More Than Enough (Enough #2) (24 page)

Brayden speaks to me in a pissed tone that I’ve never had directed at me before, “Look, bitch, you don’t deserve to see my brother, but thanks to you, I’ve got no fucking clue where the the hell he could be. He walked out of there looking like he’d just lost his soul. Let him alone for tonight, I damn well think he deserves at least that.”

He did deserve that, I knew it. But I also needed to reassure him of my love. I wanted to at least assure him of that, no matter what else happened between us. I had to make sure he’s okay. I plead, “Please just take me to his dorm so I can see if he went there. I just want to talk to him. If he needs to yell at me
and demand explanations, I want to at least be there so he can.”

I can see that Brayden wants to refuse to take me, but Carter jumps in. “Baby, it should be Keller’s choice if he talks to Athena or not, not ours. Let’s just take her over to the dorms, and if he isn’t there, we won’t have to worry about it.” I can see Brayden still doesn’t want to take me but doesn’t want to upset Carter even more. The driver takes us over to the boy
’s dorms, and I get out and start to head upstairs when I see a guy go by the other direction on the running trail.

I recognize the clothes and the build and throw my shoes off and sprint after him. I catch up a little way down the dirt trail and just tackle Kell until he almost falls over
. I look into his eyes to just appeal for him to listen and what I see causes my heart to break. There’s absolutely no emotion as he looks at me. He’s turned off all feelings towards me, and he just stares at me with the most apathetic look that I’ve ever seen him direct my way.

“What do you want?” he enunciates slowly with no inflection of any kind in his voice. “I wanted to explain the video and what all I said on it. I’ve never wanted to use you, Kell. I love you! Everything I’ve ever told you or done with you has been real. That was filmed when I was a freshman. I had just left my parents
and their trailer behind, and I was desperate not to become my mother or have her life. I promised myself that I’d look for the kind of man that would take care of me.”

He give
s me a mocking smile and says, “Well, you did a good job when you picked me cause I would’ve. What did you think when I gave you a car tonight? That you’d hit the fucking jackpot of easy marks. That’d you’d reached your goals and were set for life. Tell me what you felt when I was thanking God for putting you in my life and letting me fall in love with you. Were you trying to guess how many million I’m worth, and how much more I’ll have when I get a NFL contract.” I just shake my head at him and plead with my eyes for him not to believe this.

But he just yells in my face, “Fucking tell me, Athena. What were you feeling when I was pouring my heart out to you. Were you thinking about how long you’d have to be with me before you
could leave and be set for life?” All his words are tearing me apart, but I knew he was completely justified in throwing all this at me. The video had been painful to watch for me, and I knew that I loved Keller. I can’t even begin to understand how it made him feel with his fear of being used.

He starts in on me again, “I don’t know what you’re doing here, damn it. We’re fucking done. I’ve watched my dad be used by that stone cold bitch that he calls a wife for years, and I watched him use but not love my mom for years before that. I’m never going to be in a relationship with somebody that’s got ulterior motives. We’re over, Athena. You’ve lost this meal ticket, and now regrettably you’ll have to start all over. I know you shouldn’t have a problem roping in another athlete even with that video. I mean you are absolutely gorgeous and amazing in bed.”

With that he turns and starts to walk away, I call after him, “I love you, Keller, I swear. I’ve only ever loved you.” He turns back towards me and his eyes have emotion banked in the finally, he shoots back, “Well, you’ve sure got a hell of a way of showing it. If you love somebody, you’re honest with them. And you hid a whole part of yourself and your past from me. That’s not love, Red.”

And with that he walks away, and I let him. I’ve got no more of a defense for that video and what I said. And now I’m going to have to pay for being ashamed of who I was. Keller is not going to be able to get past all this, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive without him.

The next few weeks are devastating. I’ve kept myself together enough to attend class and do homework. Everything else is too much to deal with at this point, and the first few days after we broke up even getting up in the morning was overwhelming. Carter came over and helped give me a pep talk about going to class and keeping up my grades so that when Keller and I did get back together I wouldn’t have any regrets. That was never going to happen, but no matter what I said, I couldn’t burst her optimistic bubble.

Brayden still wasn’t talking to me, and Keller wouldn’t even look in my direction now if I saw him on campus. But Carter stood firmly by my side and helped me through the heartbreak. She never doubted that I’d loved Keller, and she just said the video was an unfortunate mistake that captured me at a weak moment.

I’d cut my work days down to where I was barely making enough to survive on, but I could barely fake a smile much less enough effort to take an order. I worked just to eat, and I didn’t worry about anything else. I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything anyway.

The look on Keller’s face when he just looked at me as if he just couldn’t care less about me kept appearing in my head. His face looked almost absent of emotion, and it just ripped my insides out to think of how far we’d come. I know he loved me, but I killed it all by saying those awful things in that video. And I didn’t know how to prove to him that I wasn’t interested in his money. He had a lot and I had none. There was no other argument to make about that.

But I woud’ve loved him if he didn’t have a cent to his name. He was so kind and caring. He was quiet but always there, and he was everything that I’d ever dreamed of for myself when I’d dared to hope. But he was also unforgiving. He didn’t make very many mistakes, and he wasn’t sympathetic to those that did.

I’ve been too scared to even try to approac
h him and make him look at me because I don’t know if I could take him staring at me again without any love or feeling in his eyes. I’m scared that I’d just want to give up at that point, and no matter what happens, I know that I need to keep living and fighting. I’m going to finish school and get a good job. My life isn’t over just because the man I love despises me; it just feels like it is right now.

This next week is spring break, and I’m dreading it so much. Carter has been my one lifeline, and I don’t know what I’d have done without her. She
’s been so supportive and understanding of everything, but it’s still hard to hang out with her sometimes. Brayden calls or comes to where she is all the time.

And just looking at him reminds me of Keller, plus Keller used to want to be wherever I was. And knowing it’s not like that anymore is just painful to think about. But Carter has been the only positive thing in my life since Keller broke up with me, and she’s heading out to Cancun with Brayden for the whole college spring break experience.

She keeps teasing him that she’s going to walk around topless, and he almost has a panic attack each time she brings it up. She mentioned that Keller was going with them, and that also depressed me to think of him there with a million drunk college girls that would love to hook up with him. I haven’t heard about or seen him with anybody yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time.

I’ve no idea what I should do during this week, but I thought about trying to visit my parents. My insecurity and hatred of my background got me into some of this mess, and maybe it was time to resolve some of the issues that were holding me back from being completely
honest with Keller. I decide that that’s what I need to do for myself before I can heal from the mess I created. I’m going home.

Keller

I thought losing Carter was pain, but nothing can compare to how I felt when Athena broke my heart. Seeing her on that video saying proudly what she planned to do was so hurtful that I wanted to just rip my heart out of my chest and just hand it to her. I wanted her to know the extent which she’d crushed me with her ambition and mercenary goals.

I despised my father for letting Riviera use and run him like she did, and I remember thinking that I’d never let anyone use me as he did my mother before she died. It was
a deep seated fear of mine to not be loved but used for my money and what I can give people. But I never saw through her enough to see that was where her interest lied. She always seemed so genuinely interested in me and even Carter and Brayden too. I thought we’d become almost like family in our tight knit group.

But she was just looking to her endgame. She’d saw the prize and had almost reached it when Rachel’s jealousy of her success got in the way. Some of me, even now, wishes that I’d never seen that video. I’d be able to propose just like I’d planned, and I’d have the woma
n I loved by my side. Maybe she wouldn’t have loved me, but I’d never have known that. She was amazing at pretending to love and care for someone that she didn’t because she’d completely fooled me. I could’ve been blissfully happy for years or maybe even forever without knowing it was all a lie.

That’s how much I wanted to be with her. I regretted even knowing the truth and having to act on it. Every time I saw her around campus, I couldn’t even let myself look her way because the only thing I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and tell her that I didn’t care what she’d said. I just wanted to be with her.

But I didn’t let myself do that. I walked through each day missing her more but growing resolved in the fact that I was going to be alone. At least I had Carter and Brayden there to count on. My brother had been right there for me in every way that he could. He’d done longer workouts with me to let me get all my anger out, and he invited me to everything he did with Carter. I appreciated him being there for me so much, and I knew that he’d understood how devastated I was. We’d both had the same fear of being used for our money or talent. And now it had actually happened to me.

Carter was her sweet sympathetic self to me to after the breakup. But even after seeing that video where Athena actually said she was looking for an athlete to take care of her; she wasn’t convince
d of her guilt. She’d tried every defensive argument with me, but I just couldn’t believe that she’d say that stuff and not mean it. Athena had been too good to be true, and it’s because she was trying to be exactly what I want so I’ll take care of her for life, not because she loved me.

I just couldn’t open myself up
to that kind of hurt again. I’d closed myself off from almost all emotion. I hardly felt anything at all, but just pushed myself to stay busy with school and the gym. I’d stay in shape for football season and have a great year. I’d get drafted and get out of this place where I’d felt really happy for one of the first times in my life.

I was walking back to my dorm from class and got to the door of my room when I heard Carter and Brayden. They were arguing
, which was rare, and from what I could tell, it was about me. Carter said firmly, “You need to talk to him, Bray. She loves him, and he needs to know that she wasn’t trying to use him for his money or the contracts she’d get. She loved him for him. That video was just a young scared girl trying her best to not be her mother. Please, he’s your brother, and his happiness depends on them getting back together.”

Brayden answers far more harshly than he ever talks to her, “Hell, no, baby. I’m not encouraging my brother to trust that bitch. She broke his heart in front of most of the football team, and those words that she said on that video. That was real, baby. Didn’t she say that she wanted an athlete who could take care of her? Who better than Keller? He’s going to get a huge contract next year, and he’s already got a trust fund to lean on now. She went after the biggest target there was, with the greatest possible rewards. There’s no fucking way I’d ever even want him near her again, baby. She’s just someone who wants to u
se us. She has no interest in any of as people. We’re just dollar signs to her.”

All that Brayden says is just so fucking painful to hear. I’ve said it all to myself, but I haven’t heard anyone else say those things out loud, especially my brother who’s opinion I value. I’ve got to move on and forget about her. I can’t just fixate on somebody that never loved me. I’ve got to get myself together and just concentrate on all the other things in my life.

I walk into the dorm room then and say, “Hey, you two.” Carter and Brayden look a little shamefaced, and I can tell their wondering if I heard them arguing about me. I just say, “Yeah, I heard you guys, but I happen to agree with Brayden, Carter. I don’t want her near me. I made a bad character judgment, and I don’t want any reminders of it right now.”

Carter starts to argue with me, and I just cut her off. “No, Carter, I can’t deal with how big of a mistake I made trusting her. I’m miserable, but I’m still here. Just let the situation be. If
you want to be friends with her, fine. But don’t think that Brayden or I have to agree with that shit. She’s just using you, and we both want no part of it.”

Carter starts crying as she looks back and forth between us, and I know that she’s not used to being ganged up on. But I can’t let her think I’ll be okay if she brings Athena around me. We’re completely done, and Carter needs to realize it. I stare at her until she gives me a nod of agreement. I walk away to get a shower and think how much I’m not looking forward to spring break. The only reason I agreed is because if I hung out here; I might run into Athena. And even parties
in Cancun were preferable to that.