Moonlight and Margaritas (18 page)

"Look, you're the one who wanted this wild and crazy vacation."  Mercedes folded her arms in front of her chest. 

The announcement stunned her.  "What?  I did not.  I wanted to get away.  I said nothing about wild and crazy.  That was all
you
."

Mercedes glared at her, refusing to bend. 

Elena stared back.

Seconds ticked by, and then Mercedes shifted her weight to one leg and broke eye contact with her.  "Well, maybe you didn't ask for wild, but you needed it."  She refocused on Elena.  "Admit it.  You're having the time of your life."

So, maybe she was having a great time, but
that
had hurt like hell.

"Admit it."  Her friend raised a playful eyebrow, and the tension eased between them. 

"Okay, fine.  I'm loving Cabo."  She hated to concede, because if she gave Mercedes any encouragement at all, there would be no stopping her.  "But I really didn't want that woman waxing me.  I tried to stop her after the first rip, but all I did was upset her.  She fired off some rapid Spanish, and then I thought she was going to cry."

"She tried to tell you that they were going to fire her if she displeased you."

"How did you—"

"I heard the wailing across the hall.  Yours and hers."

"Oh, God.  Tell me I wasn't that loud." 

Mercedes didn't do a very good job of holding in her grin, and Elena tried to keep her lips from following suit.  "Do you want the truth, or do you want me to make you feel better?"

Elena shook her head, trying to hold in her smile.  "Things are never boring when I'm with you."

"That's right.  Plus, think how much fun it's going to be when Joe sees what you've done."

Hmm…she hadn't even considered that.   

Mercedes paused to watch a group of young guys dressed only in board shorts as they passed.  A couple of them nodded to her, and Mercedes responded with a full-blown smile.  

"Hello?"  Elena snapped her fingers in front of her friend's face.

"What?  Oh."  She seemed a tad embarrassed at being caught gawking, which was weird because she usually didn't care what anyone thought of her.  "Let's go get a pinã colada.  It'll help with the soreness."

Elena followed Mercedes to an outdoor, upscale bar complete with tropical plants and live parrots squawking in cages around the perimeter.  They claimed a small table under a shady palm canopy and ordered the frothy coconut concoctions.  A soft breeze blew in off the water, but it did little to dispel the air of impending doom.

Elena waited until after their drinks arrived.  "We need to talk, Mercedes."

Her friend met her gaze with defiance.  "So
you
say."

"Then you don't think it's a problem that you've been with two different men in the past two nights?"

"We're on vacation."

"From what?  Morality?"

Mercedes narrowed her eyes.  "Perhaps you should mind your own business.  In fact, if I remember correctly, your morality took its own vacation last night."  She leaned closer.  "And the night before."

Elena had expected a blatant response from her friend.  That's how Mercedes handled difficult situations, with attitude and smoke screens.  She was a master at deflecting issues and turning tables.  "What I'm doing and what you're doing are two completely different things, and you know that."

"I don't know anything."  She lifted her drink and looked away from Elena.

"Joe is the only man I've slept with since my divorce.  You've had two since we arrived in Cabo." 

"Then you lied to me the other day."

"Don't try to change the subject."

Mercedes lifted her purse off the table and scooted back her chair.  "It's not my problem if you can't tell the truth or attract a man." 

"Uh-uh."  Elena grabbed her friend's arm, not allowing her to stand.  "You're not walking away.  You promised me a conversation, and we're going to have one."

Mercedes jerked her arm free, but remained in her chair.  "What do you want from me, Elena?  A promise to be a goddamn nun?"

"Mercedes.  Can you not see how destructive your behavior is?  How it's hurting you?"  Her friend couldn't be that dense.

Mercedes laughed, and not just a little laugh, but loud enough to make Elena uncomfortable.  She braced herself for the public display she knew would come next.  "I told you already, I'm a big girl.  So what if I like a good
fuck
."

"Yeah!" a guy hollered from somewhere nearby. 

Elena refused to look at the other patrons, even though she was pretty sure every one of them had heard Mercedes.  Instead she focused on her friend, knowing that Mercedes's outbreaks always preceded her breaking point.  "I love you, Mercedes, maybe more than you do yourself right now.  I know you like sex, but it's not meant to be purely physical.  Not all of the time.  Sooner or later, you need to find someone who cares about the rest of you, too."

A slight tremble rolled across her friend's jaw, and Elena knew she'd broken through.  Tears welled in Mercedes's eyes.  "Shit."  She swiped at them.  "Damn you for doing this to me.  I don't need anything from any of them.  I take what I want and leave the rest."

Her friend's anguish broke her heart.  "And is this what you want?  Just cheap affairs?"

"Sex is the only reason men pay attention to women."

"What?"  Where had that statement come from?  Had Mercedes always believed that?  "No, honey.  You know that's not true.  The real men out there, they treat women with respect.  But also, you have to respect yourself in order to show others what you expect from them."

"Not the men I know."  She half-laughed, half-cried.

"Oh, Mercedes."  Elena reached across the table, taking her friend's hand.  "Is that what's going on?  You're trying to prove you're worthy of love by letting a bunch of guys sleep with you?  That's not love."

"I know that."  Her tears came harder now.  "I just—"  A sob escaped, and this time Elena did look about the room.  The few people who still had the nerve to watch turned away.

"I'm such a slut."  She buried her face in her hands and began crying in earnest.

Damn it.  She should have known better than to start something in public.  "It's okay.  It'll all be okay."  Elena stood and hugged her friend.  "Let me grab some napkins for you."  Seeing her upset made Elena uneasy.  As long as she'd known her, Mercedes had always oozed with confidence.  Even when she'd been sad, she'd never been this heartbroken.  Not even after any of her three divorces. 

Was this the culmination of a lifetime of buried pain?  How could she call herself Mercedes's best friend and not know this?

She hurried toward the bar and took napkins from a countertop container.  They were better than nothing.  When she returned, Mercedes had stemmed the flow of tears, but her dark eyes were red and rimmed with wet lashes.

"Here."  Elena thrust the napkins into Mercedes's hand.  "Dry your tears, and then talk to me.  Please." 

Mercedes blew her nose and then filled her lungs.  "I am a slut.  An easy woman.  A whore for the taking."

"No.  You're—" 

"I am."  Mercedes interrupted before she could continue.  "You've seen me.  I go through men like…like cheap pantyhose.  A new one every day."

"That's a little extreme."  She didn't go through a man
every
day.  At least not before they came to Cabo.  "I agree, you've had more than your share of lovers, but that doesn't lessen your value."  A whore was someone who used sex for money, who placed no value on the act itself.  Mercedes wasn't like that.  She enjoyed sex, but she was careful, and as far as Elena knew, Mercedes had never hurt anyone.  Plus, she seemed to sincerely care for the men she took to her bed.  At least she had in the past…maybe.

Mercedes shook her head, a fresh batch of tears hovering in her eyes.  "I've had too many lovers to count."  Another sob escaped her.  "And I…I don't know how to stop.  I keep thinking the next one will really love me, but none of them do."  She buried her face in a wad of napkins.  "They never do," she whispered.

Elena slid her chair next to Mercedes and wrapped an arm around her.  "It's going to be okay.  We can fix this."

"No."  Her friend shuddered with a muffled sob.  "Liam told me this morning—after we'd had what I thought was the most beautiful night together—he told me Carlos—the guy from the nightclub said I was a sure thing if he wanted to get laid.  And…and that I'd lived up to my reputation."  Her friend lifted her head, looking at her through eyes glossed with pain.  "How do they even know each other?  Is everyone in this whole place talking about me?"

Mercedes had seemed so happy earlier.  How many other times had she put on an act for her benefit?  "No, I'm sure it was just a coincidence."  The hotel was pretty big, and it wasn't like Mercedes had been the only woman to sleep with a stranger that night. 

Her answer must have been the correct one because Mercedes inhaled a tremulous breath and calmed a little.  She grabbed a fresh napkin from the pile and blew her nose.  "I’m such a mess."

"That's all right.  I love you anyway."  

Mercedes managed a small smile.  "What do I do?  I've always said I didn't care what people thought of me…but I don't want to be this person."  She turned her gaze toward the ocean, her demeanor growing pensive.  "I'm almost forty, Elena.  I've been married and divorced three times, with no kids to show for it.  You—you have Cassie, and I have no one.  No one special.

"I go through men, searching and searching, but there's no one.  And now I'm afraid I've done more damage to myself than good."  The breeze swirled a tendril of dark hair across Mercedes's sad face.  She tucked it behind her ear before continuing.  "I'm afraid of being alone, Elena."  She turned back, her deep brown eyes underscored by ruined mascara.  "I don't want to grow old and die alone."  

Elena had felt the same way in the months following her divorce, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling.  "Mercedes, you are one of the best people I know.  You're kind, you're funny, and you're a little loco, but mostly in a good way."  She squeezed her friend's hand.  "You're a wonderful person with a lot to contribute, and if you want to find someone special, you will.  You just need to learn patience."

A half-laugh escaped from Mercedes, and she smiled through her tears.  "Patience?  Not my strong suit, huh?"

Elena smiled back.  "Maybe not, but sometimes we all have to learn things we don't want to."  Including her.  She'd conquered a lot of things during the last few years.  "I had to learn how to be alone, too."

Mercedes nodded in agreement as she wiped her nose again.

"There's a lot of power in knowing you can make it on your own.  And when someone comes along, you know you'll be choosing him because you want to be with him and not because you're afraid to be alone."

"So, you're saying I should be celibate for a while?"

Elena smiled.  Of course her friend would zero in on that.  "Might not hurt.  Might be easier if you concentrate on you instead of all the men out there."

She took a long drink of her pinã colada.  "What if I can't do it?" 

"Then it doesn't hurt to ask someone for help.  You're a nurse.  You help people all the time.  What's wrong with seeking someone's counsel if you need it?" 

"God, am I one of those sex-addicted people?"  She laughed, but her hand shook as she lifted her glass.

"I don't think so.  I think maybe you've been using it to mask the pain of something you need to deal with."  Look at her playing psychologist now.  Of course, she'd spent her share of time seeking counseling, too, to help her through some rough periods.

Mercedes tugged her into an embrace fueled by emotion.  "I couldn't survive without you."

Elena closed the door to her bungalow, curious about the envelope the concierge had just handed her.  When the knock had sounded on the door, she'd thought it was Joe arriving for their late afternoon date.  She'd been wrong.

She looked at the familiar handwriting and then ripped open the envelope.  It took a moment for her to digest exactly what Mercedes had written, but apparently her dear friend had decided it was best to leave Elena in sultry Cabo San Lucas while she headed home to reassess her life, away from all the tempting men at the resort.

Elena stuffed the note back in the envelope.  The woman never did anything half way, did she?  It was a good start, but there would be plenty of men to tempt her back home in Carmel. 

It would have been nice if her friend would have told her in person before she'd left.  Then again, Mercedes had probably guessed that she would have tried to talk her out of it, or insist that she accompany her home.  Which she would have.  In that order.  She sighed.  Elena just hoped her friend would pursue whatever help she needed to regain control of her life.  As long as they'd been friends, Mercedes had never faltered like this. 

And now here she was on their Mexican vacation alone.  It wasn't that she was nervous about being there by herself.  Self-sufficient had become her new middle name.  But it made her sad to think her friend was so messed up that she couldn't stay and enjoy the beauty.