More Than a Lover (20 page)

On arrival at the park, it took a moment or two for Caro to organise the footman and the blanket and Tommy's ball. When she turned around to take Tommy's hand, he was already entering the park, hopping along on his crutches, no doubt heading straight for the pond.

She picked up her skirts and ran after him, leaving the footman to fend for himself.

‘Tommy, wait,' she called out.

‘Stop, Thomas.' A male voice of authority. Not her footman.

Tommy halted immediately, then changed direction, heading for two men on horseback. ‘Mr Read,' he yelled, stopping to wave a crutch. How had he got so nimble on those things? They should be slowing him down.

Caro dropped to a walk. This was a meeting she had been dreading, but she had not expected it to happen here. She had thought he would send round a note asking for permission to call on her and Tommy, giving her time to compose herself. She pulled together the shreds of her dignity, going first hot, then cold at the memory of the way she had thrown herself at him a few nights before.

Blade jumped down before Tommy was anywhere close to his horse, tucked him under one arm and spun him around in mid-air. Tommy squealed with delight.

The other man also jumped down, taking both horses' reins, and while he was just as tall as Blade, his features were more refined and his eyes were dark and his hair sable. Blade's half-brother, Victor, she remembered. Blade swung Tommy to sit on his shoulders.

She smiled at both men. What else could she do? ‘Thank you. Once more you have rescued my runaway son.'

‘Look at me, Mama. I'm riding a horse.'

Blade made suitable clip-clopping noises.

‘Well met, Mrs Falkner,' his brother said. He flashed her a charming smile. ‘Duvane, at your service. We met at the Tonbridges' ball. May I say what a pleasure it is to meet you again.'

The man had charm to spare.

Blade glared at him.

Caro dipped a curtsy. ‘Of course I remember. Tommy and I were on our way to visit the ducks. I must thank you for your intervention. I and my entourage only turned our backs for a second.' She looked up at Tommy high above her head, his crutches tucked beneath Blade's arm. ‘You really should not run off like that, Thomas. London is so very much bigger than Skepton. I would not want you to get lost.' Again.

‘Apologise to your mama, lad. It is what a gentleman must do when he is in the wrong,' Blade said.

Some gentlemen apologised when they were in the wrong. Others left.

‘I'm sorry, Mama,' Tommy said and he sounded genuinely remorseful.

She nodded her acceptance.

He clutched at Blade's hair. ‘Why don't you ever come and see us any more, Mr Read?' His feet drummed a rhythm on Blade's chest. ‘Don't you want to be my papa?'

Caro nearly fainted in mortification. ‘Tommy, Mr Read is a friend. He has been busy...' She gestured vaguely to signify all sorts of important things.

Blade's expression shuttered. She could only be glad that Tommy could not see it from his perch. ‘I am here now,' he finally said.

‘Yes,' Tommy replied, apparently satisfied.

The three of them strolled side by side towards the pond, Blade carrying Tommy and holding her arm with Lord Duvane on her other side leading both horses.

‘I am trying to dissuade my brother from leaving us again so soon,' Lord Duvane said, clearly looking for a topic of conversation to fill the awful awkwardness. ‘His sisters have seen little of him these past many years.'

His brother, too, if the regret in his voice was anything to go on. ‘Mr Read is not an easy man to persuade,' she said, hoping she sounded more teasing than petulant.

Blade cast her a look she could not interpret, but said nothing, for they had arrived at the lake and Tommy was struggling to dismount.

The footman rushed forward with the bread they had brought and handed it over. Trying to balance on crutches and throw the bread proved to be a frustrating exercise. The ducks who had rushed to greet them, quacking and splashing, were less than pleased to find that their treats ended up in the mud on the bank.

Caro went to lift him.

‘Allow me,' Lord Duvane said. He looked at his brother. ‘Leave me to deal with this little chap and take the lady for a stroll, brother dear.' He smiled at Caro. ‘Perhaps you will have better luck than I.'

Blade shot him a glare. His brother winked at Caro and to hide his smile he picked up Tommy, balanced him on his hip and headed down the bank. ‘Come on, lad. I'll hold you and you throw. You'll discover the advantages of growing as tall as me.'

Blade held out his arm. ‘Would you care to walk?'

She accepted with a smile, tucking her arm beneath his elbow.

The footman hesitated, not sure which of his party he was supposed to guard, but a glower from Blade had him deciding to stay put.

‘Why did Tommy say that?' Blade demanded, sounding so grumpy and put upon, she had the urge to laugh when saying goodbye was no laughing matter. She patted his gloved hand where it rested on top of hers as if he feared she might run.

‘We clearly were not as discreet as we thought. Children hear things and see things and draw their own slanted conclusions about a world that, to their eyes, revolves around them.'

He grunted as if considering her words and glanced over his shoulder with a puzzled frown. ‘I am glad I ran into you today,' he said when they were out of earshot.

‘We come here every day.' She frowned. ‘You planned this meeting?'

He looked a little shamefaced. ‘Tonbridge mentioned that you came here each morning.'

She glanced back to where his brother was handing lumps of bread up to Thomas. Had he planned that, too? In order to speak to her alone. Her heart thumped harder in her chest. ‘Your brother seems sorry to see you go.'

He shrugged. ‘He is sorry I have refused to take the employment my father is offering. It means more work for him.'

There was an edge to his words she could not quite understand. She frowned. ‘You dislike your brother?'

‘Half-brother. We have different mothers. You know this.'

‘He does not make the distinction. And you did not answer my question.'

Blade stopped and stared into the pond's murky water. ‘I like him well enough, but...'

‘But?' she prompted, watching a little moorhen dabbling its red beak among the reeds along the bank.

‘I invaded their home and he didn't like it. Father told him that I was a duty and a responsibility there was no getting around.' He swished at the rushes with his riding crop, sending the moorhen off with a startled squawk and a splash. ‘I didn't need their charity then and I don't need it now.'

‘Something you overheard?' she guessed.

‘I was outside the library window. Victor and I had fought over who would ride the pony first.' He grimaced. ‘It was his pony, but I was bigger and stronger.'

‘So a fight between two annoying little boys. One trying to find his way in a new home, the other trying to find a new place for himself with the arrival of an older brother. And a papa trying to keep the peace.'

He looked at her askance and started walking again.

Caro glanced back to where Duvane was showing Tommy how to skip stones across the pond. ‘It is not easy raising children. One never knows if one is making the right decisions.'

‘You were right to keep Tommy with you.'

A small smile curved her lips, but there was an ache in her chest. ‘I have you to thank for that piece of advice. Tommy and I will remain together until he is old enough to go to school. I have explained to him about his father. He will understand better when he is older.'

‘You are happy.' He sounded pleased, but there was something else in his eyes, something watchful.

‘I am content.' It was all she could expect, really. She certainly wasn't going to marry when her heart belonged to a man who didn't want her. But nor was she going to go into a decline. She had her son. She had security. What more could she need?

Suddenly she could not stand all this polite conversation. It was hurting too much to pretend that all between them was well. ‘It was very kind of you to come to say goodbye to Tommy, Blade. I really think we should be getting back.'

‘I—' He took a deep breath and stopped walking, looking into her eyes. ‘Actually, I wanted to speak to you about something else. About what you said the other night.'

Her chest felt tight. Was he going to take her to task for her foolish declaration? Warn her for her own good, as the Thorntons had done? If so...

‘Caro, I do care for you. A great deal.'

Caring wasn't enough. ‘You are going to request my friendship. I understand. I will be your friend. Please, let us go back.' She tried to walk on, but he held her back.

‘That is
not
what I intended to say.' He glanced across to where the footman hovered, clearly trying to keep both parties in sight, and led her towards a willow tree overhanging the bank.

When they were obscured from view, he took her left hand in his right and stroked her palm with his thumb, sending fiery little tingles down her back. Eyes wide, she stared at him. ‘Blade, you are scaring me. What is wrong?'

His expression tightened, but he did not release her hand. ‘I've spent my life expecting those I—I love to turn their backs on me. I learned not to care. To always leave first. It hurt less.'

Her insides melted, he looked so wounded. ‘Oh, Blade,' she whispered, her heart in her throat.

‘The other night, when you said you would never abandon me...' He shook his head and swallowed. ‘I believed you. You have proved your loyalty to those you love, over and over again.' He swallowed. ‘Old habits die hard, Caro. I couldn't make myself speak. I do love you. I always will.'

She swallowed a lump in her throat. ‘But?'

‘I will understand if I've spoken too late. I understand if you have already accepted another offer. I had to tell you, that was all. I love you.'

‘Then why are you leaving?'

‘I'm not sure I know any longer.'

He sounded so hopelessly lost tears welled in her eyes. ‘Then don't go. I love you. Tommy loves you. Stay.'

‘Darling. My dearest love.' His voice was husky and broke a little on a laugh. ‘You won't ever leave me?'

‘Not if wild horses tried to drag me off.'

He brought her hand to his lips with a tender smile on his face. ‘Dearest Caro. You give me such courage. Will you marry me?'

Her heart tumbled over. She flung her arms around his neck and kissed him.

When they finally broke apart, he was looking at her quizzically. ‘Caro, will you?'

She had answered, hadn't she? Not in words, no, but in her actions. Laughter, love and all kinds of emotions bubbled up in her. ‘Yes, you idiotic man, of course, yes.'

He breathed a long sigh of relief and kissed her again, deeply, seductively. Finally, they took a breath and she rested her head on his shoulder.

‘We should go and tell Tommy I will be his papa after all. I hope the Thorntons aren't going to cut up rough.'

‘Tommy will deal with them. They were so relieved when I said he and I would move to the dower house.'

He grinned. ‘They find him hard to handle.'

‘As a barrel full of monkeys.'

He laughed out loud. ‘Come, let him be the first to hear our news.'

‘Him and your brother, who is deserving of sainthood after all this time.'

‘Victor is all right. He's used to young children. The countess and the earl have quite a few.'

Arm in arm, they returned to the path, strolling in perfect harmony.

‘Oh, hell,' Blade said. ‘I beg your pardon, Caro, but it seems we are about to run into Hartwick and the countess.' He glanced back to where his brother was now playing ball with Tommy. Cricket with crutches, if Caro wasn't mistaken. ‘The devil. No wonder he was hell-bent on coming with me. And I thought it was to help with Tommy.'

* * *

Now Blade knew why he had always preferred being an only child. Less people to interfere with his business. Friends were bad enough.

A few yards away from them, his father lifted his silver-topped walking stick in greeting as if Blade might not have seen him. Or perhaps—Blade felt a stab of guilt—the old fellow thought Blade would simply pass him by. For the first time in an age he looked at his father. Really looked at him. When had he become so old, so bowed down? And when had the countess's golden hair acquired so much silver? Regret at lost years caused his gut to clench.

As they came abreast of each other, Blade bowed. ‘My lord,' he said. ‘My lady. You know Mrs Falkner, of course. You met at Tonbridge's the other evening.'

Caro curtsied.

His father bowed. The countess held out her hand and Caro shook it.

‘How lovely to meet you again, Mrs Falkner.' The countess tucked Caro's hand beneath her arm and turned and walked with her. Gritting his teeth, Blade followed at his father's side.

‘Was there something you wanted, sir?' he asked after a moment or two of silence. ‘I cannot believe your presence here is a coincidence.' Any more than his had been.

His father harrumphed like a schoolmaster about to deliver a lecture on manners. ‘I won't have you haring off to join some foreign army. Nor will your mama.'

‘Stepmama.' The word came automatically. Then his brain caught up with the meaning. He stiffened. ‘I don't see—'

The old gentleman stabbed his cane at an unfortunate dandelion. ‘I know, it is none of my business. Or so
you
think, but hear me out, my son. I heard back from a friend at Horse Guards. Tried to turn 'em back, did you?'

Chill ran in Blade's veins. ‘Unsuccessfully, I am afraid,' he said, trying not to sound defiant. He'd beaten a couple of the militia with the flat of his sword, trying to stop them charging into the crowd at St Peter's Field. He could have been court-martialled and shot for that alone.