Moondance (37 page)

She was now free to choose.

They came as flashes, a montage of light and feeling, moving back and forth in time, fragments of intertwining experience, both infinite and precise. She looked for the patterns, the themes, and moved deeply into each
feeling them
.

Still spinning, she breathed the air which was fragrant and sweet and opened up to the images, her creations, which appeared random, not part of the present or the past, yet a collection of possibilities, each existing simultaneously now and in the future.

• • •

SHE SAW HERSELF SITTING alone, surrounded by cool glass. A candle reflection, a
phone at her feet, and whispers all around her. A man’s voice, and the energy dipped. No, she thought, not a conscious thought, but a conscious direction and she slipped under the glow of the moon into a place where the sand warmed her feet and where the hiss of the ocean was near. She could see her form hunched, damp in the sand, and with the tide came a flood of tears and the instrument which gently caught them, filling line after line with black ink. Will you do this? the moon asked.

Yes
, she breathed and as she spun, she saw
felt
her naked body tossed by the water, floating, turning, opening. Her tears dried, a hand smoothed her hair, and a heartbeat pumped softly in her ears, so alive. She could see books stacked high on wooden shelves, a ladder extending from each and beyond, the flames rising from within a bowl of silver. Following the image of the fire, she watched herself walking, the polished wooden floor on which she stood carved in circles
the flowers of life
sectioned into twelve, the symbols ancient. A butterscotch voice that she knew.

Will you do this?

Yes.

As she heard a woman scream, she tensed. She saw anger, fear, danger. She felt a body struggling, the hard ground pushing into their sides, the pain, the blood, the quiet, the remorse.
No
, she thought, and she was in a room of silence and colored glass, staring into amber brown eyes, red with sorrow, a flood of understanding within her heart, the end of it all.
You know. What do I know
, she thought, gripping the swing tighter.
Is this something you want?
The peace that coursed through her body was beyond description.

Yes.

The fingers that had smoothed her hair moved lovingly over her lips. She saw the dust, the fire, the explosion, the frightened eyes, the pain and the comfort of human touch as arms encircled her, the magic as her heart relaxed into moss green with flecks of gold, two hands locked together under a blanket, the warmest lips brushing against hers, four eyes looking out over an expanse of water, rolling hills and ancient stone.
Will you do this?

Yes.

Her heart broke open, connecting with the sky, the sun’s rays, the moon’s glow and the dense black of space.
Complete the circle
, the moon whispered, and she spun faster, the truth laid before her: Feel it. Experience it. Share it. Offer it up. Receive it back. Connect with everything. Attach to nothing. Love yourself. Love others. For both are the same. Your gifts will be received. Even when they are not. It is enough.

Will you do this?

Yes, she breathed.
This I know
.

She let go.

chapter 58

ALTHEA STOOD NAKED ON the glowing dance floor. She knew this was the place of her dreams.
Of the dance
. But this time, no one was dancing. Instead of the frenzied pace of before, there was a sense of calm, an unhurriedness. The soft light flowed from the walls, illuminating Althea and everything in the room. Each element received the light, and emanated its own. Today, the vision of her future seemed the brightest of all.

Her dancers, once her demons, sat quietly in a row across from her, their eyes on her. She knew they wanted to reach out to her, that they wanted to dance. She could feel their power, waiting for her, and silently she acknowledged the part of herself that was afraid, that still wanted to walk away.

She walked slowly past them, looking each in the eye. They remained
still.

“You belong to me. You belong to
me
,” she said to each as she passed. When they were behind her, she looked up to find him standing naked in front of her, her love, herself, his alabaster skin glistening and smooth. She took his hands and looked into his eyes, felt his power mixed with her own. Jewel green. She turned her head toward her dancers.

“I created them.”

“Yes. And they helped create you.”

“Will I dance with them again?” she asked.

“Probably, yes. You’ve changed, yet earth is earth, and there you remain a student. But they’ll gain power over you, only if you let them.”

“Can I ask them to leave?”

“No. They’re part of you, they’ve been with you for lifetimes. But if you work with them, they’ll transform. Lose their power. Gain strength in other ways.”

“So it’s all up to me.”

“It always has been.”

“Show yourself.”

“Yes.”

“Now I understand.”

As Althea spoke, a shining white light extended toward them, pulling them together like a magnet, and his sweet scent rose like a fragrant mist. She looked at their hands, locked together, then into his face. He was smiling at her, and it was the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen.

“What did I choose?”

“Don’t you know?”

“I know what I desired. I don’t know how I’ll get there.”

“That’s perfect.”

She smiled as she moved toward him, and the light engulfed them. She could feel his body, his chest touching her breasts, his thigh on her thigh. She looked into his eyes, calm pools of green ice, and this time there was no pain, just a mysterious recognition and familiarity, and a flood of energy as if a hole was being filled inside of her.

Althea leaned forward until her lips brushed over his, a feather touch enveloped in light. When she pulled back, he could feel his lips curve into a smile.

“Now who’s the tease.”

“Tell me what else I’ve chosen,” she whispered.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“What
can
you tell me?” She could feel his hands moving down the length of her hair, smoothing it off of her face, moving to her cheek which was beginning to tingle. She looked into the moss green of his eyes.

“That we’ll remember.”

Althea wrapped her naked arms around his neck and kissed him. A white cocoon of light surrounded them. They held each other tightly, their lips locked, tongues intertwined, skin to skin. She could feel herself giving way to him, her skin melting into his skin and
the light lifted her as if she was in water. She wrapped her legs around his hips, lowering herself so that he could enter her, smoothly, fully.

They stood still like this for what seemed like a long time, yet only a moment in time, their kiss, gentle and sweet and familiar, and he felt softer, more pliant, like molten liquid, surrounding her
dissolving
her skin tickling, parting, merging with him, inside him, inside her.

One.

chapter 59

ALTHEA WAS HOT. HER chest hurt when she breathed, sweat beaded between her breasts and the mattress under her felt hard. She opened her eyes, squinting at the sun that shone on her face through her bedroom window. Putting her arm over her face, she rolled over, groaning, and felt a shooting pain down her neck. What time was it? The clock said 3:11. Saturday. She thought it was Saturday. She had been dreaming. About Albert?
Swing set under a pink moon
. And something else. She blinked. It was gone.

She felt heavy. Her face was warm, and her lips were dry. Her throat hurt. She glanced to one side. An empty mug on the night table with a spoon in it. A bottle of prescription medication. A writing journal. A half empty glass of water, bubbles on the inside of the glass. And tissue.

Her breath sounded hollow, and she started to cough, the pressure in her head increased, pounding. She reached for the pill bottle and took one with a glass of the tepid water which tasted like metal. Her neck hurt in this position, so she turned and curled up, seeking sleep.

She felt a soft lump at her side and found Princess cradled beside her, peering at her with sleepy eyes. Beside Princess, her phone. She picked it up. The ringer was off and she had messages. There were five numbers she didn’t recognize, and three she did.

Princess jumped off the bed and Althea heard the crackle of the
newspaper section Princess had been sleeping on. She stared at the paper.
The memory came back like small threads, re-attaching one at a time. As Althea remembered, her eyes filled with tears.

She considered listening to her messages, her head throbbing like an ancient echo.
Tuesday. Not today
. With a lurch, she swung her legs over the side of the bed. Maybe she should get up, warm some soup. Sophie’s soup. Her eyes stung. She had to make a phone call.

She stood up and swayed, and in the spot just between her eyes, she felt a sharp pinch. She sat back onto the bed, which seemed to turn slowly, in one grand circle,
and she fell into its center, her hands on its circumference. Drifting into the dreamtime, familiar and warm, she smelled a powdery scent like the most beautiful flowers.

Albert’s face swam at the tip of her nose, his eyes twinkling.

chapter 60

Three years before

“... AND THIS IS WHAT’S crossing you. Well, we don’t need to say any more about that.” Althea leaned forward. The card displayed three swords piercing a heart.

“No shit.”

“This is your past, and in the past you’d say poor me, look what happened to me, the victim thing, thank God it’s in the past, and here is your near future.”

“Death. A new beginning.”

“Right. An opportunity to leave behind everything that no longer serves you. It’s coming, my dear.”

“Daniel and Bering and Associates decided they no longer serve me. Great.”

“As you go through this time, you may mourn the past, but know that everything that comes now will help you in this transition. You’ve created this situation for a reason.” Althea felt tired. It was like the drama in her life would never end.

“I’m not feeling that right now. Not at all.”

“I know, just stay open. Here is your future ...” Althea laughed, tears streaming down her cheeks. She picked up a tissue and blew her nose. She looked into the face of the King of Cups.

“Long live the King —”

“He’s still out there.”

“Always just a few months away. I thought Daniel was the King.”

“Well, whenever someone comes into our lives, it’s always an opportunity, perhaps to resolve a conflict, maybe to forge a partnership. One isn’t more important than the other. Let me ask: was Daniel soft, creative, a bit dreamy, artistic?”

“No, Daniel is a cool, intellectual sophisticate. All business.” Althea laughed, sniffing. “I loved him. I do. I’m pissed off at him, but I still feel like it’s not complete —”

“I know you do sweetie. The card says that once you come out of this, someone’s coming. Be open to all the possibilities, don’t get hung up on ‘is this the one?’ Okay, let’s get to the good stuff. Shuffle please. Thank you. Now let’s ask — what you need to know about Daniel? Pick a card. The card says that he’s a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of guy. Wants his own way, no matter what it does to others. Not the kind of guy you want to be with. I’m sorry Althea.”

“Not the King.”

“Not the King.”

“Okay, I get it. I’m not happy about it, but I get it.”

“Good.”

“So now that I am officially single and unemployed, I was thinking of maybe going to Sophie’s for a while. Or maybe drinking myself silly.”

“Okay, pick a card for going to Sophie’s.”

“This says, that though she may love you, she will not understand your pain. This is about someone who is caught up in their own world, do you understand?”