Moonlight (24 page)

Chapter Forty-Three

Lana

I watched Aren go, trying to steady myself. God, was I so starved for a family that a simple peck on the cheek from Adam’s brother made my heart sing? Apparently the answer was yes, because the small gesture made me feel like part of the family.

Adam was sitting on a stool, facing his father’s body. I couldn’t imagine his pain. I’d always wished for a father, wished I’d even just known who he was. I used to imagine he’d be proud of me. Maybe he was a writer like I was.

But Adam had all of that. And now his father was gone.

I stepped up behind him and massaged his shoulders. They were like cement. His head fell forward, and he moaned. I kissed the back of his neck while I did my best to loosen the knots. I could almost feel the weight of the world resting on his broad shoulders.

“What were you and Aren fighting about?” I figured it was best to approach calmly, casually, though I knew where the conversation would inevitably go. Adam was not leaving his brother here to be killed.

“He was telling me what a great Alpha I was last night, and I let him know that until Malcolm got shot I was planning on leaving with you. Now I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, breathing him into my lungs. I felt his fingers lightly trace over the bruises from the handcuffs.

“They’re never going to leave us alone, Lana. Nero will be back.”

I didn’t want to think about Nero or the blood and body parts we cleaned up last night. I wanted to pretend we were a normal couple, just for a little while. I opened my eyes and saw Malcolm pale and motionless on the pyre. I couldn’t hide from this though.

The horses nickered as I moved around to sit next to Adam. “I wish I had the right answer, Adam. I feel like I’m just treading water, trying not to sink into panic. So many questions are rattling around in my head. Your Dad can’t be right about me being pregnant. You haven’t bitten me. I don’t even know if that would work since I’m already a different kind of…animal. And now that he’s gone, you can’t leave with me. You have to stay here and lead the Pack. They need you.”

He took my hand and looked over at me. “But I can’t do this without you.”

My eyes were already raw from crying, but they brimmed with tears again anyway. “Your Pack will never be safe if I’m here.”

His green eyes narrowed. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, Lana.”

“Then you’ll spend the rest of your life fighting them.”

“No.” He leaned over and kissed me so soft and slow that my heart ached. I opened my eyes again, and his gaze held mine, demanding my attention. “I will spend the rest of my life loving you.”

A tear spilled down my cheek. “Your father would be alive right now if it wasn’t for me.”

He cupped my check, brushing away my tear with the pad of his thumb. “If it wasn’t for you, I never would have learned to love anyone but myself.”

“I know Malcolm said I was part of the Pack, but they didn’t get a say in that. Do you think they could ever truly accept me?”

“Aren already has. The rest of them will too. It may take some of them longer than others.”

“They’ll resent me after a few more visits from Nero.”

He shook his head. “We’ll be ready for them in the future. They won’t catch us off-guard again. Plus, we already know what Sasha and Sebastian look like so we’ll watch for them. Don’t underestimate the Pack, Lana. We can protect ourselves.”

“Believe me, I saw the carnage last night.” I stared at my hands. “I was going to leave last night. While you were running with the wolves. I already had a plane ticket to leave for Chicago.”

He was up off the stool so fast that I flinched. “Why? I told you I’d go with you.”

“I didn’t want you to give up your family for me. It wasn’t right, Adam. You’d never be happy without them.”

“So you weren’t even going to give me a choice? You were just going to walk away?”

His words stung. I got up and crossed my arms. “I loved you enough to walk away so you could keep your family. You have the one thing I’ve always wanted. How can I take that from you?”

He shook his head and raked his fingers through his dark hair as he walked over to pat Bruce. “Let me get this straight. I was ready to give up my entire life for you, and you were planning to dump me the entire time.” He looked over his shoulder at me with a disgusted look on his face. “So did you come down here to tell me goodbye, or are you just going to surprise me when you leave?”

“It’s not like that. I didn’t want to hurt you or your family.”

He spun on me. “What part of
I love you
did you miss? When I told you that, I meant it. You didn’t think it would hurt when I found out you were gone? You didn’t think it would rip my heart out to find you left me while I was a wolf and vanished without a trace? I thought we were a team. I trusted you.” He looked up toward the sky and shook his head. “I should have listened to them.” His eyes met mine and he whispered, “They told me a jaguar could never love me.”

I couldn’t listen to another word. I turned and ran from the barn, his final stab following me out. “After we made love in the barn,” he called after me, “you said you’d love me forever. What an asshole I was to believe you.”

…

Aren leaned against the doorframe while I jammed the few personal belongings I still had into a bag. For a split second I thought it was Adam, but the crutch and wrapped up ankle gave him away. He raised a brow as I zoomed past him in search of my tennis shoes.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

I’d spent the better part of the last half hour bottling up my feelings and trying to morph them into self-righteous anger. Adam had twisted everything around. I did love him. I loved him enough to leave him. I was being noble, not hurtful. The bastard.

“I’m leaving.”

“Now?” He straightened up on his crutch. “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere but here.” I pulled the sides of the bag together and massaged the zipper until it finally slid over the opening.

“What happened?”

I sighed, trying to keep my rage simmering so I couldn’t fall apart. “I know that he told you we were planning on leaving this morning so we could keep Nero away from the Pack, but—”

“He told me he was leaving because the Pack would never accept his mate.”

“Well, I didn’t want him to do that for me.”

“Did you tell him that?”

I sighed. “I thought so. I don’t know.” Tears were threatening again. I took a deep breath and tossed the bag over my shoulder. “My laptop was in Adam’s Jeep when Sasha shot out the tires. Was it still in there when Luke and Logan went over to tow it back?”

He nodded. “Yeah, they left all your stuff beside the sofa last night.”

“Thank you.” I moved past him, noting again the subtle difference between his scent and Adam’s. Adam always smelled musky, like a forest after rain, a wildness to it. Aren’s was similar, but where Adam oozed charm, Aren didn’t. His scent was harder to describe. His scent reminded me of autumn, spicy and intimate, with the aura of winter. Almost as if he had a wall constructed around himself. I shook off the thoughts, picked up my laptop, and went to call a cab.

“So now you’re leaving him, but you’re mad at him for being upset that you’re leaving?”

I sighed and looked up at Aren with the phone in my hand. “I don’t want to go. Not anymore.”

“Then why are you packing?” His brow furrowed.

“Because.” A sob strangled my voice. I cleared my throat and squeaked out, “Because I told Adam I was planning to leave last night so he could stay with all of you and Nero would leave the Pack alone. And now he thinks…” I wiped a tear away. “Now I need to go.”

Aren glanced toward the barn and back at me. “So my new Alpha is an asshole?”

I laughed through my tears. “He’s not an asshole. But he’s not happy with me.”

Aren hobbled over and sat next to me. “Here’s a secret for you, little kitty, and I’ll deny it if you ever repeat a word.”

I wiped my nose and nodded.

“My brother, Adam, is a total horse’s ass when he doesn’t get eight hours of sleep. I’m not saying whether or not you deserved whatever it was he just dished out down there, but we just lost our father and our Alpha. He just got an entire Pack to lead dumped on his shoulders, and on top of all of that, he’s going to be a father himself.” He gave me a little nudge with his elbow. “All that packaged with no sleep, and I bet Adam can’t even stand himself, let alone any of us.”

Placing the phone back on the charger, I took another deep breath and looked at the carbon copy of the man I loved with all my heart. “I love him, Aren. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t want him to give up his family for me. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to have all of you in his life.”

“The question is, will you give us the chance to have
you
in our lives? I know you’ve seen me on less than my best behavior, but can you handle an entire Pack? Because in spite of our bad attitudes and fighting, we always know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if we need help, we’ve got each other’s backs.”

“But you’re all wolves. I’m…not.”

His mouth curved into a crooked grin. “We’ll still be there for you even though you’re a kitty.”

I elbowed him. “Jaguar. A big, scary black one. Adam showed me a picture. I’m ferocious.”

Aren tipped his head back and laughed. I’d never heard him laugh before, and I felt warmth fill me. I had a brother.

“Glad you find this funny.”

We both looked up to see a very unhappy Adam staring at us. Aren stopped laughing. My smile drained from my face.

Aren pulled himself up on his crutches. “I’ll let you two talk.”

He moved really fast for a guy with a broken ankle.

Adam didn’t move. He stood across the room, pinning me with his stare.

I met his eyes and whispered, “It was because I loved you that I was going to leave.”

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s because you’re a coward.”

“What?” I dropped my bag and my brow furrowed. “I am not. I just wanted you to be happy. I love you, and I was putting your needs before mine.”

“You love me and it scares the crap out of you.”

My jaw dropped, and the volume of my voice rose. “What scares me is that Nero will come back and hurt you and your family.”

“It’s easier to live life on the run, isn’t it? You don’t ever have to worry about getting hurt that way. When things get uncomfortable you just move on to the next city. No one to worry about but yourself.”

“That is so unfair,” I yelled, pointing at him. “I never asked to live like that. I never got to know my parents or have a family. You have everything I ever wished for and you treat it like shit.”

I started to pick up my bags, but he came across the room and grabbed my hand. “And the moment you had a chance to have everything you wished for, you were going to run.” He stared into my eyes, and his expression softened. His free hand came up to cup my face, and I felt all my rage and frustration start to crumble. “I am so sorry I didn’t tell my family about us and force them to accept us right from the beginning. You weren’t the only coward, Lana.”

I pulled my hand free and gave him a half-hearted shove. “I wasn’t being a coward. I never wanted to leave you, Adam.” I stared into his eyes, hoping he could see the truth in my words. “I love you so much. I couldn’t go on if something happened to you because of me.”

“Then we should stay here. We have strength in numbers. We can fight Nero. But I can’t lead the Pack and be the Alpha if I’m worried that I’ll come home from a ride one day and you’ll be gone. If that’s still in your mind I won’t be able to think straight, Lana.” He bent to kiss me before continuing. “From the first moment I looked into your eyes, you had me. I could never leave you, and dammit it hurts like hell to know you could leave me.”

A tear spilled down my cheek as I shook my head slowly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Adam. But if I stay, it will be forever, so you better not let Nero hurt you.” I kissed him and bit at his bottom lip playfully. “Or I’ll be pissed.”

He smiled and scooped me up into his arms. “Angry cats are the worst.”

“And don’t you forget it.” I laughed sliding my arms around his neck as he carried me back to the bedroom.

He laid me down on the bed and pulled me into his arms. “Malcolm was right about the baby.”

I looked up at him. “Really? You can tell too?”

He shrugged. “Your scent is different, and when I’m very close to you I can hear a faint heartbeat next to yours.”

“That’s impossible. Even if I was pregnant, it’s way too soon for a heartbeat.”

“Gestation for us isn’t as long as for humans. That’s part of the reason why a human woman can’t get pregnant with us until we convert her.” His hand slid down over my still-flat abdomen. “Jaguars must be similar. We’re both shifters.” Splaying his fingers out he smiled at me. “Plus, you’re glowing.”

“What?” Now I was completely lost. “You’re sleep-deprived. I look like hell.”

“No.” He smiled, looking way too sexy for anyone’s good. “You look amazing. More alive and more beautiful than you ever have.”

I kissed him and murmured against his lips. “Now you’re just trying to get lucky.”

“Is it working?”

I tangled my legs with his and slid his hand up from my belly to my breast. “What do you think?”

Chapter Forty-Four

Adam

I woke up when the first car pulled in, but I didn’t move. Lana was still sleeping, curled up and facing me. She had a hint of a smile on her lips. It was all I could do not to kiss her again. I wasn’t ready to get up and face the reality of what lay ahead for us tonight.

We had made love long and slow before falling asleep, whispering secrets we’d never share with anyone else. Her love filled a place in my heart that I never realized was empty. I never knew love could be so honest and real and overpowering. When she looked at me with her dark eyes filled with emotion, I felt like the luckiest man on earth, like a superhero, like anything was possible.

But none of it was going to bring my father back.

Another vehicle pulled down the drive to the barn. It sounded like Jason’s truck.
Jason
. Suddenly I knew I needed to talk to him. I sensed it. My brow furrowed. Strange. Did he feel like he’d let the Pack down by not being able to save Malcolm? On some level I never knew existed, I knew he needed me.

I kissed Lana’s cheek, drinking in her scent like a balm for all the wounds in my heart. She stretched and her lashes fluttered. The sight of her smile as she opened her eyes made my heart pound.

“Is it time to get up?” She stretched her arms over her head.

I nodded. “Yeah, the Pack is here. We better get down there.”

Her smile vanished, and she took my hand. “I’m sorry, Adam.”

I brought her hand to my lips and kissed the back of her fingers. “We’ll get through this.”

Then another sixth-sense-type realization hit me. Aren. Something was…off with him. I focused on Lana again. “This is going to sound crazy, but I need to tell you something.”

Lana chuckled. The sound of her laughter was a gift. I’d never be able to tell my father goodbye without her shoulder to lean on.

“I turn into a jaguar once a month, and I’ve seen what an amazing wolf you are when the moon is full. What could be crazier than that?”

“My dad used to have a sense about the members of the Pack. It was creepy sometimes how he’d know something was wrong and then just show up. He did it to me a couple of times after I first met you. Every once in a while he could almost finish your thoughts for you even though you didn’t say anything out loud.”

“Maybe he was a little bit psychic?”

“He said something to me last night about how I would know how to be the Alpha. I thought he was crazy, but now…”

Her brow creased. “Are you all right?”

I nodded. “I’m fine, it’s just that now… I sense them. Like when Jason drove in, I knew I needed to talk to him tonight. I could feel his guilt over my father dying.”

“But it wasn’t his fault.”

“I know that, but he’s our doctor. He’s worried Aren and I are angry with him, and that he let the Pack down by not saving Malcolm.”

She raised a brow. “That is kinda crazy.” Then she kissed me and smiled. “Crazy cool.”

My grin went crooked. “Too bad it doesn’t seem to work with you.”

Lana got out of bed, and my eyes slid over every curve.

“Good thing. I’m pretty sure it’d piss me off if you thought you knew what I was thinking all the time.”

“You’d change your mind just to prove me wrong,” I teased as I pulled on my pants.

Lana popped her head through one of my T-shirts and shot me an innocent look. “Who? Me?”

I kissed her tenderly and smiled. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For helping me get through tonight.”

Color flushed over Lana’s cheeks. “You don’t need to thank me. I thought we agreed we’re a team now, right?”

“I want to be your husband.” I hadn’t realized I was going to say the words, but once they were out of my mouth, I knew they were true. Lana didn’t say anything, and my heart started to pound.

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked at the tiny ball of fire wearing my shirt and a pair of wrinkled blue jeans. “This wasn’t how I pictured I would propose.”

Lana grinned and rushed into my arms, laughing. “Then it’s just perfect.”

I kissed her long and slow, savoring the way her soft lips parted and her tongue tangled with mine. I’d never get tired of tasting her. Never. I drew back with a smile.

“So is that a yes?”

Her eyes sparkled up at me. “Yes.”

I kissed her again, holding her so tight that her feet left the ground. With a single word, Lana had added light to a dark day in my life. I could face anything with her in my corner.

…

When we got down to the barn everyone had arrived except Gareth. The last remaining members of our elders, Nicholas and Wyatt, with their mates Laura and Sarah, stood together, stoic beside Malcolm’s body, saying their goodbyes. As Lana and I approached they both straightened and offered their condolences.

“Thank you.” I clasped their forearms. “It looks like we’re only missing Gareth.”

“He may not make it. He’s still mourning his brother.” Nicholas made eye contact with Wyatt. “Since Gabe was killed by a jaguar, Gareth is struggling seeing our Alpha with…”

His words died away, but I could feel my hackles rising. “She had nothing to do with Gabe’s death. She helped me try to save him.”

“So you say,” Gareth replied from behind me.

I didn’t turn around to face him. I wanted to blow my stack and attack him, but staring at my father’s body reminded me that I couldn’t be the hotheaded son of the Alpha anymore. I
was
the Alpha. I was now the voice of reason for my Pack. Somewhere the fates were laughing their asses off.

Gareth finally came around to greet the elders, and then faced me. “I’m sorry about Malcolm,” he said clasping my forearm.

“Thank you. I miss Gabe, too, you know”

He glanced at Lana. “Not enough.”

When he tried to step back, I didn’t release his forearm. Instead, I pulled him up close to me. His eyes widened, but he didn’t fight.

“Whatever you think of my mate needs to stay inside of your lips. Do you understand me?”

Gareth was the polar opposite of his twin, Gabe. Where Gabe had a warm smile for everyone, Gareth usually had a dismissive look. He’d never attacked anyone in the Pack, but he was our lone wolf. It was tough to read what was going on in his mind, so I wanted to be sure he understood I wouldn’t tolerate any threats against Lana. If he couldn’t get past that she was a jaguar and the mate of his Alpha, then he could leave the Pack forever. His choice.

“Do you understand me, Gareth?” I asked him one more time.

His eyes looked as black as his hair. He gripped my arm tighter. “Yes.”

He tore his arm out of my grip and turned on his heel to walk out the back toward the pyre we built for Malcolm.

Wyatt stepped in closer. “He’s hurting. His brother was all he had left. He misses him. We all do.”

“I know.” I nodded.

They followed Gareth out, and I walked over to Aren. “Have you seen Jason anywhere?”

Aren scanned the barn and then shook his head. “He pulled in about twenty minutes ago with Jared, but I haven’t seen him since.”

To my surprise, my brother leaned down to embrace Lana. I couldn’t help but smile. If she could win over Aren, the rest of the Pack would surely follow. I just needed to be patient. Not one of my strong suits.

“I need to find him. I’ll be right back.”

Aren nodded. “I’ll keep Lana company until you get back.”

“Thanks.” I kissed her forehead. “Be back soon.”

…

Jason was standing at the pasture fence, feeding carrots to one of the old broodmares. She nickered and nudged his arm for more treats. He pulled out another piece of a carrot from his jacket pocket and stroked his hand down her mane.

“You can’t find a better listener on earth than a horse,” I said as I approached. Jason looked over at me and nodded. His light brown hair was tied back at his collar, and he wore black from head to toe. But he still didn’t say anything. “You’re gonna spoil Sandy if you feed her any more carrots,” I added.

He rubbed the blaze that ran down her forehead. “Sorry, Sandy. Adam said you’ve had enough. Blame him for the carrot shortage.”

He turned to face me, and we clasped forearms. “I’m sorry about Malcolm.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that before the ceremony.”

Jason raised a brow, and I could sense him tensing up. I shook off the strange psychic interference. “I want you to know that I know none of this was your fault.”

He started to open his mouth and then closed it again, pondering. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and low. “I should have backed you up to take him to the hospital. It didn’t matter that he was the Alpha. I should have
made
him go to the hospital. I could have saved him, Adam.”

I shook my head slowly. “I don’t think you could have.”

“I could have repaired his liver and stopped the bleeding. I know it.”

“You don’t understand. I think Malcolm was ready to cross over. He wanted to die with the Pack and not in the hospital.”

“I’m a doctor, Adam. Patients live when you give them surgery.”

“You were there when my dad was dying. You saw him. He didn’t look frightened or sad. He looked ready.”

“What are you saying?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure what it all means, except that maybe he was waiting for me to find my mate so he could cross over to be with his. You know the Pack never would have accepted Lana without his blessing.”

“Even with his blessing it will be hard to win over a few of them.” Jason stopped and met my eyes. “Is she really pregnant?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure of it.”

“That’s impossible, though, isn’t it?”

“I’ll have to catch you up on her history after the ceremony, but Lana was born into her power.”

His eyes widened. “Also impossible. Only males carry the gene.”

“Until now. Nero was working on a breeding experiment with psychics and jaguars to give birth to females born into their power.”

“So you think because she’s already a shifter, she can carry your child?”

“Just a guess, but after the ceremony, maybe you can check her out and make sure everything is all right?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“We better get up there.” I said the words, but inside I wished I didn’t have to go. I wished my father were still with me to answer my questions and help me keep my mate safe and my babies strong.

As Jason and I walked back to the barn, I felt very alone, and an icy dagger of fear shot down my spine. I stopped walking and looked back up at the house.

“Everything okay?” Jason asked.

I couldn’t see anything moving, but my senses were on high alert. I took a deep breath, pulling all the scents inside my lungs to process, but nothing specific caught my attention. With a heavy heart, I turned and went back to the pyre with Jason to greet my Pack and say goodbye to my father.