Moonstone (18 page)

“Yeah…It’s a little weird on my end as well.” Joy reached for the chef’s special but only stared at the contents.

“There are things I want to ask you but…” Kelsey paused. She took a bite of the chow mein. “Then I remember that I’m working for you.”

“You’re installing a software system. It’s not like I have you on the payroll.”

“But you’re the client,” Kelsey said. “I keep reminding myself of that every time I think of asking you something personal. We should have brought something to drink.”

“Wine would be nice.” Joy couldn’t help but wonder what personal things Kelsey had in mind to ask.

“Do you have wine?”

Joy shook her head.

“So you like to tempt and not deliver?”

“You don’t know me.” Joy smiled. She stopped short when she noticed the look Kelsey had on her face. Joy had seen women look at her that way enough times to guess at the implication. She felt her skin get hot.

“I shouldn’t drink wine tonight anyway. I’ll need coffee later and the two don’t mix.” Kelsey took another bite, staring out at the lapping waves.

“Can I ask you something?” Joy waited for Kelsey’s nod. “Why did you hold my hand that day on Mad River?”

“You slipped,” Kelsey answered automatically. “Where’d that question come from?”

“I’ve been wondering about it for years.” Joy paused. “I slipped but you didn’t let go after I’d caught my balance.”

“Neither did you.”

Joy’s heart was pounding loud enough to block out all other sounds. Kelsey stared at her unflinching. Joy relived the moment on Mad River all over again—in one flash. “Then someone called your name and you let go.”

Kelsey poked at her food. “I didn’t let go. Andrew called my name and you pulled away.”

“No, you pulled away. I remember the moment exactly. You looked back up the trail and then pulled away.”

“That night was a long time ago,” Kelsey offered. “Memories can sometimes trick you.”

Joy wondered if her memory of that night, of that moment, could have been wrong. It had always seemed that they had been pushed apart by something but that made no sense. Maybe she had been the one to pull away. If so, everything that happened after was suddenly cast in a new light. Kelsey had ignored her the rest of that evening, almost pointedly. Maybe all along Kelsey had been just as scared.

“It was a long time ago,” Joy agreed. “But right at this moment it doesn’t seem like it was so long ago.” She took a bite. “Your turn.”

“Is any question fair game?”

Joy shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“That’s your first question?”

“You’re not wearing a ring so I know you aren’t married. Raceda is a hell of a place to be single and looking—particularly if you aren’t straight.”

“Are you going to give me advice on where to pick up dates then?” Joy asked.

Kelsey shook her head. A moment later she added, “Leave town. Long distance is probably your best bet.”

Joy considered the texts she’d exchanged with Vanessa that morning. Long distance wasn’t easy. Vanessa was seeing Tina tonight. And Tina wanted them to date exclusively. Joy wondered if Vanessa was giving her all the details on Tina only to see if she’d be jealous. And partly she was. But she was also distracted. She’d been too busy thinking of Kelsey to worry about Vanessa and Tina. She finally said, “Technically I’m in an open relationship.”

“‘Technically’?”

“It’s complicated.”

Kelsey arched her eyebrows. “Open relationships sound complicated.” She sighed. “I should get back to work.” Kelsey handed the container of chow mein to Joy and pointed at the chef’s special. “You’re not eating much.”

“I’m distracted. And a little nervous,” Joy admitted.

“
You’re
nervous?” Kelsey laughed. “That’s funny. You have no idea how nervous I’ve been since Denise mentioned you were back in town and running Moonstone.” Kelsey paused. “I didn’t even want to approach you about Alpine.”

“But you did.”

“You can blame Denise.”

“Do I get another question now?”

Kelsey glanced at her watch. “One more.”

“In high school…did you know you were into women then?”

“Yes. And no.” Kelsey smiled. A moment later she added, “Mostly. I had a few false starts with guys in college too but no men for a long time. I knew I was happier with women but…women aren’t any easier than men.”

“I’ve wondered about you over the years. I never guessed we’d both end up living in Raceda again.” Joy paused. “I guess I’m not really surprised that I’m here. But Kelsey West? It doesn’t seem possible that you’d end up back here.”

“You don’t want to hear all of my issues.” Kelsey shook her head. “Trust me, it’s possible.” She picked up the chef’s special that Joy had set down and ate a few bites. “What does ‘technically’ mean?”

Joy wanted to hear more about her, not talk about Vanessa. And maybe that was a problem. She cleared her throat. “I was dating someone in San Francisco, but I broke it off when I moved up here.” Joy paused. “We had an open relationship. She didn’t think we needed to break up, but I didn’t want to do long distance. It didn’t take long before I was lonely and missing company. So I started texting her again.” She shook her head. “That sounds bad.”

Kelsey shrugged. “Sounds honest.”

“Anyway, now we’re trying an open relationship again. But I don’t think it’s exactly what either of us want.”

“And that sounds complicated,” Kelsey said. “Open relationship—so you can both still date other people?”

“As long as we tell each other.” Joy thought of Vanessa’s parting words on Sunday morning—“This doesn’t have to be complicated.” Joy picked up the container of chow mein. “But sometimes I want casual sex without commitment. You know? No relationship at all.”

Kelsey laughed. She shook her head. “I like commitment.”

“You’re blushing.” Joy grinned. Kelsey was easy to like. She always had been. She ate a few bites of the chow mein, stealing glances at Kelsey
.
Nice view, nice dinner and perfect company. It could be a date.

Kelsey glanced at her watch and then closed the container of chef’s special. She eyed the horizon. “My half hour’s up.”

Joy sighed. It wasn’t a date. “I think I’m going to stay down here for a bit. I don’t get many excuses to just sit. And I’d only get in your way up there.”

“You won’t be in the way. It’s your office. I’m working for you, remember?” Kelsey grinned.

“I remember. And I think I’ll let you finish up alone. If you’re comfortable.” It was difficult even pretending that she felt nonchalant about ending their evening so soon. “The coffee in the pot is fresh.”

“Thank you. Denise showed me how to set the alarm. I have her set of keys to lock up. See you tomorrow?”

Joy nodded.

“Hopefully you won’t find me in these same clothes sleeping next to your computer.”

“I bet as soon as I get out of your hair you’ll have everything installed in no time. But there’s a quilt my dad kept in the closet in his office. As a kid, I fell asleep more than once in that office waiting for him to finish up his records.”

“Imagine how much faster he’d have been if everything was on the computer.”

“He never learned to type,” Joy said. “I think that’s the real reason he didn’t jump on going paperless sooner.”

Kelsey seemed about to say something, but her hesitation turned into a long pause and finally she said, “Thank you for dinner.”

Joy waited for the sound of the closing door before she exhaled. Was she really the one who had pulled away? That sunset at Mad River was a memory that alternated between bright and fuzzy. Joy turned the fork in her hand. She packed the leftovers in the bag and then settled back against the bench. The wind picked up and whitecaps spotted the water. The faint smell of cigar smoke returned.

Bleary-eyed, Kelsey punched the alarm code Denise had given her and locked the front door. It was past midnight and the street outside of Moonstone Optometry was nearly deserted. She headed to her parking spot but stopped short when she spotted the silver Mercedes parked next to her Audi.

Hannah got out of the Mercedes but didn’t make any move toward her.
She isn’t dangerous
, Kelsey thought.
Not
to anyone but herself
. That didn’t change the fact that a cold sweat had started on the back of her neck. Kelsey started walking again. She waved to Hannah and when she’d gotten closer, said, “Nice night to stalk your ex?”

“I’m not stalking you,” Hannah argued.

Kelsey only nodded. She made a wide pass around Hannah and unlocked her door. She tossed her briefcase into the passenger seat and started to climb into the driver’s seat when she felt Hannah’s hand on her arm.

“Wait, we need to talk,” Hannah said.

“We don’t need to talk. You might want to talk,” Kelsey corrected. “But I don’t.” She wished her voice didn’t shake.

“I only need five minutes.”

“Here—in the middle of the street? At this hour?”

“Then let’s go to your house instead. I’ll follow you.” Hannah sighed. “Look, I only want to talk. That’s all. Please.”

Kelsey shook her head. No way was she letting Hannah inside her house. “All right. Let’s get this over with. What do you need to say?” Kelsey gripped the side of the door to keep her hand from shaking.

“You hate me, don’t you? I can hear it in your voice.”

“I don’t hate you.”

Hannah shook her head. “Yes, you do. I can tell.”

“Don’t start, Hannah.” Kelsey closed her eyes. Of course she hated her for this—this moment. And for so many other moments exactly like this one. But she didn’t really hate her at all. That was the problem. “What do you need to say?”

“You know it isn’t safe to be down here on the waterfront alone. My old drug dealer didn’t even like this part of town after dark.”

“Your ‘old drug dealer’?”

“I was trying to make a joke,” Hannah said.

“It’s not funny.”

Hannah crossed her arms. “Well, you shouldn’t be here alone.”

“Thank you for your concern. I’m more worried about my stalker at the moment than a drug dealer.”

“I’m not trying to stalk you.” Hannah’s voice jumped an octave and she uncrossed her arms. “I went out to dinner with my sister and her fiancé. Sadie’s the one who spotted your car. They went to a movie. I wanted to wait for you.” She paused. Her voice was softer when she continued. “The later it got, the more I started to worry about you being here so late. I wanted to make sure you got to your car okay.”

Hannah sounded like her old self—the self before the drug habit. She was always worrying about someone else. Kelsey didn’t believe her now though. She had to have some motive. “Maybe you weren’t trying to stalk me tonight, but I’ve seen your car a half a dozen times in front of my mom’s house. I know you’ve been watching me. How about we get to the point? What’d you need to say?”

“I wanted to say that I was sorry.” She exhaled. “Sorry—that’s it, really. There’s more but that’s the important part anyway. I know you probably won’t forgive me but…maybe someday. Anyway, sorry. That’s all I have at this point.”

“Is this some twelve-step thing?” Kelsey didn’t hide her frustration. “You can’t ask for forgiveness like this—you’ve got me trapped here. Write me a damn letter.” She climbed in the driver’s seat and pulled the door closed. Hannah reached for the door handle but let go at the last minute.

“Damn it, Kelsey.” Hannah kicked the door. “I’m trying here, okay? Give me the benefit of doubt. For once. Besides, you told me I couldn’t write you. No letters, no calls. That’s what your Dear John letter said.”

“The benefit of doubt? For
once
? Are you kidding me?”

Hannah stomped back to her car without answering. Kelsey watched her slam the Mercedes door. The rev of the engine blanked out other thoughts. Hannah pulled out and disappeared down the street before Kelsey had time to put on her seat belt.

Kelsey locked her door and sat in the car. The sidewalks were empty and only a handful of cars dotted the street. Maybe the waterfront wasn’t safe. Hannah certainly wasn’t.

Kelsey finally started the engine. She hugged the steering wheel as she started down the road. Streetlights flickered on the periphery, but she didn’t dare glance at anything other than the yellow lines in front of her. She started at the howl of each passing car. By the time she’d made it home, the sweat had dried on her skin and she was shivering. She hurried inside and went straight to bed. With the covers pulled up, she turned her face to the pillows and let the first shaky sob slip out.

Daybreak came and Kelsey struggled out of bed. She had to get back to Moonstone to finish the steps of the installation she’d skipped last night. But she needed coffee. There was no way she was going to make it through the day without caffeine.

The lights were already on and the kitchen smelled of coffee and cinnamon rolls. Denise was at the table with the newspaper. She took one look at Kelsey and set down her coffee mug. “Are you okay?”

Kelsey nodded. She didn’t dare trust her voice after the hours she’d spent crying.

“You sure?” Denise’s look of sympathy was hard to take.

Kelsey nodded again. She poured a cup of coffee, added cream and sugar and headed back to her room. Somehow she’d slept, but only for a few hours, and the rest had brought little comfort. Her back and neck ached. She blamed the cramped position she’d slept in, but the hours spent tensed in front of the computer screen in Joy’s office probably hadn’t helped. Dr. Henderson, she corrected. Thinking of her as Joy would only complicate the rest of the day. Kelsey set the coffee on the nightstand and crawled back into bed. Joy was the distraction she needed from Hannah. If only she could just think of Joy and somehow keep Hannah from ever entering her thoughts… But thinking of Joy was complicated too. The last thing she needed after Hannah was to get involved with someone who wasn’t really available. Or maybe that was exactly what she needed. Nothing serious.

Available or not, she was in no shape to face Joy today. She thought of rescheduling for Sunday. Or maybe the tech guy could finish up for her and she wouldn’t have to get out of bed. Ever again. She curled up on her side and closed her eyes, promising the alarm clock that she’d only rest for ten minutes.