More than Friends - Monica Murphy (30 page)

Like EVER.

I decide to answer her back and calm her down.

You’re not pregnant. Chill out. Screw everyone else and what they think, especially BB.

“Who you texting?” Jordan asks casually.

I glance up from my phone. How he can figure out I’m texting someone is beyond me. I shut off my phone. “Livvy.”

“Uh huh.” He nods, his expression full on doubtful. Does he think I’m lying? Seriously?

“Whatever,” I mutter under my breath as I see another text come in from Liv.

I need to get on the pill. I need to go to Planned Parenthood this week.

You should come with me.

My cheeks go hot and I glance over at Jordan, but he’s bent over his iPad and engrossed with whatever he’s doing. I should be working too. But now Liv has taken the conversation into an interesting turn and I don’t want it to stop.

I don’t need to go on the pill.

Why not? You and Tuttle ARE doing the nasty. Right????

Sort of. Not really. Not in the very real sense of the word.

Kind of.

How do you kind of do it?

We are currently doing everything but IT. You know what I mean.

Ohhhh…….!!!!!!

Now she gets it.

You still need to go on the pill. You don’t want a pregnancy scare. Condoms + the pill is the best way to go. You’re doubly safe.

My mom is pretty open and explained all that I needed to know about the birds and the bees when I was younger. Plus, we had those special movies and discussions starting in the fifth grade. They were embarrassing, yet oddly fascinating. Plus, I’ve read plenty of romance novels in my life, so I know what’s up. I get the romantic stuff, the sex stuff. Heck, most of those romance books I read I stole from my mom’s secret stash in the hall closet.

But if I went to her right now and asked her to hook me up with her gyno so I could get on the pill? She would lose her freaking mind.

I have a sudden thought and decide to ask Liv.

Do you give Ryan a BJ with him wearing a condom?

Ha! What a question. I’m on a roll.

Um, no. I thought only hookers did that.

Where do you come up with this stuff?

I watch HBO. They have all of those old Hookers on the Point documentaries. I’ve watched a few.

I have no idea what she’s talking about, so whatever.

IMO, giving a blowjob is a sign of trust. He’s trusting you to put your mouth on his dick. You’re trusting him by putting your mouth on his dick. Cuz seriously, it’s weird when you think about it. If he can’t trust you or worse, he asks you to use a condom while you’re blowing him, that is just odd. Time to move on to the next one, you know? You deserve better than some guy who acts like that.

That was the longest text Liv has ever sent me.

Where are you anyway?

Study hall. Where are you? English with Tuttle?

I check on him again. He’s still staring at his stupid iPad.

Yeah. Working on our project.

And you’re talking about BJs with him sitting next to you? So brave.

I’m trying to come up with a good response when she sends something else.

Did that happen with you and Tuttle? Did he ask you to use a condom before you blew him!!??

No, not at all. But the BJ part…

OMG spill woman!

Let’s just say I gave him a BJ and I haven’t really talked to him since. Until now.

Ummm, I hate to say this.

NM.

You can’t leave me like that. Tell me.

I don’t want to hurt your feelings or worry you Amanda, but that’s totally his MO.

What do you mean?

He gets a BJ and then he disappears like a ghost.

But he would never do that to you! At least, he better not.

Or I’m going to kick his ass.

Oh! I’ll have Ryan kick his ass for me. For YOU.

We’re here for you babe. Promise.

Her texts only confirm my worst fears.

I’
m about to go to out to football practice when I hear someone call my name. I turn to find Liv running toward me, her cheeks pink from exertion or making out with Ryan, I’m not sure which.

“I made an appointment for us,” she tells me once she catches her breath.

I frown. “An appointment for what?”

“Planned Parenthood!”

Wow, she said that
extremely
loud. I give her a stern look and she winces, realizing her mistake. “Tomorrow at four. Well, I’m at four, you’re at four-thirty,” she says at a much lower decibel.

“What exactly are we going to, uh,
PP
for?” I told her I didn’t need to get on the pill. There’s no point. I’m not having sex, so I won’t get pregnant. And after the way Jordan treated me in class, how he bolted out of his seat the moment the bell rang, completely ignoring me, I have a sinking feeling that whatever we had, whatever we’d been working toward?

It’s all over.

My heart aches. So does my head. I’m so confused. I want to chase after him. I want to kick his ass. I can’t make up my mind which way to go.

But I plan on soldiering on. I don’t really have a choice, do I? “Please, cancel my appointment,” I tell her. “I gotta go. I’ll text you later.”

“Amanda.” She grabs my arm, preventing me from leaving. “Come with me, okay? I need—I really need the support. And I’ll support you, I promise. You may as well go to the appointment and get on the pill. Then you’ll be safe. We’ll both be safe.”

I see the fear in her gaze and I realize she is truly freaked out over the condom breaking with Ryan. And she really wants me to be there for her. “I have football practice tomorrow. And I have it right now. I’m gonna be late.”

She makes a face. “What? You’ve joined the team now?”

“Kyla asked me to help her with the hydration station. She doesn’t like working it alone.”

“Please, Amanda,” Livvy says, sounding desperate. “I really need you to go with me. Can’t you tell her you have an appointment and you can’t make it tomorrow?”

I feel like that’s all I do lately. Make excuses to please someone else. I’m doing this water girl thing for Tuttle. Well, I did it for myself to get closer to Tuttle, but look how well that worked for me. We’re back at square one. No, it’s worse than square one. We started to advance and make real, actual progress, but now we’ve ended up in this weird limbo place where it’s awkward and uncomfortable and we look at each other like we’ve seen each other naked because, oh yeah, we
have
seen each other naked before. And now it’s just weird.

And awkward.

And awful.

“Hey, did you ever talk to Em like you said you would?” I ask her.

Liv lets go of my arm, her expression turning distant. “No.”

“Why not?” She is so frustrating. Everyone is frustrating. And no, I’m not being the asshole here. Fact: I surround myself with frustrating people on a daily basis. I must like being tortured.

She shrugs. “I haven’t had time, okay? And honestly, I don’t really miss her from my life.”

“What? Seriously? Come on, Liv. Don’t be so cold-hearted.”

“Please,
she’s
the cold-hearted one, trying to sabotage my relationship every chance she gets. Being mean to me, pushing Brianne Brown on Dustin, the photos with her hanging all over Ryan, all the tricks and constant bullshit. I really don’t need that in my life anymore, you know? Without her around, everything’s become a lot easier.”

“Is that how you really feel, Olivia?”

I freeze. Close my eyes.
Crap.
I know that voice. It’s Em. And she’s standing directly behind me.

The cool expression on Liv’s face betrays nothing. She’s like a statue, cold and unmoving. “I didn’t mean for you to hear all of that, but…yes. That is exactly how I feel.”

I glance over my shoulder and see Em. She looks heartbroken. Her eyes fill with tears and her lower lip trembles, like she’s barely holding it together. I want to offer her comfort, but I know that’ll make Liv mad. And ultimately, I’m Liv’s friend first.

So I need to stick with where my loyalty lies.

“I was hoping we could become friends again. I was really hoping we could forgive each other and move on, but I guess not.” Em sounds so lost and sad, I want to go to her and offer her comfort. But I don’t. I just give her a sympathetic smile, though she’s not even looking at me.

“Even after everything that happened, you really believed that?” Liv asks incredulously.

“Of course I really believed that. We all believe what we want, right? But I guess my beliefs were too crazy to be real.” With a shake of her head, Em stalks off, never once looking back.

Liv blows out a harsh breath. “Well. That was surprisingly easy.”

I whirl on her. “You
wanted
her to hear that?”

“Maybe not all of it, but I’ve definitely wanted to tell her how I really felt. I just didn’t know how.” She sighs. “I didn’t have the guts.”

I stare at her, shocked that she doesn’t feel even remotely bad for what she said. When I don’t say anything, I witness Livvy’s immediate slide into defense mode.

“Things are so much better now, Amanda! You’ve seen how I am. How Ryan and I are doing. We’re getting along great. We are closer than ever. Plus, I have you in my life. I’ve made some friends in Yearbook. I don’t need anyone else, and I definitely don’t need Em stirring the pot and screwing things up.”

Maybe Liv’s right. Maybe she is better off without Em in her life. Em just seemed so lost, so sad. I really wanted to give Liv back Em, and maybe that’s my own guilt seeping in, I can’t help it. I wish they could get along.

I’m truly starting to believe that’ll never happen. And I need to accept that.

“So.” Liv’s face turns plaintive. “Will you go with me to PP tomorrow? Please? I really need you there. I can’t ask Ryan to go with me.”

“Why not?”

“He’ll freak out. I assured him I could never get pregnant, even if the condom broke, but I don’t know about that. What if I
can
get pregnant? He will die. He might even…” Liv’s face starts to fall and I reach for her. Grab her by the shoulders and give her a solid shake.

“You’re not—” My voice lowers. “—pregnant. I can feel it in my bones. And my bones never lie.”

Liv giggles, but only for a moment before she’s somber again. “I won’t feel better unless I go and get checked tomorrow. And get on the pill. I need to do this, Amanda. For peace of mind, more than anything.”

Sighing, I curl my arm around her and haul her in close to me. “Fine. We’ll go. But right after you’ll need to bring me back here so I can work on with the team during practice.” Practices can run until six sometimes, and maybe if we get out of our appointments early enough, I can help for the last half hour or so.”

“What exactly are you doing for them anyway? I just thought you were the water girl at the games.”

“Apparently now I’m the water girl during practice too. Staying hydrated doesn’t ever stop, you know.”

“You sound like a commercial.” Livvy rolls her eyes then draws me into a hug. “I need to get home. My mom’s expecting me. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Bye.”

I walk out to the football field alone, my mind filled with too many thoughts. Thankfully, a lot of those thoughts aren’t my own and don’t involve Jordan Tuttle, which is nice. It feels like a little reprieve, worrying about someone else’s problems. I have enough, and really don’t want to add more to the mix if I can help it.