More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (17 page)

LITTLE GIRL:
I want to play hide and seek. Do you have a big book that I can hide in?

BOOKSELLER:
Not a book, but we could hide behind a bookcase?

LITTLE GIRL:
But … but, mum says she likes books because you can get lost in them.

BOOKSELLER:
Ah, I don’t think that’s quite what she meant.

(Door bangs open and a flustered looking man runs in)

FLUSTERED LOOKING MAN:
I’m the idiot who tried to get in earlier when you were closed! Did you see me? I literally tried to open the door for two whole minutes! Did you notice?

BOOKSELLER:
Well … no … because we were closed … and I wasn’t here.

Weird Things Customers Say in Other Bookshops

(and libraries, too!)

CUSTOMER:
Excuse me, where do you keep all your books?

BOOKSELLER:
… They’re all around you.

CUSTOMER:
Oh. Right. I see.

Iida Henriksson:
Suomalainen Kirjakauppa, Finland.

CUSTOMER:
Do you work here?

BOOKSELLER:
Yes.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, good. I couldn’t tell if you were wearing a uniform or you just really liked Waterstones.

CUSTOMER
(pointing at the books on the shelves)
: Are these real books?

BOOKSELLER:
… Yes.

CUSTOMER:
So, they’re not e-books? They’re real? I can look at them?

BOOKSELLER:
… Yes.

CUSTOMER:
Excuse me, I hid a book down the back of that bookshelf yesterday, but I can’t seem to find it today.

BOOKSELLER:
I’m afraid I sold that. I found it last night when I was tidying up.

CUSTOMER:
What did you do that for? I wanted to buy that!

BOOKSELLER:
If you want to reserve something, you should ask us to keep it behind the till instead of hiding it behind a bookshelf.

(Customer storms off)

CUSTOMER:
Who wrote
Paradise Lost
?

BOOKSELLER:
John Milton.

CUSTOMER:
No, that’s not it.

BOOKSELLER:
Yes, it was him.

CUSTOMER:
And how would you know?

Jennifer Burt:
Waterstones, Plymouth Drake Circus, UK.

(Elderly female customer is looking at the chart)

CUSTOMER:
I can’t believe everybody’s reading this
Fifty Shades
…

BOOKSELLER:
I know. I take it it isn’t your cup of tea, then?

CUSTOMER:
Oh, no dear; been there, done that – no need to read about it!

Joe Giaffreda:
Waterstones, Peterborough, UK.

CUSTOMER
(in a broad Northern Irish accent)
: Do you have the book
Landscapes of War
?

BOOKSELLER:
No, we’re actually a religious bookshop.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, is that what you are?

BOOKSELLER:
Yes, you’d be better off trying one of the other bookshops in town.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, right.