Morgan, Nicole - Intimate Confessions [Intimate Temptations 2] (Siren Publishing Allure) (3 page)

Across the room from where she sat was a large six-drawer dresser. The wood was lightly colored and reminded her of the pine dresser that sat in Derek’s room back in Oakdale. Just to her right sat a king bed with a headboard and footboard which matched the dresser. The nightstands as well as the armoire also appeared to come from the same set.

Actually the whole bedroom set looked as though it was straight out of a showroom. Even the bedding seemed to match perfectly. With the cream-colored bedspread and different hues of beige throw pillows and sheets, it appeared to be right out of a
Better Homes and Gardens
layout.

If she were to decorate this room herself, she would have chosen the same style. She had always liked earth tones and simple design. Nothing fancy or gaudy was ever her taste.

That was actually one of the many ways how she had differed so much from her friends and family back home. They had always relished in flashy décor and expensive trinkets. Not her though, the more plain, the better. Derek was much the same way. The thought popped into her head quicker than she was able to react to it.

Her eyes closed and fought against the tears that wanted so desperately to well up inside. God, how she missed him. Derek had been so wonderful to her. How could she have ever thrown that away?

She shook her head, willing the pain away as she got up from the vanity. There was no use crying about it anymore. She was the only one responsible for the choices that she made. The only person to blame was herself. She knew that, and she hated it.

Taking a deep breath, she turned off the lights and slid her body under the warmth of the soft covers. It wasn’t until she was nestled and comfortable that she realized she was shaking. An anxiety washed over her, and she felt her blood start to pump through her body, the sound almost echoing inside of her head.

“Not again,” she whispered in the quiet room.

It had been months, over a year since she had been stuck with this fear and emotion. It was Derek. Seeing him again had reawakened all of her paranoia again.

Unable to stop herself this time, she cried. The tears flowed freely from her eyes, and a gut-wrenching sob tore free from her throat and bounced off the walls.

She rolled to her side and curled in a ball. Reaching for the other pillow in the bed, she clung to it, hugging it tightly and wishing it was Derek she was holding on to.

The pain of seeing him again tore through her heart. Having him touch her brought back so many memories of his kisses, the way he would tease her with his tongue. As wonderful as those memories were, it reminded her of all that she had lost.

“I love you, Derek. I love you so much.” She choked the words out between her cries.

Startled by a noise at the door, she turned her head quickly to see the door close.

“Hello? Hello, who’s there?” Sandi asked as she rose and got up from the bed.

She got to the door and, when she reached out to touch the handle, hesitated. Was it Derek? Had he been in here watching her, listening to her cry and pour her heart out over him?

Pulling away from the door, she knew that she didn’t want to know the answer to that question. If it hadn’t been Derek, she’d be disappointed and worried, wondering who it could have been.

If it had been Derek and he had been there, hearing the emotions that were pouring from her soul, listening to her tears and still he left her here without a word. The pain of thinking that he could witness her in such sorrow and still not do anything to comfort her cut deeper than she thought possible, but it seemed that just when she thought the pain of losing Derek was so strong that it couldn’t possibly get worse, it almost always seemingly got much worse than she ever could have imagined.

Slowly, she turned and walked away from the door. Walking back toward the bed, she was reminded of the intense sensation of fullness she felt not just in her body but in her heart when she had experienced the hardness of Derek enter her body.

It was Derek that she needed, Derek that she wanted. Everything else was nothing, meant nothing without him. No man could ever hold a candle to him. Even what she thought were her deepest desires and fantasies never seemed to satisfy her.

Those few moments though when she had Derek throbbing inside of her body, everything had been so right, so perfect. All the pain that she had buried and ignored for the past two years suddenly came floating to the surface in a wave of the most scary and yet wonderful emotion, and in that single instant, there was no more sadness, only joy and complete happiness.

Now back under the covers, Sandi blinked her eyes tightly shut, refusing to let the sadness come back. With a few calming breaths and a deep sigh, she made a promise to herself. A promise that she refused to break.

Derek Travis was the most amazing and wonderful man she had ever known in her entire life. She lost him once due to her own selfish stupidity. Who said that she couldn’t change that though? Who was to say that they couldn’t still have a future together?

There was no way she was going to take this chance for granted. One way or another, she would have Derek back. If it was the last thing she did, she would have his heart, his body, and soul, and this time, she would cherish him and never let him go.

Chapter 4

Derek opened his eyes when he heard the laughing coming from the hallway. He blinked a few times, not at first remembering where he was. It took a moment, but then he glanced over and saw the empty bottle of whiskey.

He closed his eyes again. The empty glass sitting next to it reminded him exactly where he was. It reminded him of why he needed that damn bottle in the first place.

Concentrating on the laughter, he wondered if it could be Sandi. He dismissed that thought though. The woman giggling so freely in the hall outside of his room had way too high of a squeak to be Sandi. Her laugh was soft, sweet, and sexy.

A frustrated groan came from him when he realized how much pounding was happening inside his head. He glanced over at the empty bottle of whiskey again and had to smirk at a memory of a night a few months back when he had gotten drunk with his now-sister-in-law, Anne.

The similarity to that night with last night was he had gotten drunk all those months ago because of Sandi. Two years ago, a few months ago, and last night all proved to him one very real fact.

He was still in love with Sandi. God help him, but he still hadn’t gotten over her. Two years later, and she was as much in his heart as the first night he made love to her.

Oh, how he wished he hadn’t just remembered that night. It had been just weeks after they first met. She was so young and naïve back then.

He laughed at the memory of their first meeting. After catching her with a fake ID while working the door of the Roadhouse, the bar he owned with his brother Quinn, he had inadvertently embarrassed her in front of a group of people that she had gone there with that night. It was a group of popular young natives from town. A group that she was trying to fit in with, trying to impress. Being that she was an eighteen-year-old, young woman in a town full of strangers, she was almost desperate to fit in and make friends.

 
He remembered how angry she got with him when he treated her like, what she called at the time, a child. Little did she know that even then, even when she had waited for him until after the Roadhouse had closed, even then, he thought she was the opposite of a child. She was hands down the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

They sat on the tailgate of his truck all night long just talking that night. Not until the morning had he even laid a hand on her. Something magical happened when the sun started to rise though. The different shades of the sun’s rays as they hit Sandi’s blonde hair caused the most beautiful glow to surround her.

In that moment, he fell for her. He was completely lost to her. Hook, line, and sinker, that sweet, naïve, young woman had stolen him off the market. No woman would ever have a chance at him or his heart. It belonged to her.

That was when he wasn’t able to control himself any longer. After staring at her beauty in the morning light, after being utterly hypnotized by it, he leaned over, placed his hands on either side of her face, touched his lips to hers, and tasted the sweetest kiss ever known to man.

That morning was the beginning of the happiest time of his life. From that moment on, they had spent all their time together, whenever and wherever they could. Every chance they had, they used it to be together.

She was so amazingly sweet in those first weeks together. Always so eager to make me him happy and please him. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to tell him what she’d like to do for an evening or which movie she’d like to see.

He remembered she had planned a special night for them that first night they finally made love. He didn’t even know what her plans were. All he knew was that the most beautiful woman in the world made him the best-tasting meal, followed up by the sweetest strawberry rhubarb pie he had ever eaten.

After washing and drying the dishes in his kitchen, she had caused him to nearly drop the plate he was putting away when she uttered the four simple words, “I love you, Derek.”

His heart skipped a beat, and a wild butterfly started fluttering around in his stomach when she made her sudden declaration of love.

He remembered his hands were shaking as he placed the plate on top of the others in the cupboard so loudly he heard her gasp.

When he turned around and saw the uncertainty and fear in her eyes that he might not say those little three words back, he knew in that moment that he would do anything in his power to make sure that her usually sparkling blue eyes never had that look in them again. Until the day that he died, he vowed to only show her happiness and never let that expression cross those gorgeous eyes ever again.

He walked over to her, crossing the short distance of the kitchen without saying a word. Then, without even touching her, he leaned his forehead down against hers and whispered softly to her, “I love you, Sandi.”

The relieved smile that washed over her face made the moment all the sweeter. She had responded with a surprised, “You do?”

That was when he had taken her in his arms, held her close, and whispered the words in her ear again. When she didn’t say anything, he pulled away slightly and whispered it in her other ear.

Only then did she seem to believe him. Tears started to fall from her face as she told him that she wanted him to make love to her. She asked him in the sweetest voice if he would be her first.

He wasn’t surprised to hear that she was a virgin. That much he had expected just from her sweet nature. He wasn’t satisfied with just being her first though. He truly did love her. No woman had even come close to getting into his heart like she had. Being the first man she made love to wouldn’t come close to the amount of commitment he wanted with her. He wanted a lifetime with her.

Still, two years later, he could remember exactly what he said to her. “Oh, honey, my sweet, beautiful Sandi. I’ll only make love to you on one condition. No way will I just be your first, baby. I’ll only settle for being your first, your last, your only, honey. I love you.”

No words were necessary for her agreement. Her eyes closed as she nodded, and tears escaped from her pretty eyelids.

That night, he took her to his bedroom for the first time. He spent what seemed like hours just kissing her, holding her, reassuring her that she was everything to him.

Several times he had even stopped to ask her if she was sure she was really ready for this. Her nervousness was so apparent. She was shaking and found it difficult to even look him in the eye.

That was the first time he had ever even raised his voice at her. They had spent hours exploring each other’s bodies and holding and kissing one another. There was no way he was going to make love to her for the first time if she refused to even look at him. He needed her to see him, look him in the eye as he entered her body, as they became one.

It took some coaxing and a bit of a domineering tone to get her to relax and just look him in the eye. He knew she was embarrassed and unsure of herself. He understood that, too. He just didn’t want there to be any regrets. He wanted the first time they made love together to be a beautiful memory to her, nothing that she could feel regret for.

Once he finally had her relaxed, he was able to get her to truly connect with him on an emotional level. That was what he wanted for them, an emotional and physical connection so that they truly would become one.

It was never anything that mattered with any of his previous girlfriends. With them, it was just fulfilling a sexual need. With Sandi though, it was so much more than a need. It was want, desire, love, cherish, and it was for eternity.

Derek closed his eyes on the next memory that overcame him. He could still remember with such clarity the intensity that he felt when he finally entered her tight, never-been-touched, cavernous wonder. The first several seconds, he thought the amazing way that her inner walls clung to his throbbing hardness was a result of her virginity, but one look into her eyes, and he knew that had absolutely nothing to do with it. This was how it was supposed to be, what it would always be with her.

Making love to her that night, sliding his length in and out of her hot, sweet wetness, he just kept thinking that this was it. This was what the singers were singing about, what the poets spoke of when they declared words of everlasting and eternal love.