into Raven’s, then he put his hand on the small of her back and led her inside.
Mission accomplished,
he thought. “Unpack your stuff. Your sister can sleep in the second room,” he said.
Just like that, Mizan had lured her right back. It wasn’t the first time he had manipulated her young mind, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. Her father had birthed a diva and gave her all of the makings to become a hustler’s wife. Unfortunately, she had fallen for the wrong type and he had no intentions of putting her on the throne next to his. Mizan was going to keep her beneath his feet. Her life as she knew it was about to change for the worse and would never be the same again.
Phase 2
 
Five Years Later
 
Chapter Twelve
 
“I can’t do this,” Raven whispered as she stared down at the body in front of her. Her hand shook nervously as she pointed the .45-caliber pistol toward the bed. “I can’t,” she reiterated as she put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from throwing up.
“Bitch, you can ... you have to,” Nikki urged. “It’s the only way. You know what he will do to you if you don’t take care of it now. It’s never going to stop.”
Raven closed her eyes and thought about all the bullshit that Mizan had taken her through. The black eyes, bloody lips, the unbelievable heartache. Her emotions were torn because at one time she had really loved him. He had rescued her and protected her from everything that had ever hurt her in this world, but one day that protection transformed into control. His love had turned to hate, and her love had turned into regret.
Just pull the trigger,
she thought.
It’ll all be over soon.
Raven’s arm shook so badly that she couldn’t get her aim right. Nikki stepped behind her and placed her hand over Raven’s. “Just pull the trigger,” she whispered.
Raven closed her eyes. Her finger wrapped tightly around the trigger and before she could talk herself out of it ...
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
The kickback of the gun caused Raven to drop it in fear, and her wide eyes filled with terror as she thought about what she had just done.
“There ain’t no turning back now,” Nikki whispered. “Let’s just finish this and get out of here.”
Raven retrieved the gun and picked up the cans of gasoline. Nervous energy filled her body and sweat poured down her face as she hurriedly doused the entire room. She poured gasoline on the sheets, on the body, all over the floor and walls.
“Go and get the other rooms. We have to make sure this house burns to the ground,” Raven said, her voice distant, but her tone authoritative.
Nikki rushed out of the room and the pair made sure every surface of the house was covered in the flammable liquid.
They met at the door; Raven’s bags were already packed. It was obvious that this murder had been a long time coming. It was planned carefully. Premeditated. Callous.
“You ready?” Raven asked.
Nikki nodded as she pulled a book of matches out of her back pocket. She struck one, igniting a tiny stick of flame.
Raven watched eagerly, anticipation filling her chest as Nikki tossed the match. The fire spread quickly, blazing a trail in every direction, while Raven stood in the doorway, hypnotized by the flame.
“This could’ve been me,” she whispered. “All the shit I’ve let him do to me ... that could have been me in there.”
Nikki tugged at Raven’s arm. “But it’s not you, Raven. You made your move first. You’re going to win. He has consumed your life ever since you were seventeen. It’s payback time and karma’s a bitch. Mizan deserves everything he’s getting,” Nikki urged.
Raven nodded reluctantly as she backed off the porch.
“Let’s go!” Nikki yelled as they hopped into the car.
Raven slowly pulled away from the house. It was 3:00
A.M.
so no neighbors were awake to see them make their exit; all they had to do was drive away. Raven looked into her rearview mirror as the flames engulfed the house and danced playfully against the pitch black sky.
“We did it!” Nikki screamed in excitement.
“We did it,” Raven repeated as she focused her eyes on the road.
 
 
Raven sat up in her bed, her body covered in sweat as her eyes danced frantically around the room. Putting a sweaty palm to her breasts, she tried to gain composure of herself and calm her racing heart. The silhouette of Mizan’s body lay next to her. He was very much alive and sleeping soundly as murderous thoughts commanded her mind. If he could read her thoughts he wouldn’t be so placid. This same dream plagued her around the same time every year. It was the anniversary of the day she had given birth to a stillborn child. It was on that day that a great sadness took over her life. The constant beatings that Mizan had bestowed upon her had undoubtedly killed the baby that had grown inside of her stomach. “Trauma to the womb” was what the doctors had said. Ever since, her hatred for Mizan had only grown, but it was too late to leave. He had convinced her to pledge her allegiance to him when she was just a little girl. At seventeen, she had no clue what she was getting herself into, and now she was too involved to be set free.
Oddly, she still loved Mizan. He was all she knew, and on the days they were good, they were so good. He was the perfect man if she caught him on the perfect day and in the perfect mood. The only problem was that relationships are imperfect and no matter how hard Raven tried, she just was not able to please him all the time.
Financially he took care of her and provided the best for Morgan, but emotionally and mentally he was a tyrant. By giving him control over her early on, she had set the precedent and had given him permission to reign over her life. She was torn down the middle because a part of her hated him to the core, but the other half loved him without remorse. It was that part mixed with fear that forced her to stay. Those things acted as invisible chains and kept her enslaved to Mizan’s manipulation. He had gotten so deep into her head that now only his thoughts remained. Her free will was nonexistent, and the only place where she had control of her life was in her dreams.
From the outside looking in having taken over her life was lovely. Mizan ran the city, over the late Benny Atkins’ lucrative drug operation. He was filthy rich with plenty money. He could have retired from the game by now, but the power was what kept Mizan going. He thrived on it, and he covered his abusive behavior toward Raven with shopping sprees and a lavish lifestyle. Many women had tried to take her spot. They wanted the four thousand-square-foot roof Mizan kept over Raven’s head, but what they did not know was that it was simply a fancy version of a prison. Raven had learned the hard way that everything that glittered was not gold. She couldn’t run if she tried. He kept her broke. She had no access to any real money. The money that she had gotten from Ethic all those years ago had quickly been spent on frivolous things, leaving her completely dependent on Mizan. Whatever she wanted he took her to purchase, and if he was too busy to accompany her on her many shopping trips, he sent one of his workers to make the transaction on his behalf. The only money she was allowed to handle was from the monthly pickups from his stash houses. But his dough was well accounted for and she did not dare lift a dollar of his monthly profit. She was trapped. Mentally he had her. Financially he owned her. Emotionally he commanded her. The mysterious allure of Mizan had faded away, and now the reality of her situation was almost too much for her to handle. At twenty-two, Raven was nothing like the vibrant and daring teenage girl she had been when they had first met. Now she was reserved, timid, and obedient. The thirst she had for the streets when she was younger was gone. She had seen all that it required to be wifey and now she resented the position.
How could I have been so stupid to ask for this life?
she asked herself.
Raven pulled back the covers and slowly eased out of the bed. Her feet sank into the plush carpet as she made her way out of the room. She peeked in on Morgan and found her resting soundly. Raven walked in silently, not wanting to interrupt her sister’s peaceful slumber. She was envious because peace was so unfamiliar. She hadn’t felt that in quite some time. As she observed the slight smile on Morgan’s eleven-year-old face, she imagined the sweet dreams that came along with a naïve view of the world.
How nice it must be,
she thought. Raven’s nights were restless and paranoid because she did not fully trust the man she lay next to. Raven pulled the covers up around Morgan’s shoulders, then tightened her robe as she sat down in the corner rocking chair.
She could pinpoint the moment her life began to go into a downward spiral. Her hard head and grown attitude had led her to Mizan. If she had listened to her father all those years ago, her life would be so much different ... so much better. She sat in that same spot all night, thinking of how she had chased the fast life, causing her to grow up way too quickly. She rocked back and forth, pondering her life until daylight crept through the venetian blinds.
The ringing phone caused Raven to jump out of her sleep. She rushed to the kitchen to answer it before it disturbed Mizan.
“Hello?” she answered quietly, keeping her eyes trained on her closed bedroom door.
“You have an automated call from, Justine, her mother’s voice came through the phone announcing herself and then the digital voice continued. “This is a call from a prisoner at Huron Valley Correctional Facility. If you would like to accept this call, press pound. If this is a harassing call and you would like to block further correspondence from this prisoner ... . ”
Raven desperately wanted to accept the charges and hear her mother’s voice. It had been too long since they had last spoken, but she knew that Mizan would have a fit if he saw the call on their monthly phone bill. He had forced her to cut all ties with her past life. At first she refused to let her mother go, but Mizan had forced her to. As long as she kept communicating with Justine, Mizan made her mother’s time in prison hell. He refused to stock her commissary until finally Raven broke down and accepted his terms. As long as she didn’t talk to her mother, he would keep the commissary full and reach out to his connections inside to make sure she was protected.
Raven hung up the phone. Justine had been trying to reach out to her more than usual, and Raven told herself that this was the last time she intended on ignoring her. She was determined to see her mother. “I have to see her,” she whispered.
“See who?”
Raven jumped out of her skin at the sound of Mizan’s voice behind her. “Oh ... um ... Nikki. I have to go see her and make sure she is doing okay,” Raven lied quickly. Nikki was one of the few people Mizan allowed her to see.
“You wake baby girl up for school yet?” Mizan asked.
Raven cringed. “Please don’t call her that. That is what my father used to call me.” Her eyes shifted to the floor as memories of her dad flashed in her mind. She lifted her head, a fresh pool of tears threatening to fall.
Mizan scoffed, disregarding her request with a hard stare. “Baby girl!” he yelled while still looking at Raven. “Wake up, baby girl.” He was mocking her.
Raven gripped the kitchen sink so tightly that her pale skin turned red. Sometimes he purposely tried to hurt her. She could deal with the physical punches. Those were only dished out in the heat of the moment. It was the emotional jabs he took at her daily that were unbearable. She could never understand his cruelty. She told herself that it had to stem from somewhere, but he never opened up enough with her to divulge the information.
She listened as Mizan woke up Morgan. Her baby sister adored Mizan and Raven fully understood why. With her, he was so charming, almost the same way he used to be with Raven when they had first met. Time had changed everything between them. Mizan became arrogant and more possessive with each passing day. It was his world and she was simply living in it.
He seems to forget that he didn’t have shit when I first met him. If it weren’t for me he would still be sticking niggas up. He came up off of my father,
she thought snidely as she went to get herself dressed.
She had sacrificed her dignity all in the name of love, and as she looked in the mirror she could see the sadness in her face. Chicks envied her. They wanted to have the olive-colored Chanel pencil skirt and white ruffled blouse. They craved the Gucci stilettos on her feet and the Lexus tag on her key chain. They wanted it all and she would gladly give it up to regain her freedom or restore a piece of her old self. She grabbed her bag out of the closet, and as she was putting in her diamond stud earrings, Mizan came waltzing into the room.
“Going somewhere?” he asked.
“I told you I have to go see Nikki. After I drop Mo off at school, I’m going to do lunch with Nik,” Raven explained. She broke her day down to him play by play, purposely leaving out the trip she planned to make to Ypsilanti to see her mother. It was only an hour drive.
He’ll never know,
she thought as she looked into the mirror and added more makeup to cover an old bruise that had turned green.
“What about yo man? he asked. “Where do I fit in your plans today?”
Raven turned to face him. “I did not know you wanted to be with me. I barely see you some days. I thought you might be busy. Can we meet back up later tonight?”

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